A/N: Confession: My old penname was ccsangel00 and I was half the brainchild of fics like The Hyuuga Persuasion and The Family Business. Please don't hate me too much.
In other news: Slightly AU since I ignored some recent character deaths (sob). This is my first Naruto fic in about 6 years. Gold help us all.
Rating: M for language, violence (of the Torture and Interrogation kind) and adult situations.
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto. If I owned Naruto, there would be a lot more Ino scenes.
And So
Chapter 1: Tradition, Tradition
September 22nd was inching into the 23rd and Ino was at work. These days, she practically lived in Konoha's infamous interrogation room, which, as one might imagine, was doing nothing for her social life or sanity. Sure, the boys always came in droves but who had times for dates when she had to be up all night sticking needles under peoples' nails and tormenting them with the memories of their long dead lovers and relatives? Tonight for example, instead of celebrating her and her teammate's respective birthdays, she was laid up in a resting area in Morino Ibiki's Super Secret BDSM T&I Dungeon (as her fellow Interrogation shinobi affectionately called it), trying to recuperate from her latest mind probe.
"Yamanaka," the gravelly voice of said Morino Ibiki woke her from her almost slumber. "It's quitting time."
Ino rolled to her side before sitting up slowly. Not the voice or face she had wanted to wake up to, ever, but she was used to him already in all his scarred and slightly deranged glory. She had come to see Ibiki as a mentor of sorts since becoming a jounin. He had scooped her up early on in her career and taken her under his wing, much to the chagrin of her former teammates and father. Yamanaka Inoichi was proud of his daughter but in his mind she was still his baby princess (his words) and didn't need to be traipsing through the minds of perverted criminals all day long (again his words).
Truthfully, there were Yamanakas all over this unit but none had the penchant for getting into a person's head, both figuratively and literally, like Yamanaka Ino.
"You did well today," Ibiki turned on the light nearly blinding Ino and she groaned. Torture was not only reserved for the interrogated, it seemed. "You're finally learning how to get in deep."
It took all her Jounin willpower not to cringe at Ibiki talking about her and going deep in the same sentence.
"Yeah well, I wish I hadn't. I really didn't need to know about the trysts he had with every old, toothless, discount prostitute in Wind." Ino shuddered. There was not enough bleach in the world to get her brain clean after that. "Damn his good memory."
Ibiki shrugged. "You take the good with the bad in this field. Mostly bad."
"Very reassuring, thanks. I knew I should have gone into teaching instead." Ino thought about Asuma and his infinite patience and Chouji and Shimamaru and their, well, Chouji and Shikamaru-ness.
Nope nope nope.
He laughed that annoying, wheezy, knowing laugh that Ino had come to loathe. "But then you'd get bored. You're not happy unless you're wrecking someone's life."
Asshole. How dare he be so right about her?
"Happy birthday, by the way," Ibiki surprised her by handing her a neatly wrapped package. Ino took it carefully, as though it might bite her. Ibiki did some strange things to test her and this package could very well melt her face off if she wasn't careful. "I solemnly swear that this package is safe to open. You have my word."
Ino snorted and against her better judgment started unwrapping. "I've heard that one before. Don't think I've forgotten 'Let's Welcome Ino into the Unit: The Great Exploding Tag Pudding Bra Prank.'"
"Good times," Ibiki said fondly and without a hint of remorse.
"A hair ornament?" The beautiful kanzashi was a cluster of white and colored plum blossoms delicately strung together by painted silver. This was a very thoughtful gift. It didn't even explode or shoot chocolate pudding at her or anything. Ino felt herself getting a little misty.
"It holds six poison darts," Ibiki sounded very proud of himself. "Seven if you get creative."
It figures, Ino sighed to herself. The beautiful teacher-student moment had passed before it even started. "Happy Birthday to me."
Like her handsome, gentlemanly, and charismatic father before her, Ino was pretty much the idol of T&I, which meant that everyone on duty wanted to have a birthday drink with her. By the time Ino had stumbled out of the Intel building she was six drinks in and well on her way to Wasted Town with a long stopover in Pre-Game Village.
Outside, her friends were waiting for her to celebrate. Technically they were here to celebrate her and Shikamaru's birthdays but Ino was self centered and drunk, so she kept referring to the event as her birthday. She made her rounds kissing all of her friends—Chouji got one on each cheek and one on the forehead because he was so sweet, Shikamaru got a punch in the arm for complaining about going out so late, Sakura, Tenten, and Hinata all got cheek kisses that lasted a little bit too long (Ino had also whispered a slurry "I love you" into Sakura's ear, but Sakura would take that to the grave), Kiba and Naruto got what she had intended to be chaste kisses on the lips which quickly escalated to something more R-rated (to the surprise of no one) and even Shino and Neji acquiesced to kisses on the cheek (to the surprise of everyone).
"It's my birthday," Ino slung her arm around Tenten and leaned on her heavily.
"I know, Ino," Tenten laughed and held her friend up. "You've only said it about sixteen times already."
"You have to be nice to me. It's my goddamn birthday!" Ino hollered to some shinobi standing by the gate into the village. It was, predictably, Izumo and Kotetsu, who rarely ever moved from their designated spot. They looked delighted to have some sort of interruption. "Izumo-san, Kotetsu-san, get your asses over here and kiss me! It's—"
"My birthday," everyone chorused back.
Ino sniffed, visibly affronted but only for a moment. She wasn't going to let them ruin her fun. She jumped on an unsuspecting Kiba's back and pointed towards the bar. "I'm gonna get so drunk that I can't make memories anymore! Ninjas, ho!"
"This is going to be a long night," Sakura looked over at Shikamaru, presumably the only other sane person there, wearily.
Shikamaru watched Ino, still on Kiba's back, attempt to kiss both Izumo and Kotetsu at the same time. "Understatement of the century."
"Happy birthdaaaaay to me, happy birthdaaaay to meeee," Ino slurred and then belched, ever the picture of feminine dignity and grace. After the festivities had wound down and the bar had been drained off all its alcohol, Chouji had made a big show of yawning and feigning exhaustion from his latest mission, which left Shikamaru to drag Ino home. What happened to friendship? What happened to eternal Ino-Shika-Chou loyalty?
Ino burped again. "Ew, when did I eat takoyaki?"
Right. Every man for himself.
"Shikamaruuuu, you're a jerk," Ino tripped over her own two feet and Shikamaru sighed for what felt like the millionth time that night.
"A nice thing to say to the guy who's going to be holding your hair back later," he grumbled and held her more tightly to him. Ino smelled like she had taken a bath in vodka which helped to counter the treacherous thoughts about her warm body pressing against him. God, he was pathetic.
When the Yamanaka flower shop finally came into view, he nearly cried with relief. His nerves were shot. Ino was hard enough to handle when sober. Drunk? She was a nightmare. Not only had she managed to dance on the bar in heels (somehow without killing herself) and kissed every shinobi within a ten mile radius (literally everyone—middle aged ramen shop owner included) but she had almost gone home with six different guys, three of which were their former schoolmates, and Shikamaru and Chouji were forced to intervene. Didn't Asuma put Ino in charge of Shikamaru and Chouji? When did they get to be the responsible ones?
This shit? This shit was troublesome.
"I like your hair," Ino nuzzled his neck. "You smell nice."
Oh good, they were getting to the part of the evening when things got very awkward, very quickly. Shikamaru unceremoniously dropped her on the doorstep. She yelped and Shikamaru immediately thought better of himself. If Inoichi came out here and saw Ino drunk on the floor and Shikamaru just standing there…
… was there enough time for him to make a clean get away?
Seriously? A genius IQ of 200 and all you could come up with is a drop-and-dash?
"Are you and Temari-san on or off this week?" Ino looked up at him through thick eyelashes.
"What?" He and Temari had broken up and gotten back together so many times that even he wasn't sure. He simply shrugged because in the end, it wasn't Ino's business. They had a strict "Don't ask, don't tell" policy when it came to each other's relationships and sex lives. Not, he thought, that Ino ever followed any rules.
She considered his non-answer for a moment. He could almost see the drunk, sloppy wheels turning in her head. Then, Ino leaned up and grabbed his flak jacket, forcing him to bend to her level. "Happy birthday," Ino murmured before planting a kiss on his lips.
Inoichi was at the door in a heartbeat, no doubt waiting up for his daughter to get home. He didn't look happy. Shikamaru had two choices: Stand there like an idiot and mentally debate the potential implications of that drunk kiss or get the fuck out of there before Yamanaka Inoichi ripped him a new one.
"This belongs to you," Shikamaru handed off Ino to her father before the Yamanaka patriarch could ask too many questions. "Bye."
The coward's way always won.
"Congratulations on your first hangover. Welcome to adulthood." Shikaku sounded way too cheerful for Ino's liking. All she wanted to do was suffocate herself in her bowl of rice in peace. Was that too much to ask?
"Leave me here to die," she said miserably.
Ino's mother set a glass down on the table with more force than necessary, causing Ino to wince. It was official: everyone was against her. "Don't be rude, Ino."
It wasn't that she didn't like Shikaku. She did, she really did. In fact, she loved him more than she did most of her own relatives. He was fun and sarcastic and was the best karaoke partner. But it was 7:00 am and she was simultaneously hungover and still drunk from last night. Ino was in no mood to entertain.
"A little dramatic, don't you think?" Shikaku filled the glass with some murky green-brown liquid that made Ino's stomach clench. "Drink this."
Ino tilted the glass, watching the ooze coat the sides. "Why do you hate me?"
He chuckled. "Drink it and your hangover will be gone."
It was kind of sweet that he had come over so early in the morning to deliver it to her. Ino was instantly suspicious. Nara men didn't usually do things to be sweet. "How'd you know I needed this?" She took a few careful sips and gagged. Steeling herself, Ino pinched her nose and started chugging.
"Besides the fact that you're the talk of the village this morning after last night's antics—"
"How bad is the damage?" Ino whispered so that her mother couldn't hear.
Shikaku leaned closer and refilled her glass with more Nara No-Hangover Juice. "No property damage, unless you count the string of broken hearts you left behind in your drunken wake."
"So a normal day, then."
"You told the Ichiraku ramen guy you loved him."
"Teuchi-san makes a great bowl of ramen!" she said in her defense. "By the way, how come you're playing delivery boy? Don't you usually make your son do the grunt work?"
Shikaku drummed his fingers on the table. "He seems insistent on staying away from the House of Yamanaka until tonight's festivities." In her post-drunk haze, Ino had completely forgotten about the huge Clan get together to celebrate Ino and Shikamaru's "journey into adulthood". It was just another excuse for everyone to get drunk, in her opinion. "Do you have any reason why that might be?"
Ino pretended to inspect her nails. "Because he's a lazy ass and didn't want to get out of bed?" Shikaku looked at her knowingly as if to say Well, probably, but that's not all, is it? Damn those Nara men and their all knowing ways. "He was the one who dragged me home last night. Maybe he's embarrassed to face my dad."
"Ah," Shikaku leaned back in his chair. "No wonder he asked me if he thought his death would be quick or prolonged at the hands of Inoichi."
"Daddy wouldn't kill the messenger."
"Wouldn't he, though?"
"Still! Shikamaru could have at least come over to see if I was alive. Coward."
"Coward," Shikaku agreed. He stood up and ruffled Ino's hair affectionately. "My mission is complete. Better get back before the wife notices I snuck out during cleaning day. You wouldn't believe the damage that woman can deal with a broom."
"I believe it," Ino weakly waved goodbye and then rested her head against her warm rice bowl again.
Birthdays? So overrated.
By the time Ino had to put on her kimono and do her hair for the nightly festivities, her hangover was long gone. She sent a silent thank you to Shikaku for sharing his Nara Cure All and silent curse to Shikamaru for not bothering to find out if she was dead or alive. All Nara men were apparently not made equal; Shikaku had just clinched first place in her heart.
The kimono was beautiful, Ino supposed as she looked at herself in the mirror, and appropriate for the fall. It was black and heavily patterned with gold, red, and orange autumn leaves, flowers, and— to Chouji's delight— butterflies that weaved around her left shoulder. The Yamanaka family crest had been sewn into a little circle on the bottom edge.
Beautiful, but Ino almost didn't feel like herself.
With her painted face and striking clothes, someone might think she was the daughter of some rich lord, not an interrogator who preyed on the dreams and thoughts of the weak. There was nothing good about what she did. It was dirty and secret and everything about this kimono felt like a lie.
But it was tradition and important to her parents, so Ino would play the role of the dutiful daughter and parade herself out there in front of other Clan heads, smile prettily, and pour sake for the men. Like a mission, she thought, except that I do not get paid enough for this shit.
Ino was not surprised to see that Chouji and Shikamaru dressed up in their "finest" meant their Jounin uniforms but whatever. It was always like this. Being a clan leader was such a boys' club sometimes and Ino felt that she had to work ten times as hard as they did to be recognized and taken seriously. So here she was, all dolled up, and there they were, comfortable as could be. Chouji waved to her with the hand that wasn't holding a skewer of meat while Shikamaru pointedly looked away to avoid having to converse with her.
Two could play this game. Nara Shikamaru was henceforth blacklisted until he got on his hands and knees and begged for her forgiveness. Apologizing profusely to avoid her anger was Shikamaru's old standby. It was only a matter of time before he caved.
"You look beautiful." Her father's heartfelt words and suspiciously teary eyes made her annoyance at Shikamaru dissipate instantly. He was flanked by Chouza and Shikaku on each side, both of whom also complimented Ino and gave their customary congratulations on her birthday. It was hard to be mad at them when they all loved her so dearly.
"Thank you." Ino took Shikaku by the arm, walking with him away from the crowd. "I owe you one for this morning."
He patted her hand. "You can pay me back by partnering up with me for the next InoShikaChou karaoke battle. 'Returning Champions' has a nice ring to it."
"Done."
"This is some party," Shikaku looked around at the guests mingling, his own wife delighting in being center of attention. "Technically I'm supposed to be going around and thanking everyone for showing up and caring about my kid living to see adulthood."
"Technically," Ino agreed. Shikaku really wasn't one for parties, much like his son. She didn't think anyone would mind if he hung back in the shadows while Inoichi and Yoshino took care of the formalities. "But they should really be thanking us for throwing such a swanky party. The last Hyuuga bash? Total snooze fest until Hinata accidentally lit her sister's kimono sleeve on fire."
"Shikaku," both Ino and Shikaku froze in place when Yoshino descended upon them in all her righteous anger. Ino's mother stood next to her, hands on her hips. Ino squeezed Shikaku's hand as if to say Be strong. "You said you would properly go and thank the guests!"
Shikaku shrugged, resigned to his fate of being Yoshino's eternal whipping boy. "Yes, yes."
"One yes is more than enough! Now go!"
Ino's own mother stared her down and interrogator as Ino might be, she was a little intimidated. "Give this to Shikamaru," Her mother shoved a plate of cake into Ino's hands before the younger woman could open her mouth in protest. "You haven't said two words to each other tonight."
Who cares? Ino thought, but wasn't brave enough to say. "He started it!" Ino knew it sounded immature as soon as it left her mouth but he had started it.
Her mother gave her a look. "Ino." Memories of her mother pushing Shikamaru and Chouji on her as a child surfaced. Be nice, Ino. Do the right thing, Ino. They're the sons of your father's best friends, Ino. She was so tired of doing the right thing and putting in so much effort, especially when she got nothing in return.
Ino swallowed her indignity, took the plate and tromped over to Shikamaru and Chouji. She threw the cake down in front of Shikamaru. "Here's some cake. Don't choke on it," she muttered darkly.
Shikamaru decided that this was all much too troublesome (Ino had probably poisoned the cake and he would have liked to live to see another birthday if possible) and apologizing was the best course of action. This was how the two of them operated. Shikamaru screwed up. Ino threw a fit. Shikamaru groveled. Ino forgave him. Since the dawn of time, this was how their dynamic worked and everyone moved on. Why complicate things this late in the game? "Ino, I'm sorry that I—"
"Everyone, thank you for coming," Shikaku's voice boomed from the head table. "Today is a very special day… etc. etc." Yoshino gave him a visibly sharp kick from under the table. "Nobody likes their drinking interrupted by long speeches so let me just say this: this is the first time in generations that we've had a female leader of one of our three clans."
Ino's heart thumped loudly when her fellow shinobi applauded and cheered. Chouji squeezed her hand and Shikamaru's lips quirked up into a half-smile. Maybe all her hard worked had paid off. Their fathers had clearly recognized her talent and dedication. They recognized that she was in no way inferior to Chouji and Shikamaru just because she was a woman. People liked and respected her.
"All three of our future clan heads are now adults in the eyes of Konoha law. They will soon get married and start families of their own." One of Ino's second cousins eyed her as if to say I told you that you don't have much time left, get to birthin'. Ino never liked her. "That being said, clan tradition is as follows: Should a woman become the leader of the Yamanaka, Nara, or Akimichi clan, upon adulthood the other two clan leaders are obligated to pick her husband. So… if anyone is interested in marrying Ino-chan, you'll have to go through the gauntlet of Shikamaru and Chouji to do so."
Silence.
"Cheers!"
Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji all stared at each other in abject horror.
What the ever loving fuck just happened?
None of them had any idea but there was at least one thing Ino knew for certain: She was going to have to find a new karaoke partner because Nara Shikaku was a dead man.
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