Discs.: I don't own CM nor its characters!
A/N: This is the version corrected by my beta!
Find a way to not let it eat you away
1. Fallen
When Elle woke up she needed a moment to remember the events of the past night.
Haley had found out about Hotch's infidelity, he had left her place in the middle of the night and they both knew that it was over. He couldn't risk to lose his family...
She felt like the tears started threatening to break free again, but she won't let it happen. She had cried almost all night - until she was so exhausted that she simply fall asleep. Elle bit her lower lip to keep herself from crying again.
A moment later she finally got up, she didn't take the time to change in some of her own clothes, instead she kept Hotch's shirt on. Then she went downstairs and decided to get some coffee to distract herself.
As she entered the living-room she turned on the stereo. When the first song came on she sat down on the couch and took a sip of the coffee.
Would your love in all its finery
tear at the darkness all around me
until I can breathe again
until I can believe again
She still smelt the scent of him on his shirt she was wearing. When the chorus started she was unable to take it any longer and started to cry as memories rushed back.
'Cause I'm a train wreck waiting to happen
waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks
a wild fire born of frustration
born of the one love that gets me so high
I've no fear at all
Elle was shaking from her sobs by now. She remembered their first night with each other, she remembered when he had confided in her concerning his childhood - the weekend they had spent together out of town.
Flashback :
When they woke up at the second morning, Sunday, they were still lying on the couch. Her neck was stiff but she didn't care - all that mattered was that she woke up next to Hotch. He gave her a soft kiss on her lips as he noticed that she was awake. They shared a happy smile. It just seemed so perfect...
Would your eyes like midnight fireflies
light up the trenches where my heart lies
until I can see again
to find my way back again
...They knew they had still a complete day they could spend together. Around noon they left the house to get somewhere for lunch. When they came back they sat down in the living-room and talked; unaware of the passing of time...
'Cause I'm a train wreck waiting to happen
waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks
a wild fire born of frustration
born of the one love that gets me so high
I've no fear at all
When the daylight started fading Hotch pulled her up and led her outside. It had been a sunny day and the air was still warm; nonetheless Hotch put on a jacket. As he closed and locked the door after they had left the house, Elle took in his appearance.
To fall so deep into you
lose myself completely
in your sweet embrace
all my pain's erased
"What's the matter?" He asked, smiling, when he saw her facial expression. She smiled back.
"Nothing...It's just kinda weird to see you in casual clothes instead of in a suit..."
He slowly closed the space between them.
"Would you prefer it if I wore a suit?"
She only shook her head no. He had walked a few steps ahead of her, then he turned back toward her, lifted his hand and stretched it out to her.
"Come, I wanna show you something..."
She grabbed his hand and they started walking.
A few minutes later she exclaimed : "My god, this place is wonderful!"
They were standing in front of a small lake, surrounded by some trees and an ocean of beautiful flowers.
"Glad you like it."
He drew her closer to him and kissed her softly. Then she turned back around to enjoy the sight. He put his arms around her, looking as well at the small lake in front of them. For a while they just watched the gleaming, little fireflies flying over the lake in perfect silence.
When he noticed that her whole body was shaking and her teeth were chattering, now that it had gotten pretty chilly, Hotch took off his jacket and draped it around her shoulders.
"I think we should go back now before we catch a cold."
She once again only nodded. When they turned to go he put an arm around her slender waist and she snuggled as close to him as possible, leaning her head against his shoulder. Like this they walked slowly and totally quiet back.
Back at the house they decided to make something for dinner. While their fixing their meal they teased each other over and over again.
"How is it that you can cook so well?"
She leaned against the kitchen counter and looked at him.
"I can do a lot of things...Do you really think men can't cook?"
He walked up to her until he stood merely a few inches away from her; he put his hands to both of her sides on the counter.
"That depends on two things."
"And which two things would that be?"
They locked eyes, both a teasing smile on their face.
"First of all it depends on what you call 'cooking' - everybody can shove a pizza into the oven. And secondly it depends on the type of guy...Just to give two easy examples...Reid might be a genius but can you picture him cooking? And Morgan? He is a total macho - he probably orders takeout all the time..."
"So what kind of guy am I in your opinion?"
He gave her a look of mock-irritation. But she was up to the challenge - like always when they teased each other, which had become a part of their usual way of interacting a long time ago.
Not many people knew that Hotch had in deed some kind of humor - pretty much the same as Elle herself. They always had a good remark for the other one and Elle never minced matters just because he was her boss.
It hadn't taken them long to earn each others respect, they had also quickly realized that they had quite a lot in common concerning the way they dealed with the job, their working methods - their way of thinking. It had been quite easy for them to bounce ideas with each other right from the very first day.
Given all those little similarities friendship followed easily - but only after the incident in Texas Hotch had started to let his guard down around her - and they had started teasing each other from time to time...
"Well, you are quite independent, a real gentleman...You respect women..."
He silenced her with a kiss...
End flashback
From your mouth it's all that I wish
the mercy of your lips just one kiss
until I can breathe again
until I can sing again
She had enjoyed their weekend together so much. They had laughed so much with each other.
Though her sobs had finally subsided; the pain was almost unbearable for her. She knew it had been wrong - he was married; he had a little son and had been her boss...Still it had felt so right to be with him...
'Cause I'm a train wreck waiting to happen
waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks
a wild fire born of frustration
born of the one love that gets me so high
I've no fear at all.
Suddenly Elle realized that she had to get her life back on track. She remembered what Hotch had said when she had been in Seattle to help the team in solving a specific case - according to him she was still an agent, because he hadn't filed in the necessary paperwork.
But she doubted to be able to handle working with the BAU right now - it would be too painful to be around him all the time...Another moment passed, then she picked up the phone and dialed a number.
When she hung up several minutes later a relieved smile appeared on her face. She emptied her cup of coffee, then she got up and went upstairs. While she took a shower she decided to simply push her sorrows aside - she had known from the beginning that it was only an affair for him...She could never be more to him than a good friend - simply because Haley and Jack possessed his heart...Elle sighed heavily; it was pointless to think so much about it - she had a lot of more important things to do right now...
Tbc
A/N: Hope u liked it...