This was originally a oneshot from 'eloquent fever' -which can be found http:/www. fanfiction. net/s/8089013/1/Lessons_in_Courage - who very kindly let me use it as inspiration for this Kurbastian fic. I can promise it's gonna get a hell of a lot more angsty before it gets better. It will have a happy ending (probably) but it will take a little while.
It was inspired by a Kurbastian video- which can be found http:/www. youtube. com/watch?v=Jx93bCkTRTM - and I hope I did you both justice!
He swung his messenger bag and didn't look back.
Blaine was still singing, and he was sick of it right about now. The entire New Directions decided to side his boyfriend, whom they didn't even know that well. He thought of sending a text message or calling him, but the thought was only momentary and was erased by a wave of angry energy that surpassed Kurt's stomach and made him feel sick. And if he took a breath, he'd throw up on Blaine's shoes.
God, those are hideous shoes anyway.
He made a mental note to burn them, and feed his parrot arsenic until he's dead and gone. He wondered if he was supposed to be feeling anything but the anger inside of him. He wonders if he's supposed to feel pain. He wondered if he was supposed to feel at all under the weight of the events that felt like hot-flashes into his mind.
It had been four days since and he was in the Lima Bean. He thought he saw a shot of chocolate-brown hair in the light, Sebastian, except not. Except he was a stranger. He had no energy to care that the boy had practically nearly blinded his boyfriend, -
He saw Blaine emerging from behind.
He didn't look like his lover any more. Blaine sat down in the uncomfortable silence. "You haven't called me. Or even looked at me since…"
"You sang a break-up song in front of my friends?"
Blaine visibly flinched. He didn't say he was sorry.
Sebastian was just enjoying the show with his cup of coffee. Kurt took a long sip of his drink, - a latte, full-fat, didn't even begin to care about it – as he stared at Blaine with empty, vacant eyes.
"Where do we go from here? What happens to us?"
"We? Us?" Kurt repeated, then lifted the lid, stirring in sugar – normal white sugar – it tasted bland. He put in another packet. "Oh, sweetie, there is no us." His voice was full of bitterness by the end.
Blaine's eyes snapped wide. "…that's…the way you want it?"
Kurt raised an eyebrow. "No, it's the way you wanted it. 'Pack your bags up and leave. And don't you dare come running back to me', isn't it, Blainey? Those are your words, aren't they? How else am I supposed to take that, Blaine? Because I'm held to a double standard whilst you sing a break-up song to me in front of everyone!"
He was sure everyone was staring at him right now and he didn't really give a damn.
"I'm tired, Blaine," he suddenly said. "I'm tired of having to fight bullies, Jeremiah, Dave, the Warblers, and now, you to keep…whatever we are…whatever we were. I'm tired of having to fight my boyfriend for roles in my show choir that I deserve, I'm tired of having to see my boyfriend up in the spotlight and shove me away for all the glitter…I'm tired of knowing at the end of the day, I'm the one that has to fight…for us. Whatever we were."
Kurt opened his mouth again. "I'm tired of fighting, Blaine."
Kurt didn't even look at Blaine's eyes. "I'm just tired."
Kurt picked up his coffee cup efficiently, placing the lid back on. "I'm going to New York, Blaine. Have a nice life." He didn't intend on leaving.
Kurt turns around. "PS, Blaine, for someone who taught me about courage…you're a coward."
Blaine shut his eyes. He didn't go after Kurt.
Kurt passed by Sebastian on the way out, and stared at his eyes. "He's all yours, Smythe." He didn't look back when he left.
When he sat in his car, he broke down, cried and then drove home, empty.
"Kid?" He heard his Dad shout as he closed the door, wiping his eyes, "Kid, that you?"
"Yeah it's me, Dad," his voice was surprising empty- maybe that was for the better.
Burt Hummel came out into the hall, and his dark eyes widened, "Kurt, are you alright?"
Kurt frowned, no, "Yeah I'm fine," I'm really not, "Just a long day," he gave his Dad a smile, empty as his voice and trudged towards the stairs, feet heavy inside his boots, "I think I'm just gonna go lie down for a while, okay?"
He didn't see his Dad's reply as he sluggishly moved upstairs, ready to sleep and rest, too tired to do anything else other than listen to the slightly worried, "Alright," before he finally got to his room and happily collapsed into warm silk sheets.
Burt Hummel wasn't a very academic man, but he wasn't stupid. He wasn't the best guy at understanding, but he could cut the tension at the Hudmel family dinner with a knife. Carol kept shooting tentative glances at a still obviously red rimmed eyes Kurt, and Finn kept shooting him angry glances, stabbing at his plate with his fork. Kurt wasn't doing anything except for mechanically eating, slowly taking bite after bite, sipping water in between.
Everything was silent enough to drive Burt mad. Normally Finn and Kurt would be playfully bickering, Burt would be telling Kurt about jobs in the shop he needed help with and Carol would be reprimanding Finn for talking with his mouth full.
But nothing.
"That's it," metaphorically throwing in the towel, he put down his cutlery, glaring at the two teenagers who were both staring at him, "What the hell is going on? You're both as quiet as a mouse, and you," he pointed at his adoptive son, "keep on glaring at Kurt. Can I get an explanation?"
"Why don't you ask Kurt?" Finn snapped, glaring at the smaller of the two who was staring at his knees, "Seeing as he thinks it's okay to cheat,"
Kurt flinched, turning paler before he gripped his knees tightly as all eyes turned to stare at him. Burt swallowed, unsure what to say. He could recall something about Quinn and Sam and Finn early last year, but he simply said, "Kurt?"
His son looked up. Kurt had always been pale, but right now he could be called Casper and it wouldn't even be a joke. His eyes were a dull sea green, lifeless as he softly asked, "May I be excused? I've lost my appetite,"
His kid's eyes looked...empty. He could only wordlessly nod, before Kurt rose and took his plate with him. He methodically cleaned it, and put it by the sink before he turned and walked out again. Burt had never seen him so...lifeless.
Finn only looked partially guilty before he muttered, "Coward," under his breath. Burt's eyes narrowed, "Finn, I'm going to ask this once. Why are you calling Kurt a coward?"
"He cheated on Blaine," Finn said it with a lot of venom, and Burt could understand, given the boys complicated history, why he would side with the victim, "And he walked out when Blaine was singing about it to call him on it,"
"That's not exactly fair," Carol butted in before Burt could, "Especially not from you,"
"Mom-,"
"No, Finn, listen to me. Considering you convinced Quinn to cheat with you on Sam, you Mister, are in no position to judge,"
Finn was sweating, looking nervous, "How did you know-,"
"Never mind how I know!" Carole snapped, "Kurt is your brother- no matter how you felt you should always take his side," she put down her knife and fork like Burt had, both of them watching Finn nervously shift across the table, "And I suppose the rest of Glee Club also took Blaine's side?"
"Yeah but-"
"Then I am very disappointed in all of you," Carol said sharply, and Finn's entire face fell.
They went back to eating their dinner. Afterwords Finn escaped to his room, but Carol and Burt sat on the couch, They didn't speak until they heard the door slam, and Sam came wandering into the living room, a scowl etched onto his face, "Where's Kurt?"
"In his room," Burt answered, sitting up a little more, "You wanna tell me why you want to see him?"
Sam frowned, shaking wet blonde hair, "I need to apologise,"
Burt narrowed his eyes again, "I'm not too keen to let you see him, Sam,"
"Burt," Sam came and stood just in front of him, brown eyes wide in ernest, "I really need to apologise to him,"
Carole shifted, fixing the boy with a look, "Why?"
"Because I'm a hypocrite," Sam looked them both straight in the eye as he said it, "I took someone elses side when i've done worse than Kurt," he sighed, running a hand through his hair and then across his face, "I was with Mercedes, and she just kept going on and on, about how awful Kurt was, and how inconsiderate was he to Blaine for cheating on him by texting and...I just told her to shut up because she wasn't much better," he frowned, stuffing his hands deep into his pockets, "Needless to say I doubt we'll be going out much longer,"
Burt shifted, Carole still watching the blonde with the same Mama Bear look on her face, "Are you going to be dismissive to Kurt in school?"
"No," Sam looked shocked at the suggestion, "Yeah, I was pissed for a few minutes, but I'm with Kurt. I can't really judge him- I mean, look at me and Mercedes," he laughed embarrassedly for a few seconds, "I actually met up with the Chandler guy- he said he never realised he was hurting a couple and he's got a boyfriend himself. It was harmless flirting," he snorted and looked away, muttering, "Which Blaine's done enough of,"
Burt sighed, running his hand over his bald head, "Fine...just look out for him- I know how tough you guys can be on each other, okay kid?"
Sam grinned, before shaking his hair like a wet dog again and running up the stairs. Burt sighed, turning back to the TV, and ill sense of foreboding settling in his stomach.
So...don't hate me? I know Kurt is a very strong person, but think about it; Blaine loved him for so long, and at the start of thier friendship he never really told Kurt he was beautiful or sexy, and when he tried to be sexy he wasn't Blaine's sexy, hence why he responded so positively to another boy thinking he was cute. But now Blaine's effectivly destroyed that, and he's asked Chandler to stop texting him, plus he's lost all his friends. So that would probably destroy a lot of people.
Anywhoo, I would love a review sayingwhat you thought. Wait, who am I kidding? Reviews are like freaking chocolate to me!