Disclaimer: I do not own the mentalist and make no money from this
Author's Note: My computer is fixed now (fingers crossed) and while I was watching tv when it was broken I heard the courus of that song "love lift us up where we belong..." and it made me think of this for some reason so I thought I'd write it down and upload if I thought it came out well and voila! Rated T for sadness and a swear word or two. It's from Lisbon's point of view as she thinks of Jane and their son on the anniversary of Jane's death. The summary is pretty lame I know but just read it anyway and please tell me what you think. Hope you like it!
"Shush, shush. It's okay, your okay," Lisbon said soothingly to her crying son. Poor little guy had had a nightmare, she thought while rocking him gently as she paced the nursery. He stopped crying and she gave him his favourite pacifier to suck. He was nearly six months old now, he had dark hair like her but his mischievous grin and beautiful eyes could only be gained from his father: Patrick Jane.
How ironic, she noticed suddenly, that he should have a nightmare on the anniversary of his father's death. Her son was calming down now though, she thought seeing him illuminated by the streaks of silver moonlight. She looked out at the full moon, just like when they'd finally admitted how they felt for each other. It had been a rough case and because of some stunt of his she'd ended up being shot, it was just a flesh wound, a graze really. If she hadn't hit her head when she'd fell, she wouldn't even have thought twice about it. But he had and he had never left her side the whole time.
It was just after the paramedics had finished patching her up and they'd been sitting on the back of the ambulance. The team had been still at CBI and they'd been alone with just the shining full moon above them, she smiled as she remembered how it had illuminated hid handsome features as he spoke.
"I'm sorry, so sorry,"
"Please Jane, it was just a graze. Nothing serious," she tried to laugh it off but he was adamant.
"This time, what about next time. I love you too much to lose you, I don't know what I'd do without you," she was both surprised and pleased at his admission.
"And I love you too much to have let that guy shoot you," her words had had the same effect on him.
They'd started dating after that, the team had been happy for them, he had been happy, she had been happy. Life had seemed so good for those few precious months, how she treasured them.
Lisbon sat down carefully in the chair in the nursery, unshed tears came to her eyes as baby Patrick's dried. That was what she'd called him of course, Patrick after his father. She'd almost called him Patrick Jane but decided she didn't want lots of people complaining they had different surnames, so Patrick Lisbon it was.
She often wondered what they'd have named him. He'd never known she was pregnant, never known she'd carried his son. Not even she had known, not until Red John had already taken him from her.
They'd finally found him, after so many years of searching they'd found Red John. She and Jane had somehow managed to arrive before the team to find Red John pointing a gun at them, at his command she'd relinquished her weapon, hoping to stall him before the team got there.
"It's over Red John, you're not getting out of this," Jane had told him calmly. Red John's bitter laugh filled the air,
"I know and it's your fault Patrick Jane, your fault that I can't continue my work," Red John had suddenly smiled, "before I took your wife and child, now I take your lover and boss,"
"No!" Jane had screamed jumping at her, knocking her out of the way of the bullets he fired at her. She saw Jane hit the ground, his body bouncing awkwardly as he gasped in pain. Blood pooling beneath him as she'd gone to him, oblivious to Red John blowing his brains out as her team rushed in. She'd knelt beside the man she loved.
"I did it! He's dead," Jane had exclaimed happily in-between breaths.
"That's great, Patrick now just hang on until the paramedics get here," she'd told him as she began stroking his hair.
"I love you Teresa..." he'd whispered drifting off at her name. His eyes had closed and his head had fallen back.
"NO!" she screamed as she realized that the shining light of life in him had been extinguished and she knew in her heart that no one would be able to bring it back.
"NO!" she'd screamed again, "no, no, no, no, no," she'd said it over and over as she sobbed onto his lifeless corpse.
Tears fell freely down her cheeks at the memory, had it that really been just a year ago? She looked at Patrick, he was asleep now, his little head resting comfortably on her shoulder. She wished Jane could see his son, would he be happy? Would he love him as much as she did? It was stupid wondering and wishing at what would never happen.
She'd been so devastated at Jane's death. She'd wanted to die too, she'd fervently wished one of the bullets had taken her life too, just so that she wouldn't have to live without him. She had missed him so much her heart felt it would explode with grief. She was painfully aware everyday about how much she still missed him, but the pain was lesser now, dulled only by the fact her son needed her. Their child, their beautiful, special little baby boy. The only piece of Jane left in the world that wasn't a memory.
She remembered when she'd found out she was pregnant. It was after Jane had died, she'd been at home sobbing when she'd felt sick and had run off to puke. It had kept happening and bothering her until she'd eventually become so pissed off by it that she'd went to see a doctor.
"Congratulations Miss. Lisbon, you're pregnant..."
She'd sat there in stunned silence for awhile, until he'd stupidly asked if he should call the father of the baby. Lisbon had told him bluntly he was dead and burst into tears, She's been so ashamed at the time. It seemed unimportant now, that one sentence had given her a new reason to live and killed any future plans for suicide. She could never abandon her and Jane's son like that.
With a reason to live, she'd forced herself to struggle on for Patrick. She wasn't quite sure when she'd started calling him Patrick but it just seemed impossible to name him anything other than after the man who'd given him life.
She smiled through her silent tears as she remembered when he's been born. After hours of agonizing pain she'd been rewarded with a small bundle of blankets containing their sleeping child. She'd held him carefully, afraid she would so easily shatter the fragile infant that had given her life a meaning.
She'd been so happy, she hadn't been that happy since before Patrick had died. She remembered feeling like she could almost see him there, positively glowing at them, telling her how much he loved them and how proud he was of her.
She'd hoped thats what he would have said anyway, she struggled to imagine it any other way. It was so unfairly cruel that he died before being able to relish in that wonderful moment. She stopped crying and smiled suddenly, it had been so hard after he died to imagine him or remember him alive. She'd forgotten the good times and had just kept reliving his final moments in her mind. Now she could think back to the good times and smile at them. Her heart still ached for him, everyday, she didn't think it ever would stop, but she at lease she still had her memories of him. She'd always have that. She didn't realize she'd fallen asleep until she saw him grinning at her.
"Patrick?" she gasped, he was standing there in his three piece suit, his whole face positively beaming at her. She stood carefully up and ran to him throwing her arms around him as they pulled into a tight embrace. He held her close, each enjoying the other's company. Eventually he pulled away, his eyes awash with silent tears like her.
"I have to go soon," he told her gently.
"Please don't go, I love you, I need you. Patrick please," he put a finger to her lips.
"We both know this can't last, I can't bring myself back to life anymore than I could a year ago. If I had a choice I would be alive with you, you know that right?" she nodded at him and kissed him tenderly.
"Can you at least meet someone first?" he looked curiously at her. She turned suddenly held their son in her arms., "this is your son,"
Patrick's grin returned from ear to ear.
"Our son? He's so beautiful, I haven't seen him since he was born," he continued to smile at her, "I was so proud of you,"
"I know," she told him simply, she did feel like she knew somehow.
"Can I hold him?" she handed him over, baby Patrick gurgled with delight as he met his Dad for the first time.
"Is this your Dad, huh?" she told him happily. Patrick cradled him in his arms, it looked so sweet, better than she'd ever imagined. Yet it was a bittersweet moment as she knew it'd never happen again. Patrick kissed his son carefully on his head and gave him back to her.
"I have to go now," he told her sadly, "I'd give anything to stay,"
"Then take me with you," Patrick shook his head at her words.
"And leave our son an orphan? It would be too selfish of us,"
"I'll take good care of him, I promise,"
"I know you will Teresa," he leaned forward and kissed her gently, "goodbye my love, goodbye my child," he pulled away smiling again.
"Goodbye Patrick," she said returning his smile as he turned and walked away, vanishing more and more on each passing step until he was no more...
She opened her eyes feeling to see rays of sunlight streaming into the nursery. She felt much more at peace than she had since forever. She glanced down at Patrick who was awake and looking at her, he would be hungry for his breakfast.
"Come on, let's get you some grub," she told him as he laughed, he was a good reason to live, she thought as she went into the kitchen.
Patrick smiled at her.