It was day 32 since the great malfunction...or maybe it was day 45? Well anyways, it's been a little while since all internets went away and people had to start talking to each other again. Everyone was dealing with it okay in the beginning but then I realized I was out of a job and once I realized that, I knew I had to find out why the internets crashed! So I ventured out with only a single can of mountain dew. I started asking everyone around, "do you know why the internet isn't working?" All would just shake their head…well except for that one guy. He just stared at me awkwardly…I noticed he had a mole and EWW a giant bugar was hanging from his nose!
Anyways, I finally called up Cry and he was like, "dude, Felix… I heard through the grapevine that this guy up in Ontario, Canada is messing with the internet everywhere because like…plot!"
So I replied with, "THAT BITCH!" So then I headed to Canada because like Cry said…plot! When I got there, there were all these nice people greeting me going all "welcome to Canada and shit!" Then they spotted my SINGLE CAN of Mountain Dew and suddenly turned into ninjas and tried attacking me yelling out,
"GIVE US THIS SUCCULENT DRINK YOU SWEEDISH GUY!" But then I turned all anime like and pulled out a sword and said,
"NO BITCH GO DIE." There was this epic battle, sword slashing and ninjas jumping around but I'm Pewdiepie so of course I won. They were laying there on the ground pleading,
"Please forgive us oh great one! We'll do anything just so you won't hurt us!" I clutched one by the collar of their shirt and stated,
"Who is the one responsible for taking out the internet?! I need that for my job and stuff!" And the guy was like,
"Oh but he'll kill us!" and I said,
"I don't give a fuck! I NEED MY JOB YOU HEARTLESS ASSHOLE!" But little did he know I actually needed it for my sweet porn…wait no…I didn't just say that out loud did I? Ahem…moving on…so he nodded and took me to him. We got to the door of his room and like a badass; I kicked it in and pointed my finger screeching, "YOU FIX THE INTERNET NOW YOU VIAL FIEND!" and who was it that was the bad guy?! The chair that was facing away from me (because ya know…the whole "bad guy reveal scene" thing) turned around and it was…"STEPHANO?!"
"Alas pewds, this is our final battle!" He jumped towards me but then I remembered I had a single can of mountain dew, I shook it as hard as I could and opened it, spraying Stephano and somehow fixing the internet because plot. "But…but pewds…I just wanted you to come back to me…" He said sadly as he slowly died...I kind of felt bad, until I remembered I could watch porn again! YES!