"Emily."
I don't look up. There's no need, I know her voice possibly better than my own. Naomi sits down next to me on the sofa and I hear her stifle a gasp. I hate her for that sound. It's the one she makes when she's trying not to breakdown, the one that makes me want to gather her in my arms and hold her until all the pain fades away. But I can't feel like that now. She fucked Sophia.
She fucked Sophia.
"Emily, I...I don't know what to do. I've never…god." She laughs- or maybe she sobs, I can't tell the difference but it makes me cringe anyway.
"I love you, Emily. I've…I've never really loved anyone before; I didn't even think I could. But I do. And, and I know I fucked up. Dramatically, epically, probably unforgivably…but I love you. And we can't go on like this anymore. You're my best friend and…" She trails off and starts to cry. "If I could take it back, I would. You have to believe me when I say I'd give anything, anything to just-"
"Stop," I finally say, "Just stop, Naomi." I look up and tears are streaming down her face. "You broke my heart." I say, and my voice falters. "You broke us."
She nods, slowly, painfully, and casts her gaze away from mine, as if she can't bear to see the truth shining in my eyes. I grasp her chin and force her to look at me. Or maybe I'm forcing myself to look at her? Her blue eyes are begging me for mercy, for the forgiveness she knows she doesn't deserve to ask for. And I'm suddenly aware that even though we've had sex, fucked and made love more times than I can count- she's never been more naked to me than she is in this one moment. I stroke her cheek and tuck a strand of blond hair behind her ear. I'm so tired of fighting myself. "You need to fix it, okay?"
She loves me. I know she loves me. She fucked Sophia but she loves me and I love her and I don't think I can live without her. And now a lightening bolt of clarity strikes me, as I realise I don't even want to try and live without her.
"We can fix it," I say, "We have to fix it."
The corners of her mouth curl up into a tiny smile and then she throws herself on me and cries harder. I stroke her back and only then do I realise that I'm crying too. "It'll be okay." I whisper, and, for the first time since this whole mess started, I actually believe it.