An introduction to the personal dissection of chemical defects
Ever since I have met a very special woman – I shall refer to her as Sarah, although I call her something different – I realised that feelings are much harder to control for the general population. Not only have I seen this in her; I have also noticed this in myself. I am not a person to commit to personal bonds such as friendships, but in this particular case, Sarah convinced me to do so (maybe 'force' is a better word to describe this, but it is fair to say that it just sort of happened).
Sarah happens to be a fan of my work, and she, like several others of you, I have understood, owns a fan page dedicated to me (and my work, I certainly hope). While I still struggle to see why, Sarah continued this passionately, even after we met. Her doings came to my attention via John, and I wrote her a message that she had to take down some of the photos she had posted (you lot can be creeps…). She was sassy and used my own facial expressions against me, which is, in my opinion, rather rude. But it also resulted in my attention. Next to her being sassy and passionate, she actually wasn't a very demanding specimen.* She granted herself the right to enter my flat during the day whenever she pleased (which resulted in me giving her a key to the flat – but that's a story for another day). It is not that I got used to her presence, but I also did not care enough to send her away. After all, she was quiet and minded her own business. Next to that, she was an incredible opportunity for me to experiment on. I have done so now several times. She didn't quite like being drugged, but then again, I just didn't tell her half of the times.
As I had expected to find out, women are very emotional creatures.** When the sassy nature of this specimen subdued, her emotional nature came into being the way that it is these days. The days of ignoring her were over, as it gave her a sense of unimportance and littleness. I had no interest in adopting a specimen, but when I realised that most of my specimen were dead, and right here in front of me was a living one, I couldn't help but accept the opportunity that was presented to me. I allowed her some of my time through talking. I made sure to note some of the things she said. I hit the right notes on purpose. I hit the bad notes on purpose. And as I found my way through her vast forest of emotions, I found my own here and there.
You might be aware of the fact that I consider sentiment a chemical defect. This, in essence, applies to most, if not all, emotional states. I wonder how Sarah's presence was able to cause chemical defects within my brain. Since it would be impossible for me to dissect my own brain without dying before being able to perform that act, I have decided to write my personal experiences and thoughts about emotions down instead.
I will be going through a long list of emotions. Please know that I am by no means a psychologist, nor interested in any of your stories. Take your emotions elsewhere. While I am writing about emotions, it does not mean that I do no longer despise them the way I really still do.
*John said that my use of specimen to refer to women could cause an outrage. I do not understand how I am doing something wrong by the use of this word.
**John warned me that the use of the word 'creatures' may cause a likewise outrage.