The wind in her hair
The sun on her face
The sand under her feet
Dana felt all her worries leave her body as she walked along the shore.
The waves crashing
Seagulls crying out
Banging on her front door.
Slowly her eyes opened to darkness
The banging continued.
The clock informed her it was only a little past two in the morning
And from past experience only one person came knocking in the middle of the night.
The temperature this May had been particularly warm, and Dana spent most nights sleeping in a white tank top and black boy shorts – and not even bothering to grab a robe she rushed on tired legs to the door and opened it.
"Two am…" she yawned, her eyes refusing to fully open.
"I know." Mulder replied.
Sighing she forced her eyes to fully focus, he was standing there in a white t-shirt, jeans and hair that looked like birds were using it for a nest. "I was sleeping."
"You can sleep in the car."
Another yawn escaping Dana shook her head, "Mulder, it's Saturday."
"I have a calendar."
Scully eyed him for a moment before continuing, "We need to chase aliens at two am?"
He shook his head, his expression blank, lifeless "Just get dressed."
Lacking the energy to really question him Scully turned and returned to her bedroom, grabbing a pair of jeans she had left on the trunk at the end of her bed and a denim shirt she wore the night before in an attempt to do some sort of night cleaning – which amounted to organizing her CDs and having a glass of wine before falling asleep with the Capote classic in her hands. After dressing, and fighting off the unstoppable yawning she pulled out a clean pair of socks and put on her white Keds before grabbing her purse and returning to the front door where her partner was still standing.
"You owe me." She said grabbing her keys and walking past him into the hall.
Mulder simply nodded before pulling the front door shut.
There was little to no traffic on I-95 as Mulder drove towards his destination. After stopping for coffee and a muffin or two, Scully was sound asleep with no clue as to where they were going. She didn't even ask; she just got in the car.
Like she always did.
Three hours later, after turning left on Artic Ave, Mulder parked the car at a hotel and gently nudged the person next to him. She mumbled a little before her eyes opened, once again to darkness and a man smiling at her.
"Where are we?" She asked rubbing her eyes.
A seagull cooed as if on cue and Scully's eyes widened as she sat up and took note of her surroundings and the smell of salt in the air.
"How long was I asleep?"
"A little over three hours." Mulder said brushing a loose strand of hair out of her face, "I wanted to catch the sunrise over the ocean. With you."
Scully sadly couldn't think of a response to match such a proclamation, all she could do was nod and give him a tired smile, "Then we better get to it."
Even at five forty in the morning the temperature was already in the low eighties, this summer had been unseasonably warm and the joy that Bob Ryan got out of announcing every day that we beat some record set in the eighteen hundreds made Scully want to shove his thermometer in the same place she wanted to shove his Golden Snow Shovel every winter. But today, here, now…she was ok with any temperature.
The beach entrance was only a good ten feet from where Mulder parked, and the horizon was already showing a hit of orange and pink. Feeling like a little girl Scully took off her shoes and socks and left them in the car before taking her partner's extended hand and walking with him to the warm sand.
"Are you monitoring my dreams now?" Scully said as her toes dug into the warm white sand.
"No…" Mulder laughed, "Why do you ask?"
"I dreamt I was here." She said taking a tighter grip on his hand, "But I was alone."
Mulder's smile quickly faded and he looked away as they continued to the water in silence.
By the time they sat down, watching the waves come and go, the sky began to brighten, with more purple, pink, and orange now mixed with a hint of yellow. In silence, Mulder moved behind his petite partner and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her body against him and holding her tight as he rested his chin on her shoulder. Scully simply smiled as she focused on the moment, the sounds of the ocean and the rising sun.
When the sun illuminated the sky Mulder sighed, "Too bad you can't hit rewind."
Scully chuckled, "Digital age." She then looked down at the arms around her and placed her hands on Mulder's strong arms, "Do we go back now?"
Mulder shook his head, "No."
"So are we going to sit here all day, in the near 100 degree heat until we combust?"
Mulder shook his head again, "No."
Letting go of her he stood up and extended his hand to help her up, still not questioning his actions she followed him back to the parking lot, but he didn't return to the car, he walked into the hotel and approached the tired girl at the front desk.
"Do you have any rooms?" he asked pulling out his wallet.
Scully stood behind him confused, but let him finish.
The young girl nodded and went to her computer, then sighed, "Right now the only room we have available is a suite."
"That's fine." Mulder replied handing her his personal credit card.
Realizing now that she was still barefoot Scully felt uneasy as a man passed by her with the morning paper wearing flip flops. She stood in barefooted silence as she watched the girl print out a receipt, Mulder sign it, then hand him a keycard smiling at the two of them before picking up her cup of coffee.
"What are you doing?" Scully asked in a low tone as he shoved the receipt and the cards back in his wallet.
"I want to see the sunset too." He replied, and then returned the wallet to his back pocket, "With you."
Scully shook her head in confusion, "You don't need a hotel room for that."
"I do if I want to do it all again tomorrow. I really don't like driving that much."
Running her hands through her greasy hair Scully followed him back out to the car to retrieve her shoes, shaking her head in annoyance as she pulled them on without the socks, "You could have at least let me pack."
"Then we would have missed the sunrise."
"Or at least give me some kind of notice."
"I didn't think about coming until I was at your door." He replied looking up at the bright blue sky, "It may hit 102 today."
"Lovely." Scully huffed given she was wearing a heavy denim shirt, thick jeans and a tank top with no bra, "I'll melt in these clothes."
"They have stores, I have plastic money." Mulder said watching as she angrily tied her laces.
Mulder leaned down to watch her as she attempted to tie her shoe laces a good three times in haste, fearing if she went a fourth time she'd rip them in half he continued his plea, "I need to be here. With you. I'm sorry I just sprung it on you like this but I just…needed you with me."
Scully's fingers froze on her laces and she let go, looking up to face him and sighed, "I guess I should be used to such antics by now shouldn't I?" she smiled.
"After seven years, one would think."
Scully's smile remained as she stood up, and closed the car door behind her, "well, I need a swim suit; I seriously doubt they'll let me sit on the beach in my tank top and underwear."
"Some people do."
"And a sundress, because this weather will kill me."
"We don't want that." Mulder forced a small smirk.
She nodded and let out a deep sigh, "You're full of surprises you know that?"
Mulder nodded, "As are you."
Breakfast was pancakes and juice at a small diner across from the hotel. Scully found herself hungrier than she ever had been before and blamed it on the sea air. Mulder enjoyed watching her consume what had to be more than her body weight in pancakes and realized he could spend eternity looking in her eyes.
A dark blue sundress that tied at the neck was purchased at the hotel gift shop – the only place open at this hour - along with white sandals and a black bikini – Mulder himself got some flip flops and some Bermuda trunks that also worked as shorts and matched what his partner had picked out. They arrived at the hotel room by seven and upon opening the double doors; they were greeted with a large bed and a balcony with a view of the ocean. Even complimentary champagne sat on the table in front of a small loveseat.
"I could stay here forever…" Scully said dropping her shopping bags on the king size bed and walking to the balcony, sliding the glass door open and taking in the sweet, yet hot, sea air.
Turning she looked at her partner who stood not two feet behind her, "Reminds me of when I was a kid…the beach."
Mulder nodded, "I was hoping it would help you think of happier times, with all the stress you've been through this year."
Her eyes growing sad before closing Scully gave a small nod, after a moment she opened them again and smiled, "I've gone through far worse than bad movie premieres."
"You know what I mean…." Mulder continued.
"But I don't want to think about that." She said forcing a smile before placing her hands on his chest and walking him backwards back into the suite, "I want a hot shower, and then I want to lie on that hot beach until my skill peels off."
"That's not an attractive look…"
Scully snickered and wrapped her arms around his neck, looking up into his deep hazel eyes, "You need to do more spontaneous things like this in the future. I like it."
"I'm glad."
Standing on her tip toes she gave him a small kiss before letting go and literally skipping to the bathroom, giving him another big smile before giggling and closing the door.
Mulder sat down on the end of the bed, and closed his eyes.
The shower started, and then the door opened again, "Want to join me?" she called out in a very giggly tone.
"No, you go ahead." Mulder replied; his eyes remaining closed.
She giggled like a child again before closing the door.
Mulder then sighed and let his body fall onto the bed, opening his eyes for just a second to try to focus on the ceiling, but everything was fuzzy and much too bright. Even if this wasn't the best thing to do right now, he had to do it, for him and most of all for her. Pulling a large white pill out of his pocket, he didn't bother bringing the bottle it made too much noise, he placed the pill in his mouth and swallowed. The pill left such a horrible taste in his mouth and throat as it made its way down but he knew it was the only solution. As temporary a solution as it was.
Mulder opened his eyes to a full view of his partners' bare legs. Blinking a bit he sat up, to see her lying next to him, in her new bikini, reading 'What to See in Virginia Beach.'
"How long have you been lying here?" He asked given her hair was dry and tucked behind her ears.
"About two hours." She said closing the magazine and placing it on the nightstand, "I realized I needed toiletries before I even got in the shower and you were already asleep. I figured you needed your rest, so I just grabbed my purse and the keycard, got what I needed from the gift shop, showered, changed and just waited for you to wake up." Leaning down she looked closely at him, placing her fingers on his face, "I bought you a razor too…you need it."
Mulder yawned as he sat up, "Not fond of the stubble?"
"Not since our relationship…changed." She smiled devilishly, "I also got you a toothbrush."
"Now you're accusing me of bad breath?"
"Not at all…" she nodded, her smile growing, "It's your turn to shower, then we need to hit the beach."
Mulder nodded and got off the bed, pulling off his white t shirt and tossing it on the floor as he walked to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
Seven pills in his pocket, he was told three a day was too many but four was the only way he felt lucid enough to actually do his job. He looked at the pills in his hand, 500 mg paracetamol and 5 mg hydrocodone. Vicodin. The only thing that stopped the pain, until…he tried not to focus on that. Mulder placed the pills in a Kleenex, and then placed the Kleenex back in his jeans pocket before pulling them off his body and folding them. She didn't snoop; she knew he was on the pills before for his migraines which developed after the experiments done to him in the fall, but given he hadn't had an attack in front of her in months she could safely assume he was fine now. He just wished that was the truth.
The shower was long; he had so much running through his mind he honestly lost track of how long he stood under the hot spraying water. After shaving and brushing his teeth, he wrapped the towel around his waist, picked up his precisely folded jeans and returned to the room, where Scully was on the balcony looking out at the ocean. He placed his jeans on the top shelf of the closet where he knew she couldn't reach them and closed the door before joining her on the balcony.
Smiling she turned and looked at him, wearing only the towel.
"You can't wear that on the beach!" she chuckled.
Mulder nodded and couldn't stop looking at her, "Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?"
"You already got me into bed Mulder; I don't need the sweet talk."
"I just felt like saying it." Mulder shrugged, "I'll go change." He turned around and walked back in room in silence, feeling stupid for choosing now to make such a statement.
Scully left the balcony as well and closed the door behind her, "Mulder are you alright?"
He nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed, "It was stupid, coming from me I know."
She shook her head, "No, but you generally don't say things like that."
"I know." He replied, "I felt I needed to."
Mulder's hair still damp as he ran his fingers through it, the water dripping on the beige bedspread, Scully watched as his hands shook a little running through the strands of damp hair.
"The pain is back isn't it?" She questioned now facing him, "The migraines."
One moment of charm and she was on to him, "Is it that obvious?" he replied looking up to meet her gaze.
"It wasn't, until now." She said taking his hand from his head and sliding her fingers between his to steady them, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"It's manageable." He looked up forcing a smile, "I swear."
"What are you taking?"
"Nothing."
"Don't lie to me." She said squeezing his fingers within hers.
He sighed, "Vicodin."
Cringing, Scully let go of his hand, "For how long?"
Now, he had to lie, "A week. I swear."
She didn't believe him, but needed to anyway, biting into her lower lip she took a deep breath, "I would just think after everything we've been through, you wouldn't keep things from me. Not now. Not after everything that's happened."
"I know. I'm sorry. But they're just migraines, people live with them every day Scully, they come and go. I'm fine. I think I had too much coffee, probably explains the shaking hands."
"I guess I have to believe you don't I?"
"I want you to."
Scully nodded, "Fine, just get your trunks on. If anything I need someone to put lotion on my back." She said grabbing one of the provided beach towels and sunscreen and slipping on her sandals.
Mulder smiled in return and pulled the new trunks out of bag before letting the towel fall and slipping them on.
The temperature got to 101 before they escaped the heat and humidity for the air conditioned room. Room service of pizza was delivered at noon and they sat on the balcony with their cheesy goodness watching kids' play in the surf.
"If you could go back in time." Scully asked after finishing off her third slice and found herself annoyed with the fact she still wanted more, "What would you change?"
"October 14, 1994." Mulder answered quickly while looking directly at the little boy with the sand castle a mere yard away.
Scully audibly sighed at his answer, "Out of all the dates in history…."
Mulder nodded and tossed his crust on his plate, "That's the one that haunts me the most."
"What about your sister…"
"I had no control over what happened to my sister." Mulder shrugged and nursed his bottle of Sprite – feeling it best to stay away from caffeine for the rest of the trip.
Scully felt overcome and could only shake her head in amazement, "You just keep surprising me Mulder."
"That's a good thing right?"
She nodded, "It's a very good thing Mulder."
There was a movie theater within walking distance and it felt like a good way to kill two hours. Sadly the only movie playing was Road Trip and Mulder fell asleep and Scully felt she needed three showers after sitting through such a horrible guy teen flick. The fact Mulder fell asleep both impressed and worried her. Dinner was seafood at a small shack diner across from the theater and they arrived back at the hotel in time to once again sit on the beach and now watch the sun set in the west. Wearing her new blue sundress, sandals lying next to her, Mulder once again behind her, his arms holding her tight, she began to wonder if the man, clearly forever devoted to her, had other intentions.
"Mulder… she said as the sun began its descent.
"Hmm…" he said cradling his chin onto her bare shoulder.
"Why did you bring me here?"
"I wanted to watch the sunrise."
"We did that."
"And set."
"We're doing that now."
He sighed, "I never have the time to just sit and watch such a simple yet beautiful thing that happens every single day." He turned and looked at her, her eyes turning and meeting his, "Neither do you. I wanted this to be something we just…did. Together."
Scully nodded and looked at the water and the reflection as the sun dipped down out of view. Turning back to look at Mulder his eyes were fixated on the now dark water.
"Let's go back." She said softly.
"I don't want to go home." He said almost in the tone of a stubborn child.
"No, back to the hotel, there's nothing else to see out here."
Even though alcohol was another on the no no list, Mulder risked it - beer didn't seem to bother him - and opened the bottle of champagne and poured two glasses, handing one off to the little lady in the blue dress while watching the bubbles pop in his own.
"We need to toast." Scully said slipping out of her sandals and digging her toes into the plush white carpet.
"To what?" Mulder questioned noticing how the glass reflected on her face, giving her an extra kind of glow he never noticed before.
"The future." Her smile grew as she raised the glass, "Ours."
Mulder smiled as well and gently clanked his glass against hers before swallowing the sweet liquid hoping against hope it wouldn't send him into convulsions.
Seven years.
Mulder sat at the desk in the next room, with a clear view of the main room and the woman sleeping soundly in the large bed. The air so humid she didn't bother covering with the sheets, and the moonlight highlighting every inch of her bare skin. They made love for what felt like an eternity before retiring for the night, and when the pain awoke him once again at one in the morning he fought like hell not to cry as much as he wanted to. Choosing instead to return to the letter, he knew he'd never finish.
Seven years…
Mulder chewed on the end of his pen in frustration, two thirty and now the pain was gone thanks to the big white pill, but every thought in his head made no sense. He forced himself to continue.
Since the day I met you, I knew I'd spend the rest of my life doing all I could to make you happy.
Did that even make sense?
He hoped somehow, someway, it did.
For seven years you followed me, never questioning my motives, even at times trying to rationalize what could not be. But you were always there, always by my side.
He turned back to the room, to the moonlight on her skin; she hadn't moved an inch and there was still that glow about her he hadn't even noticed until tonight. Returning his eyes to the small notebook he had purchased in the gift shop while she was taking yet another shower to, as she put it, get the stank of Tom Green and Andy Dick off of her, Mulder continued to try to make written sense out of all the emotions he felt; he loved this woman; he loved her with every fiber of his being, which made it so much harder knowing he would have to leave her.
Shoving the notebook in a drawer, Mulder turned off the light and returned to the bed, sliding against her hot skin before closing his eyes and drifting off to what he hoped would be a peaceful sleep.
Thunder crashed and jolted Mulder awake. The room was grey, but not pitch dark and he was alone. Sitting up in bed he heard heavy rain drops and followed the sound to the covered balcony where Scully stood wearing his white t shirt.
"What are you doing out here?" Mulder asked walking out into the cold air wearing only his boxers.
Scully looked up at him, "This is just such a perfect example of life Mulder." She said her face still beaming, "Yesterday it was as hot as the sun, and today it's not even sixty degrees and we're under a hurricane watch."
"How is that a perfect example of life?"
She shrugged, "You never know what will happen next." She took his hand and walked back into the room, sliding the door shut, "How did I know when I went to bed Friday night that you'd show up not four hours later and bring me here."
"You couldn't."
"But somehow I did, the dream I had, except for the fact I was alone. As weird as that sounds, it's just so fitting as well. Sure you surprised me, but it's almost as if I was anticipating the surprise."
"Did we have some mimosas this morning?" Mulder said picking up the still mostly full champagne bottle.
"No. Just a bit of clarity, which everyone needs now and then," Scully picked up the room service menu, "I'm starving and there's no way I'm going out in that."
"I'm pretty ok with spending the entire day in bed." Mulder smiled in a wicked like way.
"I had a feeling you would be." Scully replied, "Now, food."
By ten the rain continued, but the hurricane watch was turned off. The sun would not be shining today, which meant no sunsets to witness. Mulder was ok with this, given the last two with Scully in his arms were the last ones he wanted to remember. For breakfast, Scully had another stack of cakes, for lunch she devoured a large serving of Caesar salad and garlic bread and joked about not being able to fit into her dress clothes come Monday morning. Given they had their annual meeting with the auditor, Mulder joked it might help them if she went in wearing the black bikini.
By eight the sun was gone under a sea of clouds. They made love one last time before setting the alarm for one am and falling asleep in one another's arms. After putting the clothes they arrived in back on, and packing up the new ones in the plastic bags they came in, the couple left the suite hand in hand. Mulder quickly checked out with the half stoned half drunk man behind the front desk and walked with Scully back to his car. The skies had cleared by now, and seagulls were busy cooing the night away.
"Back to the grind." Scully sighed tossing her bag in the backseat before getting in the car.
Mulder nodded and stared up at the sky, "I need a minute." He said closing the drivers' side door and walking back to the beach.
Unable to let him go off alone Scully followed, a good ten feet behind, watching him.
Mulder pulled the notebook out of his pocket, looking over the last words he wrote after Scully went to sleep only hours earlier.
There's no way to express in words how much you mean to me. How much you have always meant to me. We've been through so much together. The loss of fathers, sisters, …even a nippy little dog I never liked in the first place but felt the loss along with you. Through cancer, genetic manipulation, and the inability to conceive a child…together we've been through more than most couples who spend a lifetime together will ever experience. Sadly, and as much as I would love to spend the rest of my life next to you, waking up in your arms, watching you as you sleep, as you dream and looking forward to the day I can call you my wife, this cannot be. I cannot stay here. As it is I'm dying from a disease that cannot be cured. So much so it doesn't even have a name. Every day the pain eats away at me, and every day I lose a bit of myself and forget the moments that matter most. As this continues I will become nothing more than a shell, a vegetable. I cannot do that to you, I cannot have our last days together be moments that cause you any pain. I wanted to experience one last sunrise, one last sunset, with you. Please remember, I did this for you, and only you because I want the last thing I see to be your smiling face.
I love you
Fox
Mulder looked up at the sky, then back at his words written with trembling fingers. He had it planned. The time, the place, the right amount of pills in his pocket. He wanted her there because he loved her, but that beam in her eyes, that glow in her cheeks…he couldn't do it. He couldn't leave her, not like this. As much as he didn't want his debilitating illness to bring her any pain, he knew leaving now would cause so much more. Sensing he was being watched he turned and looked to his right; not ten feet away there she was. Arms crossed in concern and confusion, watching him. Their eyes locked and she smiled, giving him a small wave, asking him to come back to the car, that they'd hit rush hour, be late to work and Skinner would have their asses.
Just like any other Monday morning.
Mulder nodded and closed the book. After she turned around he pulled back his arm and tossed it into the ocean.
"What were you reading?" Scully asked as he joined her back at the car.
"Just something I wrote." Mulder said opening the driver's side car and getting in.
"May I read it?" Scully asked getting in as well and putting on her seatbelt.
"No." Mulder pulled his door shut and put on his belt as well.
"Why not?" Scully questioned a hurt tone to her voice.
Mulder put the key in the ignition and smiled at her, "Because I love you too much."
Confused Scully shook her head, "Full of surprises Mulder."
No words coming to him Mulder simply nodded and drove out of the parking lot.
They hit traffic
But Scully had fallen asleep so she couldn't lecture him about it
And in the rear view mirror he watched the sun rise behind him.
Looking down at the sleeping woman next to him he let a tear fall.
Even if his last days were in pain, in agony, he knew she would always be there.
Like she always was