A love like no other, a naruto fanfic

Hello! If for some strange reason you've stumbled upon this story, you're in luck. There is a back button for just those cases where you click on the wrong title. If you're here because this truely interests you than read on, BUT prepare to be dissapointed. This is not a romantic comedy. There is no plot, nor is there really any romance. This story came from the mind of a seriously peeved reader who dislikes stories that are dull and repetitive. This story is more of a parody, randomly throwing together things that I find irratating about stories. If you can stand the horrible cliches than go on, venture into the mind of someone who seriously needs a nap.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

WARNING: This story contains character bashing, sexual orientation that some may not approve of, mild swearing, slight twilight bashing, character pairings, cliches, no real plot and an attractive butt ;) READ AT YOUR OWN RISK :)

"Sasuke I love you so much!" Sakura screamed as Sasuke walked away. Sasuke paused for a moment. Sakura continued pouring her heart out. Sasuke, having heard quite enough, disappeared and so righty reappeared behind Sakura. He hit her pressure point and as she blacked out she caught a quiet 'thank you'. Of course having passed out she didn't hear the rest.

"Thank you lord, she shut up that seriously irritating squabble of affections that no twelve year old girl should be feeling towards a cold hearted bastard." Sasuke snuck out of the village with little effort as the ninjas guarding the gates were clearly not doing their jobs properly.

-3 years later-

Sakura stood in the hallway of her new high school. The halls were over crowded with faces that should have been familiar as she's known them forever but for the sake of being the 'new girl' she pretended not to know them. Sakura glanced at her class schedule. 'English with Kakashi Sensei' Sakura thought. She walked around the school a couple times, passing the English class numerous times, waiting until classes started so she could walk in late. Showing up late on the first day is such a huge cliché but Sakura wanted to experience every lame high school cliché there was. The bells sounded. Sakura waited for the halls to clear before skipping up to the door of her first class. She stood just outside the door, fixing her hair so it covered her face, hiding her lovely facial features. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

The entire class quieted the moment she stepped into the room. The teacher, her old sensei, Kakashi Hatake, poked his head from behind his romance novel.

"Hello, you must be Sakura Haruno." He spoke in a dull and clearly uninterested tone.

Sakura nodded. He waved his hand indicating where Sakura could sit. Naruto grinned as Kakashi waved her in his direction. Sakura glanced at Naruto and started marching towards him. Kiba stuck his leg out to trip her and Sakura caught the movement but instead of stepping over his leg, she let herself be tripped. Everyone gasped as she fell down face first into Lee's gym bag. Sakura stood up, her hair hiding the deep blush on her face. The girls in the class snickered. She took her seat next to Naruto who immediately began introducing himself. He was destined to be her irritating best friend who has a massive crush on her. Naturally, she would ignore his pestering attempts at a date and focus all her time waiting for a totally hot and off limit guy to appear. Kakashi ignored the class and went back to his book.

-Lunch-

Naruto led Sakura to the cafeteria. She took in all the smells of deodorant and sweat and hot cheesy pizza. She had only a moment to savour these smells before Naruto whisked her away to his table.

"Everyone, this is Sakura." Naruto announced.

"Sakura Haruno, it is a pleasure to meet you." Lee winked.

"Oh I actually go by Sakura. Sakura Haruno is my mother's name." Sakura announced. Everyone blinked in confusion.

"Umm okay well I'm Ino." Ino said holding out her hand. Sakura looked at her head to toe. Ino was wearing a blue and purple button up vest over a bright pink elbow sleeved shirt. The buttons were round like any type of button. Her jeans were dark blue with those rips in choice places. They looked like they'd been through the ringer but were most likely designer and cost a fortune. She was wearing sandals, despite it being the middle of the winter. Sakura could go on forever, describing every inch of Ino's outfit. Instead she smiled and said "it's nice to meet you, Ino-pig."

Ino glared daggers. "Humph! Billboard brow!"

They both knew perfectly well that Sakura's forehead was an average size.

Naruto introduced Sai next.

"Well hello girl. You certainly look Faboo!" Sai flashed a sparkling smile. Sakura winked in a flirty way. Sai gasped in mock horror.

"Girl's a player!"

Sakura could tell these people would be her best friends.

-Two years later-

"Sakura, will you please go on a date with me?" Naruto asked for the umpteenth time.

"Naruto! How many times must I remind you that I'm not interested." Sakura exclaimed.

Naruto walked away grumbling. Ino laughed. Sai frowned.

"Man he is such a sweet heart." Sai whispered. Sakura ignored him.

"Sai, if you're so interested, than you go out with him!" Sakura laughed. Ino and Sai shrugged.

"C'mon guys, class is starting." Hinata said. Sakura screamed.

"Fug! Don't do that!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Umm d-d-do wh-what?" Hinata stuttered.

"That talking thing. Minor characters do not speak!" Sakura exclaimed.

"I swear to gosh Sakura, if you exclaim one more time, I'll send my werewolf bf after you!" Ino exclaimed.

"Ino, your Kiba isn't a werewolf, baka." Sakura calmly stated.

Ino rolled her eyes. How could Sakura forget the whole full moon incident where Kiba transformed and killed Shino? The group walked into English.

Once everyone was settled, Kakashi made an announcement.

"There is a new student."

Sakura gasped as the dark and handsome boy walked into the room. She thought back, five years pervious.

Sasuke. He had finally returned. Sakura fainted.

Sakura woke up later in the nurse's office. Sasuke was sitting next to her.

"Sasuke you came back for me." She mumbled, reaching out for him. He slapped her hand away.

"Leave me alone." Sasuke muttered.

"Why'd you bring me here?" Sakura asked in a dazed voice. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"You stood up, expressed your undying love and then somehow knocked yourself out."

"Hmm, I thought I was having a flash back."

Sasuke grumbled some sort of incoherent word and slouched back in the chair.

"If you don't want my company than you need not stay." Sakura whispered.

"Hn, I leave and you'll probably kill yourself." Sasuke said. Sakura nodded in agreement. She had been contemplating how best to strangle herself if he left.

Over the next few weeks, Sakura followed Sasuke around. Every time someone said she was obsessed, she would state that he was an egotistical bastard and resume following him. She lived in complete denial.

One morning, Sasuke wasn't at school. Sakura panicked. Where was he? She spent the whole day depressed. Even Sai couldn't cheer her up.

"This is tote's annoying. I'm so jelly of Tenten's tote's faboo purse." Sai whispered to Sakura.

"Sai, it's totally old school. No one but her could pull off a purse like that." Sakura mumbled. Sai sighed and threw his hands up in exasperation.

"I like gives! Seriously oh my friggity frig! This is so uncool! I try to cheer you up but face palm! You refuse to buggity budge!" Sai ran off. Sakura looked at him, a puzzling look splashed across her face. Sai was weird.

Sakura decided to skip the afternoon. She was walking out of the building when she spotted him. Sasuke was walking into the forest, dressed head to toe in a trench coat and woolly hat. Sakura thought about her options. She could follow Sasuke into the woods, even though every cell in her body was sending a warning signal or she could turn around and return to class. What would any self respecting love sick teenage girl with a complex of some sort do? So Sakura turned around and headed back into the school.

-After classes-

Naruto was walking towards his shiny silver ford Taurus when he spotted Sasuke waving franticly at him. Confused, Naruto headed towards him. Sasuke said nothing but turned around and headed deeper into the forest. Naruto stumbled after him.

"Sauce-gay! Wait, I can't walk as swiftly and gracefully as you!" Naruto whined. He stumbled again but Sasuke caught him. Naruto blushed.

"Ahem, Sasuke...umm why are you holding my hand?" Naruto asked.

"Ah, sorry..."

"Heh...s'okay..."

The two boys walked deeper into the forest. Naruto stopped.

"Sasuke, where are you taking me?"

Sasuke stopped. He unzipped his coat, revealing his pale chest. Naruto backed up.

"Sasuke, why are you stripping?"Naruto asked, horror taking over his once beautiful eyes. Sasuke smirked.

"Wrong...question...Naruto, you...should...be...asking...me...about...what...I...am." Sasuke said, pausing between every word to add emphasis.

"What you are...why?"

"Fug! If Sakura where here she'd play long." Sasuke exclaimed as he slashed a tree with a kunai.

"Well then why didn't you get her?"

"Because!"

"Holy, chill out DQ."

"DQ?"

"Drama queen"

"Oh"

"Indeed"

Sasuke shook his head.

"Anyway, I know you know what I am." Sasuke said in a mysterious tone.

"A human being?" Naruto asked.

"Well yeah but what else?"

"Ah, oh! A ninja!"

"Yes! And my dear sweet friend, do you know what that means?"

"Umm you can kick ass?"

"Sigh, I shall explain, no interruptions please." Sasuke stood in the light. Naruto gasped. Sasuke was sparkling!

"WTF? ARE YOU SOME SORT OF TWISTED VAMPIRE?" Naruto exclaimed.

"No! It's glitter. I added it for extra effects. Didn't I say no interruptions?" Sasuke replied.

"Oh yeah, I forgot...sorry."

"Anyway," Sasuke ran around the clearing, "as if you could catch me." He punched a tree trunk, "as if you could beat me," He ran up a tree and jumped down, "I am a monster!"

Naruto blinked.

"Am I being punked?" He asked.

Sasuke ignored him, "I am a monster but I have feelings...passionate feelings..."

"Ah, Sasuke could we not do this, you're freaking me out." Naruto said, backing up.

Sasuke disappeared and reappeared behind Naruto.

"My love for you burns like the heat of 1000 suns. Narukins, I want you to love me as I love you." Sasuke whispered into Naruto's ear. Naruto screamed and peeled out of the woods. Sasuke smirked. He totally bought it.

"I've got some serious skills in the acting business." Sasuke snickered and was about to leave the forest when something pink caught his eye. He turned in time to see Sakura. She had big tears falling from her puffy green eyes.

"Sasuke..."

"Sakura, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to tell you that I love you."

"Oh...okay..."

"Okay? What is that?"

"Hn..."

"Ya know what, I am so sick of following you around, confessing my love to you and crying for hours over your silence and unwillingness to accept me. Sasuke, you are a jerk!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Sakura, thank you."

"For what? What does that even mean?"

"It means that you've finally admitted it."

"Admitted what?"

"That I'm a jerk, an ass, a bastard, you know."

"What the fug?"

"Sakura, I've waited for you to accept me as I am."

"What?"

"Sakura, I can't love someone who thinks I am flawless. I have faults like any other person."

"But I don't..."

"I know... that's why I love you."

Sakura gasped as Sasuke knelt down on one knee. He pulled a box out of his pants and held it out for Sakura.

"Sakura Chakra Haruno the 5th, you are my sky, my moon, my life. Will you do me the honour of becoming my immortal bride?"

"Yes!" Sakura squeed. She didn't know what an immortal bride was but that was her new title.

"There is one condition though," Sasuke said, "you must move with me to Canada."

"The place with the beavers and sweaty hockey players?" Sakura asked.

"The very same..."

"Sure!"

Sakura waved franticly at her friends. Ino shouted insults. Sai and Naruto were holding hands.

"Ino, are they scared?" Sakura asked, pointing to Sai and Naruto.

"No, they're dating Sakura. That's what couples do, they hold hands."

"Dating? I knew Naruto was gay but Sai? Holy he hides it well." Sakura smiled and winked at her new immortal groom. He had a nice ass. Ino pushed Sakura onto the plane headed to some dinky town in Canada.

The last thing they heard was Sasuke and Sakura arguing.

"My pants! Sakura, give those back!"

THE END

Now before y'all get offended by this, I'm Canadian so I have no problem with them great old stereo types (eh Krissy ;D)

So whatcha think? REVIEW this junk now! It'll only take like two more minutes of your life (plus you've already wasted some of it reading so why not do th whole shabang)

Virtual stickers to everyone who reviews!