How did we end up here?
1. I promised I wouldn't lose you, but I did.
He looked out over the dark skyline of Paris and he couldn't help but wonder that it should have been New York and Empire State instead of where he was, in a hotel in Paris looking out over the majestic form of the Eifel tower. He couldn't understand how he ended up here, it was ironic really. He hade always been the lost boy, running around unsure of what life meant and what he should do with his so he covered it up with booze, endless one-night stands and throwing around money until he got tired and got stoned or high or something that just could make him forget about his pitiful way of living life. Then he had met Blair Waldorf, maybe it wasn't that unusual that a girl could change a boy to something better, something more but the story of Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf was something special. It wasn't anything ordinary with their story at all. It was something more. It was blood, sweat and tears. It was agony. It was pain. It was heartbreaking in so many ways. But mainly, it was happiness. It was inevitable. It was chemistry. It was love. If it had stayed with that, there really hadn't been anything ironic with his position today, but it didn't stay there.
Everyone always thought, no they knew that Blair Waldorf would want the house, the kids, the marriage, the summerhouse in France, there were never any doubts about that because she had wanted it since she was five and Blair Waldorf always got what she wanted so when Chuck Bass finally said that he loved her everyone assumed that it was only a matter of time before she would demand all of the things that considering her would make her life perfect in that fairytale kind of way that only a Waldorf could imagine. To everyone's surprise it never happened. Blair went to college, Chuck ruled Bass Industries like he was born to do it and they were perfectly happy. Until that damn feeling Chuck had tried to lock down and swallow the key to appeared again, insecurity. Why did he have to be so damn insecure? Had Blair ever done something that should get him insecure? Okay, maybe in the past, with Nate and everything but wasn't they past that? So, that September evening almost two years ago he should have let it go. Because just because they didn't live at the same place or didn't meet up every day didn't meant that Blair didn't love him as much as he loved her. She was in colleges for god's sake! Of course she couldn't babysit him every free hour. But it didn't matter how much he convinced himself that everything were okay, that stupid nagging feeling inside him wouldn't go away and he had to do something. Anything. Because he wouldn't lose Blair Waldorf, not now, not never.
So he did what Chuck Bass do best, he made sure that he got what he wanted. Just like all of his possessions he would lock Blair down. He proposed. It was craziness really, they'd been together two years, they were not even legal. But Chuck was insecure and he was afraid. Of losing the love of his life. He did it anyways. Of course Blair said no, not because the didn't want her fairytale with her prince, not because she didn't love him, just because it was to soon, to sudden, to unprepared and maybe the biggest factor: It screamed Chuck and his insecurities from miles away and Blair Waldorf wouldn't be Blair Waldorf if she couldn't smell that from miles distant. So she said no. So Chuck did what he did second best, he ran away. He fled. He didn't want to b a failure. But he was. And he couldn't stand to face Blair after her rejection of him. He left in the darkness of the New York night, like a thief who hates the light because then everyone can see his real colors. He didn't want to hear Blair plead him to stay, or her tears or her heart shattering in thousand pieces all because of him. It wasn't because he was a cold, heartless shell of a human, it was because he couldn't see her break down when he barely hold himself together as it was. And it was because he was afraid. Afraid of what he might've seen in Blair's eyes that day. Not hate, not rage, not coldness. But agony, pain, hurt and the worst of all: love.