PATHOS

SUMMARY: It was meant to be an experiment to control the Red Dragon. Sadly, when an onslaught of tragedy and madness pushes Rubedo to his limits, "The PATHOS Incident" christens Miltia the "second" place Number 666 sacrificed comrades.

GENRE: Drama/Angst
RATED: PG-13 / T *
NOTABLE CONTENT: Blood and Gore, Disturbing Content, Mature Themes, Strong Language, and Violence *
PAIRING: (Slight) Rubedo/Sakura

COPYRIGHT NOTE: I don't own Xenosaga
STORY TAKES PLACE IN: Pre-Miltian Conflict (references flashbacks in Xenosaga: Episode II – Jenseits von Gut und Böse)

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(Story Revised and Reloaded: 07-16-09)

For your reading pleasure, I've taken the time to fix various glitches in this story.
Better formatting, and even improved author notes, are now ahead for your convenience.

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* Rating Disclaimer: Most explicit of content in this story regards later chapters. This story does involve a few briefly disturbing themes/instances involving suicide and self-mutilation (and technically fratricide). The gore factor in this story isn't much worse than we've seen in past Xenosaga games (inside or outside North America). If you survived the PS2 trilogy (which I certainly hope so, else you may not fully understand this story/this fic may have spoilers), you should be fine with "PATHOS." Still, reader discretion is advised.

COMMENTS: More or less, this idea was heavily inspired by various one-liners Albedo says throughout Episodes I and II (namely a battle line during Episode II's final boss, along the lines of "have you forgotten how to tear someone apart?"). I found that some of Albedo's provocations hinted not just to Jr.'s deadly abilities, but quite possibly to the chance that Albedo witnessed his brother's killer instinct on a few occasions, and not just around the Miltian Conflict. There's also a very minimal amount of canon evidence intricately explaining the Red Dragon mode. In my opinion, the trilogy only gave us the bare minimum details about it, but I know I still had a few questions after Episode III. As we all know, the U.R.T.V.s are weapons, essentially killing machines. Thus, this story serves as a more concrete example/impression of my thoughts on the aforementioned subjects (and probably my expertise at reading way to deeply into things).

Oh, and as far as pairings are concerned with this story, there's going to be very minimal along the lines of 'romance:' just some references to Rubedo/Sakura. Readers may/may not consider some scenes with Rubedo and Albedo as yaoi, depending on your personal taste. As the author, I didn't originally intend yaoi, but feel free to consider this story's 'pairings' however you like.

With that, please enjoy and you're more than welcomed to review!

PATHOS: Prologue / Chapter I

Aiselne Nocturnus

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Prologue

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It is always difficult to pick one's self up following a tragedy. After losing a loved one, those left behind often wonder if they have any purpose for waking up in the morning, let alone 'move on' with their 'life.' The grieving process is often long and difficult, but alas, it must be done before one can possibly 'move on.'

Unfortunately, when one is a Designer Child at the Yuriev Institute, undergoing any form of a 'grieving process' is dubbed a 'privilege.' Since their father preferred to consider the U.R.T.V.s as 'weaponry' rather than 'children,' Dmitri was not generous in providing his kids with the 'privileges' any normal child may inherently receive. Besides, grieving processes took time, and time was not something in abundant supply at the moment, especially with the Federation Descent Operation scheduled for less than a month away.

And everything seemed to be progressively going to hell.

Dr. Yuriev already voiced his displeasure in the matter, as many factors appeared against his favor at the moment. It was bad enough the Federation abruptly bumped up the date for the Descent Operation, effectively halving the necessary time for preparations from two more months to just one more month. U-TIC was acting progressively suspicious, and all informant data seemed to assume the group was accelerating work rate. And since U-TIC was working faster, those against U-TIC had to work even faster if they had any intentions of foiling U-TIC's plans with the Zohar. However, the halved deadline was only one portion of Dmitri's endless list of problems.

Despite attempts to compromise the deadline via longer work hours and stricter schedules, any improvements Dmitri expected seemed to be few and far between. He swore to the Federation that his U.R.T.V.s would perform to expectations come time for the Descent Operation, and Dmitri had every intention of living to his word, and not merely for the Federation. Frankly, he did not give a damn about the Federation; this Descent Operation was vital to Dmitri Yuriev's own plans, and his own plans were all he cared about. Unfortunately, progress of such plans seemed to be hindering by the minute, through no fault of his. Dmitri, of course, never blamed himself for these ridiculous impediments. Sadly, U.R.T.V.s were not soulless machines, or Realians with emotion drives that could be switched off if their 'feelings' got in the way of work. Setbacks were to be expected when working with emotionally driven children, however obnoxious these setbacks may be. But whenever these damned setbacks occurred, Dmitri would just set his sights on the bigger picture ahead, a goal that would be worth all of his current aggravations. Nobody ever said the path to immortality would be an easy one, after all.

And so Dr. Yuriev lived under the assumption that if he could keep moving forward in spite of so many setbacks, than his cloned, bioengineered children sure as hell could do the same. He refused to accept the barrage of recent revelations to be excuses for his Designer Children not working to expectations. With the Federation Descent Operation a month away, it was time the U.R.T.V.s learned to detach themselves from such delusional emotions, anyway. The standard units would not have a problem doing so, but the Variants were a much different story, which therein laid the biggest problems.

For such reasons, "PATHOS" was formulated to correct these deficiencies.

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"Emotion and Tragedy"

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Lately, everything seemed to be going straight to hell. It was as though matters had been plummeting for the last couple of months, going downhill faster and faster, ultimately destined for a terrible collision.

The earliest date Rubedo could recall events first spiraling downward was the afternoon Albedo learned of his immortality. Whether or not things got worse "because" of that particular event, Rubedo did not know, but days seemed to definitely get progressively darker thereafter. His twin had not recovered well from that devastating afternoon, and with each passing day, Albedo seemed to get further out of help's reach. This distancing was not on a physical sense, either. On the outside, Albedo still remained by his twin's side, but Rubedo constantly wondered what was happening on the inside. Albedo had been making a habit of shutting himself off the mental link; none of the U.R.T.V.s could telepathically communicate with him, and vice versa. And while Albedo never had a need, or liking, for conversing with the distasteful standard units, it was rare for him to shut himself off from the two people who mattered most to him.

Whenever this mental cut happened, which was many a day and many a night, Rubedo and Nigredo would attempt to at least make Albedo talk exclusively to them. He did not have to speak to anyone else if he did not want to, just them. When that offer failed to entice the middle child, Nigredo would even add in a more personal incentive: if Albedo desired, he would only have to talk with Rubedo, and Nigredo would respect their privacy. Sadly, not even that offer worked. Thus, after so many months of failing to help Albedo in some way, Rubedo and Nigredo backed off, naively convincing themselves that 'when the time was right' and 'when' Albedo was 'ready,' he would 'come to them.' Neither U.R.T.V.s could begin to understand Albedo's dilemma, anyway, nor could they keep waking up to "I don't want to talk," or going to bed after "mind your own business."

By now, Rubedo was beginning to wonder if being mentally disconnected from his twin was perhaps a blessing in disguise. Externally, Albedo still seemed about the same: usually either a tad downtrodden or irritable, but still always grappling onto Rubedo. But mentally…Rubedo could not deny that he feared what he might find if and when he finally reconnected with Albedo's mind. Rubedo did not want to discover his brother was too far gone, or worse; the Albedo he knew no longer existed, and in his place was something…monstrous. There was no denying, especially after the other day, that something very dark, very malicious, and very…'wrong' was happening in his twin's subconscious.

Of course, the same could be said about Rubedo, too.

"If I'm a monster, that means you're a monster, too."

But that was the point of today's analysis.

"I still don't see how this is going to help," lamented Albedo as he and his two Variant brothers prepared themselves in the white tiled locker room. The area was just as sterile and uninviting of a locale as the rest of the institute's most elite, yet most efficient, areas. The laboratory divisions of the Yuriev Institute always stressed an aura of professionalism and efficiency, complimenting their usage of bioweapons with childlike faces. All dressed in fresh uniforms, the three boys finished getting ready for their newest test, what their father simply called "PATHOS."

Whatever the hell PATHOS was or meant, Dmitri gave few details, which easily made Albedo suspicious enough to second-guess whatever the hell Dad was up to this time. "He keeps bitching about the Descent deadline around the corner, and yet he's the one who keeps wasting time," Albedo complained, frustratingly kicking a nearby locker after just lacing his boots. Lately, his current moods fluctuated from melancholy to anger, and this new-fangled PATHOS test activated the 'anger' mood for today. "Shouldn't we keep practicing in the U-DO simulator instead of this 'PATHOS' thing?"

"PATHOS is a type of anti-U-DO testing, so it qualifies as U.R.T.V. training," Nigredo bluntly explained with his back to his brothers, watching Albedo behind him via the reflection in a wall mirror the youngest brother used to comb his raven hair. Though typically nonchalant, Nigredo's voice lacked just a certain amount of enthusiasm to prove he was no more thrilled about this analysis than Albedo. "The test takes place in the Encephalon anyway, like all the others, so just consider it a new stage of the U-DO simulator." That was how Nigredo considered PATHOS. Even he was given minute details about this new analysis, but knowing he had no authority to question Dmitri, Nigredo kept quiet and did as he was told.

Of course, Nigredo's housebroken obedience to Dmitri's whims irritated the hell out of Albedo. Sadly, pissed or not, Albedo, too, lacked the grounds to defy their father, so he accepted defeat with a snarl and dented another locker with his foot, harder and faster this time. Grumbling under his breath through gritted teeth, Albedo scoffed, "I'd rather be training in that damn subconscious domain-"

"Well, we can't," Nigredo interrupted sharply yet quietly, his tone striking enough for Albedo to turn to him. The black-haired boy still kept his back to Albedo, but Nigredo glared at the middle brother through the mirror's reflection. Between Nigredo's words, tone, and that glare his narrowed teal eyes shot, it was enough to shut up Albedo, especially before anything else slipped out of his ranting mouth.

Albedo so nearly shot back another comment to the youngest brother, telling the "baby Variant" mind his own damn business and to leave Albedo to his tirade. But for once, Albedo heeded to the silent message Nigredo's glaring eyes told him; back off, and quit mentioning…you-know-what…

Albedo was not necessarily lying about his opinion of PATHOS. He honestly would rather train in the subconscious domain, despite how that place used to drive him out of his skull at times. However, Nigredo did not lie, either. The U.R.T.V.s could not train in the domain anymore, and it was not because the place was no longer challenging enough, or they graduated to higher-level training. Quite frankly, Albedo and the others probably would never know if they 'fully' completed their training in the domain, because the place was now gone, practically erased from existence.

Just like…Sakura, Albedo remembered, his face softening while his violet gaze left Nigredo's reflected eyes. The reason why U.R.T.V.s would no longer train in Sakura Mizrahi's subconscious domain was simple; there was no more subconscious domain to return to, because there was no more subconscious of Sakura. It had been three days since…"it" happened. Frankly, Albedo, himself, was still having a hard time coming to terms with Sakura's death, never mind…

…Rubedo. Softly biting his lip, Albedo's amethyst eyes hesitantly descended from Nigredo's mirrored eyelevel to where the white-haired boy's twin sat on a backless bench. Already fully dressed and waiting for his younger brothers to finish up, Rubedo sat in silence. His back faced Albedo and Nigredo, minutely so he would not seem to be gawking at them, but dominantly because Rubedo preferred them not to gawk at him. But the isolation was not caused by the undressing/dressing factor, either. Rubedo was just not in the mood to see anyone during his current state, or perhaps he was afraid of others seeing him in his current state. He was, after all, the leader, and leaders were supposed to maintain strong fronts, regardless of how much pain they were undergoing.

Or at least, that was what Dmitri told him:

"I'm well aware of what happened to Miss Mizrahi, but with the Descent Operation now just a month away, we don't have time to be wasting on foolishness. Besides, I'm not spoiling you U.R.T.V.s with the luxuries of 'normal' children. You're weapons, first and foremost, and weapons do not have any need for heeding to human emotion, never mind grieving a death. Keep that in mind once in a while, Rubedo, especially since you're the leader. It's a leader's duty to maintain a strong front, regardless of how much pain they undergo. I've got enough trouble dealing with your twin brother falling apart all the time; I don't need you doing the same and dragging the others down with you."

It was so hard for Rubedo not to lash out at the insensitive bastard, but since he knew he could not convince his father otherwise, the boy just sat still and clamped his mouth shut. He knew if he dared to open it, he would just unleash a vociferous cursing tirade Yuriev would just shrug off as emotional nonsense. Plus, Rubedo also feared if he opened his mouth, whatever came out might also be flooded with heart-wrenching sobs, which he knew would not help his situation whatsoever. During his father's lecture earlier that morning, so many ideas whirled through Rubedo's mind, thoughts going so fast he barely could process them before another materialized. The only reason he remembered them all was because they would eventually repeat themselves: a cycle of maddening thoughts through the consciousness of one heartbroken boy.

First and foremost, Rubedo wanted to wipe that smug, carefree expression off Dmitri's face. Rubedo did not care if it was 'wrong' to strike his father. If U.R.T.V.s supposedly lacked the human 'privilege' to mourn the dead, then they also lacked the human privilege to "honor thy father." Furthermore, the bastard deserved a right hook to the jaw, or a swift kick in the balls, or at least a friggen bloody nose, for speaking so casually about Sakura's death.

Sakura's…death…

And by being reminded that Sakura was gone, all of Rubedo's anger towards his father would then morph into utter despair. Frankly, if beating the snot out of someone were all it took to ease his pain, such would have made Rubedo's situation so much easier. Unfortunately, even amidst his raging hatred toward Dmitri, Rubedo knew that even if he drove his father into a bloody coma, it would not change anything. It sure as hell would not bring Sakura back, and Rubedo knew she would not want him taking out his anger on others, especially if that anger was due to her death.

Sakura was so kind.

"Weapons do not have any need for heeding to human emotion, never mind grieving a death."

And Dmitri was…so cruel.

Dmitri constantly preached that the U.R.T.V.s had no need for human emotions, yet lo and behold, the kids still possessed them. It was so damn hypocritical. If Dmitri believed his Designer Children had no need for emotion, why the hell were they born with such? Sure, they were technically born human, but with all of Yuriev's renowned brilliance, Rubedo failed to see how the scientist could not rig the U.R.T.V.s to be born human, but with their emotions artificially removed. If Dmitri could create bioweapons supposedly powerful enough to eradicate U-DO, modifying them without emotions should not be a problem. Besides the fact, Dmitri seemed hell-bent on convincing his children to disregard their human emotions. If he never wanted his kids to acknowledge emotions, why the hell did he create them with emotions in the first place?! Rubedo just did not understand. Would it not have been better to just make U.R.T.V.s emotionless from the very beginning? It would have probably saved Yuriev much trouble, and more importantly, it would have probably saved Rubedo from the pain he was currently experiencing.

"Bye, Rubedo! See you tomorrow!"

If he were born emotionless, Rubedo would not have to endure such pain over Sakura's death. On the other hand, if he were born emotionless, Rubedo would probably not have such fond memories of his brevity with Sakura Mizrahi. And even if he did have those memories, if born emotionless, those memories would not leave him with such warm feelings. Prior to Sakura's death, Rubedo enjoyed going to bed every night while recalling his afternoon with her, playing, laughing, and smiling together. They had only known each other for a short while, but numerous memories made up for the lack of time.

Games were common amongst him, her, Albedo, and Nigredo: tag, board and card games, "Hide and Go Seek," and various races to see who could reach Sakura's house first. There was that afternoon in the winter domain where the four friends competed to see who could build the best snowman. Truthfully, none of the kids had much contact with the 'outside world' (where 'normal' children built 'normal' snowmen and did 'normal' things). Thus, their versions of snowmen resembled weird mounds of snow with lopsided smiley faces, crafted according to Rubedo's partial recollection of snowmen he read in a book. But none of the children cared, and all of them wound up with big smiles on their faces from constantly laughing at how goofy each other's snowman looked. The comments were often snide and crude, but all in good childhood fun:

"Your snowman looks like something Gaignun hacked up!"

"Oh yeah?! Well what's YOURS supposed to look like, anyway?! Like' something…uh…something…I uh…hey, quit laughing, Rubedo!"

"You gotta' be a LOT quicker when zinging back insults, Albedo."

"…Yeah?! Well…just you wait!"

"If I wait any longer your snowblob's gonna' melt and look worse than it already does!"

"Oh YEAH?! Well…at least mine doesn't look as dumb as Nigredo's!"

"Hey you two, don't mix ME into your bickering. Besides, MY snowman beats BOTH of yours by a long shot."

"My ass it does! Albedo's right; what Gnosis did you base YOURS off, Nigredo?"

"I prefer to call it 'abstract'."

"That's a new definition for abstract. Sure' you don't mean 'crap'?"

"That's funny looking at whatever thing YOU built over there."

"He's right! Yours is the weirdest of all, Rubedo! It looks like…like…umm…hey, I said stop laughing!"

"Boys! Boys! We didn't have this contest just to fight. Come' on, now; ALL of our snowmen look nice, and I think Rubedo's is cute."

"…Um…hehe…really, Sakura?"

"Yes!"

"…Well…heh…t-thanks."

"Oh boy, here he goes again."

"I'm gonna' hurl."

"Oh can it, you two!"

"Hehe, come' on guys! Let's play another game before you leave! Last one to my house is a rotten egg!"

Truly and honestly, that was the last fun-filled day the four of them spent together. Their comical snowman contest happened about a week ago, and it was one of those rare days that, against all odds, everything seemed to go right. Even Albedo was in a chipper mood that day, which brightened Rubedo's spirits tremendously. Everything else seemed to unfold based on that good mood, or perhaps it was more of a good omen. Whatever it was, it was a tremendously happy day.

It was so hard to believe that just a few days later, Sakura would be dead. Mere hours before "it" happened, the white snow in the winter domain felt particularly frigid, probably another omen. Yet, Sakura was still her cheerful self, so nobody thought otherwise. The foursome played and laughed, just as always. Rubedo never imagined when he bided Sakura farewell that afternoon that he would never again get the chance to say "Morning', Sakura!" ever again, nor would he hear her reply, "Good morning, Rubedo!" either.

Instead, all he heard was "thirty minutes ago, Miss Mizrahi committed suicide," in that casual, blunt, monotonous voice that made Rubedo want to tear his father to pieces. The redhead just could not stand Dmitri's unfazed tone of voice, practically saying, "Sakura's dead, but I don't give a rat's ass." Three days after the fact, Rubedo still held such resentful and violent notions about his father, perhaps more religiously than he did upon first hearing that Sakura died.

Of course, back when he first heard the news, Rubedo did not believe it. He, and everyone else, knew Sakura suffered from a central nervous system disorder, and in most cases, it was terminal. He never liked to read too deeply into it, but on occasions, Rubedo would remind himself that for however happy and cheerful Sakura appeared, she was still sick…very sick. But most of the time, his hopeful side overrode his sense of logic, especially when Dr. Mizrahi first told Rubedo how it was his particular wavelength that improved Sakura's health. Rubedo did not feel proud or arrogant, just hopeful…hopeful that he could save her. Sadly, after learning how Sakura killed herself, Rubedo felt the polar opposite about himself.

Rubedo failed to save Sakura.

He did not believe it…not right away, anyway, and three days afterward, a part of Rubedo still did not believe it. Sakura was too cheerful and optimistic of a girl to take her own life. The puzzle pieces just did not fit! Even though she suffered from her CNS disorder, Sakura never once, at least in Rubedo's presence, complained or acted depressed or hopeless about her fate. He never heard her say things like "there's no hope for me," or "there are days I feel like giving up," or anything of the sort! Sure, there were probably moments Sakura felt hopeless, probably during her lonely days before meeting Rubedo, Albedo, and Nigredo. However, she never let those problems get the best of her, at least before her friends. Rubedo knew he certainly could not pride himself on being so self-controlled, especially during that summer afternoon when Sakura brought up his mother. Whoever the woman may be, Rubedo still did not want to know. Regardless, he was never good at maintaining his temper to begin with, though that was no excuse for him to get so downcast in Sakura's presence, even if the spoken subject was very disheartening.

And yet, there Sakura was, a girl with a terminal illness, who for all intents and purposes had a right to be sad and had 'first dibs' on behaving depressed. Anyone else would instantly sympathize with Sakura's terminal plight, while shrug off Rubedo's family problems and tell him to suck it up. But not Sakura. Instead of giving into her rightful misery, she let her heart go out to Rubedo, and was the one to brighten his spirits, when it technically should have been the other way around. Rubedo should have been the one cheering Sakura up, but then again, Sakura never got to the point of needing to be cheered up. That was what made her so…special. That was what made her…Sakura.

That was why he did not believe she was capable of suicide. All grieving processes involved a certain degree of natural denial, but this was different. Rubedo refused to believe Sakura took her own life. His denial had nothing to do with the fact of whether or not she was truly dead; it was just a denial regarding her 'means' of death.

As far as the denial concerning whether or not he truly believed she was gone or not, well…that was still debatable. It had only been three days since Sakura's death. Although Rubedo's bastard of a father felt three days was an inexcusable amount of time to grieve, in any other case, three days would be too soon to 'move on.' Sadly, under the circumstances, Rubedo and the others were not given much time to grieve, never mind sort through their thoughts and attempt to get back to normalcy. Rubedo sometimes wondered if Dmitri built the U.R.T.V.s with emotions just so they could face heartbreaking moments like these…and be restrained from a full recovery. Perhaps it was some sort of sadistic pleasure for the asshole.

It sure as hell was no pleasure for Rubedo, nor was it pleasant for anyone else who deeply loved the deceased Sakura Mizrahi.

"I just…wanted to say farewell to the three of you…before I left."

"Where are you going, Dr. Mizrahi?"

"I'm…not exactly sure at the moment, Rubedo. But since I don't have any reason to stay at the institute anymore…well, I guess I just need to start fresh."

"Are you…going back home with Sakura's dad?"

"…No. After what's happened, Joachim and I have decided to spend some time apart. We haven't been getting along very well lately, anyway, and we feel some separation will help us to collect our thoughts. We certainly can't do so if we keep arguing, that's for sure, so separation is probably for the best, at least for a little while."

"Oh…I see. Sakura…would probably be sad to hear that."

"She would, but…I think she'd understand, too."

"Probably.

"…Dr. Mizrahi…why don't you stay here at the institute, just for a while longer? I'm sure Dad would allow it."

"He already has, and offered the same. But the truth is, Rubedo, I…I can't stay here any longer. It has nothing to do with you children, or even your father. But after spending so much time here, and…having it end like this…"

"Yeah…I guess I can understand."

"But I want you to know something."

"…What?"

"Despite all that's happened, and…how it all ended, I'm very grateful to have met you children."

"…You're…you're just saying that, Doctor."

"No, I'm not. Especially you, Rubedo; you gave me something that I will always cherish. You brought back my daughter. Even though I only got to know her through your accounts, I still felt like I was able to reconnect with her. My husband has been so determined to revive her. I too, wanted to save her, but I also understood the truth. I decided that all I really wanted was to just savor whatever remaining time we had left, instead of fruitlessly delaying the inevitable. You let me do that, Rubedo."

"I wish…I could've done more..."

"There was nothing more you could have done…anymore than I could've."

"That's not good enough. You…you said it yourself that my wavelength helped her. It was improving her condition! So…h-how could this happen?!"

"She didn't die by her disorder, Rubedo. She…she chose to end her life."

"It doesn't make sense, damn it! Just a few days ago all four of us were playing in the snow, and Sakura was…Sakura was so happy! That's how she ALWAYS was! Happy! Why in God's name would she want to…to…?"

"I don't know, Rubedo. I…I wish I could understand this, myself. But maybe…maybe Sakura wasn't as happy as she led us to believe. Maybe…"

"No! Doctor, you remember what I told you about our last dive, right? Sakura was all smiles that day! We raced and afterwards had a big snowball fight, and even when she got hit she'd still laugh! She was having fun, we ALL were! Every time we met her she'd be h-happy. She'd be the first to smile, she'd be the first to laugh…it was a-always HER! There's no way someone like that…there's no way S-Sakura…could ever…e-ever…"

"Rubedo…"

He did not want to remember anymore at the moment. Safe to assume, Rubedo remembered enough to dampen his spirits right back down to where they had been three days ago. Rubedo never felt so horrible before in his life, and his father's Goddamned insensitivity seemed to only make matters worse. No doubt, this morning's earlier lecture in Dmitri's office over Rubedo's leadership was due to what happened with Dr. Mizrahi yesterday. Although Juli met with the male Variants in one of the cleared diving chambers, there was no guarantee that nobody was watching the scene via surveillance. It was fact that Dmitri liked to keep close watch on his children. Odds were, Dmitri was not touched by Juli's farewell, and watching the oldest Variant start pouring his heart out probably did make the scene any more impressive, either. However, if that bastard bothered to understand human emotion, Dmitri too, might sympathize and consider his son's actions justifiable.

Dr. Mizrahi, on the other hand, understood, which was why she took Rubedo into her arms and affectionately held the redhead as he wept bitterly. Already, Juli and Rubedo had become close during the months of the link master relaying information about Sakura to her mother. He never said or deeply pondered it until after yesterday's scene, but Juli Mizrahi was about the closest Rubedo had to a mother figure. In retrospect, he wondered if Juli's embrace was the same as a mother lovingly enveloping her child. Odds were, Rubedo would probably never know what it felt like having a warm relationship with his mother, so yesterday was probably the closest Rubedo would ever come to understanding such a topic. But at the time, Juli's embrace was both maternal, and compassionate, radiating the sympathy of one who was undergoing identical emotional turmoil. Rubedo and Juli were friends, but their greatest common ground was how they both loved Sakura…and were both devastated by her death.

Yesterday was about the most legitimate 'grieving' Rubedo did since Sakura's suicide. The first few days were spent in utter disbelief and denial, amidst Dmitri's unending training schedule, but yesterday seemed to help Rubedo start realizing the truth. He still denied Sakura killed herself, but at least finding some truth in Juli's eyes started confirming that suicide or not, Sakura was undoubtedly gone. However, grieving processes are never completed overnight, despite what Rubedo's damned father might believe.

Alas, Dmitri still managed to drill some sense into Rubedo. Number 666 was a U.R.T.V., and a leader, no less, and those titles meant Rubedo did not have the luxury to mourn Sakura anymore. His father never said it outright, but Rubedo sensed that Dmitri already believed Rubedo grieved 'enough' after that scene with Dr. Mizrahi. The very way his father condescendingly spoke to Rubedo was the identical tone Dmitri commonly used when scolding Albedo for crying all the time. It obviously annoyed, and more accurately embarrassed, their father to have bioweapons acting so childish, even if U.R.T.V.s were children. Sadly, that was not how Dmitri Yuriev viewed his Designer Children. U.R.T.V.s were weapons, nothing more, and weapons do not feel, never mind cry.

Rubedo had half a mind to prove to his father how wrong Dmitri was, but the boy always feared he would only wind up making more of a fool out of himself in Yuriev's eyes. And so, just like Nigredo, Rubedo obediently did as he was told. The redhead figured his father was not worth the effort in trying to convert, anyway. Whether he or Dmitri liked it or not, Rubedo was still hurting…he still had emotions…nothing could change that. But try as he may, Dmitri still managed to find a way to disregard the humanities of his children.

PATHOS was a perfect example.

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TO BE CONTINUED

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A/N: Well, how is it so far? I know, PATHOS is still rather ambiguous right now, but it'll be embellished soon, so enjoy the drama until then. Chapters I+II are just prologues to set the stage for what's to come: more angsty goodness. I'm notorious for this kind of angsty crap, so be prepared. Onto Chapter II!

Lastly, I'm not sure if anyone read the "original first release" of this story, which was actually rated "M" before I more carefully revised the story (not to be confused with "toning-down" the story. Rest assured, the version you are reading has not been toned-down at all. I merely rated the first release "M" because I was [admittedly] paranoid that later chapters would be considered "too explicit" for a "T" rating. However, after careful reevaluation and various reviews, this story works fine rated "T.") Anyway, I apologize for the first release's quality, which contained a few typos that slipped through my spell-checker (neither I nor technology is perfect). This fanfic's been cleaned-up and reloaded a few times, so you should be reading a pretty polished story. Of course, if you notice any other pain-staking typos, don't hesitate to tell me. I do accept constructive criticism, and it'll help me provide you readers with a better reading experience. ^_^ This particular story means a great deal to me, and I want it to be as good as possible.

Reviews are gladly appreciated. I'm curious to see what readers think about my first Xenosaga fanfic.