Note: This is set in a parallel universe, where Sakura was serious about the offer to Sasuke, Sasuke wasn't that much of a prick, it was Yamato instead of Kakashi who followed, and Danzo's arm became sentient. The first two, because it'll make a very important plot point later, the second, because what else could fill the 'Zordon' role to Konoha based rangers?
/
A tired looking Yamato had followed Sakura and the others towards where Sasuke had been detected, intent on stopping Sakura from doing anything too rash.
Unfortunately, he arrived as Sakura vanished with a smirking Sasuke, each with one of Madara's hands on their shoulders.
However, Yamato felt another presence behind him, and turned, drawing a kunai.
There was nothing other than Karin's body and a giant tree with several odd looking knots behind him.
"Hm. Well, Danzo, it looks like you never even got a chance to be Hokage, judging from the damage here... Now, who are you?..." He said, looking solemnly at the area, before forming several quick hand signs.
A burst of wood created a stretcher, with two wood clones, beneath the injured girl.
"Now, to get back to-"
"Greetings." A strange voice boomed suddenly, echoing around the area.
"Who's there?!" Yamato responded, turning around quickly in a desperate search for the source.
"Ah, you whippersnappers can't even tell when someone is talking to you? Why, back in the day.." The voice said, grumbling a little while conveying the feeling of an old man complaining about the old days being better.
With that, Yamato had finally found the source of the speech: the tree with the odd knots in it.
'Alright, this tree, which seems to have the First's face and Uchihas' Sharingan, is talking to me. Don't panic, don't panic...'
"But enough about my rambling. Now then, little Mokuton user, I have a small job for you..."
'Alright, do panic.'
"GAH! Why are you TALKING?"
"It's rude to talk to your elders like that. Why, when I was a boy..."
"You're a tree! You never were one!"
'This has to be a dream...'
"Wrong. This may be a tree, but this is a tree that was once the right arm of Danzo, and dreamed into sentience by the same. I! AM! THE! SHODARM!"
'...I'll just roll with it. Maybe I'll wake up...'
"Oh. Well, 'Shodarm', what is the job you have for me?"
"Yamato, Madara's escaped. Recruit five teenagers with attitude."
"...Damnit." 'No dream could be this crazy...'
\
Several hours passed quickly.
Naruto was, unusually for him, angsting.
He was doing so under the watchful eye of Kakashi, mostly because he really was worried about his last loyal student, but partially because the cycloptic jonin did not want to go down in history as 'the guy who had two students betray the village and the third invoke the chunky salsa rule on himself'. We shall now ignore that until further notice.
Instead, we'll go to the unfortunate Yamato and the tree that has decided to make him its minion, currently in a giant room that is eerily similar to the Akatsuki's sealing room with the tree where the statue would be.
"Alright, that takes Team Six out of the running..." He said, watching as the crystal sphere that had appeared zoomed out from a ninja cell.
"What about Seven?" The Shodarm asked, peering into the crystal ball.
"Two of them just betrayed Konoha. The third was in an angst coma when I left him." Yamato replied, sighing, before flickering to the next group.
"Then I'll have to review him later."
"Team Eight- well adjusted, for the most part, and no more likely to go evil than I am to start using fire techniques."
"Hm... Maybe. I like the looks of the one with the dog. He would make a good leader."
"Not really. He's already proven that he's too hot blooded to think rationally during stressful conditions, and he's better as a second in command."
"Pencil him in for Red. Next!"
"Team Guy. I'd advise against letting the one in gr-"
"I like him. He's got style. And wonderful eyebrows." The tree arm interrupted, looking at the image of Lee on the crystal ball.
"...I'll pencil him in for green." Yamato said, resigned to the fact.
"Now here's Team Ten. Well adjusted, loyal, each of them the heir to their clan... The benefits are huge."
"Hm...Well, pineapple looks like he'll be too lazy to be leader, but be a great strategist, chubby is too fat for the costume, and blondie looks like a prime candidate for Yellow."
"...Penciled in for yellow, with Shikamaru penciled in for blue."
"Good. Now, is that really all of them?"
"Excepting the last member of Team Seven, yes."
"Alright... I've decided. Make dog boy Red, pineapple hair Blue, jumpsuit Green, and blondie Yellow." The Shodarm said after a minute of thought.
"...You asked for five." Yamato responded after a brief pause.
"I can make do with four. Besides, I've got a plan for what's left after these four are prepared..."
"Alright..."
"Good. Now, summon them here."
"First up, don't even know where 'here' is, and second-"
"We're under Konoha. In an abandoned Root Headquarters." The tree interrupted.
"...Second, how sane do you think I would sound if I said that a giant talking tree that was made out of Danzo's right arm told me to call them here?" Yamato finished, sighing.
"Oh, fine. I hate having to teleport people..."
"...You can teleport people to you?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be able?"
"Sharingan can't usually do that... Usually they can make people go away, or teleport the user."
"Izanagi."
"Point taken. Just give them a few minutes to get their heads in order before you talk to them."
Ignoring him, the Shodarm blinked four of its eyes and a quartet of spinning portals appeared in the room, over several leaf symbols on the floor.
Through each, one of the intended minions appeared, landing on the floor with a thud.
"You can go now, Yamato." The Shodarm said, the same portal appearing around the Mokuton user.
"Hey, wait a-" The target started, before vanishing.
"Welcome, ninja, to the command center!" The tree boomed, catching the disoriented teens unaware.
"Gyah!" Ino yelled, looking at the creepy face/tree that took up most of the room. "What is that thing?"
"...Hm... Judging from the eyes on it and the fact that it's a tree... I'd say a genetic experiment of Orochimaru's..." The only person who could maintain a calm voice in this suddenly new situation replied, looking around curiously.
"Very close, Nara. I... Am the Shodarm! The ultimate in bloodline modification! made from the eyes of a half dozen Uchiha, the cells of the First, and the right arm of Danzo!"
"...Close enough."
The partially poisoned Lee and Kiba, of course, had difficulty making the conversation clear.
"Wha? Whossit?" Kiba muttered, drool falling from the side of his mouth.
"I suppose that I'll have to heal them now..." The Shodarm said, before another eye closed and the swirling portal appeared near Kiba and Lee.
Then it vanished as quickly as it appeared, and a sphere filled with a purple smoke appeared in front of the Shodarm.
"Now that I've removed all of the poison from your systems, would you please stand up so I can speak with you all?" It asked in an annoyed tone.
"Ugh..." Lee groaned, dragging himself up with his arms. "What... Sakura!"
"Hm? Is that the pink haired girl?"
"Yeah..." Kiba responded, sitting up. "She gassed us when we got near Sasuke..."
"What? Why would she do that?" Ino asked, having finally calmed down from the panic attack at being in an unfamiliar place suddenly.
"..That would probably be because she quit due to... conflicted interests. Am I right, 'Shodarm'?" Shikamaru asked, looking at the mentioned thing.
"Finally, an intelligent teenager! Yes. When I finally finished 'awakening', she clearly said 'I'll betray Konoha for you' to that chicken haired boy. You know, the one with the sword and the electricity attacks?"
"...It's not going to be pleasant telling Naruto about that..." Shikamaru muttered, as the other three ninja paused in shock.
"Anyway, you four have been chosen to fight evil! Defend your home! And wear brightly colored spandex while doing so!"
"You, blondie. shall be the Yellow... What to call it, what to call it... Mind Warden! Your new gift is the ability to assimilate skills from those who you possess!" The tree-thing bellowed, a yellow circle appearing under Ino and her headband glowing with an odd light. As the circle faded, one eye on the tree closed.
"Pineapple hair, you are the Blue Skill Warden! Your new ability is that of the living shadow! Let your shadow freely help you banish Evil!" It then yelled, a blue circle appearing beneath Shikamaru, whose shadow suddenly jumped as his headband, also, glowed with an odd light. Another eye closed as the circle and the glow vanished.
"Now, the Red Loyalty Warden shall be you, dog boy! Your new gift is a form I call werewolf form! Your fangs are the fangs that will shield the village!" The Shodarm continued, causing Kiba to suddenly be standing on a red circle as his headband glowed with the same light. This, naturally, caused yet another eye on the Shodarm to close.
"Finally, you, jumpsuit, are the Green Youth Warden! Let your eternally burning Youth burn forever! Your new gift is that of the flaming soul! No fire shall be able to harm you!" Danzo's disembodied and sentient right arm shouted, causing a green circle to surround Lee and his headband to glow with the usual light. Guess what? Another eye closed.
"Now, go forth as the Konoha Wardens! Save the world! Beat the snot out of the bad guys! And bring me a sandwich!" It finished in a manner that would be easily visualized had it not been an immobile mutant tree.
"Oh, and your transformation phrase is 'Henshin'!" The Shodarm added as an afterthought.
Three of the four ninja were understandably surprised and taken aback. The fourth... Was Lee.
"The what's? Because I don't think that "
"Wait, I think that maybe you're being a bit ambiguous about what you've decided to make us. Explain more."
"Hey! Where did Akamaru go?"
"Yosh! I shall do so with great eagerness, Shodarm!"
Yeah...