More Than I Can Take
"I'm sorry."
The words echoed in her head for an age. How could she not know? How could it have happened? Surely the signs had been there beforehand…
"I don't know what happened…"
Charlie felt the overwhelming urge to laugh bitterly. He didn't know what had happened?
"I just…"
"Stop." She finally managed to choke out, hugging herself tightly. "…Don't."
"Charlie-"
"DON'T!"
Smithy stopped, hanging his head as he sat down, waiting for Charlie to speak, hardly able to bring himself to look at her.
"What-," She broke off and swallowed. "What's her name?"
"…Louise."
"How long?"
"Not long." Smithy sighed, rubbing his temples, before looking up at her. "Chaz -."
"Don't call me that!" Charlie looked up, allowing him to see the tears tracking their way along her cheeks.
"Charlie…"
"How long…?"
"A month."
Charlie grabbed desperately at the chair beside her, sinking down into it as her legs buckled beneath her. "A month…" she repeated, her chest physically hurting as she balled the tissue she was holding, shredding it nervously. "Here's me thinking it was a one night thing…" She almost laughed. "Stupid Charlie, eh…always the last one to find out. Serves her right, fancy believing she could change him…"
"Charlie!" Smithy stood up, at a loss to know what to do next, "I'm sorry…"
"Change the record." She scoffed, glaring at him. "That supposed to make me forgive you? Fall into your arms like always, say its ok…you're only human…?"
"No," Smithy sighed desperately. "I just want to explain."
"Go on then." Charlie sniffed back more tears, "Tell me how she was…how she was better…how she made the earth move…"
"No! Charlie, no!" He stopped in front of her, watching her. "It's not like that, she wasn't better, it, it was different."
"Different?" Charlie scoffed, standing up to him. "That's supposed to make me feel better?"
"Of course not…" Smithy sighed, taking her hand.
"Do you love her?"
"No! I love you Charlotte…"
Charlie physically winced as she heard the words, pulling her hand back, "Don't you dare." she sniffed. "Don't do this to me!"
"I never meant to hurt you," Smithy reached out, cupping Charlie's face in his hands as he gently brushed the tears from her eyes with his thumbs, "I love you Charlie, more than anything or anyone." He leant forward, pressing his lips against Charlie's.
Charlie's heart felt as though it was in her mouth, closing her eyes as he kissed her, forcing herself to go rigid and unresponsive. She lifted her hand, slapping him across the cheek as she pushed him away. "You know…", she cried, her fists flailing out, catching his chest as Smithy stood back and took it, letting her hit him. "You know how I feel about you…" she whimpered, lashing out, her punches getting harder, fighting for the reaction she wanted from him, even though she didn't know quite what it was herself. She pushed harder, almost angrier with him for letting her hurt him "You know how long I waited for you, what we've been through…" she sniffed again, almost calming a little, backing off. "And you…you go to someone else…" She pulled back, sinking to the floor with her head in her hands. "You sleep with someone else…!"
"I'm sorry." Smithy said quietly, looking at the floor as he picked his jacket from the back of the chair, "I'll go…"
Charlie stopped and froze, looking behind her. "…What?"
"I'll go. Make it easier for you."
Charlie blinked more tears, turning to face him, feeling more vulnerable and lost than she had in a long time, hating him for making her feel like this. "…No." She sniffed, shaking her head. "No, no you can't. You can't just walk out, I won't let you…" She sounded panicked, taking slow stilted steps towards him.
"The only place I do any good is the station." Smithy hung his head, his voice so low he could hardly be heard.
"Dale-"
"Charlie, please." Smithy wrung his hands and continued staring at the floor as he spoke. "Everything I touch breaks."
"That's not true." Charlie hesitantly reached out, her hand hovering in the air between them, before she thought better of it, hugging herself. "We-"
"Don't." Smithy looked up, shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I can't do this-"
"No!" Charlie all but raced in front of him, blocking his exit. "I can't – I won't let you leave!"
"Charlie." Smithy sounded tired, sighing as he shook his head. "Don't…"
"You want to finish it? Just like that? Everything we've been through…?" Charlie looked pleadingly at him, her eyes scanning her face. "You don't have to do this…" She moved forward and gently cupped his face, forcing him to look at her. "I love you…" She whispered, her voice trembling as much as her hands were. "And I'm not going to lose you, not without a fight. You did wrong…but you admitted it, we can work through it."
Smithy swallowed and finally looked Charlie in the eye, "I…I'm sorry."
"I know you are." Charlie nodded, another tear escaping from her eyes, followed by more as she clung to Smithy, her whole body shaking from the force of her sobs as she held onto him.
"I love you." Smithy whispered into her hair, kissing the side of her head gently as he held her, trying to comfort her.
Charlie's hands gripped his top tightly, as though she feared he'd leave as soon as she let go and she sobbed, releasing all the hurt and anger she was holding.
Smithy rested his head against hers, hating himself for making her cry, gently rocking her as she pushed her face in his neck. "I love you." She whispered, looking up at him. "Don't go." She sniffed, almost collapsing against him. "Please don't leave me."
Smithy kissed her forehead and guided her gently to the settee, sitting her down with him. "I won't." He whispered, holding her. "I promise."