Alone Chapter 1, a hetalia - axis powers fanfic

A Spamano fanfic based on a RP from Tumblr.

...Ahem. Sorry about that.

My rage is showing. Let me just kick that aside for now. This fanfic is rated T for naughty words, alcohol references, and a bit of angst. Just a bit though.

I am awaken by the sound of thunder outside my window. Rain pelts down in sheets with such an intensity that I fear that the window will collapse under the pressure. It's rare that it storms this early in the morning, though I suppose it's just the weather mocking me. It's been doing that a lot as of lately, this being the fifth storm I've woken up to this week.

Speaking of weeks, how many weeks have passed so far? Five? Maybe six? I can say that it's been a little over a month at least, since the milk in the fridge has already gone bad. I checked it yesterday morning when I went to go make myself breakfast and I had to scoop it out with a spoon. Which was one of the grossest things I think I've ever done in my life. I swear I'm never using that spoon ever again.

So yeah, it's been a while since then. Since 'we' became just 'me'. Me doing everything alone. Me cooking alone. Me washing clothes alone. Me learning how to deal with sleeping by myself again. Me realizing that no matter how many times I cry out 'I'm home!' when I get back from work and open the front door, no one will answer me.

And all of this, this loneliness, this constant empty feeling, this void that's filled my chest and resides where my heart used to lie, beating with life that's now gone, all of this is completely and totally my fault. Why had I been so stupid? Why had I been the one to say those things? Why hadn't anyone stopped me? I let out an angry sigh, knowning that no matter how many 'why's', I ask the world, I'll never been given any form of answer. I guess the thunder counts, but it's not really the answer I'm looking for.

'There's no use in dwelling of this', I think to myself as I rise lazily from my bed, heading towards the kitchen to continue with the same schedule I've kept up with for however long it had been. First, I would grab a bottle of tequila and drink for a good ten minutes. After that, if I was still somewhat concious of everything around me, I would hop in the shower and freshen up a bit. A quick shave and new clothes would make me feel that less drunk. Around this time, I would start feeling the crushing depression of everything and cry for another ten, maybe fifteen minutes. Finally, I would switch my TV onto a Spanish drama (they're always on no matter what time of day it is) and watches soap operas until I pass out from exhaustion on the couch.

As my feet shuffle lazily across the rug floor, my foot scrapes against something and I wince in pain. I didn't really need to look down to know that I'd need a Band-Aid but I was curious as to what I just scratched anyways. My eyes travel to the floor, my hypothesis proven correct by the small cut along the side of my foot just below my left big toe. A bright red drop of blood runs down the side and onto the carpet, starting to stain it.

I snap out of my daze and quickly head over towards the bathroom. Opening the mediciene compartment over the sink, I locate the box of Band-Aids and get out the small strip off beige. I pull away thhat white annoying paper, throwing it away in the trash can by my other foot. I reach down to my foot and place the Band-Aid over the cut, applying a tiny bit of pressure. After I was sure it was on, I stood back up, heading back into my room to figure out just what the hell I just scraped my foot on.

My eyes become glued to the floor the moment I enter my room again, searching for the item. There were a few magazines, some crumbs of food, even a TV remote (huh, so that's where it's been). But finally, I find it: a piece of glass, the side of it stained red from cutting me. A few smaller pieces of glass were around it and they all seemed to be from the same main piece...

Then it hit me. I look up and sure enough the picture frame on my bedside table had fallen onto the ground. The picture itself was now crumbled up on the floor, a few creases and wrinkles making it look that much more crumbled up. I shiver slightly from the memories that picture brought. Slowly, I reach down and pick up the picture, unfolding it as if it would shatter if I applied to much pressure to it.

When it was finally unfolded, I felt the void drop into the deepest depths of my stomach. It was the first picture I had ever taken of us, the two of us just standing in front of a beautiful fountain in the park near my house. This was the place I first met him, the place I later first said 'I love you' to him and he understood what I meant. I remember that day, that one glorious day that we met, as if it were yesterday.

-Flashback-

The air was crisp and clean, the afternoon sun shining brightly over head. The whole park was alive with a special kind of energy that just makes you want to smile your happiest smile all the time. A slight breeze rolled along lazily, as did the clouds above. The puffy white masses in the sky were playing hide and seek with the sun, the sun responding back by giving it's own smile, or so it seemed to me.

With the sun and sky looking down at me, as well as a small crowd forming around the fountain I had been playing at for the past hour or so, I started to strum the guitar in my lap, glancing up occasionally at everyone. They all had looks of pure happiness on their faces and they clearly wer enjoying the music I was playing. I always had felt good whenever I made others happy, so now that I had made a small crowd smile, my head and heart were dancing in joy.

As my fingers switfly and nimbly moved across the strings of the guitar, a melody was born and began tottering on it's newborn notes. A harmony soon followed with the lower strings, helping the melody gain more power. They started meshing together and began their own dance, much like the one going on inside me now. The steady clapping coming from the audience helped me keep a steady rhythm in the song.

Just as I got to a long guitar rift in the song I was playing, I looked up once more as I played, something I had done for the past three minutes. I saw everyone's faces smiling, but for some reason, my eyes narrowed in on a single person: a man towards the very back of the crowd that had formed. He was the only one that wasn't smiling. I don't know why, but I found myself glancing back up at him throughout the rest of the song and to my displeasure, he still wasn't smiling. This made my heart and head stop dancing and I could've sworn that my smile wavered for just a moment.

Eventually, I came to the end of the song and a round of applause sounded through the air. The crowd began to disperse, which made me hurry up in putting away my instrument. I was determined to find out why that man hadn't smiled and was going to get the answer out of him whether he wanted to give me a reason or not. I looked around until they finally spot the man, who was walking up the trail towards the south exit of the park, hands in his pocket. With my guitar strapped to my back, I rushed after him. When I had gotten close enough, I called out to him.

"Señor! Wait up! Please!"

"What do you want?"

He turned around to face me, and right about then is when my heart stopped for just a second. The man was absolutely goregous for a lack of better words. I had been wrong to call him a 'man' since he looked just a few years younger than I was. Early twenties was my guess at this point. He had dark hair, a sort of mix between auburn and chocolate brown. A strange curl wisped away from him to the right of his head, making me inwardly squeal with cuteness. I think I was most intrigued by his eyes, however. They were an odd shade of darkish gold, a colour most people would say was happy colour. But, this man's eyes seemed sad, upset, angry even. His eyes were what made me decide that I wanted to make this man smile no matter what.

"I-I um...I'm Antonio! It's nice to meet you!"

The man gave me a look that seemed to say, 'the hell do you want?'."Uh...okay? Do you want a fucking medal or something?" His voice carried a rather thick Italian accent, adding a bit of depth. "If you haven't anything important to say, then I'll be leaving now."

As he turned to leave, I grabbed his wrist, holding him in place."I noticed you while I was playing my guitar back there. You weren't smiling like everyone else!" I blurted out. "I wanna see you smile now!"

"W-what? Che palle, you're really getting on my nerves! Fuck off! Let me go!"

I cringed at his harsh words, but I refused let go. "Nope! Not until I make you smile!"

"I'm not smiling for some creepy random guy like you!"

"Please? What if I played your favorite song? Would you smile then?"

"Damn, you're persistant! I'm leaving!"

"W-wait! Before you leave..." I relaxed my grip on his wrist. He turned around to face me again and I could tell he was still angry, though his eyes seemed to soften up a bit. "Can...can I get your name?"

"What?" He asked quizically.

I couldn't help but smile at him. He was truly was adorable. "Your name. What is it? I want to be able to say 'hello' to you properly the next time I see you here!"

He scoffed and looked away, a small dust of blust appearing on his cheeks. "What the hell makes you think I'm gonna come back here? This could be the last time I see you for all you know, bastard." Once again, I had to force down a squeal of cuteness. Is it even legal for one person to be this cute?

"Si, I know." I said with a smile shrug. "But that's all the more reason to get your name. You never know who's going to end up meaning something to you."

We stood there for a while, me staring at him with pleading eyes, him saying nothing, but clearly thinking something. The blush from before had grown quite a bit, which made me keep the smile on my face. He looked a lot like a tomato then, making my stomach rumble with the thought of food.

"...-no..."

He said it so softly, it came across as a whisper on the wind. "Huh? What'd you say?"

"Lovino! My name is Lovino, okay? Now leave me alone!" And with that, he ripped his wrist from my hand and ran off, leaving me staring at him as he left. I never knew it back then, but that day completely changed my life, as well as the life of the man known as Lovino.

-End Flashback-

Lovino. He claimed that he might not come back, and yet, everyday after we met, I saw him in the crowd of people as I played my guitar. He stood in the same place every single time, just underneath a large tree. Over some time, he and I became rather close. I grew to love him so much over such a short period of time. It was there, right in front of that exact fountain at which we met, that I confessed how I felt about him. I was surprised when I learned he felt the same way about me, but the surprise didn't stop me from taking him in my arms and kissing him right then and there. Our first real kiss.

All that seemed like a far off memory now. So far off, I could barely see it anymore. It was almost like when you release a balloon and just stare as it rises further and further up into the sky, soon disappering from view completely.

"Lovino...Lovino...Lovi..." I repeat his name like a mantra over and over. My eyes were stinging with tears threatening to spill over. "L-lovino..." I sink to my knees, clutching the picture to my chest. I don't even care that the glass is scratching and slicing my legs up as I do so. The tears are blinding me so I don't even see the blood dripping onto the carpet.

All I feel is the cold, dark emptyness.

I wanted this to be a Oneshot at first, but then I realized that the plot was too hard to condense into a single chapter.

Please R&R if you want to. Any type of criticism will be appreciated.