I was chatting with one of my male friends today and he was like:
"If you write about all the guys being gay for each other, than what does that leave girls with?"
And my brain promptly exploded.
So, although it pains me, I'm writing a non-yaoi story.
-is shot…twice-
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Funland
Funland was the theme park everyone went to in the summer, probably because no one could afford to go to any other theme parks. Cartman fondly remembered when he bought this place for 1 million dollars. He'd enjoyed it for a good 2 and a half weeks, before Kyle and Stan had to ruin it, those bastards. Today was the first day of summer break, and Cartman was pretty sure the entire school had come to spend the day and Funland. Grumbling something about lines, he made his way to his favorite ride, the Log Ride.
He got into the line, bitching at an attendant about the 45 minutes wait.
"Are you fucking kidding me?! 45 minutes?! Jesus fucking Christ!" Cartman yelled at an unfortunate attendant. Wendy Testaburger narrowed her eyes from where she stood, a few feet deeper into the line. "Don't give me that bullshit! The ride is two fucking minutes long, what the hell is taking so long!?" Cartman continued to shot at the boy, who was looking around for an escape. Wendy clenched her teeth and spun around.
"Fatass! Get the fuck over here and stop you're bitching!" she screamed at the large boy standing at the front of the line. Cartman looked thoroughly confused, but walked over to where Wendy was standing, because hey, free cutting. She glared at him as he climbed over the chain and into the line. He looked satisfied with himself, leaving a group of angry people complaining behind him. He gave Wendy a smug grin.
"Finally accepted your feeling for me huh Wendy?" he said, crossing his arms. Wendy rolled her eyes and inched father away from him.
"You wish fat boy," she said, a slight smirk playing on her lips. Cartman huffed and launched into his 'I'm not fat I'm just big-boned' speech that everyone had heard a million times. Even his mother had called him fat and he still didn't believe it. Cartman lived in a world that he made up, where he wrapped himself in his own lies and shut everyone out. Cartman was always right in his world.
The line moved a bit quicker until they were finally at the front. Wendy got in one seat, they were two seated, and Cartman tried to get in the one behind her, but another attendant stopped him. "There's a space right there for you to sit, sir." The attendant said, pointing at the empty space next to Wendy. Cartman cursed under his breath, but decided not to argue, he really wanted to ride.
They went down the first slide, Cartman's weight causing them to go abnormally fast and thus soaking them in water. Wendy glared. "Fat fuck, look what you did!" she yelled at him, shoving her fist into his fat stomach. He coughed loudly and glared back.
"You..bitch…it's…a water…ride!" He said, trying to catch his breath that was previously knocked out of him. The ride came to a screeching halt, halfway up the ramp for the next slide. "The fuck?" Cartman yelled at no one in particular. The intercom came on, informing them that the ride was broken and they'd be stuck for a good fifteen minutes. Cartman groaned, and started to rant about how Funland was bullshit and he was never coming here again.
Wendy had no choice, it was the only way to shut him up. Willing herself not to vomit, she leaned over and pressed her lips to Cartman's his noise stopping immediately. She should have known better.
"Well, well, well, looks like you couldn't get enough huh Wendy?" Cartman said a smug smirk on his face.
Wendy slapped it off.
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I'm soooo sick you guys.