I am a fan of Kairi. I think she is an important asset to the Kingdom Hearts series. I do not find her annoying. I do not think she gets in the way of Soriku, since there is no such thing. I do not find her voice, clothes, face, attitude to be negative in any way of form. I think her wielding a Keyblade is ok, though not really necessary. She is not a whore. She is not a bitch. If anything; she's has a case of really big feet, but that's all.
And with that I bring you another parody. Enjoy.
It was late at night and Sora was hard at work doing his pre algebra homework. He had a test tomorrow, and he had spent the past several months fighting a bunch of weirdoes dressed in black, so he was anything but prepared for a test. But as he was about to figure out the first question, his cell began to ring.
And ring.
And ring.
Sora tried to ignore it, figuring that studying was more important than socializing-it was his future at stake-so he continued his work.
But his Caramelldansen ring tone thought otherwise, the annoying song going over and over in its shrill attempt to get Sora to answer his phone.
In the end, the impulse, along with the brink of insanity from hearing the song, brought Sora to his bed where his phone lay. He opened his phone up and saw that Kairi was calling him.
A smile appeared on his face, and Sora pressed that green phone button and put the cell to his ear.
"Hey Kairi," Sora said, ever so cheerfully. "What's up?"
"Dammit Sora, what took you so long to answer? I waited and waited, but you just had to take your time now, didn't you? Did you have something more important to do than answer me? Am I just not that important to you anymore? I thought you loved me, but it apparent that you could care less-since you have better things to do than talk to me. For someone who loves me, you do a good job ignoring me," he heard through the phone.
Sora would have replied to this accusation, but there was no time for him since Kairi was still at it.
"You're with those weirdoes with the cloaks, aren't you," she said. "I bet you are; you're always with them! I have feelings, you know?! Unlike them! I need to talk and express my feelings, but you're too busy fighting a bunch of pretty boys with accents, and when you're not your busy running around and getting high with Disney characters. What about me, huh? What if I want to hang out and get high?! You're so selfish, you know that? You don't care about me at all-it's all about you. It's all about Sora! Sora, Sora, Sora!!!" One would assume this would be the point where Sora would retort, but Kairi wasn't even halfway through with her unending rant towards life. "Whatever happened to Kairi? Whatever happened to the good old days where you would actually spend time with me? Like the time we spent building the raft? Or that time we played final Fantasy XII together-even though it sucked? Remember when you actually answered your phone whoever I called? We'd talk for hours. Now we hardly talk at all. Why's that? I shouldn't have to wait for you to decide whether or not to answer your calls. Guys are supposed to care about their girlfriends. I'm your girlfriend-or at least that's what you told me. Are you suggesting otherwise? You better not be, not after all the things I've with you-for you! If it weren't for me you'd be a heartless right now. You remember that Sora? You better. I'm the only reason you're here, otherwise you'd be nothing but a stupid shadow. I gave you your heart back. Not Donald or that retard Goofy. Not that freak with the eye patch. Me. Who gets turned into a shadow anyways? Aren't you supposed to be strong? What's the deal with that? I know you almost lost to a guy whose only power seems to be using big words and card tricks-but there is no reason why you would turn into the weakest leveled Heartless!"
Sora opened his mouth, but as you already guessd, he wouldn't be speaking.
"Seriously, I cannot believe this," Kairi said in her angered tone. "What are you doing that was so freaking important? More important than me? I can't think of too many things. Nope. Myspace? I hope you're not on Myspace. Myspace is so 2009. Facebook? Are you on Facebook? If you're on Facebook I'm going to be so pissed. I sent you a love message, and you didn't send it back. Why didn't you send it back? Are you on Face book? Are you going to send it to me? You better send it to me, otherwise you don't love me. That's what the message says to, by the way. You have to send it to all the people you love. The whole reason I called you was to see why it was taking so long for you to send it to me. I'm on Facebook right now. Are you on? No, you're not on…why aren't you on? You need to get on and resend the message to me. Get on Facebook Sora. There's no reason behind your obviously laziness. You're so lazy. Stop being lazy. I can't stand lazy people. Riku's not lazy. He's always doing something. You need to be more like Riku. How come you aren't more like Riku? You said you looked up to him. Speaking of which; are you with Riku? Is that why you didn't answer your phone? Too busy hanging with Riku? You're always too busy with Riku. It makes me jealous. You shouldn't spend so much time with him. It's weird. It's also sort of gay-which I know you are not. You better not be gay. I'm not your cover up. I refuse to be your cover up. I'm not your cover up right….of course not. Silly me."
Sora looked over to the alarm clock on his bedside drawer. Only two minutes had passed by. She was beating her previous record. It was so… startling.
"Sora!!! Sora, are you listening to me?!" Kairi yelled through the phone. "You better not be looking at the alarm clock right now. I'm being serious here. Don't try to make this a joke. This is not a joke. You got a real attitude problem, you know that? You need to get a better attitude mister. I will not stand for it. You're fifteen, not five. Act your age. Riku acts his age. Tidus and Waka act their age. Waka, for Christ's sakes Sora! You need to be more mature, like me. I'm mature. A lot of people say I'm mature for my age. Sora? Sora? Sora?!"
Sora blinked a few times before answering the phone.
"Yeah?" he asked.
"Are you listening to me," Kairi asked.
"Of course I am," Sora stated.
"Really, then what did I just finish saying," Kairi questioned.
"You told me I had to me more mature…and that I need to get a better attitude," Sora stated.
There was a long pause-bout time- and then came a whisper that Sora could not here through the phone. He remained silent though, ever waiting for Kairi to finish what she was saying.
"Well…you were listening to me," Kairi said.
"Of course I was," Sora said.
There came a giggle through the line.
"Aww," Kairi said, "you're so sweet. I love you."
"Love you too," Sora said.
"Remember to go on face-you know what, on second thought, you don't have to," Kairi said. "I know you love me as it is and that you're not with Riku or anything." there came another giggle on the line. "Oh well, it's getting late-I'll see you at school. Get a good nights sleep; you got a math test tomorrow and its worth a lot of points. You don't want to be held back again now, do you?" there was another small cheerfully giggle before Sora heard a small kissy sound on the phone. "Good night!"
And then the conversation had ended. Sora stared blankly at his cell phone, biting his lower lip as he tried his best to take in everything that happened. He then sighed and tossed the phone on to his bed, figuring it was best to just get over it and do his work less he spend another year as a freshman at his stupidly named Destiny-Papou-Hearts-Twilight-High School. But as he was about to walk off to his desk, the phone rang again. But this time Sora, was not so reluctant to go ever and answer it. The ringtone this time was much smoother and slower, being Lady Gaga's "Eh Eh" song.-which is only slightly less annoying than Caramell-but hey- this is Sora we're talking about.
Sora checked the caller ID and smiled at the familiar name. He opened his phone and answered it.
"Hey," he said cheerfully.
"Hey Babe-buh," Riku said in a lustful and overly sexy voice. "Wanna come over and study?"
Sora's eyes widened in horror.
And it's over.