I have no idea what's going on. Maybe because I'm new and oh-so-very-excited about this or maybe because nobody reviews my other stories (gosh, this sounded so pathetic..) but here's another one. It's actually my first m/m story. I luv Klaine so freaking much. Just to warn you, there's nothing fluffy and cute. Fluffy and cute is not my thing.
Also, there are mentions of Finn/Rachel, Brittany/Santana and Sam/Brittany.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee (but daaamn if I did).
Kurt inhaled then exhaled slowly, staring at the tiny object in his hand. He was so not sure about this. Actually in his opinion this was the most thoughtless thing he'd done his entire life. And being an eager for justice and equal rights impulsive gay guy, he did a lot of thoughtless things.
But he loved Blaine, right? They had a long relationship, they loved each other, the sex was amazing (Kurt didn't really like to be on top, anyway…). He wasn't just going to let that insolent cocky he-bitch sweep in and steal his man, not without a fight. A Hummel was anything but a coward.
He looked worriedly at his best friend, a petite brunette.
"Am I doing the right thing, Rachel?"
The girl sighed and shook her head.
"I have no idea. If you love him, maybe you are."
"Yeah but… After what happened between you and Finn, I just don't know. You guys loved each other, too."
Rachel wrinkled her nose.
"Finn and I were a different story. Blaine never gave you a reason to doubt his fidelity."
Kurt couldn't stop the malicious hiss in his throat.
"Who knows? That Sebastian guy is way too cheeky."
"Come on, Kurt, knock it off." She said softly and rolled her eyes. "You know Blaine has eyes only for you."
"Do I?" The boy laughed bitterly.
The two of them examined the ring for good three minutes then Kurt desperately put the small object back on the glass-case, in front of the way too annoyed salesman.
"No, no, no." He babbled nervously. "You know, fear isn't the best advisor. If I'm proposing just because I'm afraid he'll slip away… I don't want to put him in a cage."
"I think you're too hard on yourself." Rachel commented. "You guys have dated for more than three years, you share an apartment, you love each other. Why not marry?"
"Yeah." Kurt nodded lightly and took the ring again. "You're right. Gay marriages are legal already…" The salesman frowned a bit at his sentence. "What, you got a problem with gays, my kind sir?!" The young Hummel snapped.
The older man swallowed with effort the nasty remark bubbling from his throat and replied dryly. "No, sir, of course not."
"Good." The boy screwed his bright blue eyes. Rachel smartly took his arm and moved him towards the exit of the shop.
"I think you need some fresh air. Come on."
Kurt nodded sharply.
~x~x~x~
Kurt decided not to stay in his apartment for the evening. Now that he and Blaine were 'on a break' and his boyfriend was sojourning at the apartment of an old friend (and spending far too much time with Sebastian Douchebag Smythe for Kurt's taste), he was passing his evenings all alone because Rachel was always so busy. Today was a miracle she had time for him at all.
Kurt, you know you're my best friend, I love spending time with you, it's just…
I have my own life and you're fucking annoying.
Nah, she really did love him and he was almost sure she didn't think the latter. Still, he couldn't help but feel a bit left out sometimes. His dad was too busy working and he had somehow lost his connection with his stepbrother after their break-up with Rachel. His Glee friends had interspersed all over the country and besides, not all of them were really keen of him.
And of course, he had to meet the one who liked him the least.
Santana Lopez looked older than her actual age. She was still hot though (not even a pure gay guy like Kurt could deny hotness when he saw it). For him she was just hot – not pretty, not cute nor beautiful. Hot. And lonely. And miserable. Way too miserable for the shit-talking ambitious bitch she used to be.
At first he couldn't recognize her. She was sitting at the bar, wearing a sexy red dress (and still looking broken), and drinking vodka. She was like a good-looking but desperate for even a one night stand woman in her early thirties. And she was just twenty-one.
He sat next to her and ordered a glass of whiskey.
"Kurt?" He heard a quiet voice and raised his head.
"Santana." He replied quietly, not as nearly surprised as her.
The Latina quirked a perfect eyebrow.
"So it's really you, Lady Lips. I recognized your tiny feminine voice." She noted.
Kurt couldn't help but roll his eyes.
"Okay." He responded simply.
"Wow. Is this all you have to say? You never shut up in high school."
"Neither did you but I respect you enough not to whine about it."
Santana grinned widely. "That's the spirit, sister."
The bartender left the glass in front of Kurt and walked away to some other customer.
"So I see you haven't changed." Kurt said, trying to keep a conversation, he hated awkward silences even with people he didn't like.
"Not really." She replied. "I'm just lonelier and more pathetic than before."
He raised an eyebrow not expecting such a self-pitying comment from a proud bitch like her.
"What happened?"
She laughed humorlessly. "It's enough for me having to deal with my psychoanalyst once a week. I'm not really in the mood to tell stories."
"Well, at least you won't have to pay me."
"Cut it, we both know you don't care. And even if you did, I wouldn't tell you."
"It's because you actually have nothing to tell."
Santana looked askance at him and he couldn't help the small smile that crept onto his face.
"It's not like I'm wrong." He decided to add.
She rolled her eyes.
"Gosh, men are such jerks nowadays. Even gay ones."
"Is that why you turned to women?"
She swallowed the last sip in her glass and stood up.
"I'm not in the mood for your crap, Porcelain. Have an awful evening."
Kurt tried to suppress the laughter in his throat and failed. Santana rolled her eyes and thrust her hand into her pocket to take her purse out.
"Wait." He said when she was about to leave the money on the counter. "I'm sorry."
She snorted. "Whatever."
"Hey." He tried to take her hand but she pulled away making a disgusted face.
"Don't touch me."
Kurt shook his head. "Don't leave. You don't want to talk to me but I need someone to talk to."
"Call Berry or something. Why should I listen to your complaining?" She growled.
"I'll buy you another drink."
She looked right into his eyes, as if searching for something. He didn't look away.
"Two drinks and I'll consider your offer."
…
He had no idea why had he asked her to stay. He didn't like her. And most importantly, she didn't like him. She didn't like him at all. In fact, back in old school days she despised him because he wasn't afraid of showing his sexuality and it took her a hell of time to embrace hers. He had taken a lot of crap from her but then again everyone else had, too. That's Santana for ya.
"You remember my boyfriend Blaine?"
"Wonder Twin?"
"Do you have a nickname for everyone?"
"Of course I do. Starting with McCripple Pants and ending with Count Boozy. See, I've even ordered them alphabetically."
"Artie and Mr Shuester, I suppose?"
"Wow, you're such a genius. So what about your gay mate? Ha, see what I did there? Not soul mate but gay mate."
"I'll nobly accept that your lack of originality is due to how wasted you actually are. And do I need to remind you that you're playing for my team?"
"Playing for your team? Are we in the 50s or something? Who even says that anymore?"
"Um, many people."
"Whatever. So what about Blaine? Did you guys break up?"
"Uh, no."
"What a pity. He's too hot for you, no offense."
Kurt swallowed the insult with a straight face. "None taken. So I was actually thinking of proposing."
She almost choked over her drink. "Say whaaat?!"
"I think you heard me."
"Well…" She tried to cover her surprise. "Well… Congratulations, I guess."
"Don't. He hasn't said yes. I haven't even proposed yet."
"Well, you expect him to say yes, don't you?"
He sighed. "I'm not really sure this is the right thing to do."
"Cool. Maybe you should wait another century or two and then try your luck."
Silence.
"How could you drink a whole glass so fast?"
"Dude, it's only an ounce and a half."
"You do realize you're an alcoholic, don't you?"
"I'm not."
"You need help."
"No, I'm fine. And you were telling a story here. Stop asking me 'bout my damn life, could you?"
Kurt sighed. "The thing is," He averted his eyes from Santana's fingers, already wrapped around the second glass of vodka. "What I want to say…"
"Spill it out, would you? I'm done with my vodka in a minute and you have nothing to keep me interested with."
"Fine, fine. It's just that recently Blaine and I always fight. Mainly about nonsense. Our last fight was just huge and it was about what kind of washing powder should we buy, for Pete's sake!" Santana winced when his voice flipped into falsetto. "I mean, it's like we look for a subject to start arguing about and then it leads to far more serious stuff. So Blaine left our apartment for a while and is now staying in a friend's house." Santana raised her eyebrows. "It's a girl."
"Sometimes girls fall for gay guys, you know."
"Not personal experience, I guess?"
She shook her head. "You've gotten really rude. The Kurt I know would never talk like that."
"And the Santana I know would always fight back."
"Touché."
He smiled. "Anyways, he's spending a lot of time with Sebastian. I suppose you remember him?"
Her features roughened immediately. "That fag threw a slushie in my face. 'Course I remember him."
"Ehem. Fag. Ehem."
Santana rolled her eyes. "Fine, whatever. That farthole threw a slushie in my face. You like it now?"
Kurt couldn't restrain his grin. "Sure."
She giggled and for a moment looked like her own self. He laughed.
"So?" Her face was unimpressed again.
"So Sebastian and Blaine are very close, always hang out together and it really bothers me. There was a time Sebastian had feelings for my baby-poo."
"Ugh." She wrinkled her nose. "Save the pet name for him only, would you?"
He interrupted her. "Do you think a proposal would conciliate him and make him come back to me?"
She raised her eyebrow so high that it almost got lost in her thick hair. "Wait, let me get this straight. You decided to propose because you're afraid he'd two time you with Andrew McCarthy?"
"I… ugh… No, I-I didn't say that…"
"But you meant it."
"No, why do you always have to twist things…" A stern look. "Ugh, fine! Yes, I am afraid. Sue me!"
"Oh, I will! Fear is never the solution. Like ever… Order me another drink."
"Wait, we agreed I'd buy you only two. When did you manage to drink them?"
"I'm cool like that. Order me one more."
"Girl, you're ruining your life."
"It doesn't make sense anyhow."
Kurt sighed and gestured the bartender to come nearer. "Another one for the lady, please."
The man behind the counter glanced at Santana suspiciously then wagged a plotting finger at Kurt, smirked proudly saying "Good job, man" with his eyes, and walked away.
"And how do you know fear is never the solution?" Kurt asked trying to shake off the barman's creepy grin of his mind.
Santana's shoulders visibly dropped. "That's why I lost Brittany." She almost whispered. Her face was so sorrowful that Kurt couldn't help but feel sympathetic for her. "I was a fucking wimp. I let her go. I let Trouty Lips steal her away from me."
Kurt found himself snorting indignantly. "We all know she loved you when she got together with him. I'm almost sure she still does."
"Probably." Santana nodded. "But it doesn't matter. She's marrying him next month."
He looked at her horrified. She smiled pathetically. "I lost the battle." Her third glass arrived and she desperately grabbed it and carried it to her lips.
"But… but you're actually telling me to fight for the person I love."
"You don't love him, Kurt."
"Wha-"
"You think you own him. This is not love."
Kurt was utterly shocked. "How dare you-"
She shook her head and he involuntarily shut his mouth. "Look, I decided to be honest with you cause let's face it, I have nothing to lose. I know the difference between love and possessiveness, I've felt them both. And yours is some kind of suffocating… adherence or whatever. If you loved him, you'd never even think about proposing, not in this way. You were both each other's toys and you both liked to play. Yeah, maybe he liked teddy bears before but now he wants a bunny rabbit. You just have to accept it." He studied her face for some time and she just shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly and took a big sip.
"So this is it, huh? Brittany wanted a bunny rabbit so you just let it be."
Santana gave him an annoyed look.
"Why are you always mentioning Brittany?"
"Because I can't understand what you are actually advising me! First, you tell me to fight for him then you tell me to give up-"
"No, Kurtie, the exact opposite. You're trying to throttle Blaine and I let Britt go. You're an enslaver too weak to chain your slave. I was a slave running away and not realizing my master actually wanted to be my equal."
Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Wow. Poetic."
She grinned almost maniacally. Alcohol obviously had started clouding her brain. "I know, right? I should attend some literature classes or whatever."
He sighed and gulped down some of his own drink. "I love him." He muttered eventually, more to himself then to her.
She nodded. "I know. I love her too. Qué pendejos somos tú y yo, ¿no?"
He chuckled. "I'll just pretend that I didn't miss all my años in Spanish class and that I actually understood you."
She gave him a stern look. "Sé que me entendiste perfectamente."
His happy face fell immediately. "Nunca me dejaste divertirme, bruja."
Now it was her turn to laugh. "Por supuesto que no."
~x~x~x~
Kurt swallowed the huge lump in his throat and rubbed the end of his eye. It's for the best, he tried to reassure himself. She was right, I have to do it.
A pale, trembling hand hesitantly knocked on the door. He heard a muffled noise as if something had just dropped something, laughter, a loud announcement "I'll get it!", feet stomping on the floor and after an eternity someone finally opened the door.
Kurt's heart sank painfully in his chest.
It was him.
Sebastian.
At Blaine's house.
Opening his freaking door for him.
The taller boy, who usually always had something to say and always knew a way to get out of trouble, now just shifted uncomfortably from his left to his right leg.
"Hey, Kurt." He muttered eventually.
The shorter boy just stayed there and stared at him, somewhere between the verge of crying and the desire to punch him.
"Dude, who is it?" Blaine's voice was coming from really afar, his steps way quieter than Sebastian's. He stopped and peeked from behind his friend's shoulder.
The tense atmosphere became even tenser if this was possible. Sebastian and Blaine were both staring at Kurt, who was looking at Sebastian, then at Blaine, then at Sebastian again.
Eventually Blaine decided to speak.
"Hey."
Kurt looked at him as if he saw him for the first time.
"Hey." He almost whispered.
They exchanged meaningful looks for a while then the tallest boy coughed awkwardly.
"Okay… I should probably leave you two."
"You better." Kurt couldn't suppress the growling coming from his throat.
"Woah, take a chill pill, man." Sebastian raised his hands in surrender then slowly backed inside the apartment. A minute later he returned, now a backpack on his shoulder. He tapped Blaine's shoulder. "See you."
Blaine nodded without looking at him – his eyes were glued to his boyfriend.
"Yeah. Bye."
Sebastian quirked an eyebrow at Kurt who just wrinkled his nose disgustedly. The tallest boy shook his head amusedly and (finally!) left.
The couple stood there for a minute or two more, just gazing into each other's eyes.
"You want to come in?" Blaine quietly suggested.
Kurt's nod was almost invisible as he followed the taller boy in his temporary apartment. The living room was all but tidy – clothes were scattered everywhere, the floor was strewn with small pieces of "Pringles" (if Kurt could orientate himself by the smell, it was with jalapeño), the Nintendo cables were awfully tangled around the room and the blue-eyed boy almost tripped on one of them and broke his neck.
Blaine moved one of the consoles away from the couch and sat down. Kurt reluctantly followed his example and tried his best to hide his disgusted face. This room was just so… boyish. It was like the straightest dude ever lived here. Kurt knew his boyfriend had never been as soft as him but still…
"I thought we were having a break." Blaine's words interrupted his thoughts.
Kurt unwillingly looked at him. "Why?" He finally asked.
The other boy's thick eyebrows rose confusedly. "Err…" He blinked. "I… I told you, I just need time to think."
"Think about what?" Kurt's voice was quiet.
Blaine sighed. "Kurt, come on. Why are we talking about this? I told you I needed time and you seemed okay with it."
The blue-eyed boy frowned a little. "Well, I'm not. We love each other. I don't see why we should be apart." Blaine didn't answer and his boyfriend's nostrils flared dangerously. "Or maybe I'm the only one with the feelings."
"Kurt-"
"I just want to know."
Blaine bowed his head a bit and rubbed his forehead tiredly. "Do we have to talk about this now?"
Kurt shrugged his shoulders. "If not now, when do you suggest we should talk?"
Silence.
"Tell me you don't love me and I'll leave."
Silence.
"Tell me."
"I love you, okay?!" Blaine's outburst was so abrupt that Kurt jumped back a bit and clutched his chest. I think my ass landed on a puddle of mustard. "I do! I just… I can't… I don't know if I should-"
"Marry me." It was the most inappropriate thing that Kurt could have said in the moment but he just couldn't stop himself. He raised his hand in the air, ready to slap that unruly mouth of his then unsurely dropped it back on his knee.
What's done is done.
And he wasn't even sorry. Kurt smiled in his mind. Rachel was right after all – it did feel right to propose. He loved him. Why shouldn't he want to be with him forever?
The size of Blaine's eyes had visibly increased. As a matter of fact, they were about to pop out of their sockets. His eyebrows rose then fell, over and over again, like he was some kind of a weird puppet. The dark-haired boy tried to open his mouth but it was so dry that the only sound that was heard was a quiet fish-y smack. He finally gathered enough saliva to swallow, slowly and painfully, his Adam apple moving up and down his throat. He ran a hand through his unkempt hair and Kurt saw that his fingers were trembling.
"Wh-what?" The taller boy choked.
Kurt hesitated for a second. Fuck it. There's no way back. As if in some trance-y state, he felt his own hand thrusting in his pocket and pulling out a small velvet box. He heard Blaine gasp loudly but still, he fell on one knee, his brand new Givenchy touching the dirty floor, opened the box and showed the overly expensive ring to his stunned boyfriend.
Because Blaine looked as he was about to faint at every moment, Kurt decided to speak.
"Okay, if I have to be sincere, I've imagined doing this but not like that. I mean, the stinky cheap apartment of your friend Sarah, with scattered packages of junk food and sweaty clothes around, isn't the most romantic place in the world. But I'm not sorry it's happening now. I think we're perfect for each other. We've been together for so long. This is not high school anymore. There are already too many responsibilities and we haven't even finished college yet. I know it's hard for you and you're trying to figure out your place in this messed up world. But it's equally hard for me, Blaine. We can't do this journey on our own but maybe… maybe if we count on each other, if we're together, it will be easier. Better. We're better when we're together. Don't you think?"
Blaine just scowled at him, his eyes oddly bloodshot as he was about to break into tears. He took the box of Kurt's hand but didn't put the ring on – just twiddled the tiny object between his fingers. Finally he looked down at his still kneeling boyfriend.
"Why are you doing this to me?" His voice was so quiet, almost a whisper, and it traitorously trembled at the end of the question.
Kurt blinked, not expecting to hear that, and stood up. "What?" He blurted the only thing that came to his mind.
Blaine sighed and shook his head. "You're acting immaturely, Kurt."
Before he could suppress it, Kurt heard himself raising his tone. "Excuse me?! Correct me if I'm wrong but I just proposed to you!"
"I know what you did." Blaine's voice was tired again and maybe a little bit annoyed and Kurt, contrary to his peace-loving nature, suddenly wanted to smack him so bad. "And I know why you did it, too. You're jealous of Sebastian."
The shorter boy put his hands on his hips dramatically and snorted despairingly, this continued by a bit too forced laughter. "God, aren't you deep?"
"You don't have to explain yourself, Kurt, I know you too well-"
"Why is everything always about Sebastian?! I thought you loved me!"
"I do!"
"It doesn't seem so! I practically poured my heart out to you and you just… just… I asked you to marry me, for God's sake!"
Blaine smiled humorlessly. "But you're not really thinking it. You're affected. You're jealous. And most important, you're not ready for marriage. You haven't grown up yet."
Kurt let his hands fall back to his sides. He looked up, desperately trying to fight back tears and soften his breathing. "You could have just told me you have feelings for him." Damn, wasn't his voice quivering like a five year old girl who'd just lost her doll! "No need to be rude."
His boyfriend's sad smile turned into an even bitterer gentle laughter. "I was right. You have so much more to learn. You're just an insecure little boy, Kurt."
"No, I'm not!" Kurt felt ridiculously saying this.
"Then you'd know that I love you. I've loved you since I first saw you. And because I love you, I can't let this farce go on. It's hurting both of us."
A tear finally escaped Kurt's eye. "What are you saying?"
Blaine's shoulders slumped down. "Evidently, I'm not strong enough to deal with this. With us. I think it's time we both let go. I just…" He shook his head a few times as if it pained him physically to say it. "You're too much for me."
Silence. Thick heavy bone-crushing silence.
"Kurt…"
"Are you breaking up with me?"
"Kurt, I-"
"I asked a question!" Now the blue-eyed boy was openly crying, tears running down his cheeks. He clenched his fists helplessly. "Are you breaking up with-"
"Yes."
It took all the power of Kurt's tiny body not to collapse on the ground and hug his now ex-boyfriend's ankles and start begging him to take him back.
I'll be better, I swear. I can be everything you want.
"Good." He nodded. Obviously Blaine had nothing else to say. "Silence." Kurt suddenly chuckled like a madman. "I hate silence. I don't want to hear it so I hope you don't mind if I go." He had to get out of here and save the last miserable piece of pride he was left.
Blaine's fingers wrapped his elbow. Their eyes met and Kurt almost hoped the other guy would tell him it was all a joke, that he loves him, that he accepts the proposal… anything.
"You forgot your ring." The velvet box lied in his palm still open, the ring shining in it.
My ring?
"No, keep it." Kurt's smile was genuine for the first time since a good while. "To remind you what you've given up."
The fingers loosened their grip. Kurt tried to wrap his mind around the new situation.
It's over.
"I hope he makes you happy. I couldn't." And he brisk out towards the door.
He didn't see Blaine shaking his head woefully and whispering "immature" behind his back.
END
Dude, I had to correct this story like 1000 times. What the hell?!
About the sentences in Spanish for whoever doesn't know this awesome language:
Qué pendejos somos tú y yo, ¿no? = What idiots/fools are you and I, right?
años = years
Sé que me entendiste perfectamente. = I know you understood me perfectly.
Nunca me dejaste divertirme, bruja. = You never let me have fun, you witch.
Por supuesto que no. = Of course not.