Just a teeny one-shot because I adore these two.
Prompt "I love you" - Muffled, from the other side of the door.
"Dammit Elizabeth, just talk to me!"
Hawke ignored the pounding on the other side of the door, sliding down until her back scraped against the wood, and her thighs touched the cool floor. Fires blazed all over the Hanged Man, but it was the middle of winter, and chill seeped in regardless.
"Why is this so upsetting?" He called through the door. She nearly yanked the door open right then and there, but her whole body shook, vibrating with anxiety and something that she couldn't put her finger on.
His question was easy enough to answer. Why was it so upsetting? Maybe because this made her doubt everything. She had been careful to make sure this never happened, they had always been careful.
Maybe because it brought back a conversation she had with her little sister, years ago, right before the Blight hit Lothering.
"Why don't you want children? I'd love to have children someday."
"You'd be a good mother Bethany. I'd be horrible at it."
"No you wouldn't. You take care of all of us, even mother, even Carver and he hardly deserves it."
And now Bethany was dead. Their mother was dead. And Carver was a Grey Warden. So much for taking care of everyone.
What if it turned out to be a mage? Would that be even possible, given the child's father? She hoped not. A mage baby being born in the middle of the mage-templar torn Kirkwall made her heart drop even further into her stomach. Or what if she became bitter and hard like her own mother had after so many years? She couldn't become like Leandra.
"I'm going to go get him." Anders called through the door after the last bang was ignored. She didn't respond, staring blankly at the wall in front of her, at the plush chair and smooth writing desk, glinting against the firelight.
She couldn't do it.
She didn't know how long she sat there, just staring, normally bright eyes now dull with despair.
Her legs were stiff from not moving when she finally heard another voice at the door.
He spoke quietly, and the sound was muffled significantly by the heavy wood. Tense as she wanted to stay, his words relaxed her the slightest bit.
"Hawke, it's me. Will you open up?"
She shook her head, it not occurring to her that he couldn't see it.
"Hawke. I love you."
Something inside her snapped, and tears that she couldn't cry in her numb state now flooded to her eyes as she began to shake again.
"Blondie is going to burn the door down if you don't let me in, beautiful. Come on."
She knew he wouldn't, and he had a key on him. He was allowing her to decide.
She inched away so that she was no longer leaning against the door. Rolling onto her knees, she undid the latch and tugged the handle so that the door slowly cracked open.
And then he was there, arms wrapped tightly around her, a hand smoothing her hair and another winding around her waist. She trembled harder, tears turning into full on sobbing.
"I still don't understand." Anders was standing a few feet away from where she sat on the floor weeping. "I thought she would be happy about it."
Varric didn't turn to face him, didn't loosen his hold on her at all. "I'll talk to you later Blondie. Thanks for letting me know."
A disgruntled sigh came from the mage's mouth, but he nodded. "I'll make sure no one comes up and disturbs you."
For several minutes neither of them said anything, Varric murmuring comforting noises to her, and Hawke being unable to control her emotions. After awhile, her shuddering slowed, and the tears subsided, leaving her a sniffling and makeup streaked mess.
"Are you-" She croaked out, before clearing her throat and trying again. "Are you upset?" She looked up at him. Concern flickered in his eyes, but he looked calm.
"I'm worried about you."
"That's not what I'm talking about." She grimaced, pulling away from him enough to study his face fully. He loosened his grip, but didn't let go of her.
"That we're having a baby? No. Hawke, I'm ecstatic." The corners of his mouth pulled into a grin, and he brushed her white hair up and away from her face. His smile wavered for a moment, replaced by worry. "As long as it's what you want too. I mean that, Elizabeth."
"I don't know if I can do it. How do I raise someone, a child? With no family, no support." She quickly amended, "Obviously I know you'll be here, and I know you'll help but most people have family to help too. Their mother…their sister." She dropped her hands to her lap.
"You give yourself too little credit. Besides Aveline, you're the one who takes care of all of us. Who would take the time to go and seek Anders out after what happened, and to keep him hidden for the past ten years? Or keep Merrill out of trouble? That's always been you." He leaned down, grabbing one of her hands and pressing a kiss to her callused fingers that had been previously fiddling with a loose string on her tunic. "You can do anything you set your mind to – I've known that since the minute we met."
Hawke finally gave Varric a watery smile, which he took as encouragement. "You'll be a wonderful mother. Unique for sure, but wonderful no less. We can do this. "
She turned to lean back into his arms, and closed her eyes, content to sit there on the floor for the time being. Her emotional outburst had left her exhausted. It wasn't like she was exactly prone to them. She could be more flippant and sarcastic than Varric when needed.
"I love you too, you know." She fiddled with the trim on his red silk shirt.
"I know Hawke." He moved her hair to the side, and tucked his chin into her shoulder, watching the flames lick the logs in his fireplace. "Do you think it'll be a boy, or a girl?"
The smallest of smirks appeared on Elizabeth's face. She was still worried, still uncertain of the future. But for now, they were enough. Varric, and his certainty was enough.
"I have no idea. I do know that they'll be one huge troublemaker, between the two of us. Not to mention with an aunt like Isabela and an uncle like Anders."
Varric laughed out loud at that, the booming noise and comforting rumble of his chest making Hawke laugh right along with him.