He was surprised when she fell for the prick, he couldn't believe a woman like Claire could take interest in a man like that knob; and he was shocked upon discovering that, even if he hadn't told her he was already married and had two kids, she had decided to forgive him, to try and make their relationship work. He wasn't gonna lie, he hadn't hated anyone more than he hates Peter Johnson, and to see him go was a joy, but he would have never wished for Claire to suffer the way she was right now.
He had watched her end up things with him from afar, even from the distance he could see how much she was suffering, could see the pain and hurt on her face. Every tear that rolled from her eyes stung him as much as it would have if it had been his own, he could feel something inside of him breaking, and could only imagine what she was going through. He wanted to approach her, to comfort her but didn't know how, so instead he had returned to the work he had been doing, wanting to finish it as quickly as he could, wanting, egoistically, to get as soon as he could as far away as possible from her pain.
When Meg told him the doctor had been there, that he had prescribed her some antidepressants, he got really worried. Claire hadn't got like that when Jack had died, and he knew just how much her father meant to her. When Meg told him how she had been behaving, about her mood swings, her fairing Becky multiple times, her sleepless nights, that's when he decided that he couldn't be avoiding her anymore. He had to see how bad the situation really was, assess things with his own eyes. He went through the day as normal, finishing all the chores on Willgul, and after he had had dinner with Nick, he got in his Ute and headed over to Drovers.
Meg, Jodi, and Becky were still sat at the kitchen table having dinner, he wasn't surprised not to see Claire with them. He greeted all of them and explained he was there to visit Claire, then made his way upstairs. He hadn't seen her in a couple of days, 5 to be exact, ever since she broke up with the dickhead, and he was happy to see her again, but he was nervous too, he didn't really know in what condition he would find her. Her bedroom door was closed, so he knocked, but got no answer, he knocked again and decided to enter anyway.
Claire was laying on the bed, facing the door, so he could clearly see the blank expression on her face. The sadness and hurt he had seen weren't there anymore, but the state she was in right now was even worse. On the bedside table on the other side of the bed was the food Meg had brought her, and next to it the unopened bottle of antidepressants the doctor gave her. Things were even worse than what he could have imagined. He could see her watching him, but her eyes showed no emotion, their natural spark was gone, the strong woman Claire once was, was gone, in her place was left a frail, empty body. It pained him to see her like that, but he really had no clue on what to do to help her, so instead he decided that he would make sure nothing happened to her; what he really feared was that she would purposely hurt herself, seeing her like this made him think about the worst case scenario, and he couldn't bear it. He took hold of the chair that was against the wall near her dresser and moved it to the bed and sat down.
He didn't know how much time he had spent watching her before he had eventually fallen asleep, but when he woke up, his body sore from the position he had slept in, her eyes were still on him. He knew she hadn't slept that night like she hadn't for the previous five, so he didn't even question her about it. He sat up straighter in the chair, his back protesting but he ignored it and spoke softly to her.
"Good morning" but he got no answer. "I'd ask you how you are feeling, but you are probably tired of this question, eh?" he tried joking, but still got no reaction from her. He glanced quickly at the alarm clock on her bedside table, it was already 6.30 AM, he had to get back to Willgul, but he didn't want to leave her side.
"I'll be back tonight," he told her when he got up from the chair. Before he left the room, he turned around to take one last look at her; she was in even worse shape than what she had been in when he came last night. If it hadn't been for his duties on Willgul, he would have stayed by her side every second of the day, he needed to see her in order to be sure she was okay, well as okay as she could be right now.
Like every evening for the past two weeks, he'd drove to Drovers Run after dinner, entered the house through the kitchen, took a plate of food Meg had prepared and headed upstairs to Claire's room. This had quickly turned into a routine, and the three women downstairs had stopped questioning his presence there.
But that evening was different because when he walked into her room, he had found her in an even worse state than he had seen her in ever before. She was curled in a foetal position, hugging her knees close to her chest, and was sobbing; her face and eyes red indicating she had already been crying for hours. Alex laid his hat on the chair he usually sat in, put the food on the dresser next to it and took off his boots. Wordlessly he got in bed behind her, and tentatively placed a hand on her shoulder, to test her reaction. When he saw that she didn't react in any way, he moved closer to her, until his chest was touching her back, and encircled her with his arms. His actions got a reaction from her this time: she let out a loud cry that broke his heart. But he didn't retract, he kept holding her wordlessly, he wasn't a man of words, he didn't know what to say, so he hoped his actions could tell her he was there for her, that he would protect her.
Eventually, Claire relaxed in his hold, letting go of her knees and stretching her legs to come and lay flat against him, her back to his chest. Alex moved one hand to her face, brushing her hair behind her ear in order to see her face; she was still crying, he could feel warm tears on his fingers and he brushed some of them away.
He really had no idea what he should do, so he let his instinct guide him: he hugged her even closer to himself and laid a gentle kiss on her temple. This provoked new tears to run from her eyes.
He didn't know how long they had laid like that, or for how long he would have to hold her like that, he just wanted her to be okay, to get the old Claire back, to get his Claire back. Yes his Claire, because the Claire that was with Peter was a different person, one he didn't recognise and, to be fair, like.
He felt her shift and let go of her a little bit to give her space to move. To his surprise, she turned around to face him and moved as close as she could to him. He let her. His right hand came to rest behind her head, while the left one was securely placed in the middle of her back.
If he hadn't felt her breath on his neck, he wouldn't have heard the week thank you she said. He was sure those were the first words she had pronounced in the past week, and it made his heart warm that they were directed to him.
"Don't mention it" he answered her, laying a kiss on the top of her head. After a while he heard her breathing become more steady, signalling that she was falling asleep. And he too closed his eyes.
He was woken up the next morning by the sun shining in his eyes, the next thing he noticed was a weight on his chest, he opened his eyes to see Claire's still sleeping form lying next to him, using him as a pillow. A smile spread across his face, firstly because, for the first time in weeks, Claire had gotten a full night sleep, secondly because of the fact that he had slept with Claire McLeod, was it in another circumstance he would tease her for the rest of her days for it, but not now. Now he was glad that he had managed to get her to sleep, to help her.
He turned his head to the side to look at the time - 5.45 AM, he still had some time before he had to go, besides even if really did have to get up, he wouldn't have had the heart to wake Claire up, he knew how much she needed the sleep. He breathed in deeply, he couldn't believe how content he was that morning and closed his eyes again.
Much to his disappointment, the second time he woke up, his awakening wasn't as pleasing as the first one; this time, Claire's alarm clock was blaring angrily from the bedside table.
"Damn it Claire" he growled annoyedly, covering his head with the second pillow that was on the bed.
"Sorry" came Claire's week apology, he felt her stretch to the side to turn off the alarm.
As soon as the annoying sound was gone, he took the pillow from over his face and looked down at the mess of brown hair that was resting on his chest.
"Good morning. Slept well?" he asked her and watched her turn her face upwards to look at him.
"Like a baby" she answered with a yawn "all thanks to you" she added and flashed him a smile. His heart warmed up at the sight of it; as far as he knew, it was Claire's first smile in weeks. They just stayed like that, staring into each other's eyes, Claire's smile still present on her face, mirrored by a twin one on his own face. Without even realising it, Alex found himself playing with Claire's hair. He would be lying if he said that that morning wasn't the best one he had had in awhile, he had never woken up next to a woman and felt that at ease, his heart had never felt like it did right now: like it was at home. During those past two weeks, he had realised that he couldn't bear to see her hurt and that he couldn't imagine his life without her in it. It's something he had always known deep down, but could never bring himself to admit. And he got scared. He couldn't be thinking like that, not about her, and not now that she was that broken.
He told her he had to go, but she already knew that, and that he would be back that evening, she knew that as well.
As he walked into the kitchen, he got the news that Tess was back on Drovers. Apparently that Eric guy hadn't been telling her that Jodi and Becky were trying to get in touch with her. But as soon as she found out Claire wasn't doing well, she came back on Drovers. It put him somehow at ease to know that Claire had someone by her side now, that's why he didn't stay that night, he said a quick hello and then he was on his way back to Willgul. It had been strange falling asleep without Claire in his arms, over the past five nights he had grew used to the shape and warmth of her body in his hold, laying next to him; the rhythm of her steady breathing had lulled him to sleep night after night. He hadn't even realised how dependent he had become of her, maybe, after all, his checking up on her wasn't only for her good, but for his own as well.
He found it hard to fall asleep that night, and when he got woken up by his alarm in the morning, he was even more tired that he had been the previous night. The day dragged by slowly; after a discussion with Nick, he decided it was time for him to go back to Killarney. Liz was thrilled by the news, and Harry was pleased to see his first born back on the property. After dinner, which Liz had insisted the three of them had together to celebrate his return home, he drove the very familiar route to Drovers. He was surprised not to see anyone sitting at the kitchen table, instead, they were all having dinner in the dining room, Claire included. He was happy to see she was getting better by the day, he could see the old Claire coming back, it was by baby steps, but she'd be back eventually, and he couldn't wait.
He was surprised to discover that she hadn't slept at all last night, considering the improvement she had done the past nights.
"Something was missing," Claire said when the two of them eventually were left alone at the table, and he knew how much courage it took her to admit that she needed help.
"I thought you needed some time with Tess, I didn't want to intrude in your sisters' business" He admitted. "You could have asked me to stay, though!"
He watched her face turn red "I'm kinda doing it now"
He wished he could have taken a photo of Tess' face when she discovered Alex was staying the night and he was doing so in Claire's bed, and that it wasn't the first time. The expression she had was priceless!
She kissed him goodnight that night, it was just a kiss on the cheek, but it was enough to turn his ears and face red. He couldn't believe the turn hill of emotions that simple kiss had caused in him. He kissed her on the temple and he took advantage to take in the perfume of her hair. She fit comfortably next to his body, her head in its usual position on his chest, he was suspecting that she liked to listen to his heartbeat to fall asleep, and he wasn't gonna complain about it anytime soon. He fell asleep with a smile on his face that night.
He woke up before the alarm clock, and just laid there enjoying the warmth and softness of Claire's body against his. He had come to the realisation that Claire McLeod, his long-time best mate, was starting to be more than just a friend to him. He was scared of the thought and the feelings that came with it, and he knew that he couldn't act on them, for now at least, not until she was back to her true self.
He got snatched out of his thoughts by a loud stomach growl, and it wasn't his.
"Good morning," he said amused.
"Morning," she said stirring and moving to lay on her back next to him. He wanted to hold her against himself, but he knew he couldn't ask her that. Her stomach gave another loud growl.
"Alright, I guess it's time for some breakfast!" He said chuckling.
"I think I've got my appetite back," she said laughing before getting out of bed. Alex smiled to himself, it was good to see she was making some improvement.
"I gotta go back to Willgul." He said as he got up and started putting his boots on. "Will you be okay today?" He asked, concern evident in his voice. He knew he was pushing it a bit, that Claire was strong and independent, but he couldn't help worrying about her.
"Of course I will! Besides I've been slacking a bit on the work lately, I better start doing something around here!" she flashed him another smile with her answer.
"That's the Claire McLeod I know!" he cheered before hugging her and kissing the top of her head again.
"Ugh get out of here," she said rolling her eyes, her voice full of amusement.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll be back tonight" he started walking towards the door.
"Alex? Thank you so much for everything you have done and are doing for me," she said taking hold of his arm as he was about to leave the room.
"Look, Claire, I know it hasn't been long since, y'know, the knob, but you gotta start letting go sometimes," maybe he was pushing things a bit telling her that, but it was something she needed to hear.
"I know. I don't mind letting go of the bastard! It's the part I've loved that is tough to leave behind." sadness washed over her face and he kicked himself for being the one who caused it.
"Which part was that?" he said trying to downplay the situation. Claire hit him on the arm and then both of them started laughing at his question. He knew she had still some demons to battle, but he was going to help her fight and conquer them.
And Claire was back to her old self in no time indeed. It was small things at first that made the change in her behaviour more evident like for example she was back to wearing the necklace Jack had gifted her. Then one day he had come to Drovers and was met by an enthusiastic Claire, he could see that the spark was back in her eyes, and that night, as they laid side by side in bed, he listened to her talk. She told him how proud she was of Blaze, about the beautiful filly she had delivered, and how this had made her realise that her dream of being a horse breeder shouldn't end because of Peter. She didn't need Australian Bloodlines, she was amazing at what she did, he knew without a doubt that she was the best horse trainer in the South of Australia, and he told her that, he also told her that she should finish training Brave J, and how he had heard that Australian Bloodlines hadn't been able to find a new trainer after she resigned.
And he accompanied her to Stan Dickson the next morning. Stan was thrilled about the idea she would be finishing the job she started, because he had no use of a half-trained horse, but he was a bit worried about the financial part of the deal, he needed to be sure to have an insurance covering for any damage that could happen, and he knew that Drovers wasn't doing that good, so that's when Alex got the idea. He took Claire to the side and told her they should be partners in this: Claire would be doing the training and he would put in the funds. He watched her ponder on the possibility, and then smile and agree to the proposition.
Starting their own training program was the best thing that could have happened to Claire, she was full of energy again, working relentlessly as usual. He knew her healing was completed when they started bickering again. And that's when he got scared she wouldn't be needing him and his comfort as much as she had until then, he knew it was a bit selfish of him to think about it like that, but he was sad that their nights together would have to end. But he had no idea on how to approach the subject with her, so he didn't.
That day they went around looking for new horses to train, at first they weren't successful working together because of all the bickering, and it was even worst when they tried to work on their own, but contracts came flying in as soon as they started agreeing with each other. The evening they came back to Drovers and had a BBQ to celebrate the day's success, but as the night time approached, Alex got more and more nervous. He had no idea on what she wanted from him now, if he should stay the night as usual or if it was the time they went back to normalcy before the knob. Luckily Claire brought him out of his misery. The two of them were sitting on the veranda, discussing some details about their new business, when she decided to call it a night. He watched her get up and walk towards the door, but he stayed seated as if he was glued to the chair. Then she turned around and smirked and asked him if he was planning on sleeping on that chair or if he would prefer to use a bed. He smiled at her, but didn't tell her that it was her bed he wanted to sleep in for the rest of his days, or at least a bed he shared with her; instead he shook his head and followed her upstairs, she turned to smile at him twice more before they reached her bedroom. He sat on the bed while she was getting ready for bed in the bathroom when she came back to the room, he went and did the same. It didn't take long for either one of them, and that was another thing he loved about Claire: her simplicity. She wasn't like the other girls he'd been with, she didn't need any make up or fancy clothes, she was stunning just as she was. And he wanted to tell her that, wanted to tell her just how much he had realised she loved her. But he was scared. Her heart had only recently healed, and he didn't want to lose his best mate. He made his way back to her room and started to strip to his underwear, all the while mentally kicking himself for being such a coward. He closed the door before joining her in bed - the right side of it had become his side, and he was surprised Claire hadn't protested about it.
As soon as he was settled in, Claire snuggled closely to his side, resting her head on his chest. He closed his eyes contently and waited to start hearing her breathing steady. But it didn't, he could feel her fidgeting with the top of the covers, something was clearly bothering her. He knew he shouldn't push her, that she would talk with him when she was ready, so he just laid there in silence. Eventually, he felt her move, she propped her head on her hand, her face level with his now, and just stared in his eyes. There was a weird look in her eyes, it was like she was feeling a million of emotions all at once. He couldn't bear the silence anymore, so he opened his mouth to speak, but never got the chance to utter even a single word. Suddenly her mouth was on his, once he overcame the shock, he started kissing her back. He was amazed by the softness of her lips, he couldn't believe he had known her for almost all his life but they hadn't done this sooner. He was sure he couldn't spend his whole life kissing her. But as soon as he felt her hand on his waist, he panicked. They shouldn't be doing this, he shouldn't take advantage of her in this way. But then again it was her who kissed him, he was only responding to her actions. He did what he thought was the right thing to do and broke the kiss.
"Claire, what are you doing?" he asked in a low voice, afraid that if he talked too loud he'd scare her away.
"Kissing you, I thought it was obvious," she said smiling at him, tracing invisible patterns on his bare arm. Her touch sent shivers all through his body.
"We shouldn't…" he protested.
"Why not?" she asked innocently, stroking his cheek with the hand that was previously brushing his arm.
"Because we are mates." he tried to object, but his words sounded lame even to his own ears.
"What if I don't want to be just your mate? What if I want more? Do you want us to be something more?" she asked turning away to turn on the bedside table lamp. He too sat up and turned to face her. He was lost for words, she was offering him what he had lusted for for weeks now, and he didn't know what to say.
"Look, us being this close lately has made me realise something that I hadn't want to admit to myself for years. I like you, Alex, I really do! I've liked you since I was a teenager." she admitted, he could see she was searching his face with her eyes and wasn't too sure about what expression he had on right now. He was surprised, but also relieved that she was feeling the same way he did.
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" he asked, a smirk appearing on his face. He was relieved, to say the least.
"I'm doing it now. I love you, Alex, I want to be with you," she said blushing and looking down at her hands in her lap. He was roaring inside, he was positive he had never been as happy as he was in that moment. "So what do you say?" this time she looked him straight in the eyes. He feared he was dreaming, all of this was too good to be true, so he had to feel something, to know this was really happening. Instead of answering her, he launched himself at her, capturing her lips in a kiss he had longed to give her.
"I'll take that as a yes." he heard her say before her lips started tracing his jaw.
"I love you, Claire." He said claiming her lips once more.
It took him over 20 years to realise that the one person that made him whole, his soulmate, had always been right in front of him in the form of his best mate. He was a little annoyed they hadn't realised it sooner, or better said, hadn't confessed their true feelings for each other as soon as they had started developing them. But he was happy that the moment had finally come, that now he was able to hold the woman of his dreams in his arms, that she would let him kiss and caress her body. He looked down at the woman that was sleeping on his chest, his Claire. Now he was finally able to call her that: his. And he was hers with all of his heart. He kissed her tenderly on the top of her head and closed his eyes contently.
No matter what the future would put in front of them, they would go through thick and thin together.