"Trust me on this Sirius, Lily will practically be dying to date me after I give her these flowers. It's perfect! Giving lilies to Lily! How genius is that?" James Potter said as he shouldered his bag and tried to tame his wild hair.

"Uh huh," Sirius replied doubtfully, sitting behind James, arms crossed over his chest. "It'll totally work, just like how she loved it when you sang her love ballads in front of the whole transfiguration class." He smirks. "Well, even if you didn't get the girl, at least the rest of us got entertainment."

"Face it James, the best chance you have with going out with her is becoming more mature," Remus Lupin, the sensible marauder called from his bed, where he was studying for a potions test.

"But I am mature! I'm athletic, smart, and not to mention drop dead sexy!"

Remus sighed. "And way too confident."

Ignoring Remus, Sirius jumped on the bed and started cackling, rubbing his hand together like a madman.

"Ah, what now? Figured out another way to prank the first year Slytherins?"

"My dear Moony, don't be so quick to judge! As a matter of fact, I found a way to help our dear Prongsie! As you all very well know, I have earned the reputation as the most charming and attractive man at Hogwarts-"

Remus snorted and rolled his eyes.

"-so I've decided that due to my kind and compassionate nature, I'll give James some pointers on how to get girls!"

Now it was James' turn to look doubtful. "Um, your 'method' of getting girls is just to get them into a broom cupboard with you."

"So? It works!"

"Alright, alright. What's your oh-so-clever method?"

"Right then, listen up. The number one most effective way is..." Sirius paused for effect. "Pick up lines!"

Silence.

"Isn't that pretty much the same thing as James' love ballads?"

Sirius waved his hand in dismissal. "Yes, yes, but more masculine! Trust me on this one, Prongs."

Remus snorted again. "Yeah, leave it up to the 'expert'."

Apparently, James didn't pick up on the sarcasm. "Well...if you say so. What do I have to do?"

Sigh for Remus. "Oh, boy."

"Evans! Hey, Evans!"

"Great. Perfect way to start my day," Lily Evans moaned, while walking through the hallways of Hogwarts with her friends Marlene McKinnon and Alice Prewett. "Can't I have a peaceful morning for once?"

"Ah, but dear, sweet, innocent Lily," Marlene mocked in James' voice, quoting his previous poems. "His love for you is eternal, like the purity of a flower."

Lily snorted. "That's doesn't even make sense."

"It's the thought that counts."

Alice interrupted whatever Lily was about to retort. "I hate to interupt your banter, but Potter is heading this way."

"Evans! Slow down!"

Lily sighed. "What now, Potter?"

He grinned. "Is your dad a baker, 'cuz you have a nice set of buns!"

Dead silence. Then, Alice and Marlene burst out laughing. Lily just stood there, her hands clenched into fists and her face turning the same color as her hair.

"Potter," she started calmly. "Shove off."

"I dunno, Sirius, maybe pickup lines don't work on her."

"Nonsense! Pickup lines always work! Maybe she took offense because her dad really is a baker or something."

"You guys are so stupid. Her father is a dentist."

"What the hell is a dentist? And how do you know, Moony?"

"Never mind that, use some different pickup lines Prongs!"

"I hate to latch onto Sirius' idea, but if your going to do pickup lines, say something cute instead of rude. Nice set of buns? Really?"

"I was complimenting her! Isn't that cute?"

"Not like that."

"Look, Prongs, just do a different one. As simple as that."

"Hey, Evans!" James whispered.

"What now?" Lily asked, turning around in her seat. "We're in the middle of class, in case you didn't know."

"If I saw you naked, I'd die happy." He didn't, unfortunately for Lily, whisper this, and the whole class erupted into giggles.

"Potter, if I saw you naked, I would die of laughter."

It took Professor McGonagall 5 minutes to calm the class down.

Sirius leaned over to the beet-red James. "Damn, Prongs, I really respect Evans now! That was fantastic!"

"Shut up, Sirius."

"Evans! If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together."

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put F and U together."

"Hey Evans, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

"No, how about you? Your face looks pretty messed up."

"Evans, how did you get to be so beautiful?"

"Hmm, I must have been given your share."

"Emergency Marauder meeting! Emergency Marauder meeting!"

"Alright, you don't have to shout, we're all in the same room."

"What is it Prongs?"

"Sirius' idea of using pickup lines in order to get Lily to date me backfired! All I succeeded in was making a fool of myself!"

"That's not my fault! Maybe you don't possess the same charm and irresistible deliciousness as I do."

"What! Listen here, you mangy, anno-"

"Alright girls, let's not fight! You are both charming and delicious, it's just that Lily has more willpower than Sirius'...um...girlfriends."

"Thank you, Moony! Wait, HEY-"

"So did you learn your lesson, James?"

"What lesson? That Sirius is a backstabbing, trai-"

"No! That when it comes to girl issues, you should never, ever, take Sirius' advice."

"Oh, believe me, I've learned that alright!"

"Hey James, you know what you should do to get Lily? Write a message to her in fireworks in the great hall, during the Christmas feast."

"SHUT UP!"