Jötnar. Jenny pondered the information on the page before her. The Shadow Men lived in Niflheim. The inhabitants of Niflheim were frost giants. Ergo. . . The Shadow Men were frost-giants. It didn't sound right, didn't jibe with what she'd seen of them. Of Julian. The name frost-giants brought to mind hundred feet tall lumbering beasts, covered in shards of ice. The Shadow Men seemed more like the sinister fey of old fairy tales. Cunning, duplicitious. . . dangerously sexual. Julian, at least, had seemed more like one of the fair folk than a. . . jötun. The two concepts were irreconcilable.

The nine worlds existed though. The Shadow Men could take on the guise — glamour — of the fair folk, as they had in Audrey's nightmare, but it was still just a disguise. They were giants.

As Jenny mentally wrestled with the implications of this, she realized the biggest inconsistency of all. Hadn't the Frost Giants died already? She only vaguely remembered something she'd read in a world religions class. Something about the end of the world — worlds — and the purging of ice giants. She couldn't recall all of the details, and so she flicked through pages until she found a section dealing with Ragnarok.

After she'd read it, she was struck by a cold feeling in her gut. The frost-giants should have died with the end of the world, and after their deaths the world and the gods would be born anew. Where were the gods? In all that time playing Julian's games, she had never once seen beings more powerful than the Shadow Men, nothing that could be construed as a god. The frost-giants were barely footnotes in Norse Mythology, overshadowed by the fearsome and bloodthirsty gods. What had happened to them? Had they ever existed in the first place?

It almost seemed like a tease. The monsters are definitely real, but the gods remain a mystery. The Norse gods weren't like the God her parents believe in. If the gods existed, Jenny would have seen some sign of them during the games. She hadn't, and so they couldn't be. It shouldn't have bothered her so much, and yet it did.

She returned to her book. She'd come upon a section discussing the theory that the gods were modeled after warriors who had became deified through ancestor worship. That could explain why they dominated everything she'd read, but hadn't appeared even once. Was it possible the Shadow Men were men once too?

Jenny pinched the bridge of her nose. She didn't know why she was doing this. Sitting in the middle of a library flipping through Commentaries on the Works of Snorri, reexamining everything that had happened in one short month. Yes she did. She'd felt compelled to read up on Norse Mythology ever since Julian's death. Un-birth. She knew she wanted him back, and she knew what she had to do in order to make it happen.

It felt too deliberate though, carving his name back in the stave. If only she could pray to Hel to bring him back, or do something, anything, less deliberate than carving his name back in the Stave. Because if she carved his name in, she would be responsible for the consequences. She knew he was dangerous, but he really had changed at the end there. She would — and had — fought for her other friends, why not fight for Julian? She had to bring him back.

She remembered the gnarled, deformed figures of the older Shadow Men she'd seen. She could sense their hate, the evil that lay within each of them, but also anger. Despair, maybe. She wanted him back, but she didn't want to subject him to the fate of the other Shadow Men. If she somehow got ahold of the stave, she could carve his name in, but then what? How long would he have before he succumbed to the same darkness? Would he grow to hate her? She couldn't bring him back, although. . .

He'd said the Shadow Men changed over time to reflect their inner selves, if he was no longer evil would he be spared that fate?

So many uncertainties, and the only person who could answer her questions was Julian. She rubbed the ring he'd given her, and thought about her options. She couldn't see a future where she'd be happier without Julian. She could still enjoy life, but without him life would just be less. She took off the ring to feel the inside against her fingertips and imagined a new inscription.

I am my only master. . . and thee I chuse.

I wrote this after reading the wonderful fic "Snow & Cigarettes" by Aya, hosted on . I wondered how Jenny would really feel after the events of The Kill, and what might lead her to bring Julian back? In that fic she brings him back by wishing on a star, but I wondered what it would be like for Jenny to purposefully bring him back. This fic is also on Archive of Our Own under the username Electroll.

I was also motivated to write this after playing through the game Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice, which is also heavily inspired by Norse mythology. It's pretty good and I'd wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone who loved The Forbidden Game.

I did some googling on Snorri Sturlson, the Edda, and The Sagas to get a better idea of Norse mythology (as it exists in our world), that being said I am definitely writing by the seat of my pants. If you happen to see an error, please feel free to correct me and I will edit the chapter to reflect this.

I am planning on continuing this (as you can probably tell by the tags) but I go to college next week so I'm not sure when I'll be able to update. I do have an outline for this story though, and because I tend to write shorter chapters it shouldn't take too long. I'd love to connect with other fans of L J Smith's work so please feel free to comment with any of your thoughts.