LET ME GO by 3 Doors Down
He was soaring the sky in an attempt to fight the sorrow and emptiness in his heart. He has travelled all around the world three times already and he still felt numb after THE fight.
He couldn't believe she had said those things to him; she was so mad that he was actually scared she would pass out because of the effort.
He had run out of tears a while ago and the only thing he wanted to do right now was going home and hide, and curled in his loft until all the storm inside him was finished.
He wanted to be left alone, as it should have been since the first moment his ship landed in Smallville. The only thing he has done since that very moment was bring pain to the people he loves…First his dad and his mom…then Pete and Lana and Chloe…and now Lois…and, eventually, even his own cousin, Kara, will be hurt. He needed to stop that from happening, he should kill Clark Kent and exist only as Superman, the only part of him that didn't hurt anyone.
As he was reaching the farm his heart was breaking more and more with every inch he took forward.
He landed softly in the graveyard of the yellow farmhouse and walked slowly inside the house to change his clothes. He was exhausted, both physically and mentally, and he just wanted to go to the loft and brood.
One more kiss could be the best thing
but
one more lie could be the worst
and all these thoughts are never
resting
and you're not something I deserve
The house was dark and empty, just like him. His mom was in Washington on senatorial business, so he had the whole farm for himself which suited him just fine.
His room brought good memories to him, memories of her, of the time she spent with them in Smallville, when they were still friends. Everything that surrounded him reminded him of her.
As he was picking some clothes from the closet his fingertips touched something cold, cold leather. It was the Green Arrow suit that he had never returned to Oliver. It was the very same suit he was wearing when they shared their first kiss…when she first kissed him.
In my head there's only you now
this
world falls on me
in this world there's real and make believe
and
this seems real to me
He couldn't stop thinking about her. God, he couldn't stop hearing her heart beating, that musical sound that had helped him during his training. It was like she was there, in the same place as him. He had been hearing it the whole time but the nearer he got to the barn, the louder it become. But it wasn't the same as always. It was…quicker for some reason, like she was suffering. And, despite all the anger and the hurt he felt, he didn't like it one bit.
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm
torn between this life I lead and where I stand
and
you love me but you don't know who I am
so let me go
Let me go
He had told her a long time ago that she knew him better than anyone…and it was really true because without even knowing she had touched all the sensible spots in him with her words.
'- You know what Clark, all of that is crap. You're the most selfish person I've ever met. You said you've done all that to protect me but the real truth is you've done it to protect yourself. I could have understand that you have powers…hell, I wouldn't have even cared that you are an alien…But what I can't forgive is that you lied to my face and you called yourself my friend! You even made my own cousin lie to me! I thought I knew you…but you're a complete stranger to me…I just…I don't wanna see you again…As Clark Kent nor Superman…you don't exist to me…'
I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I
turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When
I know what I'm going through
The words kept echoing in his head again and again, and every time his heart kept hurting more and more and the midnight breeze didn't help to smooth his nerves.
Had she been right? Of course, she was right. He was afraid of her reaction, that's for sure. And he had make Chloe, who was more like a sister to her than a cousin, lie to Lois in her face…and let's include her mom and her cousin Kara, because they did that too.
She was right…about everything. That's why it all hurt so much, because deep inside he always knew this was going to happen and he didn't do anything to stop it or to change it. 'She's going to be better without me…everyone's gonna be better without me'.
His heart constricted when he reached the top of the stairs, 'Lois?'
In my head there's only you now
this
world falls on me
in this world there's real and make believe
and
this seems real to me
He didn't know how much time he had spent watching her. At first he thought he was delusional and had started seeing things, but no…she was very much real…her heartbeat was real.
She was there, in his loft and in her pyjamas and bunny slippers, lying on the cold hard floor. She was there and he couldn't bring himself to touch her.
'I don't wanna see you again…As Clark Kent nor Superman…you don't exist to me…'
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between
this life I lead and where I stand
You love me but you don't know
who I am
So let me go
Just Let me go...
Let me go
'What's she doing here?' he kept muttering to himself while pacing back and forth in the loft and stealing glances at the, obviously, restless sleeping form.
He was still arm lengths from her but he could see the signals of crying in her face: her nose was red and there were traces of dried tears in her cheeks.
He was hurting at the mere sight of her, her words kept echoing in his mind, but what hurt him the most was seeing that she was suffering as well. He couldn't bear seeing the silent tears that had started falling again. But her words were spoken with such hatred…
And no matter how hard I try
I can't
escape these things inside I know
I knowww..
When all the
pieces fall apart
you will be the
only one who knows
who knows
'She's right…dammit…'
Despite all the hurt and everything he still loved her, he was madly, deeply and hopelessly in love with Lois Lane and he didn't want anything more than to take her in his arms and never let her go.
She was the only thing that kept him going in this crazy and violent world, both as Superman and Clark Kent.
He needed her and he would gladly spend his whole life making up to her for this huge mistake, if she accepted him that is…
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm
torn between this life I lead and where I stand
and
you love me but you don't know Who I am
So let me go
Just let
me go
He approached her carefully not to wake her up and picked her gently from the floor ('God, you're so cold…'). That's when he saw her, her sickening pale face both from distress and the cold and the hot tears running down her cheeks.
He
was settling her softly in the couch when
his hand brushed against something sharp, something she was grabbing
with all of her strength.
And you love me but you don't
You love me
but you don't
You love me but you don't know who I am
And you
love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but
you don't know me.
Pain and sorry, and love, lots of love. Those words were real, he could fee it. She loved him as much as he loved her and he was holding the truth of that in his hand.
He didn't know when he had started crying, but he knew he felt happy and complete again when he had read Lois' speechless letter.