Complexity, Contrast, Congruence

by Uozumi

For adrenya on LJ. Sixthyear. MWPP. He hadn't meant it to turn out that way, not at all, but at the same time he had all the same.

Title Complexity, Contrast, Congruence
Author Uozumi
Disclaimer I own nothing.
Genre Slash/General/Romance-ish
Rating PG-13
Summary Sixth-year. MWPP. He hadn't meant it to turn out that way, not at all, but at the same time he had all the same.
Dedication for adrenya who saved me from a spaz attack when I thought my SkyeHawke account was suspended. ;

Complexity, Contrast, Congruence

"Close your eyes and trust me Remus."

Sirius' eyes were close and seemingly all-knowing. Their foreheads were touching and Sirius hands were on either side of his face. Remus had to admit that the initial position was a bit alarming - as though he had blinders on - but once his eyes closed, the hands soon moved and the forehead went away.

He was very alone now. The two were in an empty classroom - McGonagall's to be exact - and it was just before the Christmas holidays in their sixth-year. A rather tall and gangly youth of almost seventeen, Remus Lupin stood about half a head taller than his tallest friend James Potter with thick and wavy light brown hair that had flecks of grey in its part on the left. His skin was pale like their classmate Snape's, only Remus' was more like soy milk and Snape's spoiled milk.

Sirius Black, however was almost the exact contrast to Remus. His hair was dark and straight, hanging a bit in his eyes but still somewhat short for the times. Their eyes were both grey, but like in everything, Remus' eyes were a light grey and Sirius a very dark grey. Sirius' skin was tanned as well and was unblemished whereas Remus had the ocasional mole or scar. Sirius was also much shorter, but not the shortest of the band of four friends.

Sirius watched Remus for a moment. Personality-wise the pair were a stark contrast as well but littered with similarities. If one was shy, the other was not; if one had dark thoughts, the other held light; if one was leading, the other followed; and so on.... The pair had weaknesses though such as their shared stuborn streaks, nasty tempers when provoked, and similar pasts. Neither had ever really been wanted and they both clung to their friends. Sirius of course took this to the obsessive point and was rather clingy and a bit dependant, but Remus kept everyone at arm's length. He had secrets and fears that even his best of friends couldn't comprehend even after learning he was a werewolf.

Remus' eyes moved behind his lids. He hated not knowing things and even with his acute perseption of smell, he was still nervous. He knew he relied too much on sight, but it was only human to do so. Swallowing nervously, he opened his mouth to speak, but Sirius' voice a few paces away silenced him.

"Remember, this was your idea. No talking, alright?"

Remus nodded. He hated this feeling. He liked being the one in control in his life. It was compensation for not being able to control himself when he was a werewolf, when he was Moony. Right now though, Remus was not in charge.

Sirius pursed his lips and thought. He wasn't sure if he really liked Remus' instructions. He figured that they made sense, but at the same time, they didn't. It was true that Remus did sometimes get a bit befuddled, but it was also true that Remus hated surprises.

"Are you really sure about this?"

Remus opened one eye and glanced at Sirius. "Weren't you the one that just told me I was?" Then he sighed and opened both eyes, taking a few steps away from where he once stood. "It's okay. I shouldn't have asked this of you."

It was always Remus who put himself at fault first vocally, although Sirius always put himself at fault first mentally. They had talked about the idea, both had made sure the other was okay with it, but when Sirius had to do it, he couldn't. He was just too scared he reasoned.

Remus began untangling their bags. Both had tossed them casually on one of the benches and they were a big mess now. He wasn't going to look at Sirius, but he knew the younger Gryffindor was watching him. It had been a stupid request, an odd request, and probably the most downright sneaky thing the werewolf had ever done. It wasn't Slytherin grade, but close to it.

Finally the handles were untangled and Remus grabbed up his bag, shouldering it as he turned around.

Then Sirius kissed him. Yes, he had asked him to do that, and yes, he had asked that it happen when he was least expecting it, but...

But this was not how this was supposed to happen!

Although Remus had been waivering at the last second. The ruse was that he had never kissed anyone (which was true), and there were a few girls after him (which also was true), and Dumbledore had a knack of hanging missletoe in the most inconvient of places just in time for Chirstmas holidays (also true). Those were the reasons he gave when he asked Sirius to do this. He had been confident then, he had hadn't been thinking about it then, but now he wasn't sure what to think.

"There," Sirius said then, stepping away, his left hand slowly falling from where he had grabbed Remus' head. "Now you know how. You won't be too surprised if you get caught under the missletoe."

Remus held Sirius' gaze and then the shorter and darker boy looked away, grabbing up his bag from where it sat on the bench. "Argh...it broke again." Sirius' bag was always breaking or splitting seams. He tended to carry all his books with him just in case he and James spotted Snpe and wanted to torture the Slytherin sixth-year throughout most of the break between classes. He wasn't looking at Remus now.

Remus studied him, then looked away, adjusting his bag as he waited for Sirius to fix his. He wasn't sure what to say or do. He had succeeded, but at what price?

Sirius finally slipped on his bag and looked to Remus who was staring off at nothing in particular. His eyes lowered and he spoke noncommittedly, "We should go to the Tower. I bet Prongs is waiting."

Remus nodded, not looking at Sirius. As they left the Transfiguration classroom one thought resounded in both their heads.

'He hates me now.'

James Potter was not known for his observation skills when it came to what people were thinking. If that was true most would think he would have given up on Lily Evans long ago. However when he looked up at the portrait hole, his mouth quickly turned into a rather concerned frown. It was true that James was also probably the biggest prat that Hogwarts had ever known. He lived for torturing Severus "Snivellus" Snape, and had an ego that was much too large for his average-sized frame.

Peter Pettigrew, a small and round sixth-year took one glance at his friend and then looked over his shoulder at the pair who had just entered the Gryffindor Tower. After a bit of consideration the pale boy rolled his eyes. Sirius and Remus were most undoubtedbly fighting again and he and James were only going to have to suffer for probably until the next full moon. Turning back to his work, Peter tried to concentrate on his History as James' blue-grey hazel eyes watched Remus and Sirius sit down at the table with them. Normally the pair would have sat across from each other, but they sat so that they didn't even have to look at each other.

This was not a normal fight. James might not be able to pick up on Lily's blatant ovetures of "God away you bloody git," but he had an idea that two of his Marauders were doing something more than their usual fighting. Before James could state anything, Peter got Remus' attention with a plea for help on his Herbology homework which he had yet to start due to lack of understanding and James' lack of explaining things so that Peter could understand them. It was true that skill-wise, James Potter would be an excellent teacher, but he lacked the teaching skills to go with his wizarding skills. Remus, however, had not only the wizarding skills but also the teaching skills. The only thing that held him back was his lycanthropy.

However, there was definitly something amiss with all of this and James was sure of that. Glancing to his left he studied Sirius a moment and then he looked to Peter's right where Remus was sitting. Something was definitly wrong with two of his Marauders.

He needed to do something about it. There was no question, but he wasn't sure exactly how. That was why he was walking outside towards the group of girls who always giggled at him wherever he went, and one who just fixed him with a rather cool stare as he walked up.

"What do you want, Potter?" Lily Evans demanded. She was one of the kindest girls in school it was true, and one of the most tollerent as well except with James Potter.

"Advice." He wore an almost puppy-like expression and if he were a dog, he would have had his tail between his legs trying to beseech the alpha into doing what he wanted.

Lily blinked and stared before asking, "What about?"

"Remus."

The girls around her gaped, but Lily nodded. "Sure, I'll help depending on what it is you want. You can't lie to me, James Potter, if you want my help." She made some sort of motion to the girls who disperessed, casting worried glances at James and whispering to themselves like they tended to do when Sirius and Remus were together in the halls without Peter and James.

"So what's your problem with Remus?" Lily inquired. When they were much younger, she had been very close to the tallest of the Marauders, but they weren't as close as they once were anymore.

"Sirius."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "What's your problem with Black?" She leaned against the tree, arms folded as she watched him closely.

"Well, my problem is with both of them," James admitted. He hated playing the follower, but it seemed that whenever he was with Lily, she was leading, she was always the one in charge, especially if no one was around them.

Lily stared a moment, then nodded. "I noticed it too."

James looked up at her then, raising an eyebrow. "What exactly?"

"Potter, you have to go through the world with your eyes closed not to get what's going on," Lily stepped a bit away from the tree and put her hands into her muffler, snow flurrying around them.

"That's just a rumour," James frowned, looking at the ground as Lily gazed out at the white Hogwarts' grounds. "It's a nasty one at that."

Lily turned to him then. "Are you sure it's just a rumour?"

James looked up then and met her emerald eyes. Those eyes held what he liked about her, they were smart, witty, kind, and compassionate. Right now though they also held the slightest hint of suspicion, but that was waning from her eyes it seemed with each school year. "They can't..."

"And why not?" Lily demanded. "It's not uncommon. Back in Roman society it was even accepted to a point."

"But - But - " James made an almost flailing gesture and then blurted out, "But they're my best mates!"

Lily sighed. "Potter, things happen. There's nothing wrong with them. It's not like they're going to stop being your friends." She wanted to add "just like you three didn't abandon Remus" but she restrained herself. She knew that they knew about Remus, but she had yet to have concrete proof about it. She had sworn not to tell anyone, and even if she thought James' knew, she wasn't going to add it on even if it would make a better point.

James looked down again then nodded. "I know, but it's still too weird." Then he glanced at her. "How long have you known anyway?"

"Last year about Halloween time," Lily replied off-handedly. "Black started staring and Remus soon followed about this time last year."

James groaned, "Why didn't I notice? They're my best mates!"

"We never notice what we don't want to see," Lily replied quietly. "Although sometimes we do. Though I doubt that Black and Remus knew anything."

"Then what happened?" James stuffed his hands deeper into his pockets. "Why out of the blue are they so weird?"

Lily shrugged. "I don't know. I might be friends with Remus, but that doesn't mean I can tell you what he's about."

James nodded and then took one hand out of his pocket to push his glasses up his nose. "Yeah, I guess so..."

Lily nodded and then studied him a moment. "Why can't you act like this all the time?"

James blinked and stared. "Act like what...?"

Lily shook her head and brushed it off, "Never mind." Then she turned and went into the castle.

Dinner was not a pleasant experience. The Marauders sat as they usually did, Sirius to Remus' left and across from James who was to Peter's right, but they were all quiet. Peter had begun to notice it now and every so often he glanced between the boys across from him and looked down at his food. It seemed to be a bigger than usual fight and Peter doubted that they felt like talking to anyone. James wasn't looking at them or Lily who was uncharacteristically studying James from a few seats down the Gryffindor table.

"This is rediculous," James muttered.

"I know, I think they put too much salt in the potatoes," Sirius replied, poking at the mashed potatoes on his plate, not looking up from them.

James narrowed his eyes and looked over at Sirius. "I meant you," then he turned to Remus, "and you too. What the bloody hell is going on?! I can't stand it!"

The girls around Lily twittered and James glared at them, meeting Lily's eyes. She gave him a small smile, and he almost lost all concentration, but recovered quick enough to continue quietly, "You two are acting like...like...I don't know - you're both acting strangely."

"No we're not," Sirius countered as Remus remained quiet. "We're perfectly fine."

"Then say that to Remus."

Sirius' face paled considerably with the idea. He merely averted his eyes and spoke quickly, "I think that the corn isn't too bad, and the meat is - "

"Sirius!"

Now people were staring and James sat back down. He hadn't meant to stand up and slam his hands on the table, but James Potter had never been a patient person. The girls by Lily were watching the three with rapt attention, and whispers such as "love triangle" echoed throughout the Great Hall.

James sighed and then spoke quietly, "Let's continue this later and - "

"When will later come? And what are you on about?" Lupin finally spoke. He studied James intently and Peter watched them all. He always seemed to watch more than participate as they got older.

James stared back and then asked, "What is going on? Are they right?"

"No."

James was a bit startled at the simultaneous reply, then sighed. "Okay, then stop acting like you both have some weird disease, okay?"

"It's not a disease!" Sirius instantly landed on the comment, James looking back up from his food.

"I meant stop acting like Lupin's got some sort of disease," James spoke, eyeing the younger Gryffindor with suspicion.

"Oh." Sirius looked down, pushing his food around his plate. "I thought you meant something else."

"Like what?" James raised an eyebrow. Lily couldn't possibly have been right! James crossed his toes to make sure she wouldn't be. It wasn't that he had anything against it and all, it was just weird to think that his best friends might wind up kissing each other someday, or already were.

Sirius noticed James almost imperceptible shudder and didn't know what to do. This wasn't how anything was supposed to happen. This had only started out with him helping Remus and now it was completely blown out of proportion. This wasn't how he had wanted it to go. Actually if anything he had felt odd about the entire thing. It was supposed to just be a friend thing and now it was the most confusing thing he had ever done. Everyone staring at him wasn't helping either, especially since Remus was now.

"Padfoot...?" James prodded.

"Oh like...I dunno..." Sirius shrugged. "I mean...I just thought you meant I had a cold." The last part came out in a hurry and James threw him a skeptical eye along with Peter and Remus looked away.

Sirius glanced at Remus and sighed inwardly before addressing James, "So, Quidditch! When's our next practice?"

James' goggled and then goraned, "How can you possibly forget something like Quidditch?!" Then he was successfully diverted from the topic of Sirius and Remus onto one of his obsessions that rivaled his quest for Lily's heart.

It was dark now. Remus had the bed nearest the window and across from James'. He gazed over to his left out the window as he rested against the headboard. He couldn't sleep, his thoughts too scattered to allow him too. He should have known better than to ask such a thing of Sirius. Remus sighed and looked down at his intertwined fingers as he frowned. He considered himself a selfish person always and what he had asked of Sirius was the epitome of selfishness.

He didn't know what to do. James was on to what he felt and even Peter looked like he knew what Remus was about. One time he heard one of the upperclassmen years ago get a lecture from McGonagall when the Marauders were serving a detention. She had told the boy that "Sixteen does things to your head. You just have to figure out what is the right thing to do, and you did not choose the right thing to do."

Remus sighed. He didn't know what he had been thinking. Averting his eyes from the waning moon, Remus swallowed back a scream and then hissed, "Sirius, what are you doing over here?!"

"Sitting."

That was true. Sirius was perched on the end of Remus' bed, his back to the footboard, legs stretched out, much in the same position that Remus was sitting in at the moment.

"I can't see that!"

"Hey, not so loud," Sirius glanced over his shoulder at the snoring James in the bed across from them, then to the bed to the right of Remus' where Peter was most definitly still asleep as well.

"Sorry," Remus offered. "So, what are you doing over here besides sitting?"

"Talking."

"I know."

Sirius offered Remus a grin, but then it faded at Remus' expression. Remus didn't want to look this way, but he was rather mad, more at himself than Sirius. He wasn't keen on dealing with the pureblood at the moment when he himself had no clue what he was about at all.

"Remus...I...er...." Sirius frowned and then averted his eyes away from his hands to look at Remus. "Are you mad at me?"

Remus blinked, then shook his head. "No, I'm not mad at you."

"Then..." Sirius began, looking away. "Then...why are we like this...?"

Remus raised an eyebrow, then sighed as he gazed out the window, "I don't know..." He wanted to say something else, but restrained himself.

Sirius nodded. "I think I might."

Remus stared at him. Sirius wasn't one to suddenly bring things up like this. He was someone who tended to run away from fights with Remus, who tended to be rather submissive around such times. For Sirius to bring this up, Remus felt like running away. It was going to come now. He shouldn't have done it. He shouldn't have asked Sirius to kiss him. He shouldn't have.

"Remus..." Sirius' voice died. He made a few choking noises as he fought for the right words then he tried again, "Remus, why?"

"Why?" Remus looked to him. "Why what?"

"Oh don't bloody give me that," Sirius replied bitterly. "Just answer the question."

Remus looked down and tried to calm his thoughts. There were so many ways to answer, but what would be the best? What would keep Sirius from hating him? What could he exactly say?

"Because I don't know how to - "

"Not that one." Sirius shook his head. "I know that one." It seemed that with each passing moment Sirius was getting more confident and Remus was losing his confidence. It was odd how such fluctuations happened with them. "I want to know why you would even ask that."

Remus couldn't look at him. He hated this. "I - I don't know."

Sirius nodded. "So you just go and ask your best mate to snog you and have no reason?"

Remus fidgeted and then looked over at him. "You don't want to know it." Then he looked away.

Sirius eyed him. "Try me."

"No."

Sirius stared and then sighed. He hated it when he had to lead. He hated leading. It was so much easier to let James lead or Remus, but when it was Sirius at the helm the brakes always seemed to stick in his brain. What was he supposed to do now? Sirius opened his mouth and then closed it. He wasn't one for words. Sometimes he could manage them, but they weren't coming. Finally he blurted, "Why me?!"

Remus hesitated then spoke quietly, "Because it's you."

"Oh that's a great answer, Remus," Sirius quipped. "What does that mean?"

Remus sighed, running a hand through his thick wavy hair so that it rested over his eyebrow and not in his eyes. He chewed his lip in thought then looked to Sirius. "If I tell you something, will you promise not to just run off and not face it?"

Sirius stared. "Wha...?"

"Just promise me you'll stay put if I say something you might not like."

Sirius nodded slowly. "You know me, I don't run away from things."

Remus glanced at him. Sirius tended to run from confrontation sometimes depending on the subject and how much it could shock him. This was a topic Remus suspected would have Sirius get stiffly up with some lame excuse, and then Sirius would probably never acknowlege him ever again.

"I wanted to."

"What?" Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"I wanted to do it," Remus clarified. "You know..."

Sirius studied him a moment, then grasped what Remus was saying. "Oh...so you wanted to kiss me."

There. It was out now. Remus hadn't wanted to say it. He hadn't wanted to be the one to actually say the word "kiss," but now Sirius had.

Remus nodded. "Yes, I did." Before silence could descend, Remus spoke hurriedly, "I understand if you don't feel comfortable. I mean I know I'm a freak as it is - and you can't deny that - and this would just add to that a - "

"Remus - "

" - nd it would just make sense if you - "

"Remus - "

Remus blinked and looked up at Sirius. "Yeah?"

"I don't care. I really don't, and stop saying you're a freak. Haven't we told you enough that you aren't?"

Sirius had one of Remus' hands now. Neither were sure when that had happened, but they were finally looking at each other. Remus finally look away and tried to pull his hand out of Sirius' grasp.

"Yes, you've told me, but that was then. I mean...I'm queer. Queer, Padfoot..." Remus tried to free his hand again, and then glanced at Sirius. "Let me go."

Sirius studied his eyes and then slowly let go of Remus' hand, gently setting it down himself. "Do you think it's a disease?"

Remus raised an eyebrow. "What is?"

"Being queer," Sirius answered. "Do you think it's a disease?"

"Maybe," Remus replied. "I never really thought about it."

"If it is, then do you think it's contageous?"

Remus folded his arms, the feeling of Sirius' hands around his still prominant even though Sirius wasn't touching it still. "I honestly don't know, Sirius."

"Oh," Sirius looked down and then murmured something.

Remus looked up and over at him, the slight moonlight drifting in from the window illuminating half of Sirius, giving him an odd look with distorted features. It was a curious sight, and Remus wanted to get ever so closer to figure out the illusion, but he stayed put. He had made enough tresspasses that day. Then he frowned.

"Did you say something?"

Sirius looked away. "Yeah."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Remus stared and Sirius gazed off, trying to become invisible without any success.

"Well you don't have to tell me," Remus commented, finally breaking the silence.

"I should."

"But you don't have to."

"I know, but..." Sirius paused, then picked at some lint on Remus' quilt.

"But...?" Remus knew he was prodding, but it came out of his mouth before he could think it away. He wasn't given to such acts, but since the day had been filled with things he would never think of doing, Remus tried to make himself stop caring, but it was so hard to just go with the flow.

"But I have to," Sirius finished.

Remus kept from asking what it was. Unlike Sirius and James, Remus was very patient.

Sirius sighed. "I hate this."

"Then don't do it. It's okay. I understand if you - "

"No, you don't," Sirius interrupted, "and that's what makes this hard."

"Then what is it?" Remus was now truely perplexed. Sirius had a tendency to blurt out things, but to just sit on something was near unheard of.

"Well, I..." Sirius started, then finished in a rushed statement, "IagreedbecauseIwantedtokissyoutoo."

Remus stared. He hadn't heart that right. He was good at discerning what Sirius was saying when he spoke that quickly, but he had to have been missing something in the translation this time. "What did you say?"

"That I don't mind - I don't care - " Sirius paused and then spoke as slow as he could, the voice sounding almost robotic as he forced it to slow down so he could be understood clearer this time. "I don't care. I...I wanted to kiss you too." Instantly his dark grey eyes averted from Remus'.

Remus' head hit the headboard of his bed then. Leaning forward he rubbed the back of his head where he had hit it and looked at Sirius. He tried to find words, but couldn't. He was too stunned and the hit he had just taken wasn't helping.

"I know...I know...Disguing, aren't I?" Sirius folded his arms and looked away. "I mean what kind of a bloke uses his best mate's request to his own means?"

"The one who made up a request to get his best mate to snog him?"

Sirius looked to Remus then and they both grew silent and then Remus closed his eyes and looked away. "I was selfish. I shouldn't have asked that of you. I wasn't thinking."

"It's okay. I shouldn't have agreed, I mean - I don't know..." Sirius fell silent. "So...?"

"'So...?'" Remus looked over at Sirius as Sirius looked at him.

Then Sirius sat up on his knees, watching Remus intently. "You don't care?"

"About what?" Remus watched Sirius move.

"About this," and with that, Sirius kissed him. Pulling back he looked down at Remus and then sat back on his knees. "Feeling confident for the mistletoe, Moony?"

Remus studied him a moment and then nodded. "I think so, Padfoot."

The End