B is for Birthday Surprise
Author's Note: This was written for the Summer 2006 Alphabet Fiction Challenge. In other words, between Seasons Two and Three. Yet another way of phrasing it – before Robin broke up with Don and Don took up with Liz.
Disclaimer: Jels does not own these characters, or she would be living in the Craftsman House as the Koi Pond cleaner.
Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!
Robin Brooks had a plan.
Actually, she had a plot. She was going to abduct a Federal Agent, carry him off to the hinterlands and have Her Wicked Way with him.
She'd been planning this caper ever since she got a look at Don Eppes's birthday on his driver's license.
This year, his birthday inconveniently fell on a Tuesday. However, she figured that either the weekend before or the weekend after would do. She booked both weekends to be on the safe side. (Besides, with any good luck, an encore performance would be called for.)
She also knew that Don wouldn't want to travel too far from his office, as FBI agents were never really off duty. So a lovely bed and breakfast in Santa Barbara would be called in to play the role of a remote hinterland for one or both weekends.
They wouldn't know the difference. Robin had no plans for leaving their room during the weekend.
Robin cleared her own calendar for the two weekends and thought that she had covered every contingency. Then an unforeseen event turned up as she and Special Agent David Sinclair walked into the FBI bullpen for a meeting to discuss strategy for prosecuting a massive mail fraud case.
The unforeseen event took the form of Professor Charles Eppes, who was leaning on the partition that separated Special Agent Megan Reeve's desk from the rest of humanity.
Normally that would not be bad. Robin rather liked her boyfriend's brother. He was interesting to listen to. Plus she was amused by his good natured acceptance of his geeky lot in life… to be better with scientific concepts than human interactions. Today, however, he looked to be upsetting her apple cart.
Charlie was waving his hands enthusiastically as he spoke to Special Agents Megan Reeves, who was at her desk, and Colby Granger, who was perched at the edge of Megan's desk.
"Nah, what am I saying?" Charlie said with a woof of laughter. "Don hates surprise birthday parties."
The mathematician was beaming and Robin felt like pinching his apple cheeks. Pinch them so hard that the lab would be able to lift her fingerprints from his cheekbones.
Then she gave herself a mental shake. Right, Brooks. How dare Don's loving and supportive family plan something special for Don's birthday? Get a grip, girl.
"Um," Colby said. "Why are you planning a surprise party if Don hates them?"
Charlie tilted his head. "Well, do I need a reason other than Don hates them?"
'So much for supportive', Robin thought.
Colby laughed.
"Ah, sibling aggravation," Megan said. "One of the perks of being the baby of the family."
Megan was the youngest of three or four girls, Robin remembered.
Charlie grinned at her. "I've got the menu all planned," he said. He pulled out his Palm Pilot and flipped in on and began prodding it with his stylus. "We'll have rib-eye for the meat eaters."
Colby unconsciously licked his lips at this.
"Pasta Primavera for the vegetarian inclined," Charlie continued. "Of course tossed salad, plus white asparagus and cauliflower to satisfy Larry's tastes. Speaking of Larry, he's going to bring his killer white cheddar potatoes."
"And you'll have chocolate cake?" Megan prodded.
Robin felt her cholesterol level rising just listening to the menu.
Charlie looked astonished. "It's not a birthday party without cake and ice cream."
"That's not what I asked," Megan asked. She crossed her arms and huffed.
"Um, oh. Right," Charlie said. "We'll have homemade vanilla bean ice cream and Don's favorite cake… chocolate lava cake."
"I knew there was a reason to like your brother," Megan sighed. She gave a little wave to Robin and David.
Charlie turned around to find out who she was waving to. Then he straightened up when he saw the serious expressions on Robin and David's faces. "Hi, am I intruding?" he asked.
"Not really. We do have a meeting in a few minutes," Robin replied. With an Oscar worthy effort, she managed a friendly smile. "What's up, Charlie?"
"Don's in a meeting with the brass," Colby explained. He checked his watch. "He should be back in a few minutes."
"I was taking advantage of Don's absence to explain the surprise birthday party I'm throwing for Don this Friday," Charlie explained happily.
Robin was taken aback, to put it mildly. Her reservations were for next month! "Oh, crap, I had the wrong date! Some girlfriend I am!"
Charlie's mobile face went from a smile to a little frown of concern, obviously sensing her distress. "Is something wrong?"
He smacked his forehead with his free hand. "Where are my manners? You're invited too. If you want to come." he added hastily. "No gifts are required, although if you wanted to bring a small gag gift that would be fine." His genial smile returned.
"I'd love to come, Charlie," Robin managed. "Fridays are usually pretty slow for me."
Charlie nodded. "That's one of the reasons why I chose a Friday. I know that, in California, juries don't listen to witness testimony on Friday, so I figured that you might be able to make it. It also helps that things are pretty slow right now, so Don might actually be able to make it to his own party. I'll send you an actual invitation with the details."
David frowned. "Um, Charlie, I thought Don's birthday was next month?"
Charlie quirked an eyebrow and affected being offended. "David, how long have I known Don?"
"Um," David said. "All your life?" He passed the palm of his hand over the top of his scalp, as if to brush back the hair that wasn't there.
"And what am I really, really good at?" Charlie pressed.
David shifted his weight and Robin thought she detected signs of a blush. "Numbers and anything related to numbers, including dates."
Charlie beamed at him." Right! For the record, I am well aware that Don's birthday is next month," he said, nodding to emphasis his knowledge of the date.
Megan and Colby suppressed grins.
Robin and David exchanged bewildered looks. Robin felt less stupid, but no more enlightened.
"What am I missing here?" David asked a trifle plaintively.
Charlie sighed and flipped his Palm Pilot shut. "The part where I said it was a surprise party, Agent Sinclair," he said patiently.
Again, Robin and David exchanged bewildered looks. From the amused expressions on Megan and Colby's faces, they'd already gone through this with Charlie.
"It's simple," Charlie said, spreading his hands. "Don knows when his birthday is as well as we do. No matter how casually I invite him to drop by the house on or near the big day, he's going to figure out what I'm up to."
Charlie paused, then added in confiding tones. "He's an FBI agent, you know."
Megan and Colby laughed. David shook his head and grinned.
Robin feigned shock. "Really?"
Charlie nodded solemnly. "Besides, it's hard to plan for Don's actual birthday," he said. "You never know when he might have …" He looked at Robin ingenuously. "… more important matters to attend to."
Robin felt heat in her cheeks. Apparently, Charlie wasn't as socially oblvious as she had thought.
"You coming?" Charlie asked.
"I'll be there with bells on," Robin promised. She smiled and told herself. "It will be the perfect time to invite Don to a pleasant retreat in Santa Barbara."
(You're invited to the party, too! Just don't tell Don! ;-))