Abiding

"The timeless in you is aware of life's timelessness; and knows that yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream."

-& the purpose of time no longer hold its true purpose.

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'1914'

I could hear the crunch of the October leaves under my plain white flats as I ran. My breaths coming out in translucent puffs as I ran pass the row of autumn trees. Darkness surrounding me, my eyes adjusting to the darkened sky, my heart racing a mile a minute, skipping a beat or two.

I could still feel tears running down my cheeks, leaving clear trails. I didn't know where I was running, nor did I care. All I could think of at that moment was that I needed to get away, and as soon and far as possible. I couldn't go back, no, I wouldn't and no one would make me. I was running away, away from the manor, away from their proposition, away from her.

I could still hear her words ring in my ear. So condescending, not at all understanding.

"Sakura, you need to understand…" her lips tightened at the interruption.

"No! I won't simply understand your pathetic excuse of a resolution!"

Tears gathered in my eyes as her boney hand came in contact with my cheek. The sound resounded off the dull white walls of my bedroom. She had slapped me, and I knew I deserved it. No matter how she was treating me, she was still my mother and I should always treat her with the up most respect.

"Now listen here Sakura I won't have you running at the mouth, showing such disrespect, I thought I raised you better!" her words hurt more than her strike.

I turned around staring out the open window, not letting her see the tears pooling at the corner of my eyes, begging to be released. I heard her sigh in frustration, even with my back turned towards her, I could still tell she was inching towards my opened door.

"You will do what I say, so be ready, your carriage leaves at dawn." With that she slammed my door shut, the trinkets on my vanity shook with the force.

I slid to my knees, finally letting the release that I was dying for happen. My tears flowed down my cheeks, showing no signs of stopping anytime soon. I cried to my heart's content. I clenched my fist so tight that it left crescent moons in its wake. I closed my eyes, today's events flooding into my memory bank, causing my headache to worsen.

My heart clenched, realizing that no matter how hard I fought there was no way out of this predicament. It was so hard for me to just lie down and take the beating, to just give up. No matter how hard things got I always kept trying. Never once have I ever thrown in the towel. But is this the time where I do? Have I really gotten so low that my only choice is to give up?

'No.'

I slowly opened my eyes, my emerald eyes flashed to the night sky outside my opened window.

I lifted myself to my feet, my hands fell in fist beside my body. Determination filled my chest and flashed across my eyes.

I fled to the open window, tossing one of my legs over the edge. I huffed ready to throw the next leg but stopped short .This would be the last time I saw this room, never returning to sleep in my bed, never to sit in front of my vanity, and to never lay among the hardwood flooring staring at the off white ceiling. I quickly scanned my room, letting the memories that came along those dull white walls fill my senses. My eyes landed on a silver picture frame, a simple picture reside inside of it. I let my eyes soften, that picture, spoke to me more than any human being could.

I forced my eyes away from the frame, afraid that if I stared long enough it would give me rational thoughts. If I thought long enough I would give up this ludicrous but full proof plan. I planted my stare towards the waxing moon, determination once again charging me up.

I threw the other leg, sitting slightly on the window pane. On the count of three I told myself.

1

I could feel sweat form on the palm of my hands, making my hold on the window slicken.

2

My heart beat began to quicken, my breaths coming out as slight pants.

3

I closed my eyes shut and threw my body towards the open night, determination swaying slightly, but thankfully still there…

I continued to run, shaking all thoughts from my mind. The bitter night air smacked against my swollen cheeks. The cold took its toll on me, numbing my entire face. I could feel my white night gown flowing behind me, getting dirtier by the dirt I kicked up from my frantic running. But at this moment I could care less.

I wasn't sure how long I had been running, only one thought continuously running through my head.

'Not far enough!'

I was scared, and I wasn't afraid to admit it. I knew what my mother would do if she found me, knowing I was disobeying her orders. For that exact reason I didn't stop running, I kept on going, not slowing down at any rate. I couldn't be caught, and I'll do anything to make damn sure of that.

I could just imagine my mother now, screaming at the guards to search every inch of the forest for me. She's probably huffing about her study, screaming internally how I ruined her perfect plan.

Well screw her perfect plan. Screw her, screw him. I won't do what they say, not if I can help it.

I knew that running away was never the answer, but all reasonable thoughts flew out of mind. All I could think of, hope for was freedom, and at this moment I was willing to do anything to get it. Even if that meant betraying my mother and everyone else who's hopes were resting on me. I was scared, scared of my future before me. I've never been a coward before, but for some reason at this moment, it seemed that being a coward wasn't such a bad thing.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts, that I didn't notice the forest floor turning into a bumpy trail. I didn't notice how much effort I suddenly was making to continue on my way. And I definitely didn't notice that I had tripped on a loose root until I was tumbling down a steep hill. I could feel sharp pains when my body scraped the muddy ground.

Have you ever fallen from a great height? Have you ever held your breath while waiting for the impact? Doesn't it seem like forever until your awaited fait befalls you? Well that's exactly how I felt as I continued to tumbled downwards. My eyes were shut tight, first crossed in front of me. My breath was held in my throat, dying to be let out. But no matter how desperate the need for air got I wouldn't intake it. Fear would let me. I could feel my night gown rip and tear from different directions.

During my trip down the hill my thoughts were flying about, rushing, bursting in my head. I thought about how this could possibly be one of the worst mistakes of my life. How running away would never solve anything, and my mother would never forgive me for it. I imagined myself a month ahead, all dressed in white but knowing that maybe now I'd be dressed in all black. I could feel the pain of tears, but didn't feel any moisture. I suddenly felt extremely exposed.

What would happen if my life ended at the end of this tumble? What if I landed wrong on me neck, ceasing my life entirely? Memories of me standing in front of my floor length mirror filled my head. My pastel pink hair sticking to my face in a wet mess, my emerald eyes dull. It was as if I was staring at myself, looking into the mirror. I saw my gaze through the mirror directed towards the unusually closed door. My door was always opened. Why was the door closed? I would never know, I couldn't remember the reason why.

Suddenly the whooshing of air that surrounded me as I fell ceased and a sharp pain ran along the structure of my back. My shut eyes snapped open, bulging in pain. I unclenched and clenched my hands over and over again. The pain my back was emitting was unbearable. I could feel a familiar sting surround parts of my body.

All I could see was a blinding white light. The light shot through my pupils, scorching them. I shut my eyes immediately, willing the pain to go away. But no such luck, pain still shot through my back, the sting intensified and my eyes burned. I laid there letting the fire of pain consume me, my thoughts escape me.

I wasn't sure how long I'd been laying there, eyes flickering behind my vain covered eye lids. The pain surged my body for so long that I've become completely numb. I could no longer feel the sting or the pain in my back. The forest was quiet, only the small breeze flittering through the trees gave away that I was still alive. I slowly let go of my clenched fists laying them face down among the dirt and leaves covered ground. The dirt was a moist; it almost felt nice against my hot hands.

I lay face up, chest rising in a slow rhythm, letting the whole night fill my calm senses. Many things had occurred tonight and that only meant things would get harder, and even more painful. I knew that I should wait, wait and be found by my mother. Let her drag me back and let her manipulate my future. I should just give in and make everything for everyone and even myself easy. But I knew that I couldn't, I wouldn't. I knew from lying among the dirt, breathing shallow, and in pain that I didn't want things to be easy. I wanted to take the road not taken. I wanted to make things on myself difficult. Because if I didn't I knew I would be pathetic. If I could survive this, then I'm willing to try my hand at surviving anything else. I wasn't going to be weak, not now and not ever.

I want to take this road of difficulties; I want to tread it, forever.

I felt the light of the rising sun on my closed eye lids. The night was over. I had survived it. And I knew I would survive many more to come. I slowly lifted my heavy eye lids, revealing the sun to my sensitive eyes. Bright pastel pinks, purples, and slight oranges filled the dim sky, the light illuminating the dark floors, revealing all its hidden mysteries, scares, and untold secrets.

Freedom had never felt so good.

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Next time:

-His cold but yet beautiful eyes met mine, I wasn't sure if he wasn't some sick, cruel image my deranged mind created. My mind seemed to not favor me at most crucial times. His stare had me feeling as if I was drowning, drowning in a sea of endless onyx.-

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and hope to receive many reviews. It would be most appreciated!

:) Till next time.

Inspiration:

Running up that Hill – Placebo