A/N: As said mainly Alistair-related prompts of the BSN goes in there, set in the "Of elves and humans" universe. Aside random silliness and snippets, those prompts give me the freedom to indulge in the more advanced topics than I'm right now in my main story, as well to write possible AU-versions of the main-events. Which means that they don't necessarily happen like this in OEAH...or at all. Heh.

Beware it is unbeta-d yet, so all your grammar bases are belong to us :p

Prompt: "There were times Alistair almost wished he'd never left the Chantry."

Black and white

.

Alistair restlessly wandered up and down in his room in Redcliffe castle and tried desperately to distract himself from the raw anger bubbling within him. In his head one thought kept replaying over and over again.

How could she have done this?

He just didn't understand. For a long while he kept this nervous routine up, his body all tensed and the fist clenched at his side while he waited for her to return.

At the moment the handle was pressed down, Alistair's head snapped to the door, well knowing that he had lost the inner struggle against that overbearing irate feeling.

Her blond head peeked through the crack of the door, blinking bewildered as she perceived his odd, agitated behavior."By the Creators, Alistair, wh –

"Lenya, we need to talk!" He growled at an instant, even before the Dalish had fully entered his...their... room.

Something in his voice made her frown, afraid even. She never had seen him so enraged before. Alerted, she slipped into their room and waited for him to actually explain.

"H-how could you do this?" He snapped at her and his breath trembled as he fixed her with a stare. "You have killed Lady Isolde."

"I have wha - ?" Lenya's posture immediately changed, the anxious nuance within faded for utter exasperation. She crossed her arms, holding his angry stare. "So this is it about, huh? I haven't done such a thing and you know it. You were there after all, Alistair."

His eyes narrowed at the indifferent tone in her voice. " Oh yes," he hissed, " I was there and have seen how you have let Lady Isolde sacrifice herself to blood magic." He spat the last two words out, as if they were burning his mouth.

Lenya turned and slammed the door shut to not entertain the whole estate with their argument. She took several deep breath to calm herself down. It wasn't working. "So, you really want to fight about such a thing? Fine."

"No, I just can't understand how you could have made such a decision. How could you let Jowan use blood magic?"

"What should I have done instead that it had fitted in your Chantry-addled world view? Kill the shemlen child? Would that have made things easier for you?" She snarled in a sardonic tone, glaring up to him.

He silently held her gaze for a moment. "No, of course not. We should have gone to the Circle of Mage, seeking their help instead. We should have tried harder, instead of –

"We have discussed that before and I have told you that this was not an option," Lenya interrupted him brisk.

"But blood magic –

"Blood magic, blood magic, blood magic, is that all you care about?" The elf was screaming now. "Should I have left an abomination run free, unchecked here for a couple of days, just to go to the Circle to please you? What if the demon within that Da'len had the urge for another zombie attack, while we were away for the mages?"

"It is not all!" Alistair objected sharply. "But Connor's mother is dead, the Arl's wife. How could you live with that decision?"

Her foot tapped rapidly on the ground, her patience all spent. It was like talking to wall.

"We have already discussed that. I thought you had listen, stupid me. Lenya roared, her tone all icy. "And by the way, Alistair; I live every single day with such decisions. This is it what it means to lead! That woman has given her life freely to correct the wrong she had done. To save her son and all the shemlen in the village you and I have fought for the night before."

She shook her head, slowly backing away from him. "You idiot. If everything were so easy like you believe it is, I wouldn't have left my clan in the first place." The Dalish muttered an elvish curse under her breath and stormed to the door.

Alistair lowered his gaze and let out a long suffering sigh. On days like today, he wished it would have been just that easy for once.

Just how his life in the Chantry were.

Getting up early in the morning, then hours of praying and training until sundown. Nothing more. There was no constant fighting to survive, no Blight, no darkspawn. No questioning what Eamon would say when he wakes up, just to find out that they have killed his wife. No feelings of guilt because of it.

Everything was far more...easier. A comfortable black and white, without those complicated shades of Grey within.

During his days in the Chantry existed only good and evil and nothing in between of this. Blood magic was simply evil, as well as abominations were and therefore slain without questions. Now in his days as a Grey Warden, he ironically was forced to recognize those shades the Chantry has blindfolded him for years with their teachings. As a Grey Warden blood magic suddenly served a greater good to save lives and even an abomination. This was all but easy to grasp. Frustrating even.

Not to mention that he let all dissatisfaction out now on that one person, who was able to make such hard decisions where he could not. The woman he loved and trusted. Should have trusted.

Crap.

With a few fast steps, he strode through the room and justly reached the door as she wanted to open it.

"Alistair, I swear by the gods, if you don't get out of my way, I'll kick you there where it really hurts."

He was aware that she was all but joking, especially not with that low growling in her voice, he knew too good. Nevertheless, Alistair didn't back away, blocking the exit with his huge frame and looked pleadingly down at her. "Don't go. Please. I'm sorry."

Lenya let out an annoyed groan. "You think it is always that easy, huh? One apology and the world is whole again? You have questioned not only me but also my trust and my ability to lead. Which is by the way a role you have shoved to me in the first place, because you felt too uncomfortable to decide such things. So don't 'sorry' me now for outright screaming at me, because I have exactly done that."

He smiled apologetic. "In other words, I was a complete and utter fool? Sorry, and I mean it. It wasn't fair of me to let my frustration out on you."

"No, it wasn't," Lenya muttered quietly and shifted beneath him. To her own surprise, she felt her anger slowly subsiding again.

"Maker, I shouldn't be second-guessing you like this, which is easy to do when you are not making the decisions." Alistair rubbed his face with one hand and sighed. "It is just that I'm so weary of all this death and – " he halted his words, as she took his hand away from his face and intertwined it within her smaller one.

"I know..."

Moved by her gentle and appeasing gesture, Alistair took her hand up and planted a chaste kiss on the backside. "Sooo, is this the part now, where you tell me that life isn't easy and scold me for being an idiot?"

Her eyebrow shot up, actually amused now."Well, I'm not Wynne, you know? Though the idiot part," she grinned, sticking her tongue out to him, "I think I've already covered that."

He chuckled. "Oh, yes, many, many, maaany times even. So you don't mind if we skip that then and advance to the fun part, right?"

With that, Alistair moved closer to the Dalish and cupped her chin to put it up for a long kiss.

Life outside the Chantry was without a doubt far more complicated, but there were some things that made it worth.