God knows what is hiding in those weak and sunken eyes
Fiery throng of mutant angels giving love but getting nothing back
It wasn't like I had planned it.
You know, leaving Heaven, becoming a Trickster. Of course not.
When I left home, I had not a single clue of what I was supposed to do. I had just watched my big brother fall from Heaven. I could hear his screams, feel his pain, smell the stench of scorched feathers. Screams filled with heartbreak and despair mingled with the horrible sounds of a falling angel. Later I realized those screams had to be mine, but right now, the only thing I felt was disbelief.
My brothers had betrayed me.
My father had betrayed me.
They had betrayed Luci. My favorite, protective older brother Luci.
Raphael restrained me, so I wouldn't claw off the emotionless look on Michael's face. I was blinded by rage and grief. I just couldn't believe how somebody could be so heartless, to make his own brother go through that amount of pain. I didn't understand it either. The only thing Luci did was love. He loved his brothers, loved our Father, loved Heaven.
Michael tried to explain to me that Lucifer loved our Father too much. That that meant that he couldn't love the humans. Still, I didn't think that should be considered a crime. But I didn't say that.
From that moment forward, I was constantly aware of what I said and did. Scared of doing the wrong things, saying the wrong things, even thinking the wrong things. I was afraid that one small mistake could result in me getting the same punishment as Lucifer.
I realized that Heaven wasn't home anymore. Not with all those rules to obey.
Not without Luci.
Home had slowly turned into a prison. Of course, I could rebel and try to start a discussion with Michael and Raphael about how Heaven should be ruled, but I didn't. I knew my brother had a terrible temper and I was too much of a coward to start the confrontation. Lucifer's punishment was still fresh on my mind.
I couldn't fight, so I decided I would wait.
Wait till Michaels watchful eyes would close for just one second. And when they did, I left Heaven, the only home I knew. The home I used to love. I left my family.
But somehow, deep down it didn't feel like leaving. Leaving implies the possibility to come back.
I was escaping.
And if you're homesick, give me your hand and I'll hold it