Dis
It started with a knock on the door. It being the thing that changed my life. A simple knock, who knew it could lead to so much regret and sorrow. The person who knocked on my door was an elf. I despised elves. They had refused to help my kin many years ago when the dragon Smaug first desolated Erebor. Many died because of their refusal to aid us. The dead included my husband. That was why I had a burning hatred for elves. It was because they refused to help my kind that I hated them. That changed, though, because of the knock.
A she elf, heavily pregnant was the one who knocked. I eyed her with suspicion. Why would an elf ever come to the Blue Mountains, especially one in a condition like hers. Elves and dwarves were enemies, especially in my eyes.
"What do you want?" I said angrily.
"Can you help me?" the she elf asked.
"Why would I help you, elf scum!" I said, and slammed the door in her face. Elves were dangerous, treacherous creatures. They couldn't be trusted. From the window, I watched her walk away, into a nearby pine grove. Go back to where you belong, tree dweller! I thought to myself. Back to your precious little trees, where you went to all those years ago. Cowardly scum. They wouldn't help my people, not even the children, when we were forced into exile. She had weapons, she could take care of herself.
Evening was drawing to a close. I got out of my rocking chair, where I had been knitting and thinking. Why would an elf ever come here, and to me specifically. I didn't know, nor did I care about elf scum.
I retired to bed.
Tauriel
My shoulders slumped as I walked away from Dis's door, the sound of the door being slammed in my face still resonating in my ears. I was hoping for acceptance, warmth, light, and love, but that had not happened. All of those things had happened when I was with Kili, and none of them when I was in Mirkwood after his death. Even in my homeland, I was isolated. None accepted my love for Kili, and when I discovered I was carrying his child, I fled. I was lost and confused. I didn't know where to go or who would welcome me. I wandered the world for a few months, searching for a place where prejudice was nonexistent, and the child and I could be safe and happy. I thought I would find it, but I did not. I could not. Everywhere I went, suspicious glances were cast at me, and whispers running like a river, wondering who I was, where I was from, and once the child made itself known, where was its' father. I had left one town of Men one night, after having an experience where I was forced to draw my blades on several of the citizens, who were determined to run the stranger out of town, blaming me for bad weather that had caused the crops to whither. I had an idea that night. I would go to Kili's home, to the Blue Mountains, and seek out his mother, after all, she should know her grandchild.
That I did, and I was rejected. I made my way to a small grove of pine trees, the only green thing among the white snow and grey rock that made up this part of the world. I climbed one of them, and waited. Perhaps I would go to Dis again tomorrow, or... My mind drifted off into sleep as night fell. I was weary from traveling for months, alone and scared for the future. I woke to the pains. They came like a wave washing over me, again and again. I did not want to move, but I could not give birth in a tree. I slowly climbed down from the tree into the snow. I hesitated. I had never given birth before. Maybe if I went to Dis she would help me, but it was painful to move. I knew the baby would come out from between my legs, so I slid my trousers down to my ankles and laid down, wincing as the cold snow touched my flesh.
The pains got worse. For hours, they continued. I clutched Kili's runestone as I hoped someone would come and help me. I was a soldier, and was no stranger to pain, and was proud of the fact that I had never cried out in pain before. That changed this night. The pains got so bad that I could only cry out and pray for the child to come so the pain would stop. The last of the pains were the worst, but the child came. I leaned over, drew my blade and cut the cord. The child was covered in blood, blood that was still flowing from between my legs. I wiped her off as best as I could, and held her in my arms. Dis would have to help me tomorrow, she would have too! If I could make it to tomorrow. The thought passed through my mind. I was still bleeding, too much. I could feel my life blood flowing out of me and into the snow. It seems that my life was to be the cost for a child, a child that never should have existed, that came from a love that many would have thought impossible. But it was. It was possible, there was a love, there was a child. But it cost my life. I kissed the child as I laid back on the snow. I hoped my warmth would keep her safe. I held her in my arms and waited for death to claim me. It was inevitable now. I just hoped my child lived, that she would not perish because someone refused to help her, like they did to me.
My body died, but my spirit lingered on in this world. I had to know the fate of my child before I joined the Valar. I could not leave her, could not abandon her to the fate of a world filled with those who would simply refuse to accept her existence. I could not leave her alone. My spirit form looked like my physical body, but it was not. I could not touch anything, and no one could see me. It pained me to be unable to comfort my child as she started to wail. I couldn't comfort her with a touch, or hold her, or do anything I wanted to do to help her. I could only stand there and try not to cry, for I felt so helpless like I had never felt before. I watched over her as the night ended.
Dis
During the night, I heard a few cries of pain through my restless sleep, but I assumed it was the horrible dream that haunted me. The screams and cries of the wounded as we ran for our lives through Erebor. I had been carrying my eldest son, Fili in my arms, so he would not get trampled in the crowd. I was carrying my youngest, Kili, inside of me. Even now, I could not escape the screams of that fateful night.
The sun rose. I woke to the cries of an infant, a young one. I wondered why. There were very few children in the Blue Mountains, and none lived near me. Curious, I went to find the source of the cries. They were from the pine grove, where the she elf had gone after she had left my house. I approached cautiously. Who knew what the elf might try. There was no trap. Just a squalling infant, only a few hours old clutched in the arms of her dead mother, whose hair spread like fire on the snow. I reached down to pick up the child, who was freezing cold. "Hush little one, you're safe now." I said to the child. I didn't know why I picked the little girl up, maybe on instinct. When I was holding the child, who was now looking up at me with curiosity, I saw something in the elf's hand. I grabbed it. It was a runestone, the same one that I gave to Kili before he started out on that adventure of his. My eyes filled with tears. I thought I would see it again, and him, alive and well.
Tauriel
My spirit could only watch as a Dis came to the pine grove. Perhaps she heard Melil crying out. I had named the child Melil, which meant love, because she came from a love that many would have thought impossible. I was saddened to think that she would never know her true name. I held my breath as the she dwarf picked Melil up. She talked to her, in a language I did not understand. I supposed it was meant to be comforting, and Melil stopped crying. Dis took the runestone out of my body's hand. After a few moments, I realized that she had realized that Kili was the father's child. I knew Melil would be safe now, and I heard the Valar calling me, but I could not yet go to them. I followed Dis as she walked back to her house. I did not enter the house. The view from the window sufficed. I saw Dis taking care of Melil. I smiled and, holding back tears, softly whispered "Nanaarie amin merna quen" and left this world, for the call of the Valar was growing stronger, and I could not resist them any longer.
Dis
Suddenly, the thought occurred to me. Maybe, just maybe, the father of the child I held in my arms was Kili. Elves would not permit a child of dwarven heritage, and Kili would not give his runestone to just anyone. Maybe she came here because she had no place else to go. Maybe I was just as bad as the elves, denying charity to someone because of their race...maybe I was responsible for the death of my son's love. I was crying in earnest now. I was so filled with sorrow and regret that I did not know what to do. "Kili...I'm so, so sorry..." I whispered to the sky. The baby began to cry again, and I was reminded of her presence. Maybe I could make up for what I had caused by raising Kili and the elf's child. Maybe, just maybe, I could repay Kili for what I had done. I took the child, and raised her as my own. As Memora grew, she showed attributes of both dwarf and elf heritage. In the end, I was glad for what I had done. I had righted a wrong. Perhaps more wrongs would be righted, beyond my lifetime. I could only hope Memora would bridge the gap between our two races.
Notes
Nanaarie amin merna quen: Goodbye, I love you
Valar: Elven higher power
The name Melil was taken from mela, which according to elfdict . com menas love. I thought it was a fitting name for Tauriel and Kili's kid
Nanaarie amin merna quen was taken from The Grey Company Phrase Book
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