THE DIARY OF SEMI-EVIL PRICK
The diary of Yami Yugi his deepest secrets, thoughts, doodles etc…
MONDAY
I got to go to Kaiba's house and he was naked in his pool when I came over. I showed up a little early and caught him off guard. He was kinda pissed when his butler showed me into the back yard and he was halfway through a naked dive. He hit the water with a look on his face that could even scare Bakura. As he was getting out of the pool he told me to cover my eyes, and I peeked through my fingers. I enjoyed that…then there was a part of it that I did not enjoy. I found out that Kaiba shaves his balls. I like kinky shit, but that is just going to far. I thought that my eyes were going to fall out, but they didn't have the time as they were met with Kaiba's. I asked him what he called me over for, but he had forgotten in his rage. I have a fear of being as old as Kaiba…old. He told me to go home and that if he remembered he would call me.
So I trudge home to find the house empty. Then it hit me that Yugi had gone out with Joey because I told him that I would be gone for a while. Now I am all alone with nothing to do…Marik and Bakura are out fucking around with Pegasus's castle, so there is no one to duel. A tube of lotion catches my eye and I examine the bottle. It says for relief…and I am in need of some relief after what I just saw at Kaiba's house. I turn on the TV and pop in the DVD that Bakura sent over to me. The movie starts off with two chicks taking off their clothes. I take my pants off and get really excited. The girls get naked and start to make out; while they are doing that I get into the grove. I am rockin' the fuckin' shit when Yugi walks in on me. I grab the remote and turn the TV off. I can't stop going it feels so good. Thankfully, he doesn't see what I am doing, but my hand is going like a thousand miles and hour, and my I am sweating like a dog in heat. Yugi looks at me and says that I am flushed and asks if I am feeling alright. I tell him that I am fine, but it is just a little hot in here. He opens the window and turns around and gets a full view of me goin' at it with myself. He screams and runs out the door, tripping over my pants that are lying on the floor on his way out.
Dinner is a quiet affair…Yugi has not said a word in hours….Hmm. I wonder if I should shave my balls. Maybe then I will be sexy enough to attract everyone. Dudes, chicks, everyone. I ask Yugi should I shave my balls, and he passes out. I ask him if he is going to finish his noodles and when he does not answer, I finish his dinner; eating around his head. Who could I call and talk to? I call Bakura and ask him what he has to say about me shaving my balls. He tells me to do it with a knife because knives are cool. When I ask him if he does it he tells me that he has to go and he hangs up on me. I guess I went a little too far. I decide to go to the library to check out a book on the subject.
I get into the bathtub while reading the book. This book has a lot of cool pictures. I think that I should make some copies for later reference. Must look into this later. The warm water is stimulating as I look at the pictures. I quickly mark my favorite pages in the book; they are, one of a woman with her finger in her mouth posed like she wants me… and then a picture of a guy who is sprawled out on the floor, like that drawing in Yugi's geometry book. After I read the section that I need, "Landscaping the Private Parts A Gentlemen's guide", I take The razor from the bathroom cabinet and get to business.
I was totally getting into it when Grandpa opens the door. We stare at each other for a moment. Grandpa smiles and says, "Ah, to be young." I dive behind the shower curtain and pray to Ra that he leaves soon. I hear the door close and I know that it is safe to come out. I wonder how that whole event could not bother him at all. I am hurrying to get done, before someone else walks in on me today and I go to fast and I catch one of my balls the wrong way. I swear they could hear my screams all the way across town. I wrap my left nut in toilet paper and pray that when I wake up in the morning I will still have my left nut.