To think, this all started because of an order. Just one pointless order which i shouldn't have even agreed to follow. If only i didn't… Maybe i wouldn't be feeling like this. I wouldn't be feeling things at all. I would still be an empty, emotionless shell casually going through life ignoring all the unimportant things… But i followed the order I was given… Just like I always do… and now look at me… A broken mess within another's arms, completely unaware of how to calm myself down and it was all because of that one stupid order…
"Kill Juushiro Ukitake."
The plan was simple, using Lord Aizen's help, i would sneak my way into the Soul Society, and once i was there, I was kill any enemies i was to cross, however once a captain were to arrive, i was to purposely lose my battle, and be captured, in order to get closer to the captain and exterminate my target.
The plan was simple enough, I entered the Soul Society, killed a few random weaklings and once I encountered a man wearing a white captain's haori, i knew my job had truly begun.
The Captain who called himself Kenpachi, bound me and threw my small body before a large group of people all wearing similar clothing. Even though i knew nothing of their individual rank or statuses, it was quite obvious based on the amount of spiritual pressure within this room, who was their superior. "Who are you?" The strongest spoke, as i stayed silent. I wouldn't speak to trash unless physically forced… I was here to follow orders, nothing more, but still, the strength behind this one startled me, and i knew that even someone as strong as I wouldn't stand a chance against the likes of him.
"Ulquiorra." I spoke. "My name is Ulquiorra Cifer." I whispered, staring at the ground. The man's spiritual pressure continued to rise, as i became more intimidated by the second. I wanted to leave. I wanted to give up and run back to Hueco Mundo and hope that Lord Aizen didn't hurt me to much for not being able to complete his order…. But i couldn't leave, even though the kido spell restraining me was weak, and i knew i would be able to break free any second. I was far too scared to move.
"Why are you here Ulquiorra? How did you manage to get this far into the city?" He spoke, as he stared deep into my soul. "I-I… I was ordered!" I stuttered, keeping my eyes glued to the floor as i desperately tried to figure a way out of there. Why was i scared? I never got scared! But this man made me tremble, and i didn't know how to react. What the hell am i doing? Emotions are for humans! I shouldn't be feeling scared!
"Who ordered you?" He asked calmly, as I clenched my eyes shut. "Lord Aizen.." I whispered, and immediately chatter erupted throughout the room. Eventually everyone called down and my interrogation continued. "So Aizen truly has the Hollows on his side then." The man spoke as gritted my teeth, desperate for this to be over. "Now what should we do with you?" The man continued, and suddenly a creepy voice emerged. "I've never seen a hollow of his caliber before. I would like to request he be placed under the watchful eye of my squad. I would sure love to experiment." The voice spoke as i clenched my eye shut tighter… I Just wanted to go home… I didn't care if my home was full of death and destruction. I didn't care that everyone was always fighting… always killing each other… I didn't care… I Just wanted to leave this unfamiliar place and return to a place i felt safe.
All of a sudden a hand wrapped around my throat, forcing my eyes to fly open. To my surprise, a man wearing quite peculiar make up was standing in front of me gazing into my terror filled eyes. "He is magnificent.. May i please dissect him?" The man said, as his other hand ran down my chest, as he ripped open my jacket, to have a closer look at my body.
Desperate to flee from this man, i broke the bounds and plunged my hand into his stomach, forcing him to let me go. I scrambled backwards, remaining on the floor as i stared at the man in front of me.
The large number 4 that was tattooed on my chest was quite visible now, along with the hole in my neck. I searched the room for an escape, as the man came closer to me once again. "Oh? It seems he's stronger than we think. What's with this number aye?" He asked, reaching out with a long pointy finger, to tap me on the chest. "S-s-stay away from me!" I stuttered, however just as i was about to gain the courage to attack, a man with hair as white as snow blocked the path.
"Enough, You are scaring the poor kid. He obviously came here on orders he couldn't refuse. Don't scare him any further!" The man spoke, and instantly the creepy man went away. Before i realised what was happening everyone eventually started to leave, until only two men remained. A strange man with a flowery kimono draped over his body and the man with the white hair. "Ulquiorra-Kun wasn't it?" The white haired man said, while holding out his hand. "I'm Juushiro Ukitake, this is my friend Shunsui Kyoraku. Don't worry, We won't hurt you. But won't you please come with us?" He spoke.
This was him… The man I was suppose to kill and as much as i wanted to Kill him, and make Lord Aizen proud… I would do anything to get out of this room. So i accepted his hand. With a small tug i was pulled onto my feet. The two men lead me through a series of hallways and streets until we arrived at a place titled with the number '13'. I was lead inside only to be shocked by the presence of many different people.
"CAPTAIN!" They all cried out, racing towards Ukitake's side. They each fired a million questions. "What happened to the intruder." "Is he dead?" "Did you fight?" Millions of questions about me were being fired at Ukitake, as I grabbed my arm and stared at the floor once again… Why did i have to be surrounded by so much trash… I Just wanted to go home…
"Everyone everyone…. Please calm down. I want to introduce you all to the newest member of squad 13. Ulquiorra Cifer." Ukitake spoke, as he sent a smile my way. "He doesn't even look human!" "There's a hole in his neck, is he a hollow? We can't have a hollow in our squad!" "Captain! Captain." All the different people continued to shout, as i clenched my fists tight.
Suddenly i felt a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry about it kid, they'll get used to you. How about we get you a change of clothes?" Kyoraku spoke, as i looked up at him and nodded. I was lead into a room with many futons covering the floor. "Now there should be a spare uniform or something somewhere around here." Kyoraku spoke, searching through a wardrobe until he found a black which looked to be my size. He held it out to be with a smile as i glared. "come on now, those clothes are ripped. This will be much more comfortable, and look, if you put this on and promise to behave. I'll give you back your Zanpakuto." He said smiling, while waving the garment in the air.
With a frustrated huff i snatched the kimono, and got changed, before deciding to sit down by a nearby window and just stare out at the sky. "What's with the helmet kid?" Kyoraku asked, passing me my Zanpakuto. I snatched it from him and clung onto it tight, as i slowly started to get my confidence back. "It's my mask." I mumbled, as he nodded. "Interesting, so even if you've reached this stage of evolution, you still need keep you mask?" He asked, but i just remained quiet.
Kyoraku sighed, before heading to the door "Look kid, There's gonna be a lot of people in this room soon, so i suggest you brace yourself. We ain't gonna let anyone hurt you, especially not Aizen, so stop building your walls up so high." He spoke, before leaving the room.
I sighed placing my Zanpakuto beside the empty futon which i was currently seated upon as i stared out the window for god knows how many hours. But eventually, a small group of men opened the door to this room.
I immediately put up my guard, drawing my Zanpakuto from its sheath as i stayed perched in a defensive position on the ground. "Oh woah! New guy chill!" One guy spoke as i glared intensely. "Really? We have to share our room with the Hollow? What kind of crap is this. I didn't even know hollows could look human." Another boy spat, as i held my position. "Look here Hollow, we don't care if you're getting lucky one wrong move and- hang on who's Zanpakuto is that?" some guy hissed, as he tried to take my weapon.
With a small flick of the wrist, i had the boy pinned underneath me, my blade to his throat. "Don't you dare speak to me. I do not wish to associate with trash. Now when i remove this blade from your throat. I expect you to be gone, do you understand me? Come near me again and i'll make you understand what it's like to have a hole piercing through you-" I was cut off.
"Ulquiorra-Kun!" Ukitake's voice spoke with both order and kindness. But for some reason, after the stern words, he began to cough. "Captain! Are you alright?" One of the boys asked, as he held up his hand to signal that he was indeed fine. "Ulquiorra-Kun… Please. Get off him. He's a member of my squad. He's my family, i don't wish to see him hurt." He continued as i stared at him from my position. "Tch." I hissed, quickly slipping my zanpakuto into its sheath, standing up, however i still held it firmly within my grip. "Ulquiorra-Kun… Come with me." He spoke, as the boy ran out of the room, as I sighed, shrugging and following the man outside.
He stood against the railing, looking out at the view as he gestured for me to come closer. I was reluctant at first, but after staring into his eyes i became somewhat curious. There was just something so gentle about them.
I eventually made my way over to him and sat down beside him. I thought if i sat on the ground rather than stood next to him that i might've been able to avoid conversation. I was wrong. "What's your home like?" Ukitake asked as i shrugged. "It's interesting." I mumbled as he sighed. He wasn't getting much out of me. He tried to ask me numerous questions throughout the entirety of the night, but i just sat there answering vaguely with next to n interest, as i stared out at the city below.
It wasn't until Kyoraku and a ginger haired boy arrived, that i realised the sun had long since risen. "Juushiro? You didn't spend the whole night out here did you?" Kyoraku asked, as Ukitake chuckled nervously, but instantly entered a coughing fit.
Kyoraku patted Ukitake's back until he stopped coughing and once he finally did stop, he placed a hand to Ukitake's forehead and sighed. "Ichigo, I'm taking Juushiro to Unohana, Watch Ulquiorra for me." Kyoraku requested as Ichigo's eyes widened. "Wait-" Ichigo began to protest, but it was too late. Kyoraku had already left
"You. You're that creature who attacked Orihime and Chad! You and that massive things!" The ginger boy hissed as i sighed, still staring out at the scene below me. "Yes that would be me. But it wasn't really be who attack. I just observed." I mumbled, stretching slightly and standing up.
Ichigo stared at me with a look of both confusion and anger before, i lost interest and began to walk away. I was going home. Retracing my steps, i started to make my way out of the soul society, but that useless redhead was following me. I quickly spun around. Will you stop following m-" I was cut off when i felt myself collide with another body, as a blonde haired male fell to his knees papers flying everywhere. 'Ichigo? Who's this? What's going on?" The guy spoke, as he quickly collected his papers standing up. "Izuru. I'm supposed to watch him, he's the hollow." Ichigo stated as i glared. "Move." I hissed, but Izuru merely laughed. "Now now, Why don't we take you back to Captain Ukitake! He always has great tea." Izuru shouted with glee as i was suddenly being pulled back to where i came from.
I was lead into an office to see Ukitake, Kyoraku and another lady in the office talking. Ukitake was seated in a chair, a cup of tea in his hands and a nervous smile on his face as we all entered, as i bit my lip again wondering how i would be able to make my escape.
"Ulquiorra-Kun, Izuru-Kun, Ichigo-Kun. Good morning." he said, placing his tea down. I was stressed at the moment, and i it bothered me. Not just because i was feeling stressed, but because of the fact i was feeling.. I wasn't meant to feel. Feeling numb was how i made i through tough times, and i don't know how to cope with actual emotions. I slipped my hands into one another, playing with my fingers as everyone talked away… I didn't like feeling like this… i wanted to feel empty…
So i used the sharp edge of my nail and sliced my fingers instantly came oozing out and i felt a little relief. Pan was the only emotion i knew how to deal with and i suddenly felt a lot calmer as i saw my blood stain my fingers.
"Ulquiorra-Kun? Are you alright?" Ukitake shouted, stumbling towards me as he took my bleed hands. I knew i would heal soon anyway, therefore i wouldn't need any assitance. "Let me help y-'" I cut ukitake off by pulling my hands away and taking a few steps back.
"Stay away from me." I hissed… What the hell was he doing? No one had ever told me they wanted to help me… I don't get it… "Ulquiorra-Kun.." ukitake whispered, a warm smile still on his face, as i snapped back at him. "I don't need help." I growled, as my wounds started to heal, and suddenly the unfamiliar emotions came racing back in…
The smile fell from Ukitake's face as an angered Ichigo Kurosaki pushed me against the wall with a massive force. "Shut up you little Shit!" He shouted. "Captain Ukitake was just trying to be nice. There's no need to be a rude little prick when someone is being nice to you. Trust me when i say you don't deserve it. But here he is, still welcoming you with open arms, trying to invite you into his family. I know you're an asshole, but bloody hell! It doesn't take much to accept kindness." Ichigo shouted, as i clenched my fists, my fist colliding with his face.
"I don't need to hear this rubbish from a human like you. I don't care if he's being. What the hell did you call it? Nice? Whatever the hell that is! Just shut your goddamn mouth. I have every right to refuse something that i don't understand! You don't know what's going through my mind! You don't know what emotions i may or may not be feeling. Trust be brat. When you step into my shoes and experience what it's like to truly be an empty shell, then you can freaking talk! You're still just a weak little human who love his family loves his friends. Well how would you like it if you died and lost every god damn memory you ever had. Memories of things you've done, things you've said. Memories of your loved ones. How would you like to lose it all? Because maybe if you lost that all, you might actually be able lecture me. How would you like to feel nothing! How would you like to spend your days fighting for survival in a world that has completely abandoned you. How would you like to feel so empty that you would need to hide yourself away for so long that you lose the ability to count time? How would you like to be pulled out of that hiding spot only to be thrown into a place full of death and destruction. How would you like to devour those around you in order to try and regain a small slice of the humanity which you once had. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO LECTURE ME KUROSAKI!, you have no idea what it has taken for me to reach where I stand today, and I won't let trash like you try and convince me that everything I abandoned in order to survive is in the wrong. That all the emotions I left behind in order to be able to do thing things I do, just to follow orders makes me a bad person. Don't you dare talk to me like that... don't you dare... don't y-" And with those finally words, i felt my body begin to shake.
I clenched my fists tight as i tried to stop shaking. A liquid like substance filled my eyes, as i felt every emotion i had bottled up inside for god knows how long flooded out of me. I tried to blink away the liquid. I tried to stop my body from continuing whatever it was doing but i couldn't….
"Ulquiorra-kun…" Ukitake whispered as he walked towards me, placing a hand on my shoulder. The sudden contact made me feel even stranger as the liquid continued to stain my cheeks. No noises escaped my lips, but the liquid continued to fall and my body continued to shake.
Before i knew what was happening Ukitake wrapped his arms around my small body, embracing me tight as the smell of confectionery filled my nostrils "It's okay Ulquiorra-kun… Let it out…" He whispered, as i continued to shake.
After a few moments, my body settled as i sunk into his embrace, my fists clinging to the haori he was currently wearing. The liquid continued to fall, but he continued to hold the embrace, as if somehow deep down, he knew it would be the perfect way to calm down someone experiencing an emotional rollercoaster.
I heard voices chatter in the background… A woman named kukaku decided she wanted sake and izuru, ichigo and shunsui joined in. The world continued to revolve around me, as i took several deep breaths and i knew right then and there… there was no way i could kill this man