Akatsuki House

Things weren't going so well for the Akatsuki. Apparently a certain money hording miser didn't pay the house bills and the bank evicted the house. But fortunately for them there was a relief plan for the evil organization called HEO SUG (Help Evil Organizations Start Up Again). They were given a new house in the suburbs of Ame and from what they were told was a pretty nice house.

It had a low down payment and didn't need to by payed for. All they had to pay for was the water and heating. Electricity bills will be payed for by the bank. The house had two floors, five rooms on the second and a living, kitchen and dinning room on the first. There was two bathrooms and a front and back yard.

Leader instantly took up the house and in no time at all they packed up and moved. Their bus dumped them on their street corner and raced off.

"This is the street." Pein pulled out a paper with the houses address.

"Are we in the ghetto?" Kisame curiously asked, looking around at all the run down hoses and poorly taken care of streets.

"Welcome to suburbia," Pein smiled, grimacing. Now he knew why the house was so cheap.

"Lets just get this fucking over." Hidan whined. He was jittery from lack of sacrificing.

So the Akatsuki walked down the street, a few women peeking out from their windows to catch a glimpse of their new neighbors. When they finally reached their new house, well, it wasn't pleasant.

The house was missing a part of its roof on the right hand side, the front door was stained with what looked like blood and the two front windows were knocked out. The front yard was a total mess, weeds grew rampant and the fence was faded and broken in many places.

"Well." Pein grunted, "Lets get inside."

The inside wasn't much better.

The living room reeked of detergent and there was burn marks around all the electrical outlets. The dirty brown couch squeaked when you sat down on it and the other couch had mold clinging to the stuffing oozing out from its many holes. The floor was covered with grime and dust and the stairway up to the second floor looked like it could break any moment.

The tacky orange print wallpaper was peeling off the wall and spider webs coated the door way.

"Ahem..." Pein cleared his throat, getting everyones attention. "There are five rooms, teams share rooms except for Konan who gets her own room. Zetsu, you'll sleep out side."

"There is no way in hell I'm sharing a room with that heathen money whore!" Hidan shouted, clutching his rosary in his hand.

"I'm not pleased about this either." Kakuzu growled.

Sasori and Deidara stared at each other curiously. Itachi 'H'n'ed and Konan smiled to herself.

"Well," Pein coughed. "Get going! I wanna start fixing up this house immediately!"

The teams trudged up stairs, Deidara falling through halfway up. They hopped over the hole and kept going.

"Dibs on the room closest to the bathroom!" Hidan shouted, quickly locating the first of two bathrooms.

"Un'huh!" Deidara shouted, jumping out of his hole. He lept past Hidan and slid into the desired room. "I got here first, yeah!" Deidara jumped up and did a quick victory dance before claiming one of the beds in the room.

"Fuck, Hidan swore." Hurrying to get the room close to the second bathroom. He was denied again when Konan beat him there, having turned herself into paper cranes and flying. "Dammit!"

Itachi and Kisame claimed the next best room and Hidan and Kakuzu were left with the room that was under the missing roof section.

"You get the bed under hole." Kakuzu shoved Hidan aside, angry that his partner couldn't do something so simple as getting a room.

"Fuck you!" Hidan swore, sticking his middle finger into the virgin air.

The house was oddly quiet until a high pitched scream emitted from Konan's room. Everyone rushed outside to see Konan running from her room.

"There's a rabid squirrel in my room!" She cried, dodging behind Pein who came out of his own room.

"A squirrel?" He questioned. "You are a S-rank criminal. Surely you can deal with a simple-"

"Pein." Konan grabbed Pein by the collar, jerking him down. "That squirrel is a demon from hell."

So the epic battle began. They didn't know then but they soon will.

Sasori and Kakuzu were charged with the task of taking on the squirrel. Why? Because Sasori was a puppet and therefor made of wood and Kakuzu who could turn his skin hard as steel. No one wanted to risk getting rabies.

So they watched as Sasori and Kakuzu walked down the hall. Sasori went first while Kakuzu watched from the doorway. There was an eerie silence as they stood, held breath.

"This thing?" Sasori yelled from the room. "It's just a normal...! What the!"

The sounds of a struggle ensued and Kakuzu looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

"Help! Some one help me! This thing is evil! I need back up!" Sasori yelled, grunting as he fought the squirrel.

Kakuzu broke from his stupor and charged into the room. The fight grew and Kakuzu was thrown from the room, blood oozing from a fresh wound on his head. He moaned softly and all hell broke lose.

Sasori screamed and ran from the room, his arms chewed off and a part of his chest missing. He stumbled to the floor and curled up into a ball, crying lube from his eyes.

For once the Akatsuki was afraid, afraid for their lives.

"Hey... H-Hidan!" Deidara pushed Hidan towards the room. "Your familiar with demons and such, you fight it!"

"What? Why me? Why don't you do it yourself ass wipe!" Hidan wasn't left with much of a choice as Pein ordered him to go take out that squirrel.

Hidan inched forward, mumbling prays and holing his scythe out in front of him. He stepped into the room and....

"OH JASHIN!!!" HE screamed bloody murder and the sound of ones heart being ripped from their body and mauled on. Blood spurted from the doorway, hitting the still knocked out Kakuzu.

"This thing is not normal." Pein gaped. A squirrel, a stupid simple squirrel took out three of the infamous Akatsuki! "Thats it, I'm taking this thing out." Pein strutted forward and jumped into the room, spewing jutsus from the butt he fought the demon squirrel.

The sound of metal on metal followed by the sounds a strangled scream of mercy. Then utter silence.

"Oh my gosh." Konan breathed, stuck speechless, so were the other Akatsuki.

"I have a plan." Itachi spoke suddenly. The remaining Akatsuki could only nod and hear out the Uchiha's plan.

Terry, the demon squirrel that hand taken up abode in Konan's room was chuckling evilly to himself. His evil plan to rule the world one house at a time was going perfectly. He was just about to start feasting on Peins body when freak meat walked in.

A blue man with gills on his face holding up an cardboard box. Terry laughed at the foolish attempt to stop him, it would take more than that to stop him. The man threw the box over Terry but the squirrel jumped over it, aiming for the fish mans face.

Suddenly the man was stoved aside and another man jumped into his place and spit fire from his mouth.

'Damn' Terry thought. ' An Uchia! My mortal enemy!!' Terry's eyes glowed red and Itachi's sharringan was rendered useless.

The fact alone that Itachi's sharinggan was useless against a squirrel made him faint on the spot. Terry was sorely disappointed. They just don't make Uchiha's like they used to.

Terry turned around to get back to feasting on Pein when something unexpected happened.

Sitting on the window still was a white beauty the world has never seen before. Her graceful body, whiter than snow and smoother than silk. Her black eyes that looked like pools of jet black ink. It was love at first sight. Yes even demon squirrels fall in love.

Deidara who was watching the whole thing from outside the window was stuck speechless. The original plan was to distract the squirrel long enough for him to get an explosive into the room and destroy the menace once and for all.

But the demon squirrels love for his creation drove Deidara to tears.

"Go," He told his creation. "You have my blessing."

The two squirrels nuzzled noses and jumped out of the room and into the sunset. Deidara sniffed and jumped back into the room.

"What just happened?" Kisame asked, stunned at the whole thing.

"Love, Kisame, Love." Deidara patted that shark man on the back before heading back to his own room. Kisame shook off the mushy loving feeling and nursed the injured Akatsuki back to health.

Everyone, when fully healed agreed to never talk of this again and headed back to their rooms.

Little did they know that soon they would face worse, much worse.

Me: Well... here it is!!! Another crack fic story that I'm writing when I have so many other unfinished stories! Oh well!

Tell me what you think!

Review! Review or no new chapter!!