Lost in Translation

Sat at her desk aimlessly, Serena all but watched the clock tick. She loved her work, she really did, but it somehow didn't feel right without Bernie by her side. Bernie…she sighed to herself. It had been almost four months since she had left for France. She had been offered a temporary position to work on, and help strengthen the trauma unit in the 'Centre Hospitalier Universitaire de Lyon hôpitaux de Lyon'.

Serena wasn't silly. She had been called many things in her life, many of which she was aware of in spite of her colleagues, yet she wasn't silly. She knew this was a good opportunity for Bernie. It was fantastic, and she could kick herself for even feeling a little bit of pride wash over her. Beneath the pride though, was the deep pain which Bernie leaving had caused her.

She went to France. After everything they went through, she just fucked off and went off to France. After Serena practically begging her, pleading her to stay, to stay with her, she still left. Serena didn't believe that she would truly go, but images of Bernie turning her back on her flashed through her brain, clouding her eyes with unshed tears.

Serena had been strong. Strong around her colleagues, that is. Strong around her family. However, when alone, Serena would often crumble; feel herself crash and burn with only thoughts of Bernie flooding through her Brain. Why couldn't she forget? Why couldn't she just move on? She assumed that was what Bernie was doing, moving on.

She tapped her fingers agitatedly on the edge of her desk in the office they once shared. It almost felt empty without her, as if something just wasn't right. As if something had been misplaced. This very much applies to her life at this precise moment. Everything felt wrong. Everything felt different. Everything felt…lonely. She missed Bernie, and as much as she could deny that to everyone around her, she was through denying it to herself. She missed her charm, she missed her self-assured attitude…she missed the small smile that would twitch upon the corners of her lips when they made eye contact during a long, tiring day on AAU.

Absentmindedly, she reached for her phone. She played with it for the longest moment, as though attempting to draw out this moment, unsure of what she was about to do. With a few clicks, a few swipes and a few touches she brought up Bernies contact details. Her index finger hovered over the call button for a few seconds before she thought better of it. Instead, she touched the button to open their text message conversation. Her heart pounded in her chest, seeing all the messages she had sent to her, seeing the confessions lying deep within the French. Scrolling through them, she let her emotion overtake her better judgements. Her fingers and brain worked in tandem, tapping away at the touch screen keyboard finally setting on a text she deemed suitable.

"Tu me manqué, Bernie. S"

Serena read over those four words what felt like a thousand times, before finally pressing the little button which would send the text into the unknown. Aimlessly, she scrolled upwards through the previous text messages she had sent to Bernie, her chest heavy, the emotion and upset of this clear on her weary face.

"Pourquoi êtes-vous allé ? Pourquoi m'avez-vous quitté?"

"Veuillez revenir, Bernie. L'hôpital a besoin de vous. J'ai besoin de toi."

"Je veux que vous, Bernie."

It was almost in spite of herself that Serena laughed drily. She loved her. She really, unquestionably, undoubtedly loved Bernie Wolfe.

She felt her eyes become heavy, her eyes filling with unshed tears. She didn't often allow herself this escape, this release of emotion. She sighed. Today had been difficult. There was talk of Bernie coming back, which sparked questions about their relationship. It was like déjà vu. Whenever she walked into a room, it would go deathly silent.

She shook her head, ridding her eyes of the tears which once were threatening to fall. Clearing her throat, she stood up and smoothed her hands down her skirt to rid it of the creases sitting down had created.

Grabbing her bag, she sighed and made her way towards the door, shrugging her coat on as she walked. Yep, she was definitely in need of a drink tonight. Albies it is; she was glad Jason was staying the night at Alans because she really couldn't quite cope with much more questioning.

Walking into Albies, she surprisingly found very few faces she recognised but she did see Raff and Fletch sat in a booth in the corner. Deciding to not bother them, she took a place at the bar, perching on a stool and peeling her coat off and placing it across her lap. Signalling that she was ready to order her drink, she retrieved her purse from the bag that was loosely hanging from her shoulder.

Of course, she ordered herself a Shiraz. Large. And a bottle. Fuck it, she thought. Two bottles. She needed it, and she was sure even the woman serving it to her could tell. Nursing the glass in her hands, running her thumb over the rim of the glass she sighed, before taking a sip, rather a gulp. Upon placing the glass of red down onto the bar top.

Serena couldn't really tell you how long she had been in Albies for, but she was guessing at least two hours as the clock said just gone 11pm and she was well into her second bottle of wine. Just as she was staring down aimlessly into her half empty glass of wine, she froze at the familiar raspy voice which came from behind her. Turning around slowly, her eyes met those of Bernies. Placing her glass atop of the bar, she stood as best she could after the copious amount of alcohol she had consumed. She wasn't sure whether it was the alcohol, or the desire for the woman in front of her but she found it hard to stand.

They both just stood there for a long while, staring into each other's eyes, as if searching one another's souls for the answers they both sought.

After what felt like an eternity, Bernie broke the silence.

"I couldn't wait until tomorrow see you. I was hoping you would be here. I-I need to explain."

Serenas reply came harsher than she had intended, "then explain."

Translations

"Tu me manqué, Bernie. S"

Pourquoi êtes-vous allé ? Pourquoi m'avez-vous quitté ? (Why did you go? Why did you leave me?)

Veuillez revenir, Bernie. L'hôpital a besoin de vous. J'ai besoin de toi. (Please come back, Bernie. The hospital needs you. I need you.)

Je veux que vous, Bernie (I want you, Bernie)