Disclaimer: Weiss Kreuz, Aya, and Yohji are not mine, nor have they ever been. The angst is partly mine, since Aya and Yohji are fairly angsty in the show already.

Notes: This fic was inspired by SkyRat. Without her encouragement, friendship, beta-ing, and moral support, I would never have had the inspiration/desire/courage to write this, much less post it here. It's the first shounen-ai fic I've ever posted (not the first I've written, but among the first) and I am fairly proud of how it turned out. I actually have edited several things since SkyRat read it through for me, so hopefully it's a bit better. Unfortunately, I still haven't managed to expand the ending much, since this is just how I pictured it ending, so, apologies to her and anyone else who feels it peters out too quietly.

I do want to mention my intentions for this fic briefly. I really wanted to portray a relationship between the two that starts out with them having two very set sides to everything and slowly moving to where they become indistinct. They start out having good days and bad days, and then move on to forgiveness, apologies, and then to the point where they don't need apologies anymore. Hopefully this all manages to come through.

Please leave me a review and let me know whether I should ever write anymore shounen-ai.

Seesaw


We lived in ups and downs.

Some days were ups, others were downs.

We were like a seesaw, never stopping, never ceasing.

***

"Yohji."

"Mmnnrr."

"Yohji."

"MMMmmmnnnnrrrr."

"Yohji, we need to be in the shop."

"Mmmm?"

"Yes, we do."

"Mm-mm."

"Yohji, will you stop talking in one syllable?"

"Mm-mm."

A sigh. "Yohji. Quit it."

"But Ayaaaa. You do it. And it's not like you don't understand me."

Another sigh. "Which isn't a good thing. It just encourages you."

"Mm."

"Yohji…"

"Mmmm?"

"Are you going to get up now?"

"Not if you don't."

"Yohji, you're in the way. I can't move."

"Mm-hm."

"You're incorrigible."

"Mm-hm!"

An ever-suffering sigh followed, and then silence.

Yohji smiled as he went back to sleep.

Even through the rain, it was an up day.

***

"Yohji."

"Mmmmmmmmm."

"Get. Up."

"Mmmmm."

"And stop talking in single syllables."

"Mmmm…"

The bed creaked. A shove, footsteps, and suddenly the door flew open and slammed.

Yohji stayed in bed until late.

He knew it was a down day.

***

We lived in a world of two choices.

Why couldn't we ever understand each other?

Did we even try?

***

"Aya, what's wrong?"

"Go away."

"Aya."

"Go away."

"I want to know what's wrong, all right? Let me help."

"Well, I don't want you to know, so go away."

"Aya, you're basically crying."

"No, I'm not."

"All right, you're not, but if we were normal people you would be, so I want to know what's wrong."

"It's none of your business, Yohji. Now leave me alone."

"If you need me—"

"I won't."

***

"Aya?"

"Yohji…"

Standing in the doorway of Yohji's room, he didn't know how to say it, but he needed, and he had been lying to himself when he'd said he didn't.

Yohji saved him. Stepped forward, reached out, saved him.

"It's all right, Aya. It's all right. It's all right."

Aya didn't know why Yohji kept letting himself forget, kept opening the door for him, kept saving him. It wasn't that Aya didn't care, but…he couldn't let himself be so needful. He couldn't let Yohji believe in things that weren't supposed to exist.

"It's all right."

But…he needed.

"Aya."

And…Yohji's arms were soothing.

"It's going to be all right."

***

We lived from one side to another, volatile, dangerous.

Sometimes we wished it would end.

Only…we were always too afraid to say so.

***

"What's wrong with you, Yohji?"

"You kicked me out, Aya. You told me to go get drunk and find myself a whore. So I did."

"Damn you."

"What, Aya? You don't want me here, but I can't go elsewhere? Pick, Aya. If you want to bitch at me and tell me to leave, then don't expect me to stay here and take it. I've put up with your crap way too much already."

Aya couldn't even reply.

Yohji couldn't stay and watch him struggle.

***

"Hey, Aya."

Not that Aya usually answered anyway.

"I'm sorry."

Aya never answered.

"Aya. Um. I guess…I'm just…really sorry."

It wasn't like Yohji expected him to answer.

"Uh, yeah."

So, sometimes he would keep talking, when he didn't expect Aya to listen.

"I'm just sorry…this didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. I'm sorry we have to put up with each other instead of enjoying it. I'm sorry we can't do this correctly. I'm sorry…that…it matters, you know?"

On the other side of the door, Aya nodded. He knew.

"I guess…that's all. And, um, I'm really…"

The door flew open.

"It's all right," Aya replied.

Because it was.

***

We lived at the edge of two boundaries.

Somehow the lines were always so very clear.

Except, one day, suddenly, we couldn't find them anymore.

***

"Why, exactly, did you think that was a good idea, you imbecile?"

"We were in trouble. I wasn't exactly going for 'good idea', Aya."

"No, because you never do, do you, Kudoh?"

"Apparently not, Fujimiya. Not like you."

They glared for an interminable space of time.

Three…

Two…

One…

Aya passed a hand over his face. "I'm tired, Yohji. Let's not do this now."

Yohji deflated beside him. "Aya…hey. I'm—"

"Don't say it. It's fine. Let's just…I'm tired."

Yohji nodded. "Don't worry about it, all right? Go to bed." He yawned.

Aya nodded back and moved down the hallway.

Three…

Two…

One…

Aya looked back and reached out a hand. "Come with me?" he asked softly.

Yohji smiled.

This time they walked together.

***

We lived in ups and downs.

Some days were ups, others were downs.

But as time passed, the ups and downs blurred together, closer and closer, until…

…sometimes the seesaw found equilibrium.