I do not own Danny Phantom, Mary Poppins, Catcher in the Rye or Twilight. I have nothing against Twilight; I just thought that's how the trio would react.
Invasion of the Pippin
Danny slouched in his seat, eyes half-lidded as he stared mindlessly at the clock. Morning class would start in less than a minute and he was already having trouble staying awake. If today was Shakespeare Lecture Day, then he would most definitely be falling asleep and failing the pop quiz Lancer would no doubt be giving out.
The bell trilled and there was still no Lancer. Sam arched an eyebrow. It wasn't like the middle-aged man to be late.
Danny dropped his head on his desk and moaned softly. Why did Skulker and Walker have to choose last night to wreak havoc on Amity Park? It's not like they were going to die anytime soon. He even mentioned that to them.
They didn't appreciate his witty joke.
"Hello my darling little subjects!"
The high-pitched voice made everyone snap their attention to the front of the room. It certainly wasn't Lancer's dry and unimpressed tone. The only time Lancer ever put emotion into his voice was when he was going on and on about poetry and the joys it brought.
Danny was having a tough time deciding whether or not to lift his head. He was kind of afraid on whom-or what-he would find standing at the front of the class. Soon there was a harsh poking on his arm and Danny let out a sigh and reluctantly lifted his head, rubbing the forming bruise and throwing a glare at Tucker. The techgeek was wide-eyed and gaping at the front of the room.
I don't want to look. I don't want to look.
He looked.
And wished he didn't. The woman at the front of the room had to be in her thirties. Her pale blond hair was tied into a long braid that trailed down her back and was held together by pink pieces of ribbon. A rose-pink dress hugged her hour-glass figure and white buttons ran all the way up her front. Bright brown eyes sparkled at them and she flashed a brilliant white smile.
It's freaking Mary Poppins.
Danny stared in disbelief at this new woman. He had never seen such a cheery person that radiated perkiness. Spectra would absolutely die a second time if she were here. Sam looked like she was about to throw up, nose wrinkled in disgust and face slightly green.
Everyone seemed bereft of speech. Danny, who had seen weirder things, raised a hand in the air.
"Yes dear?" She nodded at Danny, smile never wavering.
"Um...who the heck are you?"
"I am your new teacher, Ms. Pippins." Ms. Pippins flashed another smile and-dear heavens-curtseyed.
I knew it. It's Mary Poppins in disguise! Sam is going to-wait. New teacher?
"Excuse me ma'am, but what happened to Mr. Lancer?" Tucker called out, eyes still wide.
"I'm afraid there have been some cutbacks and Mr. Lancer has been let go. I offered to work for very little pay. I believe spreading knowledge to wonderful children like you is the best pay in the world." Another mega-watt smile.
She's a Mary Sue! That's even worse than Mary Poppins!
Danny calmed himself down. Maybe she wouldn't be so bad. Maybe he just had to warm up to her a bit. So he settled back in his chair and focussed on the board as Ms. Pippins took attendance.
He raised his hand when he was called and so did Tucker. Sam doodled in her notebook and Pippins came upon the M's. "Samantha Manson?"
Sam scowled and raised her hand. "It's Sam," she corrected with mild annoyance.
"Samantha is such a lovely name! Why should you shorten it? I think I'll call you Samantha."
"I hate being called Samantha!" Sam snapped and glared at the new teacher.
Ms. Pippins clucked her tongue. "Nonsense! You'll get used to it. Now let's move on, we have a rather busy day ahead."
Tucker rolled his blue-green eyes and tossed his PDA onto his desk. Ms. Pippins spotted it and widened her brown eyes. She quickly hurried forward and plucked it off of his desk. "Nasty little things! They corrupt your minds and fill them with absolute mush! I do not allow technology in my classroom young man. Don't fret, you may have this back at the end of the year."
She sauntered to the front of the room and dropped the PDA into the top drawer of her desk. Tucker whirled around and gaped in horror at Danny, eyes pleading for him to do something. Danny shrugged and turned back to the front of the room.
"I believe the book you have been reading was Catcher in the Rye." Pippins frowned and reviewed the red paper folder that held all of Lancer's lesson plans.
Danny grinned. Catcher in the Rye was one book he actually read and liked. He could totally relate to it! This was the first unit test he couldn't wait for.
"I don't like that book. Too inappropriate for you children," Ms Pippins said.
Danny stared at his teacher in shock. That book was his ticket to passing! How could she not like Catcher in the Rye? It was hilarious!
At least Mary Poppins has some sense of humour! Danny thought with disgust. He kept his mouth shut and took some satisfaction in the fact that most of the other students weren't too happy with Ms. Pippins either.
"Good thing I brought my own set of books." Ms. Pippins bent down and lifted up a cardboard box. It thumped onto her desk and an umbrella clattered to the floor. Danny widened his blue eyes and pointed frantically at it.
"Cut it out!" Sam hissed, violet eyes flashing in warning.
Danny scowled and glared at it. The whole Mary Poppins thing was a joke before, but now he was actually convinced that this was some twisted version of her.
"Ah! Twilight. A rather nice twist on Romeo and Juliet!"
Paulina and Star grinned widely. Danny stared at the black apple-covered books and slumped once more in his seat. Yeah, he was definitely going to fail.
"That's a total embarrassment to the vampire name!" Sam cried and jumped from her seat.
"Young lady, I don't appreciate outbursts in my class," Ms. Pippins informed sternly.
Sam blinked. Lancer always let them express their honest opinions, as long as it was appropriate and no one fist-fought about it. "It's my opinion! And I refuse to read it." Lancer always let them do a different book if they were uncomfortable reading what he assigned.
"Your opinions are very good, but try and keep them to yourself. Please go sit in the Naughty Corner." She pointed a well-manicured finger to the right corner of the classroom. Sam followed the direction and stared at the wooden stool in the corner.
"You can't be serious."
"Ten minutes in the corner young lady or I shall call your parents."
Sam, knowing her parents would adore Ms. Pippins, turned crimson and stormed to the corner and sat down, back stifle facing the class. Paulina and Star stifled their giggles behind their hands and eagerly accepted the hardcover vampire book.
Danny stared at it when it was distributed on his desk. He scowled and gingerly pushed it away. A beeping noise trilled from the front of the room. Pippins instructed everyone to read the first two chapters and hurried to her satchel, digging around within it.
I can't see how this is any better than Catcher in the Rye, Danny thought with a frown. He glanced up and noted Tucker staring at Pippins in fury. The teacher was holding a cell phone and scrolling through the message she had just received.
"Hypocrite," Tucker mouthed and glared daggers.
Danny sighed and reluctantly opened to the first page.
"BAHAHA-snort-AHAHAHA!"
The shriek-like cackle startled Danny so much he jumped and fell from his seat, clattering to the floor. He stumbled to his feet and looked around with wild eyes, and saw his teacher doubled over, laughing her head off.
The witch-like laugh was coming from her!
"Holy crap!" Danny breathed and collapsed back in his chair, hand over his pounding heart. A piece of paper flew over his head and landed on his desk.
She needs to go. If I hear that stupid laugh one more time I'm gonna go nuts! Sam's neat scrawl greeted him when he opened the crumpled paper.
He showed it to Tucker and the techgeek grabbed it from his hand. She's a hypocrite! I can't learn with a hypocrite for a teacher! And Twilight? She's insane!
Danny snatched the paper back. She's Mary Poppins I tell you! She has the umbrella and everything!
"Danny!" Sam and Tucker snapped at him.
Ms. Pippins stopped laughing and turned to face them, hands on her narrow hips and brown eyes flashing disapprovingly. "No talking! Samantha, do you want another ten minutes?"
Sam gritted her teeth and turned back around, glowering at the wall. Danny ran a hand through his raven hair and sighed. Why did he always get the crazy ones?
"May I go to the bathroom?" Dash asked, waving his hand wildly.
"Sorry, but no going to the bathroom on my time. If you can hold it during break, you can hold it for a period," Ms. Pippins replied, brown eyes dragging back to her book.
No...bathroom...breaks?
"That's it!" Danny howled. He jumped from his chair and booked it out of the classroom. Sam hastily followed, black boots skidding on the tiled floor. Tucker glanced briefly at the clock before following his two best friends.
They hadn't even lasted ten minutes.
...
"I can't take it!" Sam wailed. Her hands gripped the edge of Principal's Ishiyama's desk as she ranted. Ishiyama blinked and listened patiently. She was used to frantic students bursting in her office, but this was ridiculous.
When Sam finished her rave Helen Ishiyama spoke. "I'm sorry Ms. Manson, but we have some budget problems. We can't afford to have as many teachers as we used to and Ms. Pippins offered to work for very low pay."
"She's crazy! And a hypocrite!" Tucker cried.
Danny had seized the phone and was frantically flipping through his principal's address book. He found Lancer's number and dialled quickly. Sam pulled out her purple cell and dialled her dad's number. Tucker just sat in the corner and tried to keep his breathing under control.
"Dad? No, I'm fine. Listen, you gotta donate a whole bunch of money to Casper High. Don't ask why! Just please do it! If you don't, I'm gonna go crazy! Just donate the money or else I'm gonna go marry Danny in Vegas, alright!" Sam snapped her phone shut and scowled darkly.
Danny had been bouncing on the spot for a minute. Lancer finally answered his phone. "Helen? Why are you-?"
"You gotta come back!" Danny hollered into the phone. "She's not giving us bathroom breaks, she's not letting us voice opinions and she's giving us Twilight!"
"And she's a hypocrite!" Tucker chimed in from his corner.
Helen groaned and snatched the phone from Fenton's grasp. "Lancer, these kids are going to drive me off of the deep end."
"I know how you feel."
Ishiyama paused and glanced at her computer screen when it pinged, telling her she got a new e-mail. She quickly scanned it and arched an eyebrow. "It says here over two thousand dollars has been donated to our school board."
"Thank you Dad," Sam muttered. She nearly jumped over the oak desk in a frenzy. "Mr. Lancer! You can come back now!"
Helen pushed Sam away and listened intently. "Alright William. We'll be seeing you soon."
"Yes!" Sam and Danny high-fived.
"Sorry kids. William already booked a relaxing cruise for next week, so you'll have to last with Mary until then."
"No!" Sam shrieked and fell to the floor. Tucker moaned and banged his head repeatedly on the wall. Danny widened his blue eyes.
"I told you! Mary! Mary Pippins! Huh? Huh?"
"Shut up!"