Disclaimer: Not mine.

Rosmerta's Anguish

Rosmerta sat in front of the mirror brushing her hair and looking at the face staring back at her. One hundred strokes she would count before she was done. One hundred strokes each night of her life she would sit, brush, and stare. She set the brush down on the vanity top and lowered her head, letting the tears fall at last. Her hand reached up, passing over the candle, she dropped her palm to the flame letting the hot wax and burning wick smother out as she hissed at the sudden threat of pain. Then standing, she walked to the window looking out at the street, wrapping her shawl around her bare shoulders.

Rosmerta now preferred walking around her small rooms in the dark, rather then risk seeing her reflection thrown back at her by the mirrors and window glass. She could not stand to see herself as others did, she preferred to look away and pretend. She would pretend it was before, and pretend that it had not happened and pretend that her actions had no part in it.

At one time, she would have gone down to the Hogs Head after she closed up for the evening. She enjoyed the laughter and company that she always found there. Wizards would look at her, smile and flirt, buying her drinks and offering her more, while the witches looked at her and frowned. By the end of the evening, when the drinks stopped and Aberforth announced it was time to go even the witches would bid her a kind goodnight. She would wave, laugh, and walk off alone.

Now she stood looking out at the street having no place to go and no one to miss her if she was not there. Since her husbands death almost twenty years ago she had sat here alone at night or gone to the only other lover she had known. Now he shunned her, and pushed her away with his silence. He wanted no contact with her and refused her owls and explanations. She leaned her forehead against the cool glass and breathed evenly in an effort to stop her tears. She heard that the time turners had all been destroyed and wished it was not so.

If she could go back just a few weeks she could make everything better, she thought looking out at the darkness that had settled like a shroud over Hogsmeade. The street was dark tonight. No couples walked, peering into the windows of the closed shops, or stood against the lampposts talking, smiling and occasionally looking around before kissing. In these unsure times, it was no longer safe to walk with your lover into the night.

She turned from the window to sit on the floor in front of the fire, and finally unable to stay awake any longer, laid on her side and curled up on the carpet to sleep. She had not laid in her bed for more then a month, feeling the loneliness more acutely in the softness of the pillows and the warmth of arms no longer there.

She dressed the next morning to go downstairs to open the pub and put on a pot of tea just in case customers came in today. It had been a week since anyone had visited, and she hoped that today might be different. Perhaps someone from out of town would come, or someone that had not read the Prophet. She turned to the mirror and picked up her brush only to turn away and brush her hair without looking at herself, pulling her hair up at the temples and securing it with combs.

She nearly ran down the stairs wanting to flee her sight and not think about it again. She swept the floor Muggle style wanting to keep busy and fill the time. She was about to start on the stairs when the ring of the bell over the door announced a visitor. She looked up in surprise to see Aberforth.

"My my," she smiled. "I don't remember you ever coming in here before."

"I wanted to tell you that everything is fine, I place no blame on you." He held his hat in his hand and looked down at the floor.

Rosmerta swallowed and turned away, walking briskly to the kitchen. "I have a fresh pot on if you would like a cup."

"No, I have to hurry back. I just wanted to say that." He looked up at her as she walked away.

"You don't need to. I am sorry Aberforth. I don't know what else to say."

"Kingsley said it was the Imperius curse."

Rosmerta sat down in one of the chairs nearest the kitchen and looked up at him, only able to nod. She felt the tears again behind her eyes. She folded her arms on the table and lowered her head when she could not stop her sobs.

"He said the Malfoy kid did it." Aberforth joined Rosmerta at the table, sitting opposite her. "He said Katie will be fine."

Rosmerta jerked her head up looking at him thru swollen eyes. "She will be alright? He said that?"

Aberforth nodded and reached over to pat her arm. "She will be fine. Maybe another month of two before she is put right, Then she can go back to Hogwarts."

"Thank Merlin. I was so worried about her. I sent an owl to her parents, but…" She looked at Aberforth and shrugged. "I guess I am about the last person they would want to talk to. I guess it would have been better not to have contacted them, I just wasn't expecting what they sent back."

"Now, don't think that. I am sure when she is able to talk they will want to apologize to you."

"They called me a … well, enough said."

"Ah lass, you are fine." Aberforth patted her arm again. "I bet in a little while all this will pass and no one will give it two thoughts."

"I've been thinking of selling." She scrubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands and sat up straighter in her chair.

"Give it a bit, things will change."

"I don't think I can hold out long. I am not rich enough to have this place empty day after day, and not young enough to start over."

"Ah, you are young enough and pretty enough to yet turn many a head."

"Aberforth." She smiled and slapped at his arm. "I didn't mean that."

"You think he left you?"

Rosmerta stood and looked down at him not knowing what to say, or how much to offer. He was one of the few that knew of the wizard that would come when the pub was dark and wait for her to come down to him. She would return before the sun lit the sky and was always careful not to let others see. She closed her eyes and nodded not wanting to admit the truth.

"Not much of a wizard if he didn't believe you."

"He never asked."

"He shouldn't have needed to. If he loved you he wouldn't have needed to ask."

"I sent him an owl, but he…" She ran her hands though her hair and shrugged her shoulders. "I thought he would at least let me try."

"Tonight you come to the Hogs Head." Aberforth put his hat on and started for the door. "Don't let 'em win lass, they are just waiting to see what you do."

She sat back down and looked at the door as if expecting him to come back. He knew she was now alone, that even her lover had gone. She wondered how many others knew the same. Now that she was the subject of gossip and innuendos how long would it be before they talked about how even he had thought her guilty.

She was locking the door to go upstairs when she heard a tapping at the kitchen window. A great white owl sat on the ledge looking at her and hooting loudly, knowing that The Three Broomsticks offered the finest treats. Rosmerta swung the glass pane open, allowed the owl in, and then hurried to the cooler to find a treat of fish and fruit.

Returning with a hand full, she scattered the offering on the ledge then untied the missive. She turned to the last of the sun falling thru the window and recognizing the handwriting she shoved it in her pocket unread, afraid to read what she already knew.

That night she sat brushing her hair, and lost count as she stared at the still rolled missive in his handwriting as it lay on her vanity. She could not bear to open it and confirm what she knew. Three months had past and still she pretended, as she stood at the window and watched. She pretended that he waited for her, and would look up at her window, and she would run to him, feel his arms, and know that for least a little while they could forget all but each other.

She picked up the missive and pulled the candle closer slowly unrolling it and holding it to the light. She smiled widely and looked back at the mirror, picking up her bush she quickly pulled back her hair and secured it with the combs he had given her letting a few wispy curls escape. Hurrying to her wardrobe, she pulled out an off-the-shoulder blouse, and a skirt that swung free and easy on her hips and a matching pair of shoes with stiletto heels and straps that wound up her legs and tied high, under her skirt. She wore earrings that jingled when she walked and almost reached her perfumed shoulders.

She smiled as she dressed and looked back to the piece of parchment. Then hurrying over to the vanity she picked it up and held it to the candle flame. As it fell to ash around her fingers, she dropped it to the floor and watched until the entire note was gone.

.

.

.

When she opened the door at the Hogs Head and walked in, she looked around for Aberforth, noticing the silence that fell in the room. Taking off her cloak, and draping it over her arm, she walked to the bar letting her hips sway the way she knew he liked. She sat on a barstool, knowing he was behind her. She lowered her head, reached back, twisted up the flyaway curls, curving her long neck slow and sensually to replace the combs that held her hair off her neck. She slowly crossed her legs, letting her skirt ride up to show her thigh, and rotated her foot at the ankle as the leaned forward to trace one of the laces with her well manicure finger.

"Ah lass," Aberforth said. "I see you took my advice."

"It was your owl he used. You sent it for him." She smiled widely at him.

"He can't, he thought you knew." Aberforth looked over her shoulder at him. "He can't risk it now."

"Tell him, just tell him …" She looked at Aberforth lost for words.

"I think he knows. He said to give you this."

Rosmerta looked down at the small box that Aberforth pushed towards her. Opening it, she saw a ring, and picking it up she turned sideways on the stool, letting him see her as she slipped it on the third finger of her hand.

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