~This story is dedicated to Minecraft Guardiansaiyan in reply to a request. I hope you like it. Sorry if its a little short and rough.~

I nervously paced my office in the medical bay as I waited for word on the return of the away team. All I knew was that someone had been wounded; I didn't know any details and that made me extremely nervous. Two of the people who meant the most to me in the entire universe were on that mission. I didn't know if one of them had been the one wounded and I knew that it was very likely. Neither of the two of them had any regard for their own lives.

I slumped down as I sat down at my desk, letting my head fall forward as despair flooded my body. It was just my luck that I fell in love with the two people in the universe who had the least regard for their own lives. Spock would willingly die if he saw that as the logical course for the greater good, emotions be damned. Jim would willingly die to protect his crew and his adrenaline junky ways led him to care more about the rush than his life. It was slowly killing me to watch my boyfriends put themselves in danger. They never thought of me when they did so, they never thought about what it would do to me if they died.

I sat slumped in my chair, head resting on my desk as I waited for the away team to be beamed aboard. Once they were onboard the wounded crewmember was rushed to the medical bay, assisted by Spock and Jim. I stood up and mentally prepped myself to do surgery and to face my boyfriends. My mind was in turmoil over what to do about my relationship with them but it wasn't the time for it. I had to focus on my job.

I went out into the main area of the medical bay as the injured crew member arrived along with Spock and Jim. The crewmember had a compound fracture in his leg that was bleeding continually due to a nicked artery. As soon as he was on the table the nurses began prepping him for surgery as I prepared myself, scrubbing up. Jim and Spock hovered nearby, their care for the crewmembers obvious in their want to stick around but I couldn't deal with them right now. I needed them gone so I could focus.

I turned to them with a snarl "Get the fuck out of here, NOW!" Hurt flashed over Jim's face and Spock's eyebrow quirked up in a rare sign of confusion before they retreated out of the medical bay, allowing me to get down to work on stopping the bleeding so the crewmember wouldn't bleed to death. I forced myself to think of nothing except saving the man lying on the table.

The surgery to repair the artery and then his compound fracture took over three hours. I was exhausted afterwards, filling out the paperwork on autopilot as the nurses moved the crewmember to a biobed and setting him up with antibiotics. After I finished the paperwork I went to check on my patient before retreating to my room.

Oftentimes I stayed in Jim's room along with Spock as there is more room but I wanted space from them. Everything had been building up for so long, all their near death experiences building up to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of worrying about them all the time. I had nightmares about them going on an away mission and never coming back, or worse coming back injured and I wasn't able to save them.

When I entered my blissfully empty room I looked around with dull eyes, taking in the sparseness of it. Everything I owned was slowly migrating to Jim's room. I lived there almost full time but I was thinking that was going to change soon. It was maybe time to start distancing myself from them, at least until I could ask to transfer ships. I couldn't take the constant worrying. If I broke up with them and moved ships maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

I sat down on my bed and buried my face in my hands, tears stinging my eyes though I refused to cry. I loved them both so much, I couldn't imagine my life without them but I'd rather be away from them than see them die. I survived with never seeing my daughter so I knew I could survive with never the loves of my life.

I was barely holding myself together and contemplating making a call to Starfleet about transferring when there was a tentative knock on my door and Jim and Spock walked in. I glanced up and sighed, not really feeling up to this.

"What do you want?" I muttered as I buried my face in my hands again. I didn't see the look my two lovers exchanged, a look of concern. They didn't need words to communicate sometimes, just like anyone in a relationship. The relationship between the three of us was similar to that of a normal couple; with the communication, the romantic gestures, and the sex only ours tended to be much deeper. We all loved each other so intensely and that was part of the problem.

Jim came forward to kneel in front of me, reaching up to gently pull my hands from my face as Spock sat on the bed next to me. "We were worried when you didn't come back to the room. We stopped by the medical bay and Nurse Chapel said you had left half an hour ago." He muttered quietly as he stroked my cheek gently. I couldn't stop myself from leaning into his hand.

Spock put his hand on my shoulder gently before moving it to stroke the back of my neck. "Something is bothering you Leonard and it is not logical to hide it from us." I had been relaxing slowly under the touch of their hands but I stiffened immediately at the phrase 'it is not logical'. I didn't care for logic because I couldn't help feeling it would someday take Spock away from me just as the search for adrenaline would take Jim from me.

I yanked away from their hands, standing up even as I knocked Jim back to pace before turning to glare at my boyfriends. "Logical?! It's not logical to hide it from you huh?" I snarled at them, feeling my heart break a little as I looked at them. Jim moved to sit next to Spock and they both looked at me with concern on their faces, Spock allowing emotion to show because we were alone. "I don't give a shit about being logical!" I felt tears sting my eyes.

Jim stood up to step closer to me before I turned to glare at him, making him stop in his tracks. "Please talk to us Bones." He pleaded quietly, worry tingeing his voice. Spock stood up and wrapped his arms around Jim, worry on his face too.

That was my breaking point. I gave a bitter laugh before saying "It's not fun is it; being worried about someone you care about? The feeling of helplessness, the knotting in your stomach because you can't do anything, the not knowing what to do. It sucks doesn't it?" My Georgia ascent started to come out as I yelled at them. I was frustrated, scared, worried, and tired.

Understanding seemed to dawn on them as they looked at me. "Please talk to us." Jim begged quietly, lacing his fingers with Spock's as they looked at me.

I slid down into the desk chair in my room and rested my face in my hands, tears finally escaping. "I'm tired of this. I'm tired of you two going on away missions and me never knowing if you are going to make it back or do something risky and die! I'm sick of worrying all the time because you two seem to have a death wish! You have no regard for your own lives!" I was sobbing by the end as I yelled at them.

Jim seemed to understand eventually, eyes filling with tears. Spock didn't seem to though. He approached me cautiously and kneeled in front of me before asking cautiously "I do not understand as I probably should. Would.. Would you mind meld with me so I can?" I blinked as I looked up at him. It really touched me that he wanted to understand so much. I knew the basics of a mind meld so I nodded. I was a little nervous because Spock had never mind melded with me before, he had never mind melded with Jim either to be honest. It was only Spock Prime who had.

I tensed a little when Spock gently placed his fingers on my face, placing pressure on key nerves and blood vessels to facilitate the link. I don't know how to explain the sensation of the merging of Spock's mind with mine, creating a single consciousness. Spock didn't do a one-sided meld, opening his mind to me as well as probing mine. I felt his love for me and Jim, so powerful and strong it would have been scary had I not felt the same. I felt his worry for me over the fact I had been withdrawing myself from them even before I consciously started to. I felt his crippling fear of losing me.

Tears kept streaming down my face though I didn't know it. I felt his sadness when he felt my emotions and discovered my thoughts about leaving. He felt my worry about them every time they went on an away mission, he felt my crippling fear that they wouldn't make it back or that they would die on my table, he felt my heartache over that thought and over my thoughts about leaving even though it would kill me. He felt all of that and more as he kept the mind meld.

When he disconnected the meld and I came back to myself I saw Spock had tears streaming down. He pulled me into a tight hug and whispered against my neck "I'm so sorry my dear. So sorry, I didn't know you were feeling that way."

I wrapped my arms tightly around him and buried my face in his neck, sobbing quietly as I breathed in his scent. Jim looked slightly confused but sad as he looked on. He moved closer to us, kneeling down and wrapping his arms around the two of us. Spock glanced at Jim before asking quietly "Would you like to mind meld?"

When Jim nodded Spock reached forward and connected his fingers to Jim's face and mine again. I was surprised. I had never heard of a three way mind meld. There was a rush of emotions and thoughts as our minds melded. I felt Jim's emotions towards Spock and me, felt his intense love, his worry, and his fear of losing me. I sobbed as I felt everything from the two of them. When Spock disconnected the meld again Jim was sobbing, moving closer to me as he cried. He was muttering apologies as he hugged me close.

I hugged them both back, crying hard. "I don't want to lose you but I can't watch you kill yourselves." I pulled away to look at them seriously. "I can't keep doing this. I was actually considering leaving the ship." I muttered quietly.

They both had felt that from the mind meld so it didn't come as a surprise. "Please don't leave Bones. I need my doctor, I need you." Jim whispered quietly.

Spock added as he laced his fingers with mine in a Vulcan kiss "We both need you. We will work this out, I know we will. We will find a way to get through this, even if the way is not logical." Spock promised and I knew he meant it. I knew they both meant it.

I looked at them both seriously. "All I need to change is for you two to care whether you live or die. That's all I ask." I pleaded with them. They didn't even think about it, they just nodded.

"I promise I will. Anything for you Bones." Jim muttered quietly seriously.

"I promise too." Spock whispered before leaning forward to kiss me gently. I finally relaxed against them, feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time that I wasn't going to lose them. I kissed him back softly as I felt Jim run his fingers through my hair, pouring all my love into the kiss with Spock before I pulled away to kiss Jim. I made sure to pour all my love into that, wanting to make sure they knew how much I loved them. I knew they knew how I felt, especially after the meld but I was old fashioned.

"I love you both so much. We will work this out, thank you so much." I whispered against Jim's lips before pulling away to look at them both. I had been too scared to talk to them about it but thanks to them being so keyed in to me and to Spock's mind meld we would work it out.

Jim hopped up from where he was kneeling and grinned down at the two of us. "Now that we have that settled lets move this to our room." He laced his fingers with Spock's as they both stood infront of me. "I believe we both need to show you how much you mean to us." From the glint in their eyes I knew he didn't mean poetry or something sappy.

I grinned as I stood up, taking both of their hands. "I think that is in order." I felt hopeful for the first time that it would all work out, that we would all stay together and be happy.