This story is a belated Christmas gift to my good friend Soul Bucket, who is also known as Vanr.

This is crack, and thus should not be taken seriously. Enjoy!

The Fiercest Games

My heart pounded in my chest as my elevator moved up through the ground and to the surface. This was it. This could very well be my last day on this earth.

At last, I arrived aboveground, standing on my platform. I was flabbergasted at what I beheld.

This was supposed to be the Hunger Games. Instead, it was an obnoxiously bright, winding, dangerous-looking racetrack.

"What..." I trailed off after only one word, too shocked to continue. The course was flat and grassy at the start, but I could see it winding off into the hills in the distance.

At the starting line were twenty-four gleaming go-karts, one for each tribute in these Hunger Games. Did...did they expect us to...to race? This was insane!

This was it. Proof that the crazy Gamemakers had really gone off their rockers this time. Surely not even President Snow would sanction this!

Overhead, the cheerful voice of Claudius Templesmith, announcer for the Hunger Games, boomed out through the Arena.

"Tributes of the Seventy-Fourth Hunger Games and Citizens of Panem," he said with cheer, "welcome to this year's Arena! This year, President Snow and the Gamemakers have decided to do things a little differently.

No, really? I thought sarcastically. This is nuts.

I glanced around. There was no Cornucopia. No weapons. No...anything. Just the racetrack and the go-karts.

The other tributes stood on their platforms, looking confused. The Careers were angry. No wonder. They train their whole life for this, and now the Capitol changes things up.

I glanced over to Peeta, on the platform beside me. He smiled at me, but I only scowled back. I was Katniss Everdeen, not his baker wife, regardless of the "feelings" he had for me.

Peeta sighed and looked back at the racetrack. I thought I saw him mutter something under his breath, but Claudius Templesmith's voice was too loud for me to hear anything else.

"This year we will race instead of fight!" Templesmith announced. "But this will not be any ordinary race—this race is based off a relic of a game called MarioKart!"

"MarioKart?"

I couldn't tell where the voice came from, but from its disgusted tone and snotty whine, I assumed the speaker was a Career.

"Don't worry, there will be deaths, as usual," Templesmith continued brightly. "But tributes must stay inside their karts at all times! This is more than just a pitiful simulation of the past...this is the Hunger Games!"

I scowled in disgust. This was nonsense. I glared up at the sky, where Claudius Templesmith's voice rang out once more.

"Tributes, start your engines!" he shouted. "Let the Seventy-Fourth Annual Hunger Games...begin!"

A cannon blasted, and each tribute turned and ran off their platform and across the track toward the go-karts. I was no exception. However crazy this was, it was still the Hunger Games, and I had to move fast.

I ended up in the middle of the bunch of tributes, sitting comfortably in a neon blue kart. Peeta called out to me from the back, "Katniss? Katniss?"

I ignored him. He was on his own now.

A muttation swooped down from the sky, a hideous mix of a turtle and a cloud, waving a flag. It let out odd, high-pitched noises.I galred at it warily. Was it signaling the beginning of the race?

Templesmith's voice came back. He declared, "Three!"

In panic, I realized he was counting down to the start of the race. I fiddled with the wheels and buttons on the kart, not pushing down on the engine pedal quite yet.

"Two!"

I heard some people rev their engines, and I hastily followed suit.

"One!"

I held my breath, leaning forward and preparing for the race.

"GO!"

I slammed the pedal to the floor and sped forward, past a few kids from outlying districts who hadn't figured out how to work their karts. A surge of triumph rushed through me. That eleven in training scores had paid off, after all!

Still, I wasn't in first place quite yet. A screen beside the buttons flashed into life and gave me a map of the Arena—sorry, the racetrack—and my place of tenth. Well, ten out of twenty-four wasn't too bad. Still—I had to win.

Some Career named Cato was in first. I think he was from District Two? Behind him was Glimmer from One, then Marvel, her district partner. To my surprise, the redhead from Five was in fourth place. After them were the two kids from District Three. Well, no surprise there—they were technology freaks, after all.

I tore my focus away from the screen and to the racetrack. The road had been fairly straight up until now, but my map said a turn was coming up. I stared intently at the upcoming bend in the road, turning at the last possible moment and slowing down as mucha s I dared.

As soon as I made the turn smoothly, I heard a crash and a shriek from behind me, along with the sounds of an explosion.

A cannon blasted. I didn't know who they were, but they were dad. I smiled thinly. One down, twenty-three to go.

Abruptly, I saw glittering, rotating boxes in the road ahead of me. I swore and slammed my brakes to avoid crashing into them. Now completely stopped in the middle of the road, I watched in astonishment as the huge boy from Eleven raced past me, right through the boxes, completely unscathed. In fact, he seemed to be holding something now.

Hesitantly, I got my kart moving again. I crashed into the box, which disappeared, leaving me holding...a green turtle shell.

"What use is this?" I demanded.

Peeta pulled up beside me, riding a kart that strongly resembled a neon pink baby stroller. "It's a green shell. You throw it at your enemies, and they'll die or get hurt, I think."

Dubiously, I hefted the shell and tossed it out of my kart and onto the racetrack. I sped up, trying to keep it in view while it whizzed around the track wildly, bumping into the railing and ricocheting around the road.

The girl from Six, a broad grin on her face, sped past me and right into the shell. Suddenly, her bike flipped over on top of her, pieces of the shell scattering everywhere. she let out a sob of despair and tried to scoot off the track, but I was still moving.

I did feel a bit bad about it, but I ran right over her. A cannon boomed. She was dead. Well, this was the Hunger Games, after all.

"Thanks, Peeta," I called back to him, speeding up in determination. I was in fifteenth palce now, but I though I could catch up if I moved fast enough.

I passed several people, bumping into a couple in the process and leaving the boy with the bread far behind me. The track became more and more complicated. Twists, turns, and tunnels were everywhere, and at one point, my heart nearly stopped when I came roaring towards a ramp.

I held my breath as I went airborne, flying through the air and praying I wouldn't crash. I landed with a thump, miraculously upright and still moving.

My heart was beating ridiculously fast. I grimaced, but kept moving forward, ignoring the cheerful music and my cartoonish surroundings. I had to win, I had to win, I had to win...

Two more cannons boomed. I glanced at my screen, wondering who had died. This was a really intense race if at least four people were already dead. I'm sure there were more, too.

I frowned, looking up. I seemed to be nearing the beginning of the track again. How was that possible? I squinted at the screen again, then realized that track was really just one big circle. I ground my teeth. Was there no end to this race?

I zoomed past the starting line once more, and a blinking message flashed on my screen: Lap TWO of THREE! So I had to drive this track again? Two more times? As if it wasn't already bad enough!

I grimaced and leaned forward, accelerating as much as I could. I was in sixth place now, and determined to win.

As I zoomed along, I crashed through another magic box. This time, an ominous thundercloud fizzed into existence over my head. I swore and ran along the track, cursing my bad luck. This seemed like something bad, not a weapon I could use against my enemies!

I glanced around the track as I drove, looking for someone—maybe Peeta?—who could help me out. As if the mere thought of him summoned him to my side, Mallark drove up next to me.

"Need any help, Katniss?" he asked with a hopeful smile.

"Actually, yes," I said. "See that cloud above me? I'm pretty sure it'll kill me or something. Do you know how I can get rid of it?"

"Yeah, you've just got to crash into someone and it'll bump onto them," he answered.

"How do you know these things?" I asked in amazement.

He tapped his screen. "There's a help guide in there, if you look for it."

I gaped at him, then narrowed my eyes fiendishly. "Well, then, I don't need your help anymore." I swerved into his baby stroller kart, bumping the cloud over him.

"Katniss?" he said in shock and horror. "But why would you...?" He seemed to truly be at a loss for words, though I had no idea why. I thought Peeta knew that I didn't owe him anything.

I zoomed away from him, staying in earshot just long enough to hear the sound of a thunderclap and see a faint flash of light from behind me. Peeta let out a scream of pain, and the sound of a crash far behind me momentarily distracted me from the track.

I blinked, swerving just in time to avoid crashing into the railing at a fork in the road, going the opposite way than I had last time. I frowned. This was an unfamiliar road. Where did it lead? Was it dangerous? I didn't sense anyone else around me. The cheerful music and the sounds of my kart were the only things I could hear as I drove along this path uneasily.

It was easy driving for a little while, with no one behind me and no one ahead of me as far as the eye could see. I felt my spirits rise. With Peeta out of the picture now, all that stood in my way to victory were the Careers, Foxface from Five, and the two kids from Three. I could do this, I could win the Hunger Games!

My optimism plummeted as I reached a cave I hadn't seen before, a yawning abyss with gigantic mushrooms sprouting periodically up into the air. I saw Foxface zoom past me and hit a magic box. She threw a banana behind her and raced up the ramp and into the air, doing an elaborate trick while she did so.

I gaped in astonishment as she soared over the pit and landed on one of the mushrooms, bouncing back up and over to the next giant fungi. So that was what I was supposed to do!

I slammed on the acceleration, just missing a magic box as I swerved to avoid Foxface's banana. I flew off the ramp and held my breath as I hung in the air. I landed with a crash on the first mushroom, then bounced to the next, then the next, and so forth until I reached the end of the abyss and drove on flat ground again.

The tunnel soon opened up to a normal stretch of road, but I could hear an ominous barking up ahead, along with the crash of metal. A quick glance at my map revealed that the course had somehow changed to become more challenging. I didn't have the time to contemplate how that was possible, so I just plowed forward.

I swerved around a corner to behold the strangest muttation I had ever seen prowling across the track. Well, "prowling" wasn't actually the right word. It was more like stomping, but without legs.

The thing was just a giant ball on a chain with a crudely painted face smeared across it, but somehow it had sentience and crashed around. It seemed incredibly stupid, however, and Foxface had no difficulties swerving past it and onto the rest of the race.

If she could do it, then so could I, though the broken remains of Glimmer's kart were not very reassuring. I dodged the clanking muttation, zooming onward to see what other horrors the Gamemakers had in store for me.

Now I was in fourth. Cato was still in first, followed by the boy from Three, then by Foxface. Someone else was trying to sneak up behind me, but I accelerated a little more to get them off my radar.

Suddenly, as I neared the lap marker again, I heard the pixelated noises of growth behind me. I glanced back in horror to see a gigantic version of Peeta nearing me. My jaw dropped.

"But—I thought you were dead!" I exclaimed, swerving into the bushes to avoid being squished.

Peeta whizzed past me, but not before I heard him shout out, "You were wrong! You were wrong about everything, Katniss!"

Now I was stuck in the bushes. I swore and hopped out of my kart, trying to push it back onto the track before anyone passed me. I managed to get it on there, but not before both kids from Eleven passed me up.

Grinding my teeth in frustration, I went as fast as I could go past the finish line. I was in seventh now, but I could still recover. I could still recover. And besides, half of the original tributes were dead now! Only twelve were left!

The could-turtle mutt from before cheered me on as my screen flashed the words "FINAL LAP". I took a deep breath. Final lap. I could do this. I could do this.

Suddenly, the course changed again. I widened my eyes as the flat prairies turned into the emptiness of space, stars glimmering off in the distance. The track beneath my wheels was sparkling and rainbow-colored. I looked at my screen, which proclaimed that this stretch of land was called "Rainbow Road".

I frowned and glanced uneasily at where the racetrack seemed to fall off into nothingness. I wasn't sure if that was a trick of the light or not, but I wasn't eager to find out.

I raced forward, the cheerful music seeming ominous to me. I couldn't see anyone else around, not even the five tributes behind me, nor the six in front of me. I drove on cautiously, as fast as I dared. If I made one wrong move, I'd fall off and most likely die.

There was a blip on my screen, and a cannon boomed. Someone had died. I watched the little marking indicating the boy from Eleven falling off the racetrack. An explosion sounded faintly off in the distance. I shivered. Well, that answered that question. The drop was real. I'd have to be careful.

I crashed into a magic box. Suddenly I held an armored blue shell that shook in my hands. Frightened, I quickly tossed it away from me, hoping it wouldn't explode in my grasp. To my shock, I saw it sprout wings and fly away at high speeds, toward the other end of the racetrack.

After a few moments, there was another blip on my screen and Cato, still in first place, disappeared off the map. A cannon boomed. He was dead. Evidently, my blue shell had killed him. I grinned viciously. Only a few people left.

There were plenty of opportunities to do jumps and tricks, but I was too cautiously afraid of falling to attempt one. I saw Peeta's pink baby stroller up ahead and scowled. I would bring him down.

I took a risky jump and did a trick in the air in order to grab a magic box. I hoped with all my might that this wouldn't be one of those stupid thunderclouds, but something useful, like a shell or a banana.

I grinned as the box gave me a shell, this one red. "Hey, Peeta!" I called out. "Who's wrong now?" I tossed the shell in his general direction as I zoomed past him. All I caught of him before the shell pushed him off the track and into the void was a surprised and chagrined expression on his face. A cannon boomed. He was dead for sure this time.

I glanced at my screen again. Somehow, we were down to five. I was in fourth. The person behind me had been very busy, apparently. The only people still alive were, in order of first to fifth, Foxface, the boy from Three, the girl from Eleven, myself, and the unknown tribute behind me.

I heard an ominous roaring noise, and I glanced behind me just in time to swerve out of the way of a furious-looking kart-sized bulletlike thing, shooting past me at incredibly high speeds. I was now in fifth. Someone was inside that thing? How?

I scowled and accelerated. I didn't have the time to be cautious, I had to get ahead, and fast.

I crashed into another magic box. I could see a pale blue bike in front of me, carrying the little girl from Eleven. I held another red shell. I hesitated before throwing it at her. She hadn't noticed me. Could I really do this? Even though she looked nothing like Prim, she still reminded me of my little sister. She was only twelve. Could I really kill her?

Suddenly, she turned around and glared at me, a banana in her hands, ready to be thrown. That steeled my resolve. I could kill her. I had to, if I wanted to see Prim again.

I tossed the shell an instant before she threw her banana. I ducked, and the fruit soared over my head and splatted on the ground behind me. I watched in horror as the red shell shot towards her and hit her bike forcefully, crashing to the ground. I hesitated. She wasn't dead, just injured. I could push her off, but...I didn't know if I had it in me.

I slowed down, looking at her with pity in my eyes. I stopped in front of her and stared at her.

"Please," she whispered hoarsely. "Please...don't..."

My heart broke, but I thought of Prim. "I'm sorry," I said, and I meant it. "But I want to go home and see my sister again. You...you gave a good fight, little girl."

"Rue," she whispered. "My name is Rue." She looked up at me hopefully, trying to push the bike off herself. "Can you help me? We...we could be an alliance. Win together."

I contemplated the idea. "This isn't the average Hunger Games, Rue. I'm Katniss, by the way."

"Katniss," she murmured. "But we can still win together, can't we?"

"The Capitol only wants one victor," I said uneasily. "And when we've killed everyone else? What then?"

"Please," Rue begged.

I shook my head. "I'm...I'm really sorry, Rue, but I can't. It's better just to end your misery now."

"Please!" she screamed, struggling under her bike. I moved my kart into position, and, wearing a grim and somber frown, I drove right into her, pushing her off the track.

I sighed, angst welling up in my heart. "I'm sorry," I said quietly. Then I turned and raced my kart as fast as I could toward the finish line. Whoever had passed me in the bullet before was dead; I had heard their cannon boom while I was talking to Renn. Only Foxface, still in first, and the boy from Three remained in my way to victory.

I smiled. Surely, surely, I could win?

My eyes widened as I came to a tunnel that seemed to go through thin air with only pulsating beams of light to stop me from falling to my doom. I was faced with a choice: leap forward blindly, like so many others seemed to have done, or to stop and consider it before taking the jump. I made a split-second decision: caution was the reason I was in last place. I would trust my luck this time.

I accelerated and zoomed into the tunnel. I was shot forward by some mysterious force, going faster than ever before along the long, straight tunnel. I felt my hair blow backward in the artificial wind, and I had to restrain myself from screaming.

I let out a short sob of relief as the tunnel ended, spitting me back out on the rainbow-colored track. I didn't stop to recover, instead pushing forward.

I could see the boy from Three in front of me. I looked around for a magic box, but there were none in sight. I grimaced. It looked like I would have to do this the hard way.

I sped up and bumped into him, the collision jarring both of us.

"What the hell?" he exclaimed roughly, turning around to face me.

"You're going off this track," I growled, shoving him again. I slammed on my brakes at just the right moment—he fell, spinning, off the track and into the starry darkness of the artificial space, and I stopped at the track's edge.

I grinned, adrenaline filling my body. I was so close now. So very close. Only Foxface and I were left, unless Peeta had somehow magically come back to life.

I crashed into a magic box. I scowled as I realized I only had a banana. I swerved into the next one, where I pleasantly found myself holding a green shell. I would have to aim carefully, once I caught sight of her.

Finally, I saw her on the horizon. As soon as she noticed me, she whipped around and glared at me. I sped up until I was going as fast as possible, and she was right in front of me.

I tossed the shell at her. An expression of acute surprise appeared on her face. I grinned, hope blossoming in my heart. The shell landed right on that surprised face, and the force of the impact bowled her over, her kart landing on top of her. A cannon boomed. Foxface was dead.

She was dead—and I was alive! I had won! I had won the Hunger Games!

I slowed down, staring up into what I presumed was the sky. I stopped altogether and shouted up, "Well? I won! What now?"

A few moments later, Claudius Templesmith's voice came back on air. "Ah—sorry," he said apologetically. "Congratulations, Katniss, but you've still got to finish the race."

"What?" I demanded. "Really?"

"Really," he said sympathetically. "Rules are rules, after all. Give us a show before we bring you back to the Capitol!"

I scowled thunderously, then turned and sped along the now-empty track, cheerful music playing all the while. They wanted a show? I'd give them a show!

I zoomed along, doing tricks at every jump and taking advantage of every magic box. There wasn't much point of grabbing them, but it looked impressive as I threw fake magic boxes, bananas, and shells all around the track. I was lucky not to have picked a blue shell or a thundercloud.

Everything was going smoothly. I could see the finish line now. I was about to win, the only person left alive in the Hunger Games, these fiercest Games of all. It had only been an hour, or even less, since the Games had begun, and already everyone but me was dead.

I would be able go home. I would see Prim again. I smiled. That was a good thought.

Only one more jump left to go before I crossed the finish line. I decided to give the Capitol one last show.

I zoomed up the ramp and twirled around in my seat, jumping out at the last minute, confident I would be able to land back in the kart, but suddenly, everything went wrong.

My kart rolled out of the way. I screamed, realizing that I was about to fall into the void. "No!" I screamed as I flailed my arms, grasping for the edge of the track. My fingers caught on the edge and hope burst within me, but my arms weren't strong enough. I scrambled, trying to pull myself back up, but I slipped.

I fell through the air, the hope dying, screaming out for help. Surely the Capitol would hear me? Surely they would save me? They needed a victor—they had to save me! They had to save—

I hit the bottom of the pit, which wasn't really the endlessness of space after all, and I felt a painful crunch all over my body. I had time for one final "Ouch!" (well, it was along those lines, anyway) before I saw and felt no more. My last, dying thought was that the Capitol would be enraged that they didn't have a victor. I guess that was something worth dying for in these strangest, fiercest of Hunger Games.