A/N sorry about any mistakes in timelines or anything show related that I mess up, I wrote this in class and my computer is being too slow for me to bother verifying anything
BTW: the little bolded-bracketed numbers are just updates on how old the characters are
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or else Will would be alive =)
A day when Merlin is anything but happy is very rare. So, naturally, when such a day occurs, everybody takes notice.
The first time it happened was three years ago when Merlin, Arthur, Morgana, and Gwen were 18. In fact it started a year even before that [17], on a day that was widely celebrated throughout Camelot.
Arthur had slayed the Bastet, a human by day and a monster by night that had been terrorizing and killing off citizens for a long while. Arthur had been exhausted after chasing the creature around the courtyard and finally cornering it.
He blamed his lack of sleep on the memory of seeing Merlin run out of nowhere and try and save the Bastet. And although afterwards Arthur had gone straight up to his chambers and passed out on his bed, a few years later he would recall not seeing his dutiful servant, Merlin, hanging around his room waiting to help prepare Arthur for bed.
Or even the day after. Arthur, and everyone else, town and castle folk, were all so swept away in the celebrations that not even Merlin's closest friends or even mentor, Gaius, noticed that Merlin was not taking part.
Only at the closing feast where Merlin was needed to serve Arthur's dinner did it occur to those close to the warlock that he was not around and had not been seen all day. However a fellow knight and a glass of wine soon distracted Arthur; Gwen was too busy serving guests; and Gaius, who was not attending the feast, presumed that was where Merlin was.
Morgana was worried, though, and she would have left but after her latest eruption at Uther she was told to behave or else she would spend the night in the dungeons. She consoled herself in thinking Merlin was just simply being, well, Merlin. She assumed he would be around in the morning with handpicked flowers and an opportunity for her to question him on his whereabouts.
The next day came but there was no polite knock on the door, no fresh bouquet, and definitely no charming smile. Nor the next day or the day after that. By the fourth day practically the entire town knew Arthur's faithful servant and closest friend (though neither would admit it) was indeed missing.
Uther could not believe the effect the absence of one person could affect his home so much. The kitchen girls were quiet without Merlin's latest to gossip about; the children not as joyful with no-one to treat them with respect yet still participate in their games; the merchants not as rowdy without a visit from their favorite customer, whether he was spending Arthur's or his own money they cared not.
And Gaius with no one to scold; Gwen, no one to go to for advice; Arthur with no-one to tease - the temporary substitutes were trying to hard to please and simply felt wrong. Even Uther could feel the depression seeping through his walls and found himself missing the klutzy yet clever boy, for Uther himself was not stupid.
This was why, to prevent any drastic actions or spending another day in the company of misery, Uther Pendragon dispatched a search party for a warlock. As it turned out, when the knights - the minor knights, of course, Uther was not that fond of Merlin - were in the middle of preparing to go, who should walk through the gates but Merlin himself.
He was first noticed when he was about halfway through the courtyard. Everybody stared at the strange sight of Merlin, head ducked, hands in his pockets, and trudging up the steps and into the castle.
He visited Gaius but shrugged off his questions and made his way up to Arthur's chambers and started the day's work by drawing Arthur's bath. However after another week of interrogations with Merlin refusing to say where or why he had gone, the town lost interest and Arthur and Gaius gave up.
A year later [18], March 12 came around again and Arthur was shocked by Merlin's request. In all the days Merlin had been his "servant" he had never asked for a day off, well, other than the week he had disappeared exactly a year ago.
Arthur and the others had not forgotten, and Arthur decided to follow Merlin and see why this day had such an effect on him. The first thing Arthur noticed when Merlin exited the physician's chambers was that instead of Merlin's trademark blue or red neckerchief, he was wearing a black one. Now Arthur vaguely recalled Merlin wearing the same one when he had returned the previous year but Arthur has passed it off as grime.
He followed Merlin to the royal stables where he watched Merlin, shocked, as he approached one of the knight's horses, took it's rope, and led it out the back. Coming to his senses, Arthur jumped up from where he had been crouched, hidden, grabbed a horse, and went out the gate, only to see Merlin's stolen horse already disappearing down the hill and out of sight. Climbing on, Arthur raced after Merlin's fading back.
After traveling for about a quarter of the day's hours, Merlin finally came to a stop at the edge of a wooded area and started on foot. He led "his" horse through the thicket that he obviously knew well. As quietly as possible, Arthur followed closely behind, all the time wondering where the heck they were going.
At last they came out onto a thinly bordered lake with a view of some mountains in the distance. A little while away was what appeared to be a weathered, makeshift shelter. Merlin did not seem surprised by this and instead tied his horse to a tree, grabbed his pack, and sat down by the water.
Arthur waited - he waited for something to happen, for someone to come. Nobody came and Arthur made himself comfortable.
Merlin pulled out a candle and some strawberries out of his bag and started to eat. Arthur was bewildered. A puzzling factor was that the sun was still out and the candle served no purpose. Nor did Arthur see how Merlin lit it, for he had shifted and faced completely away from him.
This continued for a long while and Arthur was about to fall asleep, when Merlin suddenly stood up and started towards his horse...and Arthur. The prince had not even noticed Merlin pack up his belongings, but Arthur was now wide awake and concentrating on slowly backing out of view. A twig cliché-idly snapped under his foot causing Arthur to wince as Merlin's head snapped around.
Luckily, Merlin's horse was impatient to be untied and directed Merlin's attention away. The journey back to Camelot, Arthur could not help but ponder his friend's odd behavior.
The next day, Merlin showed up to work with his goofy smile and red neckerchief as if nothing had happened.
This same process continued for another 3 years [21] and by then all of Merlin's friends knew that for some strange reason Merlin would take March 12 off and disappear for the day.
By the fifth year [22] of this tradition Merlin's friends, well mainly Arthur, decided they had had enough and wanted answers. They decided not to try and force Merlin to skip what they called his "Dark Day" and instead agreed to pounce on the morrow.
The next day came and Merlin was surprised to see Arthur, Gwen, and Morgana waiting for him when he came to wake up the prince. Warily, Merlin sat down at the single chair across from them all and seemed to be thinking that he knew exactly what was going on.
Nevertheless, the first thing out of his mouth was a cautious "What's going on?" It had been decided that Morgana would start off the interrogation because of her finer skills in politeness and grace.
After a bit of time the questioners had begun to worry Merlin was going crazy after finding out they knew about his reaction to March 12 considering he still had not answered Morgana.
Finally Merlin sighed, chuckled a bit nervously, and rubbed the back of his neck. Looking up he saw their faces making him chuckle harder which only increased the looks of worry for their friend's sanity. "It's okay you know, it has been five years now," said Merlin.
"It's Okay?" roared Arthur, jumping up. But before Arthur could continue, Gwen tugged him down and slowly calmed him down while Morgana continued, "Then if you're fine with, well whatever happened, then why didn't you tell us? Why do you still take off a day every March?"
"You could have just asked, you know," said Merlin somewhat amusedly, but there was now a hint of pain in his eyes. Not wanting to push it, but all desperately wanting to know, they waited. "Do you guys remember what was happening those years ago when I first left for a week?"
Arthur snorted, "More like disappeared," resulting in a nudge and a 'shush' by Gwen.
"Anyways...Do you?"
A bit confusedly they all said yes and that they were celebrating the defeat of the Bastet. Next Merlin asked if they remembered what the Bastet really was.
Now Arthur was starting to get impatient, complaining dryly, "Oh, just get to the point Merlin. Yes, we know the Bastet was some magic produced monster. They are human except at midnight when they turn into a mortal-hungry flying creature."
"Right," surprising even himself at how calm he was, "but have you ever thought of the human that the "creature" was for most of the month?"
They all slowly murmured their no's and slight puzzlement with Arthur adding at the end, "a monster is a monster." Gwen hit him again.
"Anyways, I did. Well actually I met her before I found out about her curse." Merlin continued his story, "Her name was Freya. And she was the most beautiful person I have ever met. She had escaped her captor somehow and had hidden out in a cave a bit outside of Camelot."
He was trying to tell the story with only omitting his main involvement and uses of magic. Although he knew his friends would probably handle him harboring a wanted Druid fugitive alright, he was not prepared to let them in on his most guarded secret. "I helped her survive there by bringing blankets and candles from my room and any extra breakfast that I could take without anyone noticing."
"Oh my Gosh, I was right! You did steal those sausages, didn't you? Ha! I knew I wasn't getting fat..."
After giving Arthur an odd look Gwen motioned for Merlin to continue. "Right. Well, yes, I might have also taken some of your meals, but she needed it more. So as time went on and all of you were searching for some horrible beast, Freya and I fell in love."
Gagging, Arthur said, "Only you, Merlin," while the women just sighed at the romance of it all.
"We were planning on running away together; to find a place where she could be near mountains and a lake, but warm and fertile enough that I could have a small farm. Somewhere we could just...live. Enjoy life together. We were all prepared to leave. I had said my goodbyes to everyone, even if you all did not realize it. We were planned on leaving a bit before midnight so that we would be safely away from Camelot when she transformed. I got held up, though, but did not think anything of it. Midnight struck and so Freya, of course, transformed." There was a pause. "I watched her die that night." Merlin bitterly choked out.
Arthur started to comment but both women nudged him into silence.
"I had gone back to the cave all ready to go only to find her dress, well your dress Morgana, " normally Merlin would have been sheepish but he was too lost in his memories.
"I knew right away what had happened. If I had only not run that extra errand, said 'no' for once in my life...I have finally come to peace with it even if I still hate myself. The fact that I could have prevented her death. I heard the shouts from the courtyard and realized, Arthur, that you and some other knights had cornered her. I ran out and saw that my prediction was true. I could not do anything as I saw that lance pierce her. I had to wait, wait until she limped away and only then followed her trail of blood."
Merlin's voice was shaking, "I found her dying in human form. I carried her for miles that night. I brought her to that lake a ways outside of Camelot in the forest. I knew there was an old boat there and just before we got there she just had time to look around and murmur a few words before she died in my arms."
Tears were now falling freely from Merlin's face as he re-lived the night."Once I got a hold of myself enough to move, I placed her in the boat and set her out towards the middle of the lake.
I just stayed there that night, at the side of the shore; just sat there and fell apart. It started to rain, but I did not move. Lighting struck and it caught the side of her "coffin" and set it alight. It was fitting and I stared mesmerized by the far-off flames.
I later grew cold after countless hours, the fire long gone. I knew if I did not get dry soon I would be joining Freya. This was not much motivation but I found myself standing and carrying wood to make a makeshift shelter.
That is where I stayed all week. I would just stare into the lake and just think. Of nothing, of what could have -should have- been, and of the past. Food was not a main concern since I was never hungry and only forced myself to eat so as not to lose any part of me that was still living to starvation.
The week went by quickly despite my lack of action but I knew I needed to return, and so I did. And now I go back every year on the 12 of March and reminisce.
It is like a memorial for Freya and as much as I try to focus on all our happy moments, I can not help but re-live the feeling of seeing her stabbed and my uselessness. Then carrying her almost lifeless body for miles and running on pure adrenaline until my love died in my very own arms upon reaching her lake.
Sometimes I still have nightmares about that faithful night. But, anyways, I just sit at the shore and think back. Sometimes it also lets me take some time to mourn my dead brother."
"Merlin had a brother?" mouthed Morgana to Gwen, but her only response was a shrug.
"Do you remember Will?" Merlin asked, the girl's silent conversation seemed to have broken him from his trance.
"Oh! Wasn't he the one from your hometown?" Morgana tentatively asked.
"Right, the one who you knew was a sorcerer." accused Arthur.
"He saved your life! Twice," hissed Merlin defensively - shocking his friends at his sudden change of tone. Merlin angrily opened his mouth to continue but then decided against telling Arthur off and closed his mouth with as sigh.
"I wont try to change your views but Will was my brother. I grew up with him; we were best friend's our whole life. We were there for each other for everything even when we disagreed with the other's decisions, like when I chose to come to Camelot. And we accepted each other, with ALL our differences."
Merlin looked pointedly at Arthur. Arthur leveled his gaze and stared unemotionally back at him. Finally Arthur stood and walked to the other side of the room and stared unseeingly out the window.
Gwen sighed and turned back to Morgana and Merlin and whispered sadly, "It's alright Merlin, Arthur understands and he will come around. I just think he is sore that you did not trust him enough to tell him about Will's magic or even Will at all.
You know Arthur thinks of you as more than a servant and with the memories of the whole Will/Ealdor debacle and this whole revelation of Freya is simply leaving Arthur hurt. He cares so much for others and the people of Camelot but he really only truly cares for the three of us and his father. All I am saying is to give him time to let all of this sink in. He will come around."
Merlin and Morgana were left speechless, leading Gwen to suddenly blush and look down at her clasped hands on her lap, blaringly aware of her speech of insight on the prince's thought process.
A hand touched her knee and she lifted her head to the understanding face of Merlin. A door slammed and the woman's head snapped from her best friend's to the doorway, to the vacant window, and back to the exit her Arthur had taken.
Merlin pulled his hand back and sighed, "Well, now you know, perhaps I should go after Arthur?..."
Merlin left the question hanging and it was his turn for a comforting hand to be placed on his shoulder. Merlin craned his neck up to see Morgana standing at his side, "I will take Gwen home and then I will go talk some sense into Arthur," she smiled warily.
Merlin just nodded and turned fully in his chair to watch her lead Gwen out the door. The king's ward paused slightly by the door but seemed to change her mind about saying something and instead smiled softly at Merlin before delicately shutting the door behind herself and Gwen.
Merlin sank back into his chair. He was worried about Arthur's reaction but knew his best option was to wait it out and let Morgana try and reason with Arthur.
Merlin suddenly realized just how tired he was and sighed yet again. Speaking to no one Merlin stated, "Well that went well."