She didn't mean for it to happen, he had tried everything in her power to stop it from happening. To stop that little girl and the man that she was falling for to go through so much pain. But she couldn't do anything, it gotten out of her hands and her first instinct was to get his daughter out as fast as possible so he didn't lose both of them. It didn't work, he had a beautiful baby girl but he had lost his wife and she was scared that now he would notice how much he loved her and he would kick himself for not being there for her and chasing after Addison. Looking down at his daughter her soft blue eyes which were like her father's but they looked darker from further away. She had to tell him soon, she had to tell him that his wife had died, it had only been minutes since she had come out of the scrub room but she didn't want to wait any longer.
"Lets go and see if we can find Daddy." She said to the little girl, tickling her stomach, Addison smiled at the way that she squirmed, her little arms had escaped from the blanket and gripped hold of Addison's finger before putting it in her mouth and sucking on it. She knew that she was going to be loved so much by her father, she would be like every girl and have him wrapped around her little finger from day one. "We can go and see your Daddy quicker if you let go of my finger." She pointed out, trying to get her finger out of her month and she slowly managed to without her making too much of a fuss. Picking her up carefully but smiling when she seemed content Addison couldn't help but smile. Addison hated this part of her job because she craved her own child so much and holding other couples children really got to her.
Walking into the waiting room which was only a few seconds away from the nursery, she couldn't look at him and she froze as she walked into the area. "Addison." Looking up when he said her name before she made her way over to him, the little girl squirming in her arms. "What... where's Morgan?" Looking up into his eyes when he spoke, she could feel the tears about to fall because this was a lot harder to say than she thought it would be.
"She lost too much blood, I tried everything that I could think of but my head was screaming at me to get your daughter out because it would be easier to stop the bleeding. But there was nothing I could do, we gave her more blood but she was losing it quicker than it was going into her. I'm really sorry." She explained to him, a tear rolling down her cheek as she explained what had happened. She hated it when she befriended a patient because most of the time they were the ones that ended up dying on her. Carefully putting his daughter into his arms, she smiled as the little bundle of pink snuggled into her father's chest. "Again, I'm sorry but I have to go. I'll see if I can get her discharged by tonight because she's healthy enough. You can stay with her in the nursery until them." She told him, even if he seemed too wrapped up in looking at his daughter. Slowly walking away, the tears rolling down her cheeks, she turned into the locker room as the tears started to fall harder. She knew that if it got out what had happened between Noah and herself, everyone would think that she had done it on purpose. But she hadn't, she had tried everything. But she was going to get the blame.
We've been doing pain for so long
But when I stare in your eyes it's all gone
The next few days had been spent staying away from the hospital, she would work and then go home, order a take away and drink a couple of glasses of wine. But nothing she did stopped her from crying herself to sleep; she was doubting herself as a doctor which was stupid she knew that she was the best and she reminded people that everyday but it was just blood loss, she should have been able to stop it. She kept replaying the surgery in her head, trying to work out if she should have done it any differently.
She had just pouted out her first glass of wine for the night when she heard a knocking at the door. Pushing herself off the couch, she pulled down the end of the dress shirt she was wearing, which happened to be Kevin's, she would have gotten rid of it the same time he left but it was too comfortable. Opening the door without thinking about who it could be, she was surprised to find Noah with a baby carrier in his hand and a baby bag slung over his shoulder. She knew he had been trying to call her but she just declined all the calls because she didn't want to talk to him.
"I have no idea what to do, I read all the books but they don't explain how hard it is without a mother around. And I had no idea who else to turn to." Addison looked down at the little baby as he spoke, she could tell that she had been crying because her cheeks were flushed red but now she was sucking happily on her pacifier. "And you work with babies so I was hoping you could help." Nodding her head, she opened the door wider to let him in, running her hands through her short hair.
Following him into the house, she sat down on the couch as he put the carrier on the table. "What did you call her?" She questioned, carefully leaning forward and undoing the straps on the carrier before picking up the baby and holding her against her shoulder, supporting her head.
"Jennifer, Jennifer Morgan Barnes." Addison smiled when he said the name, keeping the baby close to her as she stood up and started walking around the house.
"That's really beautiful, and it suits her." She replied as she kept her eyes on Noah as he got some of the things out of the baby bag. "You can stay in the spare room tonight if you want. Do you have a travel cot in the back of your car?" She asked, she didn't mind him sleeping in the spare room, she knew that having the baby at home and not having Morgan must be weird and she could tell that he was tired and not sleeping.
"Yeah, I'll get it in a few minutes." He said as he walked over to her and placed his hand on her other shoulder. "She really likes you." Addison couldn't help but blush and smile at the same time as she rubbed the little girl's back and rocked her slightly. "Addison, we need to talk." Turning around so she could look at him, she was waiting for this and she knew that they had to deal with this one way or another.
"Can we talk about it later?" She asked, letting out a breath she didn't know she had been holding because she didn't want to talk about it when she was holding his dead wives baby in her arms.
They had spent the time with Addison going through everything that she knew with him, she knew enough to help him and it helped that she had looked after Derek's nieces and nephews a lot in New York so she knew what she was doing. After a struggle trying to get the travel cot up in the spare room, they had set Jennifer down and only went to sleep after the pair of them sang to her, really badly.
Sitting down on the couch, Addison looked at the glass of wine that she had poured earlier, looking around at the baby stuff that seemed to have already taken over her house. A fold up play mat on the floor with a pacifier on, another one of the work top of the kitchen, two bottles in the kitchen sink. If this was what her house got like after a few hours, she would love to see how his house had turned out. Taking the glass of wine, she walked over to the sink and poured it down; jumping when she felt a hand on her shoulder she turned around to look at Noah.
"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you." Addison went to push her hair behind her ears which had fallen onto her face but he managed to beat her to it. Feeling her cheeks blush as she bit down on her lip, feeling like a stupid teenager, like she did when she had started dating Derek and he was sweet and bought her a rose for the first 12 dates they went on. She wished that she didn't feel like this because the guilt was even worse and it was eating away inside of her. She was even more surprised when she felt his lips against her own and within second she had pulled away and took a step back away from him.
"Noah. I... Morgan only died two weeks ago; I don't want to be the person you're with because you don't want to be alone. I want a real relationship; I don't just want to be this woman that you're with because you have no idea what to do with Jennifer. I would rather be your friend than end up getting my heart broken because I don't know if it can take another heart break." She admitted, she needed to get it all out of her system. She meant what she said, she didn't want to be the girl that just got played because he had gotten used to having someone to look after him. He was used to having a wife and now he didn't and he had a new born baby girl.
"I was going to leave her. I'm not saying that I wanted her to die because I didn't, she wanted a baby so much and it was her idea to keep trying. I miss her, but Addison, it's you. It's been you since the second I laid my eyes on you. I felt this pull towards you and I didn't know how to explain it but I want to be with you. And I'll prove it to you; we won't sleep together until you're ready to prove that it isn't just that I want to have sex with you. I mean it, I mean it when I say I want to be with you." She couldn't help but smile when he spoke, a small yawn leaving her lips because even helping look after Morgan for an hour or two was tiring. "Come on, you look like you need some sleep." He added, that smile on his lips that she couldn't help but fall for.
Taking his hand after he held it out to her, she followed him up the stairs and just as she was going to say good night to him, Jennifer's cries echoed off the walls. Laughing as she looked into his eyes, she couldn't help but shake her head. "I bought my ex some pajamias the day he left and he never wore them so you can have them for tonight. They're in the chest of draws in the spare room, I'll get her settled while you get changed." She told him as she kissed him cheek and walked into the spare room. Picking up Jennifer, she held her against her shoulder and rubbed her back softly, not noticing that Noah was watching her the whole time that she was with Jennifer. Turning around to look at him, she raised her eyebrow and laughed when he excused himself to get changed.
Putting Jennifer down on the bed, Addison lay down beside her; letting the little girl take her finger into her arms and wave it around before it ended up in her mouth again. "Daddy really loves you, he's just a man and men don't know how to do anything like change stinky diapers or pick out what clothes to wear. So later, you will have to tell him what to wear and what not to wear because Daddy doesn't have the best fashion sense in the world does he?" She asked as if she was expecting a reply from the little girl. Tickling her stomach, she laughed as she squirmed and pulled Addison's finger out of her mouth. Jennifer's big blue eyes searching the room. "See, you like the attention don't you? Do you sleep in bed with Daddy because he's a big softy inside?" She asked again, jumping when she heard Noah clearing his throat, she smiled at him.
"Like I said, she likes you." He said as he walked over to Addison and pressed a kiss against her forehead before getting into the bed and looking at Jennifer who instantly looked at her father.
"I should go, if you need any help just come and ask, she'll probably wake up the whole neighbourhood with the lungs she has on her." She pointed out to him as she kissed the top of Jennifer's head but when he grabbed her wrist before she had the chance to move off the bed, she raised her eyebrow at him.
"I want you to stay, just stay for tonight." Addison smiled and nodded her head slowly, getting off the bed to switch off the light, she didn't know what it was but she struggled to say no to him at the moment. Getting into bed on the other side of Jennifer, she kissed Noah back when he kissed her lips softly. Saying goodnight to each other, they both fell asleep, knowing that this relationship was different from all the others that they had, because it felt real and they both knew that it would last.
After waking up several times in the night with Jennifer, Addison woke up around 6 when the sun started to shine through the curtains. Jennifer was sleeping on Noah's chest and in the middle of the night, Addison had ended up curled against Noah with their legs tangled together and one of his arms around her waist. As much as she felt she was taking another woman's place, she had never felt so right in anyone else's arms.
And only love can save us now
I need you here again to show me how