The knock at her door called her out of her stupor. She rose from her couch and made her way to open it. The light from the outer hall flooded into the small dim entry. Slouching against the door frame she found an outwardly indifferent Shikamaru holding a brown paper bag. The distinct long height and narrow width immediate gave away its contents.
"I'm told this helps," was his only form of greeting.
She opened the door enough for him to enter. Then, she made her way to the kitchen turning on a couple lamps to offer some light and alleviate some of the grim atmosphere she had created for herself. She took two glasses from the cabinet and returned to her livingroom.
Shikamaru looked up to her from his seat on the couch. She chose to sit on the floor across the coffee table from him. Their eyes never left each others as he took the glasses and filled them with a heavy pour. He placed one in front of her. He held the other up slightly tilting it toward her as if to toast. He broke eye contact with her to throw his head back as he emptied his glass. He filled his glass again and repeated the action. However, she only stared at her glass. She knew this would not help her. It might even put her into even more of a depressed state.
"It's not possible you know. It won't make it worse." he said in that dry, tired way of his.
He was already on his third. He paused and watched her ever so studious and calculating. It was not a calculated move to come here. He actually did not know where else would be more fitting than right here with her.
His assessment complete. He noted the vitality was currently drained from her eyes. They actually held no emotion which was a grave statement for this woman. Her hair was messy. Her clothes were standard issue something she rarely dawned. He reasoned she wanted to dress like and be seen as one of the many. That was especially what she was feeling right now, nondescript and not special. It was not any sort of feeling associated with service to the village. It was more personal and deeply wounding. She was distraught and pandering for an affection that was below her in his humble opinion. He could interpret her projections because he felt them just the same.
She raised the glass to her lips and drank slowly. She let the dark liquid coat and burn the whole way down. She relished in its aftermath. "It must be easier when you come from an established clan," she quipped darkly, "Being a ninja, the deceit, the lack of any real emotions toward anyone."
"It's definitely different. It, however, does not excuse one from all things normal, decent, and human. Especially among fellow ninja. We still have a code of honor." he reminded her sternly. Her gaze softened to his. She knew he came from an established clan. She had meant no disrespect. He continued, "Especially among friends, nothing about this easy."
She refilled her glass and emptied it quickly this time. She filled hers and his with the next round. He lifted his glass and clinked the rim with hers. Together they tipped their heads back to empty them.
"So, was Choji too busy to commiserate with you?" she asked curiosity coming to her eyes. The first emotion he had seen that night.
"No, he simply does not want to complicate the team dynamic further," he replied with an even tone.
She simply gave a small nod of understanding. She did not want to complicate the team dynamic either. Hence, Naruto was kept in the dark about the entire situation for now.
She noticed Shikamaru's eyes kept going from distant to calculating. "Stop analyzing me," she stated simply.
Shikamaru chuckled a bit. "I'm sorry; it's just what I do." Amusement, he noticed another emotion returned to her eyes.
She poured another but let it sit on the table. She ran her finger around the rim and asked, "So, what are your findings?"
"Troublesome and inconclusive," he dead panned.
She laughed. It was the first time she had laughed in days. She, herself, had been analyzing her entire situation for days, and those were her exact results: troublesome and inconclusive.
"Shika, why weren't we enough?" she asked simply.
"Did you ever think we were too much?" he queried.
His questioned stunned her. No, she had not even remotely considered that. She was lost in that statement. Confusion knitted her brow and came to her eyes. He liked that her features were beginning to show emotion again rather than the constant ennui he had witnessed for days. He could tell she could not grasp the rationale to his question. Never would she ever consider anything or anyone to be too much for one Sasuke Uchiha. She was still willing to let him remain on his high pedestal after everything. He took it upon himself to explain what she needed to hear.
"This might be hard for you to hear, but Sasuke is a selfish, uncaring, shell of a person. He is flawed. His agenda is all that has ever mattered to him. Sure, he has a prestigious name. He has that tall, dark and handsome thing girls like. He's a skilled high ranking ninja. But that's about it. He only holds one thing sacred, himself," he gave his succinct assessment. He continued by saying, "You, on the other hand, genuinely care about a great many things. Deep within you is a selfless dedication to love and protect not only this village but also your friends. You have great genius and great strength. You combine them to make great strides in medicine as well as in combat. You are esteemed highly in this village as the Hokage's apprentice. You earned that title all on your own. You were not simply born with it like some clan descendant. All of that is more than that shell of a person deserves."
Silence fell upon them. He watched her consider his words. Strangely all emotions left her eyes again. Then, he could tell she was assessing each of his deductions on both accounts. He found it very perplexing to watch. Varying emotions would show as she considered different things.
"Why were you too much?" she asked without prompting.
He gave his report as requested. "I am confident, comfortable, and content. I know who I am. I know who I am not. I am a very simple person with a very complex mind and skill set, an excellent problem solver. I am not overly emotive, but my feelings run deeply." He paused briefly, "In contrast, Ino is flashy, brash, and hungry for adventure and spontaneity. She remains very unsure about her place in life. Her skill level is high, but to her chagrin she remains mediocre among a village such as ours with so many elite ninja. In the end, I am so steady and content, and she feels inferior because she remains so unsure."
She smiled at him. It was almost as if she was out of practice with the motion. It was not forced, but it did not seem completely natural. Then again, he reasoned it could be an effect of the number of glasses they had consumed.
This was his purpose in coming here. He knew that her betrayal was double edged. Not only had her lover betrayed her trust, but she was also betrayed by her best friend. He reasoned Sasuke and Ino were a terrible fit, and Sasuke would try to reclaim Sakura. So, he wanted Sakura to know her worth before Sasuke took advantage of her again. He had been betrayed as well. He knew Ino. He loved Ino, but he was comfortable enough with himself to recognize he was not what she wanted anymore. He was unwilling to change for her. So letting go was rational. It was almost easy.
Sakura, in contrast, had devoted her life to changing for Sasuke, to be what he needed her to be. In her pursuit of strength and skill to attain his attention, she never realized her own worth. He needed her to know. It was important. She was too strong to be a victim. She did not need his protection. She simply needed the to know her worth.
"Thank you, Shikamaru," she said as she wrapped her arm around his back in a half hug while joining him on the couch. She retreated back, and he noticed she looked more vibrant now. She was no longer at a complete loss in their current situation.
"No problem, like I said, I heard it helps," he gestured to the glasses and bottle on the table.
"So does having an excellent problem solver, solve all your problems," she said as she winked at him.
He gave her a small grin, happy to know she would be okay. "I need to get going," he said scooting to the edge of the couch. They stood together and walked toward the door. She caught his hand before he could open the door. He then found himself fully embraced in her hug.
"Thank you for coming. Sorry to be so troublesome," she said with her head tucked under his chin. She pulled away to open the door for him.
He existed saying, "Good night."
As her door closed behind him, and he began walking down the hall to exit the building. He continued to analyze. After his analysis of her, Shikamaru found himself slightly attracted to one Sakura Haruno.
"Hmmm, troublesome and inconclusive," he muttered as he stepped onto the street.