Title: Order of Operations
Rating: T – lots of swears
Type: AU-ish
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot
Word Count: 860
Summary: It was merely the order of operations that mattered, Hidan thought with a smile as he plunged a rather large knife into his abdomen. Sakura would join him as a follower of Jashin-sama soon enough.
Hidan left his debriefing with the Hokage (or as he preferred to call her 'the old bag') rather quickly, 'cause he was fucking worried.
Last night as he meditated, a sickening thought popped into his mind. And he had no idea what the answer was to his sudden quandary. For, should it be true, all his efforts might have been in vain.
So he set out to find her.
She wasn't home.
She wasn't at the Hokage tower.
She wasn't at that hospital.
She wasn't at her damn training ground.
She wasn't at fucking Ichiraku
And she sure as hell wasn't at that shit-hole flower shop with that blond chit.
So now, Hidan was really pissed because he couldn't find her anywhere!
Taking to the streets, he began to roam letting his feet take him to a many of destinations that could possibly house one Haruno Sakura. Seriously, who ever heard of a hidden village this freakin' big?
Muttering under his breathe about how he could never "fucking find that bird" when he actually needed her, Hidan failed to realize how he was actually traumatizing some of the civilians.
And who could blame those poor souls? After all, there was a very intimidating man swinging his giant scythe around with terrifying precision destroying any shrubbery that happened to be in a seven-foot radius! And it really didn't help that he had a thunderous look about his face.
Still completely oblivious of his handiwork that he'd normally be thrilled at achieving, Hidan continued his tirade that just recently included "Sweet Jashin-sama how hard is it to find a chick!"
Coming to a sudden halt in the middle of the merchant district Hidan swiveled his head back and forth searching for any clues of the medic's whereabouts. In the endless sea of people and stores, a bookstore caught his attention and his violet eyes widened at a sudden epiphany.
With a renewed burst of energy, Hidan raced to the north end of the village. And low and behold her faint chakra signature was there.
He quickly raced up the steps taking two at a time, opened the double doors to the shinobi library, and marched in the direction of her chakra.
After walking past endless stacks of books and scrolls he finally found that head of pink hair.
Without so much as a single thought Hidan roughly grabbed Sakura's shoulders, pulled her out of her seat, and brought her startled green eyes in focus with his determinedly worried violet eyes.
"You are a virgin right?"
His outburst in the once quiet sanctuary caused many heads to turn in their direction.
And all Sakura could do was stare horror-struck with her jaw agape.
Impatiently Hidan shook her shoulders and said even louder "Please tell me you 're a damned virgin!"
Stunned by his vehemence she minutely nodded in assent.
The tension nearly drained from him as he dropped his head onto her shoulder. Moreover, Sakura distinctly heard him mutter in relief "Thank you Jashin-sama. Thank you."
Still riveted to the spot, more than bewildered, Sakura could only gawk as he smoothed his hair back (a habit she learned was a stress reliever), gave her a smile, and left with a departing remark.
It was about two minutes after completely processing what happened, that Sakura noticed everyone in the library was staring at her with various expressions. Some leering while others, she could just tell, where wholly laughing at her expense.
Positively mortified she grabbed her things and made a hasty exit.
As she bounded home to confine herself from the world, Inner Sakura was raving and spitting fire.
However, the most predominant remark they both agreed on was "What the hell did he mean he needed to 'double check'?"
--
Hidan returned to the apartment that the Hokage had allotted him (after he swore revenge on the Akatsuki bastards who couldn't even dig him up!) after he finally put his fears to rest. To think, he had run around all day like such a pansy.
Tch. In any case, it was safe to say he was fucking relieved. All that time and energy spent covertly trying to convert that girl would have been wasted if she had been one of those obnoxious sluts.
Nevertheless, he should have known better. Just the way he saw Sakura blush at some of that Ino girl's stories should have been a dead give away.
And hot damn! He even got divine confirmation that it was okay to pursue the girl! For fuck's sake what was he thinking? Lord Jashin had never led him astray before.
Still, infinitely more at ease, Hidan spent the next twenty-four hours praying, thanking, and self mutilating in the name of Jashin.
Because everyone knows, Jashin can never recognize you unless you've lived a celibate life.
Thankfully, once you are distinguished you can do whatever the hell you want. Eternity was one damn long time with no sex.
It was merely the order of operations that mattered, Hidan thought with a smile as he plunged a rather large knife into his abdomen. Sakura would join him as a follower of Jashin-sama soon enough.
I really don't hate Ino, she just seems convenient for Hidan to hate.
Also, all aforementioned facts about Jashin and virginity and what not was totally made up. Seriously, I'm just taking liberties like there's no tomorrow lol
Hope you got a kick out of it, I sure did!