Authors Note: I understand that I have put Alone Again on postponement for a while, alas the muses have not been kind, but the chapter has been started and is slowly but surely nearing completion. My apologies for that. However the accursed plot bunnies would not leave me alone and when I saw the last episode of Supernatural I found myself inspired to write this oneshot about Dean and Castiel's relationship. I hope that now this is out of the way I can go back to completing that chapter. I thank you all for your patience if you are currently reading my re-write and hope both old hands to my fiction and newcomers equally enjoy this story. Thankies. =3
Inspired by:
Supernatural: When the Leeve Breaks and Lucifer Rising
Hallelujah – Jeff Buckley
Wild Horses – The Rolling Stones and The Sundays version (Two beautiful songs that without this fiction would never have been finished.)
Thanks to:
My glorious and beautiful Beta, whom without this story would have been slightly more bland.
To all you wonderful people who continue to show your support with all of my writing endeavours. To all who review, fav my stories and add me as a favourite author, it is for you who I write for.
Angelus Diligo
So many events had bought them to this point. The point where Dean was in Zachariah's so-called 'Green Room'. The point where he was facing the very angel that had caused him so much pain and…insecurity over the last few days. It was a ridiculous notion; Dean Winchester did not get insecure, especially not over an Angel of the Lord…A particularly masculine looking Angel of the Lord. What? Did he suddenly have a severe kink for Angels? First Anna now Castiel? Well at least it was fairly normal with Anna, she had asked him to give her a great last night on Earth, and she was a woman. Yes, Dean was a womanizer…He loved women for Christ's sake…So why the Hell was he so hung up on Cas?
When the fuck did all of this start? It was only one fuck! Just one more pointless screw! And now the sonova bitch won't even look at me! Come on Cas, fucking look at me…Give me a fucking reason to hate your pure, angelic guts!
No. It had never just been a pointless screw, and he knew it. Dean knew exactly when this had happened…Or rather he knew when it had become too deep to ignore anymore…It had started the moment that the bastard had started to open up to him. He had shown him his fear, the fear from the lack of control he had, the fear that God was no longer speaking to them, the fear of the emotions he was starting to experience, of the complete and utter abandonment he felt, the fear that it only seemed to go away when he was with Dean. Of course, Cas hadn't told him that last part, he'd deduced that himself.
He had found it out a few nights before Castiel had been forced back to Heaven, the Angel had appeared on the doorstep of their motel room covered head to foot in blood and shaking, eyes wide like he'd seen some kind of great horror. Knowing what was going on in the world at the moment he wasn't ready to discard that eventuality.
It had been Sam that had opened the door, Dean had been cleaning the guns, thrusting the cloth down the barrel, though that was quickly cast aside when Castiel ignored Sam's questions and walked like a zombie to sit on the edge of a chair.
Frowning, Dean rose from the bed and walked to crouch in front of the Angel, and it was only then the dazed blue eyes moved, though that was merely a flicker to his face. The look of pain was etched firmly in every feature of his usually stoic face and it was clear Cas wanted to say something but this time his eyes glanced towards Sam's still form that was standing some way the left.
"Hey, Sam, could you go and get something to eat? I think we need to get some food in him," Dean said, trying to get the need for some privacy through the look in his eyes.
Fortunately his brother seemed to take the hint and didn't question that fact that Angel's didn't really need to eat. It was only when the door clicked shut that Castiel turned his face to Dean's, the gaze of raw sorrow and loss weighing heavily on the Winchester's heart and it was in that moment he felt true pity towards the bedraggled angel on the chair in front of him.
"What the hell happened to you?"
"They…They're all…gone," Castiel rasped, the end of his disjointed sentence quailing with a barely suppressed sob, looking down at his hands which were caked in the, now drying, blood. The confused expression on the younger man's face forced the Angel to continue and explain further.
"A-Another seal has been broken…My garrison…My brothers and sisters…The only one left, barely got out…Didn't know where else to…to go."
The bloody hands, blood that belonged to other Angels Dean thought with a sudden lurch, clenched, and the Angel's body began to shake with the effort of suppressing his sobs. And for a moment, the hunter did nothing. He just didn't know what to do; he wasn't good in these sorts of 'chick-flick' moments. He didn't know how to comfort someone. Then he did the only thing that seemed logical, he rested a hand on Castiel's trembling shoulder.
Only that seemed to break whatever barriers that had been stopping the raging storm of emotion in the Angel and in an instant Dean was thrown back against the wall on the opposite side of the room propelled by the sheer force of which Castiel's wings emerged from his back. The hunter groaned, cupping the back of his head and found himself momentarily stunned, both by the complete beauty of the feathery appendages spreading widely over the slender, trembling man and by the inhuman, Earth-shatteringly tormented and tortured cry that tore itself from his lips as the Angel tilted his head back. It was as if he were howling to God, begging for it to end, for his father to give him closure, and Dean had a feeling that was exactly what he was doing.
Dean knew why this spectacle was affecting him so much, why his heart was aching in sympathy. It was the simple fact that a creature that pure and that…innocent should never have to feel that pain. The hunter had watched Sammy get stabbed in the back, literally, as he ran to save him, he had been too late…He knew the pain it was to know that you couldn't save someone you loved, someone who should never have had to die. A bond was forming; Castiel was a kindred spirit, one who knew the bitter tangs of loss that settled heavy on the heart. He knew the guilt that Dean had felt, the guilt that he was still alive.
It was only then that Dean realised that Castiel was mumbling something over and over under his breath, his voice hoarse and coarse the overwhelming emotion bare to him.
"My fault…"
No. Anger filled the hunter's mind suddenly and he forced himself off the floor and strode purposefully towards the hunched man across the room from him. It wasn't Castiel's fault, and if he had to beat that fact into him, then he would gladly do it. In his hour of need in the hospital the feather-brained guy had been there to make him feel better about the fact that he'd started all of this, yeah it hadn't worked at first but he'd eventually gotten over it. So over his dead body was he going to let Castiel suffer when he'd saved him from himself in the past.
Dean's fingers moved of their own accord and he found them trailing and tunnelling gently through the Angel's hair. Terrorized, tear-filled eyes suddenly met his and the Winchester felt a sudden wash of affection surge through him, smiling sadly, he crouched down again, refusing to disengage his fingers from the thick brown strands.
"Don't even think about saying that…Or thinking that, you hear me?" Dean muttered his voice thick with the emotions that were radiating in waves from the body near him.
The pair stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, and the hunter was sure he could see stars and light-years within the deep brilliant, though slightly more dull than usual, blue eyes. It was then Castiel's head dipped down and his forehead rested gently against Dean's, seeking solace in the man that was showing him so much compassion, far more compassion than he had ever known.
Is this why humans are deemed to be God's greatest creation? For their compassion? Compassion that outweighs the greed and hate?
The thought flashed through the Angel's mind before he could stem it, and he was surprised to see Dean's face so close to his own, though he knew he had instigated the move. He was even more shocked to feel a pair of strong, comforting arms wrapped round him, and though he could tell the hunter expected him to pull away, he welcomed the consolidation, his head slipping from Dean's to burying his face into the crook of his neck and his wings folding behind his back as he forced himself to relax.
"I'm scared, Dean."
Dean's arms involuntary tightened around the man, a sudden urge to protect the Angel over coming him. He once again blamed the feelings on the fact that Castiel was an Angel and it wasn't right for an Angel to be feeling this much pain, but a voice in the back of his head, reminding him strangely of Sam, was telling him that pity had nothing to do with it.
"I can't…I can't feel Him anymore," Castiel muttered huskily, resting his forehead on the man's shirt, wiping his eyes on it shamelessly. "He…He's abandoned us, Dean…I don't know what to do…"
The hunter paused, his mind momentarily derailed when he felt Castiel's lips brush his pulse, and then blinking he found one hand run up the Angel's back to gently nuzzle in the hair next to his. His heart clenched when he heard the pure rejection and ache in his voice and he couldn't help but pull away from the man, trying to ignore the sudden distressed confusion that flashed across Castiel's face when the comfort was lost.
"Hey, don't say that. Come on Cas, damn it, have faith, remember? Isn't that your favourite line?" Dean growled fervently, his hands gripping the side of the Angel's face, holding him inches away. He didn't like the way Castiel averted his eyes, so the hunter jerked his hands.
"Hey, look at me."
Castiel was hesitant to follow the order, but eventually he did, and there was a mixture of loss, pain and…lust in those bright blue eyes. Neither of them failed to notice the way the Angel's eyes darted down to look at Dean's lips and instead of the expected embarrassment of being looked at like that Dean found that he returned the gesture, his eyes appreciatively seeking the older males lips.
A jolt of unadulterated lust shot down his back and straight to his groin when the hint of a tongue swiped across Castiel's lower lip, and before he could control himself Dean's hands tightened in the Angel's hair and crushed their mouths together. Fear quickly overthrew the lust when the man didn't move, if anything his relaxed posture became very stiff. The hunter was about to pull away when the most hesitant of pressure was pressed back against his lips and he was shocked to feel a pair a strong hands wrap around his on Castiel's face.
Dean was even more surprised when it was the Angel who started to deepen the kiss, his tongue gently running across the younger man's lips with force that was practically begging for entrance. The hunter couldn't help but groan and open his mouth willingly, tilting his head when one of the hands that had held his a moment before gripped his hair forcefully. Teeth clashed, tongues writhed in an erotic dance and battled for dominance, and it was all Dean could do to keep himself grounded. He had been kissed a thousand times, but what Castiel was doing to him right now…He felt like he was going to take off. The Angel was showing him what it was like to fly.
For what seemed like eternity the pair experienced the writhing dance of give and take, each trying to make the other submit. Dean had been so determined that it would be him to come out as the successor that when a sly hand traced under his jacket to spread across his heart he couldn't stop the soft moan of appreciation from escaping him, only to tug his mouth from Castiel's to gasp a few seconds later when the Angel's thumb grazed his nipple through his thin shirt. Apparently he liked the sound because he did it again, and again, until it was a hardened nub and he was nothing more than a shuddering wreck more than willing to do anything that the Angel wanted.
Who knew that an Angel of the Lord could be so sinfully good at something like sex? Or was it just because it was Castiel who was doing it?
Those perfect lips left his and he could barely suppress the whimper that tried to escape him, the Angel scrutinized his face for a moment. Whatever it was he found there must have pleased him because the next thing Dean knew a rough tug on his hair had him arching his neck while feather light kisses were being trailed across his jaw, down the sensitive flesh, and then Castiel introduced his teeth, biting just hard enough to leave a mark before sucking the abused spot. For once, Dean didn't care; usually he would hate the fact that someone was claiming him, but somewhere in the back of his mind he was glad it was the Angel who was doing this. It felt like he was being cleansed by him, each gentle kiss burning through his body and washing away his sin.
Shit…You have not lived until you get kissed by an Angel… Dean thought ruefully, gasping lightly when Castiel gently bit the join where neck meets shoulder.
"Cas…" he breathed, but whatever he was about to say was lost when the man covered Dean's lips with his own, his hands fisting the leather jacket before pushing it off of the hunter's frame.
Vaguely in the back of his mind he wondered if they should stop, after all Sam would be back soon but his thoughts were once again derailed when he was suddenly yanked to his feet by the collar of his t-shirt and pushed backwards. When the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed, Dean allowed himself to be pushed back onto the mattress, somehow managing to scramble back to the headboard as Castiel shrugged out of his trench coat. The hunter didn't even bother to try and hide the way his eyes roved over the slender form and that only seemed to egg the Angel on. With a look of unhindered lust on his face, Castiel quickly crawled across the bed to close the distance, settling between Dean's thighs as he tugged his suit jacket from his shoulders, throwing that with little regard to the side.
A knowing smirk plastered on that perfect face had him shivering with anticipation and the older man dipped his head to suck on the still hard bud of Dean's nipple, setting his tongue to work through the material stretched across the hunter's chest. Groaning, he let his head fall back; his eyes clenched shut, one hand fisting the sheets next to him and the other fisting the thick dark hair, tugging gently when a particularly strong shock of pleasure shot down his back. He wanted him. He wanted Castiel, and he really did not want to wait.
However, instead of taking dominance like he usually would in a situation like this, not that he had ever been pinned to a bed by an Angel before, he heard words that he had never expected to fall from his lips come into being.
"Please, Cas…More…Please."
The Angel looked up at him and the corners of his lips rose in the bare hint of a true smile. He was the epitome of a sex God. His hair was tousled from the younger man's fingers and his defined cheekbones were flushed but it was his eyes that caused such a heady reaction from Dean. They were dark from the lust they both shared, a thin trace of blue around dark pools, and as he licked his lips, his hands ran down the flat plane of Dean's heaving chest and down his stomach to slip under the shirt that covered him. Castiel's fingers gently traced every indentation of the hunter's muscles, enjoying the way every now and then the man would gasp, those definitions under the skin tensing and relaxing all at once.
"Tell me what you want, Dean," Castiel mumbled gruffly, his voice hoarse and an octave lower from desire as he pushed the thin shirt up to bunch at Dean's neck where the hunter tugged it over his head to throw it across the room, glad that the item of clothing was gone. He was just about to answer and tell that damn Angel exactly what he wanted when something hot and wet circled his navel, making him arch his back with a startled groan. Dean was almost angry when he heard Castiel chuckling, but when the tongue dipped into the indentation he groaned again, all emotion drowned by the lust roaring through his veins.
"Damn it Cas…" he said when yet another groan escaped him, his voice thick as it became difficult to swallow, "You know what I want!"
"Maybe. But I want to make sure," the Angel said with a small smirk as his hand moved to cup the growing bulge in Dean's heavy jeans. The hunter had to hand it to him, Castiel was a persistent bastard, a persistent bastard with the best bedroom voice Dean had ever heard.
"Alright! I want you to do something…that will involve me coming tonight…and most likely result in me screaming your name," Dean panted arching his back again when the Angel continued to fondle him through his jeans. "Happy?"
"Moderately," Castiel chuckled and slid up the body beneath him to brush his thumbs teasingly over the oversensitive nubs he founds there, dazing the man further by pressing his lips to Dean's, gently levering his mouth open to explore more.
"Though," he started pulling his mouth from Dean's for a moment, "I would have preferred it if you had asked me to fuck you."
Geeze, Cas, you're one kinky Angel when you get down to it…What do you watch humans go at it or something?
Dean didn't have a chance to be surprised; instead he found those incessant lips once again pressing to his and he gladly relinquished the control that he had spent so much of his life trying to hold onto. All those years of trying to prove himself, all those years of clawing to control just to make him feel alive...All those years and in a few seconds this blazing Angel had taken it all from him. He had shown him what it was to be free of leadership, to simply follow. And he loved every moment.
The Angel revelled in the soft moans he could pull from the usually so domineering man and he gently trailed his fingers down Dean's sides, smirking at the light squirm and hitched breath the simple gesture received. It seemed the hunter was ticklish. How interesting. Choosing to follow the softly panted pleas from the younger man, Castiel quickly popped the button on Dean's jeans, tugging them down to his ankles where they were kicked off impatiently.
To Castiel's surprise the hunter sat up quickly, pressing his lips desperately to the older man's, clumsy fingers undoing every button on the Angel's shirt. Dean couldn't take it many more, his skin was on fire with burning need and he was certain that if he didn't get things moving soon he wasn't going to last.
In mere seconds Castiel's chest was bare, his shirt thrown somewhere to the side but he couldn't bring himself to care, not when the beautiful dark haired man, scarred physically and mentally, was doing ungodly things to his nipples. Ecstasy shot down his spine and somewhere in the back of his mind he felt his wings spread and then Dean's hand was rubbing between his legs and all thought was lost. Right now he did not belong to God. He belonged to Dean, wholly and gladly. His eyes, hooded by lust, surveyed the being before him and he silently looked down at the hand prints he had left when raising the hunter from perdition. An unwarranted and completely illogical thought sprang to his mind. Dean was his just as much as he was Dean's.
The idea set his skin on fire.
A growl bought Dean to his senses and looking up he saw the protective and dominating look on Castiel's face, a look that sent a jolt of arousal to his already painfully hard cock. Biting his lower lip he immediately found himself pinned to his back, and he wrapped his legs around the Angel's waist nibbling on the man's ear.
Fuck I feel like such a whore right now...
There was one subtle difference this time; Dean could feel Castiel's skin as the Angel ground into him leaving their straining erections to clash. Sparks erupted in front of their eyes and with a hiss of pleasure the hunter vaguely wondered when the hell the Angel had taken his slacks off, but when he felt hips thrust against him he really couldn't give a damn anymore.
"Do you have any…?" Castiel questioned huskily into the hunter's ear, trailing off as he failed to find the right words for what it was he was asking. His hands wrapped around the bronzed wrists of his lover before firmly pinning them above the man's head, his mouth assaulting the neck that arched submissively towards him.
"N-no. No lu –" Dean started but before he could even blink his hands had been collected in one of Castiel's strong ones and his mouth was suddenly dominated by three slender fingers. He would have choked, had the man not been as gentle as he was, it seemed that even in the desperation of carefully curbed passion he was as careful as ever. It was almost like Castiel was scared he would break him. Another spark of arousal came when he realised the Angel probably could break him, it was a frightening and oh so very erotic thought. He let his tongue dart out across the digits, tentatively slicking each one as much as he could. He knew what was to come, and he knew it was going to hurt.
There was a moment of tense, electric-filled silence, the silence that occurs when the eyes of two people meet; the silence that occurs before they battle, before they die...before they dare to love. The Angel removed his fingers tenderly from Dean's mouth and placed a gentle kiss to the corner of his lips as his lubricated hand moved down to softly massage the hunters entrance. The moment was broken as Dean instinctually stiffened, biting his lower lip once again in nervous frustration. And then he realised that those perfect lips above him were saying something.
"--for you, Dean."
The simple words made his heart ache with unquenchable need, but then the burning started as one saliva slicked digit was pushed forward and past his barriers. Dean couldn't tell what hurt more, the burning of physical pain or the sudden wash of affection he felt towards Castiel, the affection that came from two people who trusted each other completely. He had never felt it before, never let anyone in, and now someone was past his own barriers it felt like he wanted to cry in both joy and mourning.
Gasping in discomfort he closed his eyes, trying to focus on the kisses that were being peppered across his forehead, the soft comforting caresses. A jolt of pleasure shot through his body, spreading down his arms and legs to pool at his fingers and toes. Opening his eyes he looked up through a haze of lust at the man above him, and for the first time he could really see. He could see the slight aura shining through the skin of Castiel's vessel, he could see the shadows either side of the Angel that were his wings, and he could see the light glowing in those beautiful blue eyes that were staring at him with so much love that it hurt.
Before he knew it Dean was arching off of the bed with a soft moan, that special place that Castiel had grazed in passing now being rubbed experimentally.
Castiel watched the entire display silently, seeing every emotion cross the man's face, and he found that he loved each emotion equally, loved the way they twisted Dean's face into different positions. However it was the eyes that he watched the most, green eyes that never left his face. Leaning forward, the Angel pressed a gentle kiss to the hunter's lips, trying to force his attention from the discomfort of a second finger. He seemed to succeed because this time there was no gasp of discomfort, only a moan of pleasure, he scissored his fingers inside of the younger man, preparing him for something that was going to be much larger.
Dean was shifting restlessly now, his hips undulating gently against the slender fingers inside of him and he found himself panting heavily when he felt that spot send another intense wave of pleasure through his body. He couldn't take this sweet torture much longer. Castiel had awoken a sudden feeling of emptiness and incompletion, he needed more than those fingers moving inside of him, and he wanted to feel Castiel. He wanted to feel completed and fuck he had never wanted it before, he had never even thought about completion before and the sonova bitch was teasing him with it.
"Fuck…Cas…Please. Don't make me wait anymore…Just fuck me."
A stunned silence fell between them at his words and the Angel stopped his slow thrusting. Never had either of them expected such an open, submissive and revealing sentence, no, plea from the hunter. And despite his best attempts Dean couldn't make himself feel angry for the momentary relapse of control. He gave it freely to this man, this Angel, and he felt himself lighten as a warm sensation bloomed in his chest. No matter how he would try to convince himself that this was nothing; nothing more than a meaningless screw it wasn't true. This meant something. To both of them. And God it was an amazing feeling.
Castiel removed his fingers from Dean's entrance, at least satisfied that it wouldn't hurt half as much as it would have had he not prepared him, and if the hunter was as far gone as he thought he was then there was a high possibility that the pleasure would overrule the pain. Still…he didn't like the fact that he would have to cause pain to the man who had shown him something others could only dream of seeing; his soul. He was privileged and silently spitting into his hand, a disgusting prospect he thought, he slowly slicked his erection, forcing his hand from the straining, engorged flesh.
"Are you sure, Dean?" he asked gently as he positioned himself over the brunette, his hands moving the powerful legs so he could lay comfortably over him.
"I'm not going to fucking break, Cas just do it!" Dean snapped wrapping his legs around the Angel's waist just to get his point across while he rested his hands on Castiel's slender shoulders, blunt nails digging into the yielding flesh.
It was with those words that Castiel steeled himself for what he was about to do and resting his forehead against Dean's, a gesture that took the hunter's breath away, he rocked his hips forward. What he encountered was something that obviously did not want to yield, but he persisted, forcing himself to ignore the sharp intake of breath and telltale wince from his partner. In a subconscious attempt to soothe Dean's pain he felt his wings arch down to gently brush against the hunters sides, the slight breeze shifting their damp hair.
The pain was worse than he had expected it to be. Dean had known it would be bad, but perhaps not this bad. It burned more than anything; feeling like he was being split down to the very core. Castiel was being gentle he could tell, pushing in slowly and when he felt the soft brushes to his skin he opened his eyes, not even realising that he had shut them. Wings, his Angel was caressing him with his wings? Was this the norm? Was it a sign of affection or just a distracting technique? Not that he was complaining, after all it was working. And since when did he start referring to Castiel as 'his Angel'?
Before he knew it Castiel was buried inside him to the hilt, a grimace of pleasure on his face as he controlled the urge to thrust into Dean; and he was grateful for the time he gave him to adjust. Biting his lower lip gently, the hunter shifted his hips experimentally, causing a soft groan of appreciation from above him, Cas' eyes fluttering. Swallowing thickly, he wrapped his legs around the Angel's slender waist and leant up to kiss him, urging him to continue with another small undulation of his hips.
"Show me what it's like to feel loved."
Those few words caught Castiel's attention and pushing Dean back down on the bed he pulled his hips back only to snap them back a second later, eliciting a small gasp from the man beneath him and a strangled groan from himself. He had to control himself. He could hurt Dean if he wasn't careful, he had to stay in control…He had to. But Dean was making it so damn hard!
"Let go, Cas."
With a low growl, he shifted his weight and set a slow but steady speed, resting his hands either side of Dean's head, slender fingers fisting the sheets. He couldn't get enough leverage. Perhaps if he changed the angle slightly…
"Argh! Holy shit!"
Dean was seeing stars, a wave of molten pleasure sliding down every nerve ending, pooling in his hands and feet, and the light that had erupted in front of his eyes cleared to reveal a concerned face looking down at him. He was vaguely away of a shift and he tighten the grip his legs had on the body against him, there was no way he was going to let the Angel go after doing that. He wanted more, but it looked like Castiel thought he had hurt him.
"D-Do that again, please baby," he whispered hoarsely, and it seemed the older man needed no more encouragement than that as he continued thrusting into him. Again he brushed that place inside of him that made him see stars, or maybe it was Heaven. It was fitting that Castiel would let him experience paradise.
More control was lost as Castiel thrust relentlessly, instinct searching for greater fiction as he gripped Dean's leg and lifted it onto his shoulders, producing a louder keening sound from his lover. It was a delicious noise and one he would enjoy hearing over and over again. Sustaining the almost brutal pace, he dipped his head to capture the lips of Dean's thrashing form, mimicking the actions of his hips with his tongue. He drank in every heady whine, moan and gasp desperately, letting his fingers glance over the quivering stomach and abs.
The hunter pulled his lips from the Angel's, muttering obscenities and half formed pleas, though for what he wasn't entirely sure. He wanted Castiel to take it all, every last bit he could have. Dean let out a wild cry of unadulterated pleasure and arched his back, momentarily leaving his body weight to be supported by the angel. He was so close, so close it hurt, but he didn't want it to end, and if Castiel's harsh pants and moans that were increasingly growing in dynamic his lover wasn't far off completion either.
Dean felt that teasing hand dip lower. He felt it wrap round his weeping length. He felt it give one steady pump. And he felt another hand gently press against one of the prints on his shoulder, and it fit perfectly. He looked hazily up into Castiel's eyes.
And it was all over.
Light burst in front of his eyes and he shouted Castiel's name hoarsely, vaguely aware of his body arching into the Angel's as he soared above them. The older man quickly joined him with a groan of pleasure, unable to fight the onslaught of pleasure as Dean clenched around him and Castiel lowered his head to rest his forehead against his hunter's.
The pair stayed like that for what felt like eternity, basking in the afterglow and the other's presence. Neither were sure when, exactly, Castiel had rolled off of Dean to lay next to him, but the angel did, settling his head quietly on the green-eyed man's chest.
"Love you, Dean," the angel mumbled mindlessly as he flitted between waking and unconsciousness.
Dean remained frozen for some time, the hand that had been gently running through Castiel's hair coming to an abrupt stop. And he said the only thing he could.
"I know you do, Cas."
And then it all changed.
"I learned my lesson while I was away, Dean. I serve Heaven, I don't serve man…And I certainly don't serve from you."
Dean was unsure why those few words had struck such a profound resonating ache deep in his chest, but he was sure that the pain that washed through him, a feeling like he had just had a stake rammed through his heart, had something to do with them.
It had been Cas' fault; he had come to him in his sleep, he had told him he could give him answers. And curse that son of bitch he had spent days waiting for him to show himself and tell him what the hell was going on, he'd protected his vessel. And when he asked what it was the angel had wanted to tell him he turned round and said that…He could have punched that righteous bastard right there and then, had Jimmy's wife and kid not been there.
Dean could have sworn his heart, the same heart that Castiel had fixed a few weeks before, broke. The throb was near all consuming and he could do nothing but watch as the angel walked away from him.
Yet here they stood; face to face, toe to toe, with the bastard refusing to look him in the eye as though he were guilty about the entire ordeal. It was like Cas could see the pain in his eyes that he was desperately trying to hide from him, but he could probably see. He was a fucking angel after all.
"You know what? Screw this, I'm out of here," Dean finally growled, pushing past the angel – And at last! A reaction!
"Through what door?"
Sure. It wasn't exactly the reaction he was after, but at least the angel was looking at him now. But what the Hell was he talking about? The door was just there, he'd been walking towards it, stopping, Dean turned with a frown of confusion. There was his lover, staring back at him with his usual stoic expression, though his eyes screamed nothing but misery. But he didn't care.
Shaking his head, he turned back to face his line of course. But the door was gone. Nothing but a table with an elaborate candlestick on the top. That bastard! Twisting around almost violently he was about to demand that the angel give him back his exit. But there was no one there.
He had been trying to get through to Sam for what felt like the hundredth time, and from the look of his caller ID he seemed to be getting close to the triple figured number, when the spineless git decided to show himself.
"You can't reach him, Dean. You're outside your coverage zone," Castiel said quietly, standing behind the hunter with a look of apology on his face.
Was that meant to be funny?
His brother was fuck knows where with a demon looking after him and he was locked up in a room with an angel.
Great time to get a sense of humour you bastard.
Dean didn't move, and neither did Cas. Neither laughed, neither smiled, neither moved...Neither even breathed.
Finally, Dean broke the silence.
"What're gonna do to Sam?"
It was strange how the question stuck in his throat and he had to swallow the lump that threatened to choke him back down. He felt Castiel shift restlessly behind him and he hoped to hell that he was feeling guilty for what he was now a part of.
"Nothing – " was the eventual reply, " – he's going to do it to himself."
"What's that supposed to mean?" his hissed and watched the angel stride across the room, his gaze still averted to the ground. Why wouldn't he just look at him? What, did he feel guilty? Did it hurt him as much as it hurt Dean to have them fighting? Sam was once again driving a stake through every small shred of happiness he got. No change there. But Cas. Cas was supposed to protect him. He was his angel.
But maybe this is his way of protecting me...
So why won't you goddamned look up, you son of a bitch?
"Ah, right, right." Dean sneered and shook his head, running his hand through his hair. "You're gonna tell the company line."
It wasn't until the hunter had advanced on the man to stand toe to toe with him that Castiel had the nerve to look up. And deep down, Dean was glad for the eye contact. Even if it resulted in him forcing down the warmth that started to bloom in his stomach at the close proximity.
"What do you want, Cas?"
The answer was long in coming, and not what he was hoping to hear. There was no proclamation that he was wrong and that he had come to set it right. There wasn't a promise to get him out of this goddamned room. There was nothing but a forlorn looking angel with nothing by apologies.
"We've been through much together, you and I. And I just wanted to say I'm sorry it ended like this."
That's it?! That's all you have to say to me? That you're sorry? I let you fuck me you bastard, do you even know what that means?!
Another piece of his heart perished with those few words and the true meaning behind them rung through loud and clear. 'I'm sorry we can't this work its over'. Why did he feel like a teenage girl who had just been dumped by her first boyfriend? He had given everything to Castiel. And the bastard had taken it! He had taken everything. Everything he had to give and he had taken it! Cas had caused this pain and he was sorry?!
Dean shook his head.
"Sorry?" he asked blankly, glaring at the man in front of him. He couldn't take it, all of the anger, the pain, the betrayal reared inside of him at that one pitiful, meaningless word.
I'm sorry.
And without thinking he swung his fist at Castiel's face.
The crunch of bone, flesh and an almost metallic sound echoed through the room and he turned away, face like thunder, refusing the show the physical pain that was now throbbing in his fist. It was only then that he uncurled his hand with a wince and silent grimace of pain. He wasn't human. Of course it would hurt to punch the dick.
"It's Armageddon, Cas. You need a better word than sorry."
"Will you try to understand?! This is long foretold," Castiel hissed venomously, his fists clenching at his sides. It seemed Dean's words were finally rousing something inside of him. "This is your – "
"Destiny?!" Dean snapped as his face contorted in pain at the anger in the angel's voice. "Don't give me that holy crap...Destiny. God's plan. It's all a bunch of lies you poor, stupid son of bitch! It's just a way for your bosses to keep me and to keep you in line."
At least he has faith...I have nothing.
Dean wasn't sure whether or not he was pleased to see comprehension lighting up the angel's face; after all, he had just dashed his religion, metaphorically pulled the rug from under his feet. But at least he was listening; really listening.
"You know what's real? People. Families. That's real, Cas. And you're gonna watch them all burn?"
"What is so worth saving?" Castiel growled, taking a step forward and Dean could see in his eyes that he believed that. One hundred percent.
"I see nothing but pain here. I see inside you, I see your guilt, your anger, your confusion. In paradise all is forgiven. You'll be at peace. Even with Sam."
But will I be at peace with you, you stupid ass? Do you see how much I love you?
"You can take your peace," Dean whispered hoarsely , blinking away the tears that were itching at his eyes, "And you can shove it up your lil' white ass. 'Cause I'll take the pain, and the guilt. I'll even take Sam as is.
"It's a lot better than being some Stepford bitch in Paradise. This is simple, Cas," he said, his voice raising to barely a shout as the angel turned away from him. "No more crap about being a good soldier...There is a right and there is a wrong here and you know it!"
Still the bastard had his back to him and in a moment of unadulterated anger Dean grabbed Castiel's shoulder and spun him round to face him. Glaring at the angel as he let their faces almost meet.
"Look at me! You know it! Now you were going to help me once weren't you? You were going to warn me about this before they dragged you back to bible camp. Help me, now...Please." his voice had lowered to nothing more than an imploring whisper as he held Castiel by the shoulders.
"What would you have me do?"
"Get me to Sam and we can stop this before it's too late."
"I do that," Castiel growled staring at him with nothing but guilty pain in his eyes; it was like the man was forcing himself to stay where he was and not do as Dean had begged, "And we will all be hunted. We'll all be killed, Dean. Don't ask me to watch that happen to you."
Castiel's words momentarily stunned him, and swallowing thickly he mumbled, "If there was anything worth dying for this is it."
It looked as though for a moment the angel was going to agree, but Dean saw the emotion filled eyes turn away from him and he already knew the answer. He slowly shook his head, his eyes trained on the floor.
"I'm sorry."
"You spineless, soulless son of bitch! I can't believe I even came close to feeling anything for you. What do you care about dying, you're already dead," Dean hissed, his voice turning icy as he turned to walk to the other side of the room. He couldn't look at Cas anymore. He couldn't bring himself to look at that gorgeous, anguished face anymore. "We're done."
"Dean."
His name was said quietly, imploringly and full of pain but he didn't want to hear it. No more. No more please. He couldn't take it.
You're breaking me, Cas...You only just fixed me and you're killing me...
"We're done," he repeated, a little quieter than the last time, his voice breaking on the last word, his back still to the angel. It wasn't until he heard the flapping of wings that he turned around again.
He was alone once more.
You're breaking me, Cas...
Only now did he let himself sink to the floor and feel pity for himself and what he had become.
Only you can break me like this...
He was hungry. And the hamburgers were just calling to him. It had been about an hour since his fight with Castiel and he dealt with it the same way he dealt with everything else. He pretended it hadn't happened and tried to block out the pain.
And it was working...To a degree.
Sighing, Dean reached forward and took one of the mounted burgers from the platter. He had just started on the wrappings and was bringing the oh so unhealthy but ridiculously delicious meal to his lips when his shoulder was grabbed and he was spun around. He barely had time to the realise what the hell was going on until he was thrown roughly against the wall, an arm pressed to his chest to stop him from moving.
It was then he found himself face to face with Castiel, the angel's hand clasped firmly over his mouth and glaring at him as if he were about to kill him. Glancing down Dean saw the flash of a knife, Ruby's demon killing knife...The one he had stabbed Cas with when they had first met...The knife that was now going to stab him. Oh the irony.
Go on, Cas...Do it...
He met the angel's glare with one of his own, daring the male to do it. It would be so easy after all, one small cut. Castiel raised the point of the dagger to his face and Dean couldn't help but think that in any other situation with would be a ridiculous turn on. He was pinned to a wall, effectively gagged and there was the promise of blood play...Only the deranged look in the angel's eye left him under no illusion that this was not play time.
Letting go of Dean's mouth at the nod his received Cas held out his arm and dragged the serrated edge of the knife down his wrist. The cut would heal soon enough but he only had minutes, seconds even to do what he had to do. With a look of concentration on his face, and ignoring to look of horror on Dean's, he slicked his fingers in the red liquor and hastily slapped it onto the wall next to Dean's head.
First came the circle, rough and dripping. Next came what appeared to be a back to front 'N', neater and created with two expert strokes of Castiel's hand. To the right of the circle deft fingers drew something akin to a 'Z' and Dean could only look on in a dazed if not slightly aroused state, though why he should be aroused by Cas' blood he was unsure. It was then a commanding voice from behind them said the angel's name.
Zachariah.
The shock flooded from Castiel's features almost as soon as it came and he hurriedly slapped a triangular shape onto the wall above the circle as the higher angel demanded an explanation. Enraged at being ignored the balding man strode, more like stalked, towards the pair and Cas pressed his bloodied hand against the centre of the blood spell. His face was strangely blissful and he glanced at Dean as lightening slashed through the room as Zachariah was sent back to heaven.
Raising his face from behind his arms Dean looked round at the angel. He wanted to kiss him. Honestly he did. Castiel had come back for him and was risking his neck...He loved him for it.
He loved him...
H-Holy shit...I- I love him...
"He won't be gone for long," Castiel said suddenly, rolling down his sleeve over the already healing cut. "We have to find Sam now."
"W-Well where is he?"
There was a pause, neither daring to look at each other; instead they kept their attention on the floor between them.
"I dunno...But I know who does," Cas said finally handing the bloodied knife to the hunter. "We have you stop him, Dean. From killing Lilith."
"But...but Lilith is going to break the final seal," Dean whispered, frowning in confusion at the whole situation.
"Lilith is the final seal!"
Comprehension dawned on Dean like he'd had an epiphany, it was strange how he always had these little god sends when around his angel. But it seemed that Castiel wasn't finished with him.
"She dies, the end begins."
Shit.
"St. Mary's? What is that a convent?" Dean asked sceptically as he looked at the so called Prophet over the top of the first copy of the Gospel of Winchester...It was still weird hearing a Gospel named after him an Sammy...Even more so when the Prophet who wrote them was dressed in his pyjama's and had been ordering hookers over the phone when they had got there.
"But you guys aren't supposed to be there. You're not in this story," Chuck said somewhat peeved, however the look of concern on his face was evident, even if he couldn't say it out loud.
"Yeah, well we're making it up as we go along," Castiel said quietly earning a look of sheer surprise from Dean, who once again looked like he was about to launch himself at the angel and molest him right there.
A shrill sound, like one of those cat repellents, emitted throughout the room a bright light shining through the barely closed blinds over the kitchen sink. The computer screen started to falter under the influx of so much power and the cupboards swung open, cups, glasses and plates crashing to the ground as the sound got louder.
"Aw, man! Not again!" Chuck shouted, raising his hands to the heavens as he looked at Dean and Castiel expectantly.
It seemed they had overstayed their welcome.
"It's the Arch-Angel!" Cas shouted over the beep, Chuck clasping his hands over his head to dampen the pitch that was threatening to deafen him. The angel grabbed Dean's arm and spun him round to face him, panic for the hunter's safety etched onto his face. "You need to go."
No...Not without you.
"I'll hold him off...I'll hold them all off," he continued and it was almost like the sound wasn't there anymore. Dean could feel his heartbeat quickening impossibly as his face turned into one of horror.
I'm not going anywhere without you, you stupid bastard...
"You stop Sam before it's too late."
Castiel's hand rose to rest against Dean's head, and the hunter knew what was next; the angel was going to send him away again. But no, it was too soon. He hadn't told the stupid idiot that he loved him. He was going to leave him all alone again.
I'm not going...No Cas. Please. I don't want to go without you...
And suddenly the sounds stopped. There was no more crashing. No shrill noise. No Chuck...No Cas...
I love you, Cas...I just...I wish I could have told you that...
As Castiel stood waiting for the attack that would surely come for his insubordination there was only one thing going through his mind. It was worth it. Dean would live. He would carry on being his womanizing self. All of this would feel like a distant nightmare...But it wasn't for him. There was only one thing left for him. And it was Dean.
I love you, Dean...I'm sorry it had to end this way...
And then he was surrounded by light.