Kat set her phone down. Spun twice in her office chair. Picked her phone up. No new messages. Phone down. Spin. Spin. Phone up. No new messages. Phone down. She had been repeating this dizzying pattern ad nauseum for the past five—she checked her phone—now six minutes after starting her lunch break in the empty conference room. She'd been a tornado of emotions since she woke up that morning with a worryingly brief message from Adena.
"Can we talk?"
She was instantly wide awake, every possibility (most of them negative) racing through her mind. Was she arrested again? No, she wouldn't be texting. Maybe her work visa was approved and she was at the airport! No, she would have said so if that were the case. Besides, Kat doubted Adena would be able to book a flight that quickly. Isn't it obvious? Coco's taking her back. She's calling to dump you, but don't worry, she still wants to be friends! By the way, their wedding is next month in Paris, you're invited!
Kat knew she was being ridiculous, yet she couldn't shake off the uneasiness that had slowly been creeping into the pit of her stomach in the weeks since their airport "date." She hoped it wasn't too obvious in her reply ("Of course! Call me on my lunch break! xoxo"). Or maybe it wasn't obvious enough? Would Adena be offended if Kat seemed like she didn't care? Should she send a "Hope everything's ok" follow-up? She decided against it for the time being, but continued checking her phone in three minute intervals as she got ready for work.
There was a time when she wouldn't have given any thought to double-texting. Or triple texting. Or even quadruple texting, though that was mainly reserved for Jane and Sutton. But with Adena? Everything seemed to matter. Kat wanted it all to be perfect. Every selfie, every caption, every emoji—Everything. But no texts or emails they exchanged had the same warm, easy cadence as their face-to-face conversations. Even phone calls and FaceTimes were barely cutting it. She used to think she was more fluent in text than she was speaking out loud, but then again, she once thought she wasn't cut out for long term relationships. Hell, she even thought she was straight! And then a Muslim lesbian photographer walked into her life and turned everything upside down in the best possible way.
Phone up. Phone down. Spin. Spin. Spin. Spin—
Her spinning is finally interrupted by the angry buzz of her phone vibrating on the table. She answers it breathlessly. "Adena?"
"Kat?"
"Hi."
"Hi." She sounded concerned, and Kat could practically hear her furrowing her eyebrows through the phone. "Are you okay? You sound out of breath."
Kat was grateful Adena couldn't see her face flushing. "Don't worry about it, I had just—It doesn't matter. Are you okay? What's going on?"
Adena sighed, and Kat felt like the chair was still spinning.
"I heard from my immigration lawyer today, and..." She trailed off.
"And... it wasn't good news, was it?"
"No. It wasn't."
Kat bit her bottom lip. "Was it because of the airport thing?"
"I don't know, but that probably didn't help."
Adena's voice was thick and Kat suspected she was close to tears. She took a deep breath and tried to steady herself for both their sakes.
"Okay… Okay. What are we gonna do about this? What are our choices?"
"I don't have any choices, Kat. They turned me down. That's it."
"Yeah, I know that's it for the work visa or whatever, but what else is there? There's other visas, right?"
"Nothing I qualify for! I don't have millions of dollars to invest in businesses, and I don't have any family members there, so unless you want to marry me—"
"Okay."
"—all I can do is wait to reapply and—what?"
"I said okay! Let's get married."
"I… Kat… That's very nice, but—"
"But nothing! I'm not doing it to be 'nice,' I'm doing it because I love you and I want you to stay here, and if that's the only way... I want to do it."
She was met with stunned silence. Kat understood; she had honestly stunned herself at first, but the more she considered it, the surer she felt that it was what she wanted.
"Kat… I truly appreciate this, but I don't think you understand. I can't ask you to do this for me."
"You're not asking me to do it for you! I'm asking you, Adena El-Amin, will you marry me?"
"I… Yes. Yes, I want to but—"
"But what?"
Adena sighed. "But… I think we both need to think about this before we decide."
Kat was confused. "What is there to decide? I already decided! I want this. Do you want this?"
"It's not that simple! Kat, I—" She broke off, and Kat could hear her speaking in rapid Farsi to someone else. "Kat, I need to go, my mom wants my help with something. Can we talk later?"
"I guess."
"I love you. I just... I need to think about things—We both do. Promise me you will."
"Okay. I promise. I love you, Adena."
"I love you, too. Bye."
"Bye."
Kat set down her phone, and although her chair had long since stopped spinning, she felt as if she had just slammed to a halt.
That afternoon, Kat tried her best to distract herself with her work but stayed painfully aware that Adena was yet to call her back.
Adena didn't call her that evening, either. That's not so unusual, Kat rationalized. There was an eight-and-a-half hour time difference between them, and Adena had usually finished dinner before they got to speak on Kat's lunch breaks; but here she was, yet again, agonizing about what to do. To text, or not to text? That is a damn good question.
Not to text. She frustratedly tossed her phone onto the couch beside her, suddenly annoyed with everything and everyone, but especially with herself. What was wrong with her? One minute, double-texting was "too clingy" and in the next minute she's figuratively down on one knee?! No wonder Adena was freaked out! Kat picked up a throw pillow and screamed into it.
She made a mental note to stop in the subway the next morning and really let it out.
Kat woke from a restless sleep with her phone in her hand: Good morning texts from Jane and Sutton, as well as a link to some new frozen yogurt place Sutton wanted to try. She replied with a borderline excessive amount of heart-eyes emojis and requested their presence in the fashion closet before work.
There was nothing from Adena.
She was sitting on the floor of the closet, twisting the hem of her blouse and regretting the cup of coffee that somehow did nothing to wake her up while still managing to amplify her frenetic energy, when Jane and Sutton arrived. Normally the sight of her dearest friends would soothe her, but today it seemed like nothing could help.
"We got your message, what's up?" Sutton asked tenderly.
"Yeah, are you alright? You seemed weird yesterday." Jane added, as they sat across from her.
Kat struggled to find the right words. "I—Well. Okay, so, um—What was happening—Um, yesterday—"
"Are you short-circuiting?" Sutton interrupted. "Is that was this is?"
"I—No." Kat took a deep breath. "I just—I have to tell you something important. And I don't know how."
Jane scooted forward and rubbed Kat's shoulder lovingly. "It's okay. Just take your time. Breathe."
"Is it something about Adena?" Sutton offered. Kat nodded. "Did you guys fight?"
"Not… Exactly…? I don't know. It's complicated."
"Complicated how?"
"I might have… accidentally… um… proposed? To her."
Sutton and Jane gaped at her. Whatever they had expected Kat to say, that surely was not it.
"Please say something."
Sutton opened and closed her mouth several times before words fell out. "I… Congratulations?"
"How do you accidentally propose to someone?" Jane asked incredulously.
"She called me yesterday and said that the U.S. denied her visa extension because of the shit with the airport and I asked her what other visas there were and she said something about a marriage one—"
"A K-1 visa," Sutton interjected, nodding.
Kat and Jane stared at her.
"What? I know things! There's a reality show about it— '90 Day Fiance.'"
Jane turned back to Kat. "Wait, so what did Adena say?"
"Did she say yes?"
"Did she say no?"
"Kind of…?"
"Which is it?"
"'Kind of yes' or 'kind of no'?"
"Both? Neither? I don't know, she said she wanted to think about it. And she wanted me to think about it. And then she had to go and we said we would talk later but we haven't yet. And I probably scared her off and—" Kat choked. "I just—I feel so stupid! I shouldn't have said anything."
Sutton scooted toward Kat and wrapped an arm around her. "You're not stupid. At all."
Jane appeared on her other side. "Yeah. You're smart. And brave. And kind. And Adena loves you, and she knows that you were trying to help."
"But that's just it, I told her I wasn't doing it just to help her."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I want her here with me, and I'm scared she won't ever be able to come back, or that—Maybe she won't even want to now." A small tear slipped out despite Kat's best efforts, and Sutton wiped it away with her thumb.
"Listen to me: She loves you. She's not gonna stop loving you overnight. And she's going to call. Okay?"
Kat nodded. "We should go, we're already late." She tried to get up but Jane pulled her back down.
"Hey. We love you, too. No matter what. And even if I do think you're crazy for marrying someone you've only known a couple months, I want to be in the wedding. Capische?"
Kat smiled weakly. "Thank you, Tiny Jane."
"I also want in on the wedding, and I get to help pick your dress," Sutton added.
"That goes without saying… And it also goes without saying that I love you guys."
"We know."
"We love you, too. Now let's go be late to work."
"Let's go be late to work… Together."
"Thank you, Sutton. That was very inspirational."
"I try."
As she put the finishing touches on an article for the digital site, Kat checked the time. It wasn't quite three o'clock yet, and she knew she needed to tweet the link slightly after three to maximize traffic. She still hadn't heard from Adena, though unloading her problems onto Jane and Sutton had left her fractionally calmer. Glancing around her desk for something to do while she waited, her eyes lingered on a framed photograph she'd put there just last week. It was a selfie she had taken of herself and Adena at a coffee stand the day Adena had requested a professional reference letter for her visa extension application. It didn't seem like anything special at the time: just a cute snap for Sutton and Jane, but when she looked at it later, Kat got lost in the way Adena's deep, rich brown eyes shone in the sunlight, how she knew her smile was genuine because she had taken it while Adena was teasing her about her overly complicated coffee order, how Adena looked… indescribably beautiful in blue…
Kat turned the photo around and instead stared absently at her computer screen. She bit her lips as her hands hovered over her keyboard, wondering what exactly she wanted to search. She finally settled on "k1 visa process" and harshly hit the enter key before she had the chance to lose her nerve. She clicked a very official-looking link to the U.S. immigration services website and quickly became deeply engrossed in a step-by-step explanation of what she and Adena would have to do. Assuming neither of us backs out, she thought grimly, but she pushed the idea away and continued reading. She was so caught up in it that she didn't even notice the footsteps approaching her.
"Kat?" She jerked back into reality, letting out a hiss as she banged her knee on the underside of her desk in the process, and felt heat rising into her cheeks when she saw Jacqueline staring down at her with raised eyebrows.
"Jacqueline! Hi! I'm sorry about that, did you need something?"
"Are you alright? That sounded painful."
"What? Oh, my knee?" Kat waved it off. "Yeah, I'm fine, I was just like, super focused on something."
"Well, if you're sure… I actually wanted to ask you about that article for the digital site. I noticed you haven't tweeted about it yet."
Kat brushed a stray curl behind her ear. "Yeah, I noticed that our tweets tend to get more hits between three and three-thirty, I assume because that's when younger people are getting out of classes and checking their phones, so I'm waiting to post it in that sweet spot, which should be in—" She checked her clock— "Two minutes."
Jacqueline nodded approvingly. "Strategic tweeting, I'm glad to hear it."
"I'm glad you're glad," Kat said brightly, expecting Jacqueline to be satisfied with the conversation and walk away; however, she lingered, frowning slightly at Kat.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Totally, I don't even think it's gonna bruise—"
"I wasn't talking about your knee." She gestured to Kat's computer and the still-open immigration website.
"Oh, no, that's not for me," Kat lied quickly. "A friend of mine is thinking about getting married, but this immigration stuff seems like such a nightmare, they might not even go through with it."
"That seems like a bad reason to give up on a relationship, doesn't it? Because the paperwork is too hard?"
"I—Yeah, but there's more to it than that, it's just a really… complicated situation. For them. They haven't been together very long, and I don't think they know what they want yet, so… Yeah," Kat finished lamely.
"I see." Jacqueline sounded unconvinced. "Well, it sounds to me like they should really sit down and assess what they want and where they see their relationship going before they decide."
"I think that's actually what they're doing now."
"That's good. Getting married can be one of the best choices you make, or it can be one of the worst. It's not something to be taken lightly." Kat nodded. "Anyway, it's after three, so I'll let you get to you tweeting, but Kat?"
"Yes?"
"If they do go through with it, be sure to congratulate them for me."
"Absolutely. Thanks, Jacqueline."
That evening, Kat sat with a glass of wine, phone in hand, staring blankly at the floor. She had tried at least a dozen times to text Adena but none of them captured how she felt.
"Maybe we shouldn't—" Delete.
"I'm sorry if I—" Delete.
"It's ok if you don't—" Delete.
"I hope I didn't—" Delete.
"Can we talk?" Kat angrily deleted each letter of that one separately; she'd seen enough "Can we talk?" texts to last her a lifetime. She'd received enough of them. She'd definitely sent enough of them. Nobody ever sends a "Can we talk?" text because they want to talk about something good! They just come right out and say good things! They don't have to dance around it! Damn! Was this how every boy she left broken hearted felt? Probably not, she thought, but she felt a pang of sympathy for them anyway.
She looked at her phone. It was only a little after 6:30. She didn't need to calculate the time difference in her head, but she did it anyway: 6:30. 7:00. 8:00. 9:00. 10:00. 11:00. 12:00. 1:00. 2:00. 3:00. Adena was probably already fast asleep, not even thinking about Kat. Or maybe she was wide awake and thinking about Kat. Or wide awake and still not thinking about her. There was no way of knowing. Unless… Maybe it was the wine kicking in, but as Kat contemplated her phone, she was hit with a sudden surge of boldness.
"Are you awake?" Send.
Sent. Delivered. Seen at 6:37 P.M. And then the reply:
"Yes."
Before Kat had the chance to formulate a response, the phone began to ring. She answered it without hesitation. It was silent. For a split second she wondered if Adena had called her accidentally.
Finally, Adena spoke. "Hello?"
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Hi."
Silence.
"This is a good conversation. I'm glad I called," Adena said dryly.
Kat giggled, releasing a breath she hadn't realize she was holding.
"It wasn't that funny," Adena admonished.
"It was a little funny."
"But not that funny."
"It was funny enough."
More silence.
"Adena?"
"Yes?"
"I… missed you today. A lot."
"I missed you, too. A lot."
"I miss you all the time, actually. Did you… um. Did you think about what I said? On the phone yesterday?" Kat cursed herself. Obviously you meant yesterday, dumbass! It's not like you propose every day!
"I did. I thought about it a lot. Did you?"
"Hmmmm… I don't know if 'think' is the right word. 'Agonized' is probably more like it."
She couldn't be sure, but Kat thought for a moment she could hear Adena smile at that.
"So did you come to any conclusions?"
"Not really. Just that I love you. And I hate being apart from you. And I want you here with me. And if that means taking the plunge and getting married—I want to marry you. But I don't you to feel pressured into this if it's not what you want, because more than anything I just want you to be happy. So… I guess I'm in the same place as yesterday. What about you? How do you feel?"
Adena sniffled quietly.
"Adena?"
"Kat?"
"If it's not what you want, I understand. I totally understand, and I am so—"
"Kat! It is."
"What is? What?"
"It is what I want. You want me to be happy, and there is nothing in the world that would make me happier than being with you. I just…"
"What?"
"I wanted to be sure that you wanted the same."
"I do."
"I didn't want you to do it as a favor to me, if that makes sense?"
"Oh, definitely not, I'm just looking out for myself. That's my top priority," Kat said sarcastically.
Adena laughed in relief, and Kat thought it might be the most beautiful sound she ever heard. The dark cloud that had been weighing on her all day was gone, the sun was out, and she felt giddy from more than the wine.
"So… So that's it then. You're my fiancee."
"You're my fiancee."
"I guess I should get started on the paperwork, fiancee"
"I guess so, fiancee"
"And you should go to bed. It's late."
"I know," she said sadly. "I couldn't sleep. I missed you too much."
"Then you should be able to sleep now."
"No, because now I'll be too excited about seeing you to sleep."
"Well, you should probably get over that, because apparently the visa process takes like forever."
"Oh," Adena said, crestfallen. "How long is forever?"
"It depends… Like over a month."
Adena laughed her beautiful laugh again. "That's not forever, Kat!"
"Well, it feels like forever when you're not here."
"That's fair." She yawned.
"Go to bed, fiancee."
"Yes, fiancee."
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
"Good night."
"Good night, fiancee."
Kat could barely contain her excitement when she woke up the next morning, a feeling that only tripled when she saw there was a text from Adena waiting for her.
"Good morning, fiancee."
"Good morning, fiancee "
She then fired off a "TALKED TO ADENA! CLOSET MEETING ASAP!" message to Jane and Sutton before carrying out her morning routine, not even trying to contain the joyful grin that kept creeping onto her face.
When they found her in the fashion closet, Sutton and Jane were bewildered by just how different the scene was compared to yesterday; rather than fidgeting nervously, Kat was flitting around the clothing racks, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Her face her lit up when she saw them, and she held up a red cocktail dress.
"Hey! Jane, do you like this? I like it, but you look so good in red, you should try it." She held it out, but Jane eyed it quizzically.
"Did you ask us to meet you because you wanted me to try on a dress?"
"Yeah, I thought you needed to tell us about Adena?"
"I do! We talked last night!"
"And…?"
"And… she said yes!"
Jane looked confused. "She said 'yes' as in…"
"'Yes' as in yes!"
"YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?!" Sutton shrieked.
"Shhhhhhhhhh! I'm not trying to tell the whole office! But yeah, I'm going over the application—petition—thing—with an immigration lawyer tomorrow night. Is that crazy or what?"
Jane nodded. "I—Yeah. Yeah. It definitely is crazy. 'Crazy' is the right word for it."
"We're happy for you," Sutton said, pulling them both into a hug.
"Thanks, guys. I'm happy, too. Like, so, so happy," Kat replied, dabbing at the corner of her eye. "Anyway, I don't want to make you late two days in a row, so I'll see you later! Love you!"
Sutton and Jane shared worried eye contact as Kat bounced out of the room.
"I'm happy for her," Jane said tentatively. "But at the same time…"
"You're like, super worried that they didn't think this through enough and it's gonna be a huge mess?"
"But we can't say any of that because she's happy and we have to be supportive?"
"You, too?"
"Yep."
"Yep."
"Awesome."
Kat hummed to herself as she stood over one of the Scarlet copy machines. It would be at least a couple days before she needed to submit evidence of her relationship with Adena, but she thought there was no harm in preparing early. After hanging up from Adena the night before, she had gathered everything she could think of that would prove the legitimacy of the engagement onto a neatly organized flash drive that would make even Jane's anal retentive self proud: The professional reference letter she had written for Adena's work visa extension application, their phone records (Adena had emailed hers that morning, along with copies of her birth certificate and passport), the boarding pass for her (unused) ticket to Iran—Anything to show immigration that they were committed. And they were: Text-all-day, twice-a-day-calls, eleven-thousand-dollar-plane-ticket committed. She needed pictures of them together as well, but decided to get those printed on actual photo paper at a drugstore. They couldn't make their first impression too good, right?
Of course, she had already chosen which photos to use—She didn't exactly have tons of options, but she had enough to pick ones she liked. All of them were selfies: One from the night they walked around Manhattan; one Kat had insisted Adena take inside their airport pillow fort; and, of course, Kat's favorite, the coffee selfie that was currently sitting in a frame on her desk. She knew those photos would seal the deal—The immigration agent would have to be absolutely heartless to keep this beautiful, madly-in-love couple apart!
Kat smirked to herself as she texted Adena.
"you can complain about my selfies all you want but they're going in our application sooooooooo 😜"
She heard a dramatic gasp behind her and turned to see Alex feigning shock and horror.
"Do I spy Ms. Edison using Scarlet materials for personal matters?"
"Do I spy Mr. Crawford being a snitch?"
"Yeah, I was actually on my way to Jacqueline's office so I can tattle on one of the interns for abusing free coffee privileges."
"'Tattle'? How old are you, seven?"
"Uhhhh, seven and three quarters, thank you very much. So what are you doing that's so urgent it requires Scarlet's precious paper?"
Kat deliberated on how much of the truth she should reveal. On the one hand, she wasn't trying to be the subject of office gossip for the next month, but on the other, she didn't want to force Sutton to keep secrets from Alex when their relationship was still so new. She settled on the whole truth.
"I'm giving it to immigration. Adena and I are applying for a K-1 visa." It was all she could do to keep from smiling like a complete dork when she admitted it.
"That's—The fiance one, right?"
Kat nodded. "Why does everyone know that?"
"Sutton made me watch the TV show with her. It's actually pretty good… So, you and Adena?"
"Me and Adena…" She frowned. "Adena and I?"
"That's a cute couple."
"We like to think so."
"I hadn't realized you guys were so serious."
Kat suddenly felt flustered. "I mean—Yeah, but we, um—She had a problem with her work visa, so that kind of put pressure on us—" She deflected. "But anyway, how are things with you and Sutton? You treating my girl right?"
He laughed fondly. "Yes… Although I'm sure she's already told you that. The three of you are weirdly intimate."
"Okay, we are not 'weirdly intimate,' you're just giving into the patriarchy and allowing toxic masculinity to keep you from forming close emotional bonds with your male friends."
"Damn, okay, you're not playing around."
"I never play. You should really know that by—"
"Kat!" Jacqueline called from her office doorway, beckoning her.
Kat nodded and turned to Alex. "What do you think that's about?"
He shrugged. "Maybe she saw you using the copier."
"Very funny," Kat said, narrowing her eyes before making the trepidatious journey to Jacqueline's office. She wasn't actually in trouble for making copies was she? Of course not, that would be ridiculous.
"Close the door behind you, please." Okay. Not reassuring. Kat nervously sat in the chair opposite the desk.
"If this is about the copier, I am so sorry and—"
"I actually wanted to speak to you about our conversation from yesterday—Is there something wrong with the copier?"
"Oh—No—Um, that was just a joke… with Alex… It's not funny, don't worry about it—I'm sorry, what were you saying?"
"Right." Jacqueline eyed her suspiciously but let the matter rest. "I was wondering if you had heard anything from your friends. Did they make a decision?"
"Oh—Yeah, they did, actually. They're going through with it."
"And do you think they're making the right decision?"
"I think so? At least, I think they think so. I mean, nobody really knows for sure how marriages will turn out, right?"
"That's very true. So, these friends… Do you think they would be willing to be interviewed for a piece in Scarlet?"
"What, like an article about them?"
"About them, but also about the immigration process as a whole. It's topical, it's personal-meets-political, and I think it's important that we put faces and names to these policies so our readers know that the decisions made by certain people have real human consequences."
Kat swallowed. "I… agree. Totally. I'll just have to ask them about it, but I don't see why they wouldn't."
Jacqueline leaned back. "Excellent. Are they friends of Jane's as well?"
"Um, yeah, they're pretty close, I'd say."
"So they'd feel comfortable opening up to her?"
"I think so."
"Then I'll be assigning her to work on it. I think it's right up her alley."
"That's a good idea. I'm sure they'll all appreciate it."
"I'm glad you think so. That's all I needed from you, Kat, thank you."
"No problem."
As Kat settled back into her desk, she chastised herself for not immediately nixing Jacqueline's article idea. If she was afraid of her coworkers knowing her business, how much worse would it be to tell Scarlet's three million (and counting) subscribers? Even her mother reads Scarlet! Her mother…
She didn't have a bad relationship with her parents, but, ironically enough for a pair of therapists, they weren't the kind of people you wanted to spill all your problems to. All they knew about Kat's current relationship status was that she was "casually seeing someone." No details. No name. No gender. They weren't homophobes by any means (If anything, they'd be excited to have something new about her to psychoanalyze.), and Kat wasn't ashamed of what she assumed was… bisexuality? Bi-curiosity? Heteroflexibility? (She was never one for putting herself into boxes, no pun intended.) But accepting yourself and asking other people to accept you are two very different things.
It was easy with her friends; they had chosen her as she was, not some perfect, idealized version of her. Her parents were another story. She often wondered if all parents were like that, having their kids' lives all planned out before they're even born. This is your name. These are your hobbies. This is your school. This is your career. This is your life; we picked it out special. They never said it, but she suspected that they were secretly disappointed when she didn't go into the family psychiatry business. Kat always knew her parents wanted a daughter, but a dark voice in the back of her mind loved to point out that she wasn't necessarily playing the role of the daughter they had planned.
She could always ask Jane to use pseudonyms in the article. So much for putting names and faces to the issue.
As she picked up her phone to call Adena and ask for her thoughts, she realized that Adena had already called, presumably during her extended field trip to the copy machine and Jacqueline's office. Kat wasn't surprised that there was no message; Adena always said she felt awkward leaving them. She hit the redial button and waited. Adena answered it on the second ring.
"Kat?" She said breathlessly.
"Hey, I was about to call you, but then I saw that you already did—Are you okay?"
"I—Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you at work—"
"You could never bother me."
"Okay. I love you."
"I love you, too." Kat frowned. "What's going on?"
"I don't know, I just wanted to talk to you."
"Okay… So talk to me. I'm here."
"I… I know you said this before, I just wanted to make sure that…"
"Make sure that what?"
"That… You really want this. You want this for yourself."
"I do. I really do."
"And you don't just want this for my sake?"
"No, that's not it at all! Adena... Where is this coming from? Do you want to back out? Because we can if you're scared or—"
"No! No… I do want this. More than anything."
"Then why did you think I didn't?"
"I—You wouldn't understand."
"So help me to!"
Adena took a deep breath. "When I was with Coco… I wasn't happy."
"I know that."
"But what you don't know is… I wasn't happy… For a long time. Long before I met you."
"Okay…"
"If I'm being honest, I was unhappy not long after she and I started dating."
Kat bit her lip. "I see…But you stayed with her...?"
"But I stayed with her because… I was afraid."
"Did she—"
"She didn't hurt me, if that's what you're asking."
"Yeah."
"It was just—She was… temperamental, I guess you'd say. She liked to think of herself as a 'tortured artist.'"
"Like Van Gogh?"
Adena laughed softly. "Pretty much."
"So when you say you were afraid…"
"I didn't know what she would do if I left. So I stayed."
"It sounds simple when you put it like that." Kat rested her chin on her hand, deep in thought. "So… That night. When we were together. She called you even though it was crazy early in France…"
"Yes."
Kat sighed. "I get it. I'm so sorry, Adena."
"Don't be. My choices are my own."
"Yeah, but—Not really. It wasn't fair."
"No," she agreed sadly. "And I promised myself I could never let anyone else feel like that. So that's why I was worried that maybe you did—"
"I don't," Kat said firmly. "I promise you I don't."
"Thank you, Kat. I'm sorry for being silly like that."
"You weren't being silly. At all. I just… I'm sorry. That you had to go through all that. And I'm glad you were brave enough to leave."
"I'm glad I had someone to help me be brave."
Kat felt a lump in her throat. "Okay, well, I should probably get back to work, but I'm glad we got to talk. I love you."
"I love you, too."
It was only after Kat hung up that she realized she hadn't even mentioned the article.
"So, Kat," Jane said, taking a California roll from the tray of sushi they were currently sharing. "Jacqueline invited me into her office today. I don't suppose you have any idea what she wanted to talk about, right?"
Kat groaned. She had hoped Jacqueline would at least wait until after the weekend to approach Jane about the article, not the next day.
"I'm taking that as a yes."
"What's happening here?" Sutton asked, pointing at the two of them with a chopstick.
"Do you want to tell her or should I?"
Kat sighed. "Jacqueline saw me researching visa stuff, and she asked about it, and I kind of panicked and told her a friend of mine was getting married."
"And she believed the 'it's not mine, it's for a friend' act?" Sutton looked skeptical.
"Probably not, but she didn't call me on it."
"And now she wants me to interview said friends for an article."
"That doesn't sound so bad—"
"Except I haven't talked to Adena about it, and I don't know if I want this to be public knowledge yet!"
"You could use pseudonyms, people do it all the time."
"I don't know if Jacqueline would appreciate that. She told me about how she wants people to have real faces and names attached to political policies. Pseudonyms kind of defeat the purpose."
Jane cleared her throat. "Kat, we could always just say that our 'friends' weren't interested in talking about it publicly."
"I know, but… It could be a really good article for you. I don't want you missing out just because I'm too chicken to come out to the world."
"There will be other articles for me. There are dumb laws being passed every day, it's not hard to find someone they apply to. I'm not gonna force my best friend to do something before she's ready on the off chance that it helps my career."
"Awww, babe, that was sweet." Kat reached over and wiped a splotch of soy sauce off Jane's chin. "Not gonna lie though, that was kind of ruining the moment."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Sutton said, with a sip of her soda. "I think that made it cuter."
"Anyway, I still need to talk to Adena and see how she feels."
"Yeah, because the woman with the 'proud Muslim lesbian' twitter bio can be really shy about this kind of stuff."
"Damn, look out, everyone, Tiny Jane's got jokes tonight!"
"Very funny." Kat narrowed her eyes.
"We could always call her now and ask. What time is it there?"
"Late, she's probably sleeping."
"Okay, so we'll call her tomorrow."
"I will call her tomorrow. You can butt out."
"Okay! Harsh!"
"Maybe she needs to go to bed, too, she's cranky."
"Yeah, I think she's running on Adena Time."
"Wow, you guys are just sooooo funny."
"We know. It's one of our many attractive qualities."
Jane and Sutton high-fived each other as Kat rolled her eyes.
Kat awoke that morning with instructions from Adena to call whenever, so as soon as she schlepped herself out of bed and got her coffee maker started, she was on the phone.
"Good morning."
"Good afternoon."
"What are you doing?"
"Talking to you."
"Obviously," Adena laughed.
"And making coffee. Deciding what I want for breakfast. What are you doing?"
"I was cleaning my dishes from lunch until you rescued me."
"What was it?"
"Leftovers. Khoresh. You would just call it stew."
"'Khoresh' sounds better. I've always thought 'stew' was an ugly word."
"My mom makes an incredible one with peas and lamb and potatoes."
"Mmmmmm… You'll have to make it for me when you're here."
"I don't make it as well as she does."
"I guess you better practice."
"I guess so."
"So what else have you done today?"
Adena launched into a description of a book she had just finished reading as Kat poured her cup of coffee. She could practically see how she knew Adena's eyes were lighting up and she was waving her hand around as she ranted about the anticlimactic ending.
Finally, Adena took a deep breath. "But that's enough of that. How was your meeting with the lawyer?"
Kat picked at her fingernails. "It was good. Diane was nice, you'd like her. We submitted my petition, so basically some old guy at the State Department is investigating us and we'll find out in a couple weeks if we were approved."
"You sound… concerned."
"I'm not… At least, not about that. Apparently they like, hardly ever reject people, and as far as I know neither of us is a serial killer, so..."
"So what are you worried about?"
"Umm… Well. Jacqueline saw me researching, and she asked about it, but I didn't want to tell her in case we didn't go through with it, so I said it was for a friend, and now she wants my imaginary friend and her fiancee to be part of an article about the immigration process."
"I see… Well, you know I would have no problem speaking to them."
"I know."
"...But you would?"
"Yes. No. I don't know."
"Kat," Adena purred, and Kat's heart melted. "It's okay if you don't want to do it."
"But I do want to do it! That's part of the problem! It's an important story, and Jacqueline wants Jane to write it, and it could be great for her, but at the same time…" She trailed off.
"Everyone would know your secrets?" Adena offered.
"Yeah… Not that you're a secret! I love you, and I'm proud to be with you, I just—"
"Kat, it's okay! I understand. You keep things close to your chest… You're…"
"A coward?" She said bitterly.
"No! Not at all! You're just… mysterious… And frankly, it's a little bit sexy."
Kat smiled in spite of herself.
"Did I make you smile?" Adena teased.
"No!"
"Liar! I can hear it… Kat?"
"Yeah?"
"Have you asked Jacqueline about keeping your 'friends' anonymous in the article? I'm sure she would understand."
"She probably would, but I don't know… It seemed like she had this vision. I wouldn't want to ruin that."
"You can't sacrifice your heart for someone else's vision."
"Wow, I didn't realize I was engaged to a fortune cookie."
"Funny. But you know I'm right."
"I know."
"And it's your choice to make."
"I know."
"And Jane and I will support you no matter what you choose."
"I know."
"And I love you."
"I kn—I love you too."
The next two weeks dragged on painfully slowly, yet Kat was somehow no closer to a decision on the article, despite Jane's nagging. After what felt like the millionth time, Kat finally snapped at her.
"I haven't decided, and it's not like anything is happening now so it doesn't! Even! Matter!"
"Which is why Jacqueline isn't asking about it, but I would still like to know what I'm doing!"
"Guys—" Sutton piped in, to no avail.
"Well, you're gonna have to get used to not knowing, because I don't know anything either!"
"Clearly!"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"HEY, GUYS, CAN YOU SHUT UP FOR LIKE, A FRACTION OF A SECOND MAYBE?!"
They both turned to Sutton, who brandished Kat's phone. "This was ringing, but obviously you guys couldn't hear it OVER YOUR YELLING!"
"Well, now you're the one yelling," Jane pointed out.
Kat scowled and took the phone.
One missed call. One new voicemail. It was from the lawyer's office.
She took a deep breath and anxiously held the phone to her ear. She was met with the assistant's bubbly voice.
"Hi, Kat, it's Carly from Diane Wilder's office! I'm sorry I missed you, but I wanted to let you know that we heard back about your petition today, and it's been approved! So, just to remind you, the next step is Adena getting in touch with the embassy, but everything's looking good from our end! Diane will be in touch, but you can feel free to call her if you have any questions before that. And congratulations! I hope you enjoy your weekend!"
Kat hadn't realized that she closed her eyes. They snapped open and saw Jane and Sutton staring at her expectantly.
"That was the lawyer's office."
"What'd they say?"
"My petition was approved. Adena gets to apply."
They were silent for a moment, then exploded. They screamed. They cried. They jumped up and down. They slammed together into possibly the most violent group hug any of them had ever encountered. The tension of just a few minutes prior had all but disappeared when they finally collapsed, exhausted, on Kat's living room floor.
Kat bit her lip thoughtfully. "Jane?"
"Yeah?"
"I want you to write the article."
She sat up. "Are you sure?"
"Absolutely. Names and everything."
"Oh… Okay. Wow. Thank you."
"I'm not just doing it for you. Or for Jacqueline. It's for me and Adena. I just—I love her. And I don't care who knows anymore."
"Okay, wait, let me record this. Where's my phone?"
"Oh god, I have to tell Adena!" Kat fished her phone out from under the couch, where it had fallen in the chaos.
"Are you gonna call her? What time is it there?"
"After two. I'll just send her a text, I don't want to wake her up for this."
"phase one of Operation Fiancee is COMPLETE! It's time to dazzle the embassy, babe! 💕💕💕💕💕💕 I love you. talk tomorrow."
"So what happens now?" Sutton asked.
"You watch the show. I thought you were supposed to know all this stuff," Kat said loftily, dodging the pillow Sutton threw at her.
"They don't really show the before stuff. It's just like… What happens when they get to America. And wedding planning." She gasped. "Wait, can I plan your wedding?!"
"I don't think there's gonna be a wedding. We're just going to the courthouse—With you two as witnesses, obviously."
"Nooooooooo, that's so boring!" Sutton pouted. "You at least still have to wear something cute. That I get to help pick."
"I was actually thinking we might wear matching sweatpants. I heard that's like, super trendy now."
Sutton clutched her chest. "Please don't even joke about that."
"You never told us what happens next," Jane reminded her, turning to a fresh page in her notebook.
"Well, Adena has to apply for her visa—Which, she's done it before, so she knows what to expect. Basically, they'll interview her, run her background check, all that stuff."
"Do you know what her interview will be like?"
Kat eyed the blinking red recorder light on Jane's phone. "Um, yeah, Diane—That's my lawyer—She told me that, um, they're gonna ask about our relationship, make sure it's all legit."
Jane followed her gaze to the phone. "Don't think about the recording. Just talk to me like you would normally."
"Okay."
"So, when they run her background check, is that the same as what they did when she applied for an extension of her work visa?"
"I guess?" Jane jotted something down. The pencil made a scratching noise that made Kat's skin crawl.
"But her extension was denied."
Kat was taken aback. "I—Yeah. It was."
"So, isn't it possible that she'll be rejected this time, too?"
"Umm… Yeah, I guess. I hadn't really thought about it." Was Jane's pencil always that loud? "But, um," she said loudly, trying her best to ignore the sound. "That was because they flagged her at the airport, probably. She didn't get to explain the situation to them. And she'll get to do that this time, so…" She trailed off. The pencil stopped.
"What do you plan on doing if they reject her anyway?"
"They—They won't."
"You don't know that for sure."
"I—No, but—What—Why are you… being like this? What is this?"
"I'm not being like anything—It's an interview, I'm interviewing you. I thought this was what you wanted."
"I didn't want my best friend being so—so—negative!" She sputtered.
"I'm not being negative, Kat! I'm asking you hard questions! That's my job!"
"Oh, that's funny, I didn't realize they were paying you to be a bitch!" She stood up.
Jane followed her. "I'm not being a bitch, I only asked if you had considered—"
"It's not just this, Jane! It's everything! One minute, you're all supportive, like you're supposed to be, and then five seconds later you're making some dig about how I'm crazy to be doing this!"
"Do you not see how crazy it is?! You're marrying someone you've only known for a few months!"
Sutton's eyes bounced back and forth as if she were watching a particularly intense ping pong match, mouth agape.
"Obviously, I don't! I don't see how crazy it is! So why don't you just tell me! Get it all off your chest! Tell me everything you've been thinking for the past two weeks!"
"Well, if you insist—"
"I do insist! I absolutely insist! Go right ahead!"
"Okay. Fine. I think you're too impulsive."
"When? When am I impulsive?"
"When are you not?! You spent $11,000 on—"
"I cashed in frequent flier miles, and I didn't even end up using the ticket!"
"It's still ridiculous!"
"That's one thing! What else ya got?"
"Maybe I should let Sutton remind you of the time you stormed into Richard's office and ruined their relationship!"
Sutton snapped out of her trance. "Wait just one second—"
"Don't drag Sutton into this! Besides they were gonna break up anyway!"
Sutton swiveled to face Kat. "Okay, that is not—"
"That doesn't change the fact that you couldn't control yourself—"
"OKAY, BOTH OF YOU, STOP! JUST STOP! YOU'RE BOTH WRONG, SHUT UP!"
For the second time that night, Kat and Jane stared dumbstruck at Sutton, who was gritting her teeth as she decided what to do with them.
She raked her fingers through her hair. "Okay, you." She pointed at Jane. "You sit there." She pointed at a chair. She turned to Kat. "And you sit there." She pointed at another. She took the couch for herself. "We are going to talk about this. We're done yelling, since I'm pretty sure your neighbors are about to call the cops. And while we're on the subject, not that it concerns either of you, but Richard and I did not break up because of Kat—"
"Ha!"
"Shush! I'm not done! We didn't break up because of Kat, but it was still wrong of her to go into his office, which she knows, because we already discussed it. It's done. It's over. I don't want to talk about it again, okay?"
"Okay," Kat muttered. Jane nodded grudgingly.
"Thank you." Sutton sighed. "Jane… Kat is an adult, and she can make her own choices. You don't have to agree with them, but you need to stop nagging her. Agreed?"
"Agreed." She said sullenly. "I'm sorry, Kat."
"It's okay."
"And Kat," Sutton continued.
"Yes?"
"We're your friends. We love you."
"I know."
"So we want what's best for you."
"Yeah."
"And sometimes… You leap before you look—And I'm not saying that's what's happening now!" She added before Kat could protest. "We're just saying… It's been known to happen, and we don't want you getting hurt, because you know how messy this could get!"
"Exactly! I know that! I don't need you guys to tell me!"
"Okay! So we won't tell you!"
"Okay!"
Jane spoke up. "I think we should put a pin in all the interview stuff. For now, at least. All in favor?"
"Aye."
"Aye."
They sat in uncomfortable silence for several minutes.
Kat cleared her throat. "So… Lovely weather we're having, right?"
"Yeah, I love the way I just look up and the sky is, like... there," Sutton replied sarcastically.
Jane snorted. "We're not very good at small talk, are we?"
"Apparently not."
"Sooooo… Let's try big talk." Sutton turned to Kat. "What are your opinions on… jumpsuits?"
"Like, in general? Love 'em."
"What about a white one instead of a wedding dress?"
Jane squinted at her. "What happened to putting a pin in this conversation?"
"You said no interview stuff; wedding stuff is still on the table. Besides, this all hypothetical. Wedding jumpsuits: Yes or no?"
Kat sipped her drink thoughtfully. "It's a solid 'maybe.' I'd have to see it."
"When that one actress from Orange is the New Black got married her wife wore one with a cape and it was so gorgeous—"
Jane choked. "A cape?"
"Yeah, was the wedding super-hero themed?"
"Not that kind of cape! It looked good, trust me. I'll find a picture."
Jane gasped softly and scrambled for her notebook, quickly writing something, before snapping it shut.
"What was that about?" Kat asked suspiciously.
"Nothing." Kat narrowed her eyes, and Jane shrugged. "We said no interview talk!"
"Ban lifted. What did you write?"
"Just that if you guys decide to dress up we should get some good wedding photos of you to use in the article."
"Excuse me, not 'if,' she has to dress up! You have to dress up! You agreed!"
"When did I agree?"
"Like right after you told us about it."
Kat thought back to that day. She had been more than a little preoccupied, but…
"...Crap."
"I'm right, aren't I?" Sutton smirked.
"Yes," Kat admitted grudgingly. "But you can't go all bridezilla."
"Of course not. I have to save that for when I get married."
"Yeah," Jane said. 'If anything she'll be more Monster-in-Law."
"I won't be that bad! I'll just be like one of those pushy moms on Say Yes to The Dress… Or like…" She was hit with sudden inspiration. "My Big Fat Green Wedding!"
Kat was confused. "Wait, what?"
Jane reopened her notebook. "Actually, that would be a good title for the article."
"You know, like My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but 'green' instead of 'Greek'?"
"No, I know the movie, but why green?"
"You know, because… like a green card."
Kat shook her head. "That—that's not what this is." She stood up. "I—I think I'm gonna go to bed, I'm tired. Good night."
"Kat, it was a joke!"
"Well, it wasn't funny! Not to me, anyway. This is—this is my life, and maybe you guys don't take this seriously—"
"We do!"
"Really? Because it doesn't seem like you do, Sutton. It really just seems like you think this is a game, or some reality show, or whatever—And Jane has made it clear that she thinks I'm crazy to be doing this, so, no, it really doesn't seem like you guys are on my side right now—"
Jane stood up. "We're on your side, we're always on your side!"
"Okay, well, I'm still going to bed. Good night." She stomped into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
Jane flopped back onto the couch next to Sutton, who groaned.
"What?"
"We're the annoying family members."
"What are you talking about?"
"On 90 Day—"
"Okay, Kat's right, you do reference that way too much."
"I know, it's a guilty pleasure, shut up—Anyway, whenever they tell their families they're getting married someone always flips out and tells them it's just about the green card or—"
"Or… that they're crazy?"
"Yeah… They're kind of the worst."
"And that's us."
"Yeah."
Jane sighed and rested her head on Sutton's shoulder. "So, how do they fix it?"
"Not all of them do," she said sadly.
"Oh… That sucks."
"Yeah… But they're not us."
Kat stared at the ceiling. She was beginning to regret storming into her room; although it had seemed appropriate at the time, she wasn't actually tired and realized as soon as she shut the door that she had forgotten her phone. She could still hear Sutton and Jane's muffled voices and briefly entertained the thought of going back out to get it and ignoring them but decided the petty enjoyment wasn't worth the embarrassment, and instead opted to continue staring at the ceiling until she fell asleep. Don't doctors say not to look at screens before bed anyway? Something about blue light? Her dad emailed her an article about it a few months ago, but she had only skimmed the first couple paragraphs before deleting it.
She checked the clock on her nightstand; it was barely after 7:30. Had she really only been in there for an hour? It felt longer. Her stomach grumbled, and she realized that they hadn't even had dinner yet. They were planning on cooking together before everything went to shit.
Hunger did nothing to help her mood as she squirmed in her bed angrily.
Maybe she should apologize; was she over-reacting? She knew they would never be deliberately hurtful—They were just being their over-protective and excitable selves; those were some of the things she loved most about them. And it wasn't totally their fault that they saw it solely as a green card arrangement—She hadn't admitted to anyone what she had come to realize over the course of those two weeks: The embassy could come calling tomorrow saying it was all a big misunderstanding, Adena never should have been detained at the airport, it was their mistake and they were welcoming her back to America with open arms—They wouldn't, of course, but if they did?
Kat would want to marry her anyway.
It was nearly eight when she heard someone knock softly on the bedroom door.
"Come in," she said, making no effort to sit up or see who it was.
She felt the bed sink next to her and caught a whiff of Jane's baby powder-scented deodorant.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Sutton's making pancakes."
"What kind?"
"The best kind."
"Banana chocolate chip?"
"Obviously."
"Good."
Kat didn't need to look over to know Jane was biting her lip.
"Are you still mad?"
"Not really."
"Good, because I'm cold," Jane said, wiggling under the blankets.
Kat fought back a smile with little success; Tiny Jane could be annoyingly cute when she wanted to be.
"But just in case, I brought your phone as a peace offering," she said, dropping it onto Kat's stomach.
"Thanks."
"And speaking of peace offerings," came Sutton's voice from the doorway. "I come bearing pancakes." She smiled, setting down a tray in front of Kat. "And they have a special message for you."
The five small, letter-shaped pancakes were arranged in a line spelling out—
"'Sorpy'?" Kat asked, bemused.
Sutton's face fell. "It stuck to the pan when I tried to flip it. I figured you would get the idea."
Kat and Jane laughed.
"I do get it. Thanks. And, uh… I'm sorpy too."
Sutton sat at the foot of the bed. "You have nothing to be sorpy for."
"Yeah," Jane chimed in. "It was all us. This is a big deal, and we were… kind of… being bitches."
"Actually, I'm pretty sure you were the only one she called a bitch," Sutton corrected her.
"But I feel like the door slam implied—"
"Girls, girls," Kat interrupted. "It's not a competition. We're all bitches. That's why we're friends—Nobody else would put up with us."
"That is a very good point," Sutton said, stealing a pancake from the tray as Jane nodded solemnly.
"But also…" Kat continued. "I feel like I haven't been totally honest with you guys."
Sutton lowered her pancake. "What do you mean?"
"I mean…" Kat swallowed nervously. "It's like… At first, I thought I just wanted Adena to get a green card so we could stay together, but now… I want us to stay together."
"I'm not following," Jane said.
"Like… I don't just want to be…" She struggled to find the words. "I don't just want to be green-card-married. I want to be married-married." She turned to Jane. "Do you think that's impulsive and reckless and crazy?"
"Is that a trick question?" Sutton asked.
"No."
"No, I don't think it's impulsive and reckless and crazy. I think… you're in love. And I think you're brave. I know I give you a hard time about it, but at the end of the day…" Jane trailed off. "I really wish I could take more risks."
"I don't feel like I take risks, though. Not when it comes to things that are important. I can punch an ugly racist in the street because I know in the long run it doesn't matter, but I was too scared to date Adena the first time, I was too scared to get on that plane, I was too scared to take horseback riding lessons—"
"Horseback riding lessons?" Sutton asked incredulously.
"Yeah, I was really into horses as a kid, but then I met one in real life and it was so tall—But that's not the point."
"So what is the point?" Jane asked.
"If Adena's visa extension had gotten approved, if she could come back to America on her own, do you think I would have the guts to get married?"
Sutton looked skeptical.
Jane shrugged. "Maybe eventually?"
"But I don't want to marry her eventually. I want to marry her now. Or when she gets here. Or in three months. Whatever. And obviously the situation isn't ideal, but… I think it gave me the push I needed to finally take a risk that matters, and I'm gonna do it."
"That was very romantic, and I would totally clap for you if I didn't have a pancake in my hand," Jane said.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"Now eat a pancake."
"Okay, bossy," Kat eyed the tray to determine which seemed to have the most chocolate chips before carefully selecting the 'y'.
"Wait," Sutton said. "If you want to get married-married, does that mean you're gonna have a real wedding? Like not a courthouse one?"
Kat chewed thoughtfully. "Maybe? I have to talk to Adena first. She probably doesn't want anything too extravagant—But is three months enough time to plan?"
"Are you kidding? With my craftiness and impeccable taste combined with Jane's determination and organizational skills—"
"I do not recall signing up—"
"You didn't, you were drafted—We can give you the wedding of the century by like, next Wednesday."
"That sounds nice, but you should probably hold off on planning until I talk to Adena, and we know for sure that she's approved, because—"
Jane wrapped her arm around Kat's shoulder. "She will be."
She shook her head softly. "You don't know that."
"I do. Everything's gonna be good. And if it's not, Sutton and I are here, and we'll figure it out with you." Sutton nodded ardently.
Kat gave them a watery smile. "Thanks, guys."
"You're welcome, but I worked really hard on those pancakes, so please try to cry in Jane's general direction instead."
When she arrived at the Steinem building Monday morning, Kat steeled herself and made a beeline for Jacqueline's office. It's now or never.
"Good morning, Kat," Jacqueline said, barely glancing up from her computer screen.
"Good morning. Are you busy?"
"I'm editor-in-chief at one of the top-selling magazines in the country, I'm always busy." She looked up. "But I can make time to speak with my employees, if that's what you're asking. Sit."
Kat smiled gratefully and sat down. "Thank you. There's something I need to confess to you—"
"Is it regarding Jane's article about you and Adena?"
Kat's jaw dropped. "How did you—"
"I'm not oblivious, Kat. I'm the mother of two sons, one of whom is now a teenager; I can tell when I'm being lied to. It's helps that you're not especially good at it."
Her face flushed. "I am so sorry—"
"Don't be," Jacqueline cut her off, eyes sparkling mischievously. "This may come as a shock, but I did my fair share of lying when I was your age. Although," she added somewhat somberly, "I suppose I didn't have quite as much reason to."
Kat dropped her gaze to her hands. "Why didn't you tell me you knew?"
"Because your personal business is just that: Your personal business. I knew you would tell me if and when the time was right."
"I appreciate that."
"But I do hope that none of us have made you feel as though you needed to hide parts of yourself at work, myself included."
"No, no, no, not at all. I've always been a very… private person, and it doesn't help that…" Kat sighed and moved her gaze to the wall, still not looking directly at Jacqueline. "It can just be so... frustrating that our entire relationship, our entire existence, is seen as some... radical... political... act, and, don't get me wrong, we're both political, and we like to challenge people's expectations, but at the same time…" She struggled to find the words.
"It changes how people see you."
Kat looked into her eyes. "Exactly."
Jacqueline sighed. "I remember how hard it was starting out in this industry as a woman, and even now that I'm—" She cleared her throat and smiled slightly. "—Mature, let's say, to be polite, embracing how others perceive me is one of the more difficult things I've had to do—but there's also something uniquely gratifying about that moment, when I stare those people right in their pathetic, cowardly faces and defy what they expect of me. I won't pretend to know what you're going through, but I know it can't be easy." Kat nodded. "And I would completely understand if you weren't interested in doing the article."
"I've actually given it a lot of thought, and… I do want to do it. People will think what they want about Adena and I but we don't have to let them get the last word."
Jacqueline nodded. "I'm impressed. And incredibly proud."
"Thank you."
"Thank you, Kat, for choosing to do this. You have a lot to say, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to help you share it."
Jacqueline was smiling, but Kat got the feeling she was being dismissed.
"Thank you, again… for taking the time to talk to me and… all of that," she finished weakly, as she rose and made for the door.
"It was my pleasure… and Kat?"
"Yes?"
"Congratulations."
Kat checked the clock for what felt like the millionth time in the past five minutes. She and Adena had scheduled a FaceTime session for noon; it was currently 11:57. Adena had gone to the embassy for her interview that afternoon, and Kat was anxious to hear how it went.
Her heart pounded in sync as she watched the second hand tick forward, past the ten, past the eleven, past the twelve.
11:58. Close enough. She tapped the call button.
Adena's face filled the screen. She smiled warmly. "Hello."
It could have been her imagination, but Kat swore she felt her heart return to normal in that instant.
"Hi," she said bashfully. "I know it's not noon yet, but—"
"You got tired of waiting?" Adena's smile widened. "I was about to call you, too."
"Are we thirsty or what?" Kat laughed. "But anyway… How'd it go?"
Adena sobered, though she continued smiling as she considered it. "Overall… I think it went well."
"Did you wear blue like I said?" She asked playfully.
Adena rolled her eyes. "Yes… Though I doubt that will make a difference."
"It couldn't hurt!" Kat said defensively. "What did they ask you?"
"I actually wrote it down for you to send to Jane. Let me look," Adena said, setting the phone down and leaving Kat to admire the view of the ceiling. When she picked it back up, she was sitting in front of her laptop.
"Okay, so first, they asked what I did on my last visit to America, and I told them about my art showing and what it was about. Then they asked how we met—"
"And you stunned them with our epic love story—"
"Maybe not quite so dramatic as that, but yes. They had all the documents you sent, so I explained that we were acquainted through our works before getting involved."
"Involved," Kat echoed, suggestively waggling her eyebrows.
"Yes," Adena said, smiling in spite of herself. "They didn't ask for more details than that."
"Did they ask about the airport thing?"
Adena sighed. "Yes."
"And what did they say?"
"I… explained the situation to them; they seemed to be… understanding."
"Are you sure?"
"Pretty sure," Adena shrugged. "You may not know this, but your country's stance on immigration is not what people would call 'universally popular,'" she added wryly.
"What else did they want to know?" Kat changed the subject.
Adena looked back to her list. "They asked about your job, how much money you make, since I won't be allowed to work once I get there."
"And you told them I was your sugar mama?" Kat feigned offense. "Is that all this is to you?"
"Of course not! You're also my muse."
"Oh, your 'muse'? I like the sound of that."
Adena smiled softly. "So do I."
Kat sighed. "So you really think it went well?"
"I do."
"But is the airport thing going to work against us?"
She shrugged. "If it does… We did our best. That's all we can do."
Kat nodded slowly. "The ball is in their field now."
Adena squinted at her amusedly. "I'm not sure that's how the expression goes."
She stuck her tongue out. "You knew what I meant. I hate sports."
"I know you do."
"But I love you."
"I love you, too. Do you need to get back to work?"
"I probably should," Kat groaned. "But…" She lowered her voice. "I could play hooky…"
"No, no. You can't get into trouble. Immigration won't let me be your trophy wife if you don't have a job."
"Damn, you got me there. That is a good point."
"Besides," Adena continued, eyes twinkling. "You should save playing hooky for when I'm there in person."
Kat felt her cheeks heating up as Adena laughed. "And that is an excellent point," she said, fanning herself.
"Okay, so we'll talk later. Love you."
"Love you."
Before they could even hang up, Kat was already replaying the conversation in her head.
"Immigration won't let me be your trophy wife."
Trophy wife.
Wife.
Adena is going to be my wife, Kat thought to herself as she spun gleefully in her office chair.
It was exactly a week later that Kat got the call at her desk. She immediately dragged Jane and Sutton into the fashion closet.
When she told them, their collective screams were so loud, Kat thought Adena could probably hear them in Iran. She was shocked that nobody in the office came to check on what probably sounded like an Alfred Hitchcock movie, but their Scarlet coworkers must have built up an immunity to their hijinks.
Kat wouldn't have cared if they had.
Adena was approved.
She had booked her flight to New York.
And in nine days, they would be together again.
It was bizarre, Kat thought, how in the weeks where they could do nothing but sit and wait to hear from the people deciding their fate time could pass so agonizingly slowly yet it managed to evaporate before her eyes when she tried to prepare for Adena's arrival. She could feel the excitement bubbling in her chest more and more with each passing day.
Finally, the day that had taken so long arrived in a flash.
Adena's flight landed late that afternoon. Kat took a half day to put the finishing touches together: She picked up a bouquet of tiger lilies (Adena's favorite) and a balloon emblazoned with "WELCOME HOME" in neon letters (tacky but adorable), changed into an outfit she knew Adena loved, and hailed a cab to LaGuardia with Sutton and Jane on standby for phase two of her three-part plan.
When she reached the airport, Kat checked the board for Adena's flight information, saw that it was on time, and settled into a seat in the waiting area. An older woman with greying dark hair soon sat down across from her and smiled.
"Waiting for your boyfriend?" She asked, gesturing to the balloon and flowers.
"Girlfriend—Fiancee, actually."
If the woman disapproved, she didn't show it. "That's lovely, how long have you been together?"
"Not long enough, just a few months."
The woman nodded fondly. "I remember those days. I'm waiting for my husband now."
"How long have you been together?"
"Not long enough, just thirty-three years."
"Wow."
"That probably seems like forever to you."
"Kind of… But then this past month has felt like forever, too."
"What has she been doing?"
"She had some problems with her visa and had to go back to her home country."
"But she's coming back to stay?"
Kat laughed nervously. "I hope so."
"I hope so, too. You seem like a sweet girl. And as nice as it's been talking to you," she pointed toward the small stream of people spilling out of the hallway. "I think I see my guy. You have a good night."
"Thanks, you too."
"Oh, I will," She winked and disappeared into the growing throng of people.
Kat stood up and searched for Adena's familiar form in the crowd to no avail. She checked the time on her phone. This was when she should have landed, and Kat had double- and triple-checked the gate number before sitting down.
Slowly, the crowd dissipated. Still no Adena. After ten minutes, she made her way to the service desk.
"Excuse me, could you tell me what flight that was?"
The attendant looked at his screen. "That was 560 out of Toronto." Adena's connection.
"Okay, thanks." Kat turned away, but spun back. "I don't suppose you could tell me if somebody was on it, could you?"
"I'm afraid not, we have a policy—" He said apologetically.
"Yeah, I figured. Thanks anyway."
Kat returned to her seat and sank down, head swarming with possible explanations. Maybe she missed her flight. No, she sent a text when she boarded. Unless she got on the wrong plane! Except the workers would have noticed when they checked her ticket. She fell asleep and nobody woke her up. Not impossible, but definitely bad customer service.
Kat's phone buzzed. It's Adena with an explanation! She frantically fished it out of her pocket.
Or it could just be Jane asking if Adena had landed yet.
"Plane landed. Not sure if Adena did."
"?"
"I'm literally the only one left waiting, and the plane guy can't tell me if Adena was there."
"Kat?"
She looked up. Adena was half-jogging toward her from a door on the side of the room.
Kat sprang from her chair and closed the remaining distance, and they collided into a tight hug.
"I was getting so worried," she whispered into Adena's shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, the immigration people took me for my interview, and they wouldn't let me see you first."
Kat pulled away. "So it's already over? It's done?"
"It's done." Adena smiled tearfully.
"I can take you home?" Kat whispered, hardly daring to believe it.
She nodded, and Kat embraced her again.
"I really missed you."
Adena kissed her passionately; her peppermint chapstick left a slight burning feeling on Kat's lips that somehow travelled through her entire body.
"And I really missed that."
They stay wrapped tightly together, neither wanting to be the one to break away.
"Kat," Adena whispered.
"Hmmm…?"
"I think your phone is ringing."
"Shit, I told my friends that I couldn't find you. Hang on." Kat dashed back to where she'd abandoned her belongings in her hurry to reunite with Adena. She picked up the flowers and balloon and handed them to Adena. "Those are for you." She quickly answered the phone. "Hey, it's fine, she's here… Yeah, go ahead. Thank you. Love you. Bye."
Adena raised her eyebrows.
"They were going out to dinner, but they didn't want to leave before they knew things were all good here," Kat explained.
"That's sweet." She gestured to the balloon and flowers. "As are these."
Kat blushed. "I know it's a little cliche—"
"It's very cliche," Adena corrected, kissing her on the cheek. "I love it."
Kat sighed contently. "Okay, so we should probably go get your luggage before somebody steals it. And on that note, welcome back to New York."
Adena laughed as they departed from the waiting area hand-in-hand.
After a fleeting cab ride that featured copious hand-holding and quick kisses in the backseat, they arrived at Kat's—their apartment. Kat unlocked the door and turned to Adena.
"Are you ready?"
Adena nodded earnestly.
"Welcome home." Kat pushed open the door and let Adena enter first.
She gasped. "Kat, this is… Beautiful."
The hall was lit by dozens of small candles; classical violin music floated through the air.
"Let's leave your suitcases here," Kat said, depositing one by the door. Adena followed suit. Kat took her hand. "And if you'll follow me this way…"
She led Adena toward to the source of the music, the living room, which was lit with still more candles. On the coffee table were two full wine glasses, a pizza box, and a brown paper bag. Adena was enchanted.
"I know you were totally heartbroken that I didn't fulfill my Sbarro-and-Cinnabon promise at the airport," Kat said playfully.
Adena laughed. "This is amazing, Kat."
She gestured to the couch. "After you."
"Thank you."
They sat and Kat picked up the wine glasses, offering one to Adena, who accepted it hesitantly.
"Don't worry, it's sparkling apple cider." Adena smiled gratefully. "I thought we should toast to the start of our life together."
"I think that's a wonderful idea."
"How do you say 'cheers' in Persian?"
"Ba'sal'a'ma'ti."
"Bay…"
Adena laughed. "Ba'sal'a'ma'ti."
"Bay. Sahl. Ah. Mah. Tee."
"Yes, now just say it faster."
"Bay. Sahl-ah-mah-tee."
"Ba'sal'a'ma'ti."
"Ba'sal'a'ma'ti."
Adena tapped their glasses together. "Perfect."
Kat gazed into her eyes. "I agree." She pushed the brown bag toward Adena. "Would you like dessert first?"
"I would love dessert first," she said, taking out a cinnamon roll. "How is it still warm?"
Kat grinned as she took a slice of pizza. "I might have a couple helpers… Besides," She gestured to the candles surrounding them. "Do you really think I would this fire hazard alone for two hours?"
"I suppose not… Be sure to tell Jane and Sutton this is incredible."
"You could probably tell them yourself since I'm ninety-nine percent sure they're in the bedroom right now with their ears pressed to the door."
A mysterious thump from that direction confirmed her suspicions.
"I considered asking them to build us a pillow fort, but it's not really the same if you don't make it yourself."
"I love it the way it is." She cleared her throat and lowered her voice to a whisper. "As much as I appreciate your friends, are they going to be here all night, or…"
"Was there something you had in mind for us to do?" Kat asked innocently.
"Maybe."
"Well, the plan is for you and I to finish eating, and then we go for a walk while my lovely assistants take care of the candles for us, and then you and I return to this empty apartment and find some way to entertain ourselves… I was thinking we could play Scrabble, but if you had another idea, I'd be glad to hear it."
"I think it's something we could talk about on our walk," Adena said, eyes blazing.
"And are you ready for the walk now?"
"I think I am."
"Me, too."
As they strolled down the sidewalk, arms linked, Kat repeatedly glanced over at Adena, searching for any sign that she recognized their path.
"If you could go back and change anything in your past, knowing what you know now, what would it be?" Kat asked.
"Where is that coming from?" Adena asked, mildly surprised.
"I don't know, I'm just in a… reflection kind of mood."
"Hmmm… I suppose I would tell myself not to buy a one-way plane ticket to the United States."
"Really?"
"No," Adena said simply. "Because as difficult as all that was, I probably wouldn't be having this night with you otherwise."
"That's true."
"You could tell yourself not to punch that man, that night we were together." Adena pointed across the street. "Wasn't it right over there?"
Kat laughed. "I didn't think you noticed where we were… But he deserved to be punched. I wouldn't take that back."
"Maybe so, but you shouldn't have had to spend the night in jail."
"Well… It doesn't matter now. I was actually thinking about changing something else from that night."
They had reached the park; they could hear their violinist playing a duet with the crashing waves of the river.
"What would you change?" Adena asked softly.
"I was just thinking… I wish I had kissed you right here, in that perfect moment."
"You can now."
"I know… And I know it's pointless to think about changing the past, because obviously I can't, but I think about that night, and I think about when I bailed on our relationship, and I hate how much more time we could've had if I had just been a little braver—"
"But you were eventually—"
"I know, but… I don't want to miss out on anything else."
"What does that mean?"
"It means…" Kat turned to face her directly. "Before we kissed, I told you that you were the only person to throw me off my game, but… The more I've thought about it, I'm only thrown off when you're not around. When I hear your voice and I see your face, it's like… It's calm. And it's peaceful. And it feels so right, more than anything in my life ever has." She took a deep, steadying breath. "And basically, what I'm trying to say is… I want to marry you."
"I thought that's what we were doing?"
"It is, but… I want to marry you for real. I want to introduce you to my parents, and I want to have a wedding with our friends, and I want to take you to the Scarlet holiday parties, and I want to propose to you. Right now, if that's okay."
"Yes."
"What?"
Adena wiped away a tear. "Yes, I want to get married for real."
"I didn't propose yet!"
"I thought that's what you were doing!"
"No!"
"Sorry, continue. Forget I said it."
Kat kneeled down and took a ring out of her pocket before clasping Adena's hands in her own.
"Adena El-Amin, will you… This feels silly now. And the ground is wet."
Adena laughed. "Would it be better if I did it too?"
"Maybe a little."
Adena kneeled with her.
"Okay… Take two… Adena El-Amin, will you marry me?"
"Kat Edison, will you marry me?"
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"Yes!"
They joyously enveloped each other, no longer caring about the damp coldness seeping into the knees of their pants, and as their lips met in a kiss Kat thought back to their conversation and decided no, she wouldn't change a thing about that night—That night, or any of the other nights that had led to this perfect one.
This night was how it was meant to be.