The title of this story, and several other lines, were inspired by the lyrics of Tegan and Sarah.
My fanfiction begins two days post- 'Joy' (5x06). Every other episode, though brilliant, has not happened.
Chapter 1 (Initial Decent)
Readjusting in her seat, Lisa Cuddy absentmindedly peered at the scenery passing below. The sight of the awe-inspiring mountains and naturally fashioned creeks and rivers, weren't lost on her, but her thoughts were deep and she found it hard to really appreciate what she was seeing.
Events from the past three days kept running through her mind. Over and over again she tried to work out where she had gone wrong, what she could have done differently. Many things came to mind, but she knew analyzing and wishing wouldn't change the original result.
The child she envisioned teaching, laughing with, watching grow into an adult, was taken from her before it was truly hers.
Maybe she jinxed it by painting the room and getting the furniture. No, they told her to do that. Preparation was key, especially in the months to come; she wouldn't have much time to spare and it would get her into the swing of things.
When she was 15 she had went through a phase of stealing red shaded lip balm. She'd never been in a believer of Karma but now thought it to be a possibility. No, she thought to herself again, not for the lip balm. The guilt she felt was too overwhelming and she secretly returned the unopened items back to their merchants.
It wasn't Karma. It didn't feel like Karma. She didn't want it to be Karma. She wanted someone or something to blame. Someone other than the imprudent birth mother needed to be held accountable for her loss. A complaint needed to be made; someone at customer service had to get an earful about this. Though she knew no vouchers would be given, Cuddy wanted more than a whimper of an apology. An injustice had been served and it wasn't fair. She was a good woman, a doctor, if she wanted to be righteous, why did this happen to her?
A tear silently rolled down Cuddy's cheek, and as fast as it had appeared, she wiped it away. Asking herself that question more than she would like to admit, Lisa sat back in the cushy airline seat and sighed a heavy sigh.
Taking a sip of orange juice, a downgrade from her typical glass of champagne, Cuddy tried to ease her mind. She rationalized and knew she had to stop feeling sorry for herself. Bad things happen to good people all the time and it must be her turn.
"Ma'am, just so you know, we'll be landing soon."
Snapped out of her reverie, Lisa smiled meekly and thanked the airline host. The pity the crewmembers held for her was obvious and brutal to endear. Lost was her typical, proud self and replaced was a miserable form too sad to care who noticed. The soft kindness and head tilts that accompanied their sympathetic smiles was too much though.
Her thoughts still clouded with the few days just past, Cuddy thought of the other strange event that had occurred: House had kissed her. He had come to her house upon hearing the news and attempted to comfort her. He tried to make her feel better; he might have even encouraged her to try again if they hadn't begun to kiss.
Another reason she needed a holiday. Too many emotions were close to the surface and before anyone was unintentionally smacked for doing something innocent, Lisa took a vacation.
She'd met with him a couple minutes prior to leaving and merely instructed him to stay on his best behavior, neither of them speaking of the previous nights happenings.
And what would she have said? I found it quite nice, didn't you? Or would she have been more practical? Asked him what it meant, what he was thinking and feeling. It most likely would have been the latter and she knew the response she would've received. Several sarcastic comments followed by a crude joke and she would have elicited a typical, immature answer leaving her more vulnerable than the day before.
So they left it. A silent agreement was made that they wouldn't touch on the subject without any credible reason.
Her features softened as she remembered how good it felt to be with him like that. His arms around her were a sensation she thought she'd never have the pleasure of experiencing again. It'd been so long and they were such good friends, that it held different meaning and it gave her a different rush of excitement. Through disappoint and tears of losing a child, Cuddy saw a side to House she thought he would never show her again.
Day in and day out this man would berate, belittle and bend over backwards to make her life a living hell. Disregarding her authority he would make it his mission to embarrass her or prove she was an unfit doctor, or in more recent days, an unfit mother. He never hesitated or considered her feelings, but when they were stood in her hallway, her eyes pleading and tear streaked, he let his guard down and silently took it all back.
Did she lose one thing and gain another? House would tell her that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. But did this development in their relationship come at the cost of losing Joy? Because if that were the case, she would gladly trade House for the child…. or would she?
Before Cuddy could start over analyzing this sudden revelation, an announcement declaring their gradual decent to Vancouver, B.C, had begun, and Cuddy pressed the pause button on thoughts concerning a certain diagnostician back in New Jersey.
With the harbor getting closer and the sun setting over an orange-red sky, Cuddy was glad for the getaway. Tall trees and vast amounts of ocean were in perfect sight and for a minute, the ache in Cuddy's heart dulled.
Her sister was kind enough to offer her holiday home in Vancouver, Canada for a couple days and she couldn't be happier for the chance to get away.
A/N: I know where this is going but would really appreciate honest reviews from this point in. Suggestions and constructive criticism is encouraged!