Pain Heals

By: Shin Sankai

"Misao-chan, where are you going?"

"To the temple Jiya."

"You know you should leave Aoshi in peace."

"Perhaps, but I think otherwise." Okina watched his adoptive granddaughter walk out of the Aoi-ya with a calm confidence he knew brewed within her. He wasn't sure how Aoshi would take this sudden change of Misao – since he hadn't seen her for 10 years – and hoped everything would work out for the best.

Misao strolled down the pebbled pathway towards the temple that Aoshi took homage in. He'd been couped up in there for far too long. She knew and understood what Jiya had said, about Aoshi needing to heal emotionally and not just physically, but without the help of others how was this possible? She had listened to Yahiko and Kaoru-san's story about Aoshi, about the deaths of his companions, the four men that had helped raise her along with him. They were her family and now they'd died to protect the man they respected and loved, who was their leader as much as he was their most trusted friend.

Misao took the temple stairs two at a time as she made her way to the double doors. She passed a monk and bowed silently to him. She knew him quite well as she'd sat on these very steps debating whether or not to walk inside to where Aoshi would be sitting in a private room overlooking Kyoto. She'd spent many hours grumbling to herself on the stone steps and had been snapped from her thoughts several times but two monks, they asking if she was alright. Misao had tried smiling it off, but one of the monks seemed more in tune then the other and had stayed behind to sit with her. It had been so easy for her to spew forth what was troubling her. Misao felt lighter for it too.

Now today she would make Aoshi do the same. Of course she'd no idea how this was going to happen, as she couldn't very well force the man to talk. He was far stronger, both physically and mentally (even after the deaths of his friends) then her so the mere easy thoughts of him voicing everything to her never crossed her mind…much.

Walking down the hallway Misao knocked once on the closed shoji and pulled it open. The room was quite dark, but Misao's eyes drew towards the sitting figure outside on the balcony. His back was straight and eyes would be closed, however he would know that someone was watching him, walking quietly over towards his meditating form.

"Aoshi-sama…" Misao breathed out as she looked at his strong broad back cloaked in a beige yukata. A chilled untouched cup of green tea rested at one side while near the other was calming incense, allowing Aoshi to float into the unknown.

"Leave me be." The deepness and harshness within Aoshi's voice made Misao flinch slightly, but her eyes grew hard as she stepped closer towards his tense form. In meditation one was meant to relax and let go, however she would know that Aoshi's mind would be plagued with the deaths of their friends.

"I won't…" Misao boldly voiced back. She stepped closer to his back, noticing the rigidness of it and her hands unclenched from her chest and she drew them down and around the shoulders of the man she loved. She felt him stiffen instantly, his hand rising up to clench at one of hers, possibly bruising her tender skin as he wished to rip her embrace away.

"Let go…" His voice was laced with ice and would have made any other (man or woman) run from him, but this was Misao and she too could be stubborn just like him.

"I won't…" She muttered once more, hands clenching tighter around his shoulders, even if her wrist was hurting from Aoshi's brutal force. "Have you actually grieved Aoshi-sama?" Misao didn't expect an answer from the cold ninja before her and instead continued on. "I know what its like to loose people you love…and you did love them Aoshi, in your own way you loved Hannya and the others deeply."

"Let go…" His voice was a harsh whisper, but the clenching of his hand against Misao's wrist began to loosen slightly.

"It eats at you day in and day out. I felt like that for 10 whole years as the people I loved vanished from my side. I grieved for years at the loss of my family."

"Stop it… Leave me be…" Misao could have sworn his voice cracked just a little.

"The terrible pain you must be going through, to watch loved ones die before your eyes. I've no idea how it feels, to remain at someone's side and watch them die. I wasn't there when Okaasan died or when Otosan and Ojiisan died either. You were there and it must have eaten at your insides not being able to do anything for them."

"Stop…" His voice was but a whisper, his head slightly bent forward, chin drawing to his heaving chest as memories, both from years gone and ones very recent plagued his mind.

"Hannya, Beshimi, Hyotokko and Shikijou knew how important you were to them. You brought them in from the cold, into a warm place that looked upon them as friends, companions but most of all…as family." Misao pressed her forehead against the back of Aoshi's head. "When you meditate do you think about the feelings of Hannya and the others? How much distress do you think they would feel if you had died before them? You, the very man that gave their lives meaning. How much pain it would cause them to know they never fulfilled their duties as ninja. To remain guilty for all time, as they would see a young girl forever cry because the man she loves would never be around to see her grow up and therefore she could never remain at his side forever."

"Misao…" Her heart thumped heavily within her chest as he spoke her name for the first time he'd been back. It had been many months since his return and all that he seemed to do was hide away, hide from her and the others and now here she was, doing most of the talking (as usual) but knowing it was affecting him deeply.

"If you cannot bare to cry in front of others Aoshi-sama, thinking it a weakness to do so, then I will not look at you, I will not hear you do so. However, I will hold you for as long as it takes…that I promise you." The slight shaking of shoulders broke Misao's heart as she bit her bottom lip and pressed her face to the warm skin at the right side of Aoshi's neck and shoulder area.

Misao didn't know how long she remained behind Aoshi and didn't know when she began to cry either. For him, for her, for the deaths of their family. It all washed into one huge lump within her throat that couldn't be suppressed any longer. All she knew is that she wouldn't let the man before her slip away ever again.

"Thank you…" The murmur was soft and deep, a rumble within Aoshi's throat. Misao's embrace only strengthened around him. His shoulders had long since ceased their soft trembles and by now one hand had risen to press lightly over one of Misao's quivering ones while the other hand lifted up to press softly at the back of her head, allowing her to grieve along with him, he who had seen far more pain then anyone else.

At the shoji a monk peered in, to look upon the two troubled souls that had come to his temple, one who remained inside, locked away from interaction while the other danced from foot to foot unsure of herself and how to approach the one she was feeling pain for. It had taken time, but they had finally connected and embraced the pain together.

"Their pain has begun to heal." The monk softly voiced as he closed the shoji, leaving the two alone as he walked back down the hallway.

Xx The End xX

Authors Notes: Hmm, I liked the way it began, but the ending was rushed and a little disappointing too. Actually I didn't know how to end it. All that was running in my head today was Misao confronting Aoshi and hugging him from behind and telling him she would hold him. Ah well, this is all that I could give for now. Been pretty busy and tired and poor and unmotivated and all that jazz. Hopefully one of these days I'll get off my butt and finish up some of my really, really, really old stories.