From the personal journal of Cullen Rutherford

9:30 - 6 Justinian - Redcliffe Chantry:

Mother Hannah says I need to write down my feelings...as if that will help anything. Maker, I should have let Commander Greagoir have a mage heal me. They just patch you up and send you back to what you were doing...no...not again. I will not let magic touch me again. Redcliffe is a mess. Apparently there was an undead attack, which seems to not be related to the Blight at all. It was caused by Arl Eamon's son Connor, because he's a mage and made a deal with a demon. Of course he did. That is what mages do.. But at least cleaning up gives me something to do other than sit and think about...what happened. I just need to keep busy.

Kirkwall: 9:41 - 18 Cloudreach

Cullen pondered the pile of reports in front of him and rubbed his temples. Another headache. It seemed he ended each day with them, these days...started most days with a headache, for that matter. There were not enough hours in the day to do everything he needed to do. At least his efforts were bearing visible fruit. Kirkwall was in a little better shape than it was right after the Chantry exploded. The rubble had been cleared away, although the Chantry had not been rebuilt. Cullen doubted that it would be rebuilt on that site, in any case. Order had been restored in the city, due in no small part to the efforts of Guard Captain Aveline - he liked the woman, and not just because she was a fellow Fereldan. She got the job done, and she took care of her people. He considered both her and her husband Donnic to be friends...at least, as much as he considered anyone a friend, anymore. He had little time for socializing. The occasional dinner with Aveline, Donnic and their children or, when he was looking for socialization of a different sort, a visit to the Rose once a month or so was about as much as he allowed himself.

"It is no wonder I have a headache, if I let my mind wander so," he muttered, and tried once again to concentrate on reports. Crime was apparently up a bit - he'd have Aveline's people look into that, as that was more her jurisdiction than his. Trade was up a bit, too...hmmm...perhaps those were related. He made a note to ask Aveline about that. He had learned a lot about how the city worked since the Chantry explosion, but he felt like he did not know nearly enough.

He was just considering going to one of the Tranquil for a headache draught when Elsa appeared at his door, as if summoned. Was he that predictable?

"Knight-Captain, there is a Seeker here," she said.

She was here? He'd known Seeker Pentaghast was in the city, but she hadn't been to see him as yet. He supposed it was his turn to be taken to task for the events three years ago. Well, nothing she said could be any worse than the things he said to himself about what had happened.

"Send her in, and would you please bring me a headache draught when you have a moment?"

Elsa gave him what was, for her, an arch look and placed a phial on his desk before leaving to fetch the Seeker. "Apparently I am that predictable," he thought to himself as he tossed back the draught and grimaced. He could swear they tasted worse every time he had one.

He was glad he'd had the draught once Seeker Pentaghast told him what she wanted. On the one hand, he was glad that he and his fellow templars would not be taken to task for the events of the past several years. In fact, she commended him for doing as well as he had.

"If that dwarf is to be believed, you are much of the reason the city functions as well as it does," she said.

"Seeker Pentaghast.."

"Please, call me Cassandra. It's a bit less of a mouthful, and I do not wish to call more attention to my family connections than necessary," she said.

"Fine, Cassandra, then, why me? If I had put a stop to Meredith before it came to this…"

"Bah. She was your commander. Besides, she was very good at telling people what they wanted to hear, according to the Lord Seeker. I am sure she did the same with you. I am more concerned that you did the right thing and defended the city, and you have spent all of your waking hours since helping to restore order. Kirkwall is reasonably functional, which is more than even Val Royeaux can say at the moment. You are driven and organized, from everything I have heard about you. The Inquisition needs those qualities in a commander."

"I just cannot believe it has come to this...a second Inquisition," Cullen said. He actually did believe it, he just didn't want to. The Nevarran Accord had been anulled. The towers had fallen. There was no going back. But it was hard to admit, all the same.

"Not...necessarily. There is one last chance. Justinia has called a Conclave so that all parties can talk and perhaps come to a peaceful solution. It is to be held at the Temple of Sacred Ashes in Ferelden. One hopes that people will behave at Andraste's resting place," Cassandra said.

Her dry tone made Cullen smile, in spite of himself. He liked this woman. He thought he could work with her.

"If the Conclave succeeds the Inquisition will not happen, then?" he asked.

"Perhaps. I am not so optimistic that the templars and mages will come to an agreement so quickly. Even if they do, the Chantry will still need to change...and the Templars do not currently have a Knight Vigilant. Believe me, Knight Captain Cullen, you have impressed the Divine. You will play an important role in what is to come, regardless," Cassandra said.

"Seeker, I need to consider this," Cullen finally answered. "I can give you an answer tomorrow."

"Of course. This is not a decision to be made in a moment," Cassandra answered. "I will come back tomorrow at this time," she said. They both stood and shook hands, then she turned on her heel and left.

Cullen didn't even bother trying to go back to his paperwork after Cassandra left. He knew there would be no point. He recited the Chant in an effort to calm his thoughts, but he couldn't have told you which of the canticles he'd chosen.

Even though he was ashamed that he had not seen what was happening to Knight-Commander Meredith in time to stop her, he was proud of what he'd managed to salvage from Kirkwall's ashes. Even though Kirkwall had been the beginning of the mage/templar war, it was faring better than some other cities in Thedas. Of course, it was a bit of a shithole to begin with, but that was neither here nor there. But..he had to see this as a sign from the Maker that his time here was done.

But to become the Commander of the Inquisition, he'd have to leave the Templar Order. Was he ready to do that? He thought perhaps he was, but he'd been a templar for half his life - more if you counted the training. It was...a big change. He supposed he was not committing to leaving the templars just yet. The Conclave could still go well, although he wondered if he was fooling himself for thinking so. Still, the Seeker was the Divine's Right Hand. If she said that the Divine wanted him to have an important place in whatever the Chantry must change itself into, then she did, and he would. Regardless of the outcome of the Conclave, it was a chance to help fix not just Kirkwall...but all of Thedas. He would be a fool to let this pass him by. He would sleep on it, or whatever passed for sleep with him tonight, but he knew that when the Seeker returned, he'd accept her offer to join the Inquisition.

Author's Note: Hello! I have returned from hiatus because Inquisition has captured my interest, bigtime. Title is from the 1968 movie about King Henry II, but it's really a play on words nodding at Cullen's rather leonine appearance in Inquisition + the perpetual winter of Haven/Skyhold. Thank you to JayRain, Winterborne, and MsBarrows for their help and encouragement as I have been writing this piece.