Warning: Boy/Boy, Language (kinda)

Notes: I watched the season 5 finaly several times. But when I watched it again by myself... I cried like a baby, all I could think was, if Kelly (My sister) and I were in this situation (Even though I'm the little sister so I'd be in the hole) I wouldn't know how to cope, so I figured "Hey! I'll write it out and we'll see where it leads us!" But anyway, obviously depressed, this is what I came up with! There's going to be more chapters later, but for now it's just this... PS this is my first Supernatural Fic so let me know how I did please?

Disclaimer: Unfortunatly I don't own Supernatural, this plot, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padaleki, or Misha Collins. (Or anyone else mentioned, but really who cares about the rest huh?) All I own are the words... But Fuck if I don't wish I owned those sexy men... :)

Anyway, Enjoy!

Chapter 1: Giving In

The first fist made contact with my jaw and I knew I wasn't going to stop it. I was not going to stop Lucifer, I wasn't even sure that, even if he had been watching from deep in his mind, Sam would try to stop him. As far as I was concerned, Sammy was gone. How could I live like that?

So as the Devil raised my brother's fist again, I just let the words spill from my splitting lips.

He'd hit me twice already, and in the back of my mind I counted the number of times that fist made contact with my face.

Three: Lucifer crushed his brother, he killed Castiel.

Four: He snapped Bobby's neck, dead.

Five-Six: His hell hounds killed Jo and Ellen.

Seven, Nine, Thirteen... I'm loosing count.

The words keep flowing, but my vision is blacking. I can't breath as they slam my body into the Impala, I can't move. Sam's fist cocks back again, but it never hits me... I must be loosing time... I've slid to the ground, Sammy pulled Micheal into the hole...

In truth, I didn't know it was that stupid army man that brought Sam out until much, much later. I didn't know he remembered, or even knew about the Lego's still in the air vent. I didn't think my brother was coming back, and I didn't think that of all the things that broke Lucifer's hold it would be that piece of plastic in the ash tray...

As I sit there on the ground, waiting to die, I can't think of anything that ever sounded better. I wasn't going to fight it. I would have let it happen as my vision only saw Castiel, I thought I died...

I didn't stay in a motel that night. I sat in the car, falling apart as Cas watched me. I had been exhausted long before the moon hit the top of the sky, but I wouldn't sleep. I won't sleep for weeks.

There are some nights I don't even drink, I just sit in the two person motel room and stare at the other bed. I think of Sam, how I used to make him take the shitty beds. How he'd be gone when I woke up in the morning, most of the time anyway, out walking, looking for food, whatever the hell that kid did in his spare time. On nights like that Cas would stay.

He'd do whatever it took to make the thoughts stop flowing in my head.

Push me onto a bed, make me forget that it would have been Sam's because there was a strange green stain on the already disgusting colored sheets. Hold my face in one hand as he made me stare into his eyes while he used the other hand to unbutton whatever he could with one hand. Press his lips to mine so hard that I thought for sure we would come away with the imprint of each other's teeth on the chapped pieces of skin. He would hold me down with those callused fingers, biting and kissing wherever he could get his mouth. Desperate to distract me. Castiel would lead until he pushed all of the right buttons, caressed all the right skin, kissed away my thoughts.

When I flipped his body over to take control he would smile up at me. Hold my face as I berried my kiss bruised lips against his, while they moved to his neck. He would fist the sheets as I licked and nipped at whatever skin I came into contact with.

I looked into his eyes as I held fingers to his face, waiting for him to pull them into his mouth. I'd press my lips to his again as I would start working them into his entrance, as he moved his hips back onto my fingers. I whispered into his ear as I worked myself inside of him. I told him he was beautiful, that he never had to change, that I needed him. He pushed his lips back to mine and moved his hips down further to meet mine, rocking against me as he plead with me to move, assured me that he wasn't going anywhere. My arm wrapped around him, holding him as tight as I could, I held his face with the other hand, rubbing my thumb on his stubble as I continued thrusting into Castiel's body.

Mind consumed with thoughts of Castiel, his body, his voice, his eyes... Oh Jesus his eyes... I felt myself speed up, my climax creeping on me as I looked into those eyes. I grabbed his forgotten member and jerked him until he came, tightening around me, making me spill inside him as I milked our orgasm till the end. When we finished, we collapsed to the bed, holding each other to my murmurers and his reassuring words.

"I love you Cas..." I squeezed out on our last night.

He ran his hand through my hair, kissing my forehead, "I know Dean, I love you too..."

I drifted to sleep in his arms, woke up when the sun rose the next morning. Cas and I drove to a restaurant, had breakfast before hitting the road again. It was dark before I told him where I was going, though he probably already knew, already hearing it from my thoughts.

Castiel tells me he's going to heaven to try and get it back in order... then he leaves.

I drove the next few days on my own.

When I got to Lisa's she answered the door with a, "Thank God, you're alright."

And she was right... Thank God, Thank God it's over...

But then... Nothing ever really ends. Does it?

So this is my first Supernatural Fic, soooooooo How'd I do? Constructive criticism is aways welcome! But flames are just anoying and will earn you a strongly worded message :) Thankyou and have a lovely day!