JE owns the rights to all familiar characters and Billy Joel gets the credit for the title
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There wasn't a funeral, he didn't want one, and so we buried him on a Saturday without that convention and without ceremony.
It was raining, of course it was raining and we were gathered under a tent that had been erected over the grave to keep out the water, forming a huge semicircle around the seemingly endless black hole in the ground.
He didn't have a family so it was just me and every single employee of Rangeman watching the ebony casket being lowered into the dirt.
I was crying. I hadn't stopped since the night he died but their faces held no trace of sadness, not an ounce of grief, no emotion whatsoever marred the identical masks of stone.
The bitter finality of it hit me when the first shovel full of mud was hurled into the cavernous crater of his final resting place. He was gone. He was actually and truly gone from this earth. I lifted my wet and puffy eyes and sought out Ranger at the head of the circle.
Of all of us, he would take this loss the hardest. Tank had been his right hand, his best friend, the man he trusted above all others to have his back. And that's how he'd died – stepping in front of a flying bullet meant for Ranger's head.
The slight twitch in his jaw was the only recognition I had that he knew I was watching him. I wanted to go to him, to offer the comfort of an embrace or just hold his hand to let him know that I was sorry. But we'd been avoiding each other for a while and this was the first time I'd seen him in a few weeks.
I didn't know if he even wanted me to be here.
The rain continued on as if it would never end, drifting in sheets around the relative dryness underneath the canvas awning. It was an unusual storm for the summer but fitting for this day. It wouldn't have been right for the sun to be shining or the birds to be singing or for there to be any hint of happiness in the air as we silently said good-bye to our friend.
Lester was the first one to look away. He turned his back to us and stood staring out into the cemetery with his blank face firmly in place. Without warning, he stepped out from under the cover of the tent and strode off into the rain without looking back. I watched him until he disappeared from sight.
They left one by one after that, in much the same fashion until only Ranger and I remained. When the last scoop of earth was placed and the cemetery workers left us alone, he finally raised his head from the ground and met my gaze across the expanse of the grave.
For just a heartbeat, for just a single second, he let me see beyond the solid walls that fastidiously hid the emotion he never allowed the world to see. The haunted agony of loss flashed in the chestnut brown of his eyes and the weight of it nearly took my breath away.
I closed the distance between us with three long strides and slid my arms around his waist pulling him against my body in a fierce embrace. I held on tight, pressing my cheek into his shoulder and tried not to sob.
For several long moments his arms hung like solid rods of steel at his sides while I continued to hold him. Finally, just when I was about to give up, his body shifted and his hands came up, encircling my back. He returned my hug with equal force and I clung to him like a lifeline.
I don't know how much time passed but when he began to pull away I wanted to protest. I wanted to stay there in his embrace forever. I felt so empty and cold and I knew the warmth of his arms was the only thing that would keep those feelings at bay.
But I didn't say a word and when the contact between us was lost, a shiver ran through me that made my whole body shake. I was suddenly afraid I would never feel his touch again. I turned away from him, much as Lester had done and stared out into the driving rain.
I was surprised a minute later when he sidled up beside me and took my hand in his, but when he stepped out into the down pour and tugged me with him, I followed without a thought. We didn't run, just made our way through the rain at a normal pace, Ranger a step ahead pulling me in his wake.
I had driven myself to the cemetery but he led me to his Cayenne and held the door open for me as I slid into the passenger seat, soaking wet. He closed the door and moved around to the driver's side.
When we were both buckled in, he eased the SUV out onto the narrow dirt road and surprised me again by lacing his fingers through mine and bringing our joined hands to rest on his thigh as he drove.
We rode like that all the way to my apartment building, holding hands and not speaking to each other. I wouldn't have known what to say anyway.
He let go of my hand only long enough for us both to exit his vehicle and then he again encased it with his as we took the two flights of stairs to my door. I dug my key out of my pocket and let us inside. I expected he was going to do the customary sweep for bad guys that always happened when he escorted me home but we just stood there in my little foyer, dripping rain water onto the tiles.
I was wet and cold all the way to my bones and when my teeth began to chatter, Ranger pulled me down the hallway and into my small bathroom. He closed the door when we were both inside and then turned on my shower.
He surprised me for a third time by kneeling on the floor and removing my shoes and socks. While the room filled with steam, I let him undress the rest of me. He made his way up to the clasp of my black dress slacks and his movements were slow and deliberate as he slid the pants down my legs. I stepped out of them just before he reached up and tugged at the elastic of my panties. I stepped out of those as well and then he stood and began unbuttoning the matching black blouse I'd carefully chosen to wear to the burial.
His head lifted when the last button was undone and there were unshed tears swimming in his eyes. He ran his fingers through my dripping hair at the temples, pushing the wet strands that were sticking to my cheeks off of my face. Then he spoke for the first time.
"I need you." My breath caught in my throat at the heartbroken melancholy of his voice, and then his hands moved into the open flaps of my shirt and slowly slid it off my shoulders. He unhooked the front clasp of my bra and let them both fall to the floor with the rest of my clothes.
I'd never seen him this way and I wasn't sure what to do. I wanted to let him know that I knew how he felt - that I knew how hard this was for him. I wanted to hold him again, to feel his body pressed against mine, to tell him that I would say or do anything he needed but I just stood there, naked in front him, shivering from the cold or maybe from his touch on my bare skin - I couldn't be sure.
He stripped out of his own clothes and then helped me into the shower. The hot spray of water was almost painful but my body quickly adjusted to the warmth and then Ranger wrapped his arms around me, pulled me against him and kissed me. It was soft and sweet and chaste.
We held each other tightly under the comfort of the hot water until it started to turn cool. Ranger turned it off and then gathered towels from the shelf above the toilet. He wrapped one around his waist, hung the other one around my shoulders like a cape and stepped out of the tub. He lifted me up by my waist and set me on the floor in front of him.
He began to swipe the towel over my body, wicking the water away with the soft terrycloth, and then let me do the same for him. The whole time he never broke eye contact with me. It was the most intimate and tender moment I'd ever shared with him and it made me want to cry all over again.
When we were sufficiently dry, he took my hand and led me to the bedroom where he pulled back the covers from my bed and held them up while I slid in between the sheets. He crawled in beside me and gathered me into his arms.
"Ranger…" There were so many things I wanted to say to him. I wanted tell him how sorry I was about Tank. I wanted him to know how much I had liked him, that I knew what a good guy he was and how much I appreciated all the things he'd done for me since I'd known him – but the words died on my tongue at the slow shake of Ranger's head. He didn't want to talk about it now – maybe not ever – and so I put those thoughts away and did the only thing I could. I pressed my lips to his softly and hoped it would be enough to let him know how I felt.
When I pulled back and looked at him, his eyes were glistening with moisture and he whispered, "I need to love you now, Steph. Please let me love you."
I kissed him again in response and this time his tongue slid deep into my mouth, moving expertly with mine in a delicate, fiery dance.
He gently rolled us until I was on my back and he was hovering above me, supporting himself on his forearms. His mouth left mine and feathered kisses along my jaw. He found the sensitive spot below my ear and I couldn't contain the moan that escaped my throat.
His erection was hot and hard and pressing into my legs with a burning urgency. I spread my thighs and Ranger fell between them, right where he needed to be.
"Babe, I…" This time I shook my head and then wrapped my legs around his back, silently giving him the permission it seemed he was asking for. He buried his face in my neck and thrust into me with one sure stroke.
We moved together deliberately, languidly and so gently that I was shocked by the intensity of the orgasm that rocked through me when Ranger came deep inside me. It caused the night to explode against my closed eyelids in a burst of sparkling stars.
He was shaking over me and I didn't know if it was from the moment we'd just shared or because he'd finally let go of the tight hold he'd had over his emotions since Tank died, but I held him against me until he stilled in my arms and settled his head into the crook of my neck.
Eventually he drifted off into a fitful slumber. I didn't know what would happen in the morning but part of me was sure he would go back to his life and I would go back to mine and it would be as if this night had never happened.
But I didn't want to think about that. So I tried to give him what I thought he needed. I whispered nonsense words and tried to soothe him when he was restless and agitated in sleep and I held him all through the long, long night.
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You should be sleeping
It's all right
Sleep tight
Through the long night with me
Oh, the way you hold me
Is all that I need to know
And it's so late
But I'll wait
Through the long night with you
-Billy Joel