Asteroids
"Guess what."
Steve Rogers, publicly known as Captain America, froze in his tracks in the middle of the kitchen of the Avengers' mansion when Tony Stark spoke. He eyed Tony warily as though trying to gauge the industrialist's mood before he replied, "What?"
"I was reading this morning's newspaper when I came across this article from yesterday about a near miss we had with an asteroid," Tony said, unfolding The Daily Bugle to reveal the large colored photograph of the asteroid in question. He pushed it across the kitchen table for Steve to read as he said, "Apparently, around 3:30 pm yesterday, an asteroid passed too close for NASA's comfort and it could have wiped out millions if it had hit; it was as big as an aircraft carrier."
Steve looked slightly mortified at the thought as he continued to read the article. "Well, thank goodness it didn't hit…"
"Yeah. But anyway, I started thinking…" Tony said.
"From what I've heard, that's not usually a good thing."
"You've been talking to Clint again, haven't you?" Tony said in a flat tone as Steve set the paper down on the table. Unperturbed by Steve's lack of reaction to the news, Tony plowed ahead anyway. "So, as I was saying, I then started thinking about how astronomers generally name asteroids and other solar stuff in general after themselves or Greek mythological figures. Then it occurred to me that there are services today that let people name stars after themselves," he said as he pulled the paper back. "I realized that if we can name stars, then why not asteroids? We've got two belts of them, so there's definitely got to be an asteroid out there that doesn't have a name yet, right?"
"I suppose so… good luck with that," Steve said as he checked to make sure he had a house key on him; Tony wished that Steve would just forgive and forget last week's lockout incident. It had been an honest mistake on Tony's part.
"Where are you headed anyway? It's only seven-thirty in the morning," Tony said, frowning when he realized the time and the fact that Steve was already leaving. "Nothing's open this early!" he called after Steve's retreating back.
"Just going for a run, I'm not going anywhere specific."
"Oh." Tony waited patiently until he heard the front door to the mansion open before he shouted, "Hey Steve!"
"What?"
Tony could almost picture the barely disguised irritation on Steve's face. "Forgot to mention this sooner, but Agent Thirteen called yesterday around two-thirty in the afternoon. Something about a history lesson?"
For the first time since they'd met two weeks ago, Tony heard Steve swear in anger. "I thought that was today!" Steve said before he left, the door slamming shut behind him in his wake.
Satisfied that his work was done for now, Tony picked up the newspaper again and silently re-read the article. Normally, he didn't waste time with newspapers when he could ask JARVIS to pull up the news on a window or on a hologram in front of him, but the asteroid article had caught his eye when he'd been picking up yesterday's mail. He wondered as to whom he should contact for information in regard to naming his asteroid. It was probably going to cost more than a star did, but Tony wasn't concerned; he was fairly sure that he could convince the executive board of Stark Industries to give him funding for this project. Especially if he put the request in under the pretext of pioneering in the nonexistent field of interstellar advertising. Actually, he could probably make a case for that too, seeing as Thor was living proof that gods actually did exist amongst the stars. So he would have a targeted audience for said advertising…
"Okay, I get it, I get it," Clint Barton snapped as he stumbled into the kitchen in his sleepwear, startling Tony out of his thoughts. "I get it, you and Rogers can't agree as to who is in charge of the team. But next time, please start the shouting match anywhere other than the front door; my room is right above the entrance," he snapped as he shook his head as though to wake himself up a bit.
"We weren't arguing, I was just being helpful and reminding Cap of an appointment he failed to keep yesterday," Tony said mildly as he took a sip of his coffee.
"If you're referring to the appointment I think you're referring to, it's today, not yesterday."
"Well, Cap's already gone so there isn't much I can do about it now," Tony said as he laid the Daily Bugle flat on the table. "Anyway, I have a question for you, and hear me out before you say no," he said, adding the last part as Clint started to shake his head.
"Fine, go for it. But don't expect me to say 'yes'," Clint warned before he leaned against the counter facing Tony.
"All right. Do you know who gets to name asteroids? I was reading this story in the paper this morning about how this asteroid came close enough to Earth to make a few scientists nervous," Tony said, pushing the paper across the table once more.
"Naming rights to an asteroid? Why would you want to know that? Or are you trying to get one named after yourself?" Clint asked as he walked over to pick up the paper and read it.
"I've decided to get one named after myself. I figured hey, if people can buy stars, why not asteroids?"
Clint frowned. "Yeah, but why waste money on a dead floating rock? Looking to start a Stark Industries branch out in space already?" he asked.
"Not quite, but that is a good idea," Tony said thoughtfully. "I just think it would be cool to have an asteroid. Anyone can have a star, but an asteroid, now that's special."
Clint silently reviewed the article one more time before setting it back down on the wooden table. "Okay, go for it I guess," he said slowly as he frowned in thought. "But if your asteroid turns out to be the one that hits the Earth and wipes humanity from existence, I will kill you in the afterlife."
"Your threat is duly noted," Tony said as he took his paper back. "Now do you happen to know where I could talk to someone about getting the asteroid?"
"No… all I know is that it is usually the discoverers who get naming rights, but NASA is supposed to have all of this information on a database somewhere," Clint replied.
"Hmmm, I'm guessing that like all federal agencies in this country, NASA keeps their headquarters in Washington D.C. JARVIS, can you please pull up a display for me?" Tony said, and a few holograms winked into existence in front of him. "Thank you," he said before he started accessing the federal network.
"Er, well, there is actually a branch here in New York City on Broadway Street; Director Fury won't appreciate me telling you this, but he's friends with the director of that particular branch. You kind of need to know someone who either works there or knows someone who works there in order to get in though, and Fury's already warned the director about random strangers using him as a reference. AKA you," Clint said, crossing his arms across his chest.
"Fury's got his bases covered, that's always a good thing. As the scouts say, 'Be Prepared'. Now what's this particular place called?" Tony asked as he opened up a second holographic window.
"The NASA Goddard Institute for Space Studies, why?" Clint asked.
"Sounds familiar. How involved with S.H.I.E.L.D. are they?"
"Hard to tell with S.H.I.E.L.D., but like I said, Fury and the director are friends," Clint said, his eyes narrowing slightly.
"In that case, we'll nix that particular idea and go for the headquarters. I don't want Fury catching on anyway," Tony said as he managed to worm his way into NASA's network. "Now let's see what kind of events are going on today," he said as he scrolled through the list of events. "Something we can easily invite ourselves too…"
"Whoa, what's this 'we' stuff? I am not going to Washington D.C., especially with you," Clint said, backing away from the table suddenly. "And what do you mean by 'today'? D.C. is four hours away by car!"
His words fell on deaf ears. "Well, well, well, what do we have here? Doctor Jane Foster, presenting her research at ten to the NASA executive board as well as the Secretary of Defense. VIP crowd, she must be excited," Tony said as he tapped on one of the events. "Along with her assistant Darcy Lewis, Culver University Astrophysics Professor Eric Selvig, and a 'special guest'."
"It's too late anyway. If you were going to be there, you should have left at five-thirty at the latest," Clint said, smirking as he straightened.
"Oh, ye of little faith. Get dressed and meet me down here in twenty minutes. I bet you one of my paychecks that I can get us there before nine thirty," Tony said as he shut down the two holograms and got up to go as well.
Clint snorted. "Stark, I'm not that big of an idiot… but I'd still like to see you pull that off," he said as he left the kitchen ahead of Tony. "I mean, it's not like I had anything else better to do today," he muttered but Tony heard it anyway.
Twenty minutes later found them in the mansion's garage. Tony mused over his choices before selecting his favorite, bright red sports car. "Fury's right, you do have too much of a flashy lifestyle," Clint said as Tony unlocked the car. " 'A moving target board' as he put it once."
"You shouldn't quote him so much, people are going to start to wonder if you work for him or something. Aren't you S.H.I.E.L.D. types supposed to keep a low profile or something?" Tony asked as both men got in.
"I won't talk to you anymore, it'll only encourage you," Clint said grumpily as Tony eased the car out of the garage and onto the road. "I can't believe I even forgot to eat breakfast…"
"Oh, stop whining. We'll be eating from a nice D.C. restaurant in a couple of hours top, I promise," Tony said as he put the car into drive. "Are you tightly buckled in?" he asked, glancing at his suddenly nervous passenger.
"Erm, where is Hogan?"
"It's his day off. Ready?" Tony asked, and Clint shook his head.
Tony grinned, put on a pair of sunglasses, and floored the accelerator.
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Almost sixty minutes later, Tony and Clint were on the tarmac near a privately owned airfield. Tony spent about ten minutes chatting with the airfield owner, who also happened to be buddies with Stark Industries. Clint looked as though he was trying to mentally erase the last forty minutes of his life. Whether Clint was in a good mood or not, Tony steered him toward the waiting car; they were on Tony's time schedule, and Tony couldn't afford a delay
"Do you do that to everyone who travels on that plane with you?" Clint hissed to Tony as the young driver opened the door for them. "Throw women in their faces like that?"
"Everyone except other women and Nick Fury. I'm not that stupid," Tony said as the driver closed the door behind him. "Of course, I didn't hear you complaining while we were en route. Hey Wickety, to the NASA headquarters," he said as the driver slipped into the car.
"Yes sir, and it's 'Witwicky', not 'Wickety'," the driver said.
Tony ignored the driver. "Now, I already invited myself to Foster's presentation while we were leaving New York, so I was thinking we could sneak in a little early before to talk to her about the whole asteroid thing. The whole 'I'm-a-guest' thing is just an excuse to get in," Tony said, pressing a few buttons in the car door, causing three hologram-like screens to appear around him.
"Okay, then while you do that, I'll go to the nearest S.H.I.E.L.D. branch and start making tracks for New York."
"Nuh-uh, I needed an assistant. That's your job. Think of it as undercover practice if that makes the trip a little more bearable."
"No, it actually doesn't."
"I also called Pepper to ask her to tell Fury that I'm borrowing you for a couple hours, and he hasn't called her back yet. So I think it's safe to assume that he got the message. He also won't find us; I didn't tell Pepper exactly where we were going," Tony said as he tapped the screens. He studied the NASA events schedule to make sure Foster was still going today. He didn't dare try to check Fury's schedule; Fury's secretary had threatened to alert Fury if Tony ever tried to hack into S.H.I.E.L.D. networks ever again.
"We're going to be extremely early. It's only 9:05 and the presentation doesn't start for another fifty-five minutes," Clint pointed out.
"Clint, this is one of those reasons why you need to have more faith in people. It'll take time to get to the headquarters, a little more time to find Foster, and then bada-bing bada-boom we'll get there around 9:30 and chat with her for half an hour. She's probably excited already."
Tony honestly didn't know how Foster was going to react to his presence there, especially with Thor in the vicinity. He just hoped that he and Thor, despite initial friction, were going to avoid anything that would put Tony or Clint in the hospital for a while.
Tony didn't waste any time when the car arrived to the building. He got out of the car and started walking toward the entrance, nearly shutting the door on Clint. Tony hummed to himself as he walked right into the expansive lobby and flashed his patent smile at the receptionist, who blushed and dropped the receiver by accident. She fumbled with the phone as Tony walked up to the front desk, slowly taking off his sunglasses as he did so.
"C…can I help you sir?" the receptionist asked, a small smirk on her face as she pretended to hide her obvious interest.
"Sweetheart, believe it or not, there is something you can do for me, but unfortunately it isn't what you think it is," Tony said, and the receptionist's face fell a bit. "I understand that a young lady named Dr. Foster is doing a little presentation in less than an hour, and I kind of need to talk to her about something important," he said, careful to keep his smile firmly in place. "I am on the guest list, you can check it if you don't believe me."
"Oh, I believe you all right. But, I don't know if I can help you. Is there something in it for me?" the receptionist asked, a small pout on her face.
He leaned in slightly so that they were almost touching noses. "I definitely don't forget a pretty face who helps me out in a time of need."
She couldn't resist smiling. "Of course Mr. Stark, one moment." She reached for the phone as she glanced over to the left, and then she perked up. "Dr. Hamilton! I almost didn't see you there!" she said, her face turning a delicate shade of pink.
Tony turned to see a young man approaching them, and he was wearing a white lab coat that had a nametag that said 'T. Hamilton' on it. He was close to Tony in height, but had an easygoing smile as though he'd just witnessed Tony's and the receptionist's interaction and didn't mind it a bit. "No problem, Ms. Rosenberg," he said. "I was on my way upstairs when I noticed Mr. Stark's friend there," he gestured to a ruffled Clint, "About to get into a fight with the security guard. My apologies Mr. Barton, you can't blame us for the heightened security."
"Nah, it's all right," Clint said, shrugging.
"Now how can I assist you?" Hamilton asked, his dark eyes flickering between the two of them.
"I was just asking Ms. Rosenberg here if I could speak with Dr. Foster before Foster's presentation," Tony said, straightening.
Hamilton smiled thinly. "I can take you there if you want, I was headed in that direction anyway," he said, gesturing toward the stairs on the other side of the lobby.
Tony glanced at Clint, who shrugged. "Lead the way then," Tony said. Hamilton simply smiled and began to walk toward the stairs. Tony followed close behind and Clint kept up. "So are you a 'doctor' too?" Tony asked conversationally.
"Of course." Hamilton glanced back as though to take note of Clint's presence behind him before he continued. "Studied in Stockholm before coming to the United States. I've traveled quite a bit, and I'm also extremely familiar with the night sky. But I am mostly fascinated with the mythology behind the constellations."
"Eh, it's cool and all, but if I hadn't met Dr. Foster's friend, I wouldn't have believed in any of that nonsense. Magic is cool and all, but with technology there's always a sure way to shut it down if it goes out of control," Tony replied, shrugging. At Hamilton's faint look of confusion, he added, "Foster's 'special guest' is Thor, the Asgardian god of thunder?"
"Ah, how…interesting," Hamilton said absently as they reached the second floor. "Dr. Foster is right down here." They came to the end of the hall and Hamilton knocked several times before he opened the door, stepping back to let Tony walk in first with Clint close behind.
The room was somewhat large, with a long, corporate-style table surrounded by chairs. A large screen was set up on one end with the projector in the middle of the table. Tony paused to let Clint catch up. Thor was easy to spot right away; he was sitting next to a young woman with glasses. The latter was glued to her computer while another woman reviewed presentation slides on her laptop, which was connected to a projector. The three of them looked up when Hamilton entered the room.
"My apologies for disturbing you Dr. Foster, but Mr. Stark insisted on speaking with you right away. He said it was important. There was really nothing I could have done, he is on today's guest list for your presentation," Hamilton said.
The blood drained out of Foster's face. "You're… you're here a little early Mr. Stark, I am not quite ready to present yet," she said, laughing nervously as Clint snuck away from Tony and sat down next to the woman with the glasses as Thor stood up.
"Thor! Long time no see. You, me, and Fury should all do lunch sometime so we can talk a little more about your participation in the Avengers Initiative," Tony said, offering the civilian-clothed thunder god an easygoing smile. "But that's not why I'm here." He turned back to Jane and asked, "How much do you know about navigating NASA's corporate hierarchy?"
"Isn't that something you do everyday anyway?" Jane asked, and then clapped a hand over her mouth in shock at herself.
"Yes, but only with corporate companies. NASA is a federal agency," Tony explained. "So do you know or not?"
"Sort of, but why?" she asked as Hamilton shut the door behind him before moving to stand off to the side.
"The guy wants to buy an asteroid so he can name one after himself. He just doesn't know how to go about doing it," Clint said.
Jane meanwhile was still staring at Tony. "That's…it?" she asked.
"Well, I'd ask for a night out on the town too, but Fury asked me to play nice in the interest of staying on Thor's good side so we can get him on the team," Tony replied.
"But that's seriously it?" Jane visibly relaxed, and her face even regained some color. "Well, in that case, maybe we can get together after the presentation and discuss how to go about doing that…"
"Actually, I'd like to do it now before Hawkeye here alerts Fury to what I'm doing," Tony said. "Something about a non-existent competition between Stark Industries and S.H.I.E.L.D., a lovely conversation we had back in New York on the way to the airport…"
"If there's no competition, then where's the rush?" Darcy whispered to Clint, who shrugged.
"This is Tony Stark. Everything is a competition," he muttered back.
Jane meanwhile looked as though she was going back into full panic mode. "Listen, I have to start in less than thirty minutes," she said while moving in front of Thor to prevent the thunder god from squashing Stark; she didn't need to deal with a lawsuit on top of everything else. "So here is what I'm going to do. I will tell you how to go about it, and then you're going to take your friend there and leave me alone after the presentation, okay?"
"Sounds good."
"The person you want to talk to is Doctor Peter Maynard. He is in charge of monitoring all non-planetary bodies, including asteroids, comets, dwarf planets, and anything that classifies as 'space junk'." Jane scribbled down the information on a note-card and handed it to Tony. "Just give him a call or send an email before you show up on his doorstep or he won't see you at all."
"Maynard. Forewarn. Got it." Tony tucked the note-card into his pocket.
"Now will you go?"
"Actually, I'm the one who has a question now," Clint said, straightening up in his seat. Clint eyed Thor warily before he said, "Why the heck would anyone want to name an asteroid after him or her self? I don't see a point to it."
"Mostly it's because the people naming the asteroids want either themselves or another person to be immortalized, even after the subject is long gone," Jane explained. She paused when Thor glanced sharply at the room entrance. "What is it?" she asked.
"Thought I detected Asgardian magic, but I could be wrong," Thor finally said slowly, still eyeing the conference room entrance warily.
"See, that's why technology is the way to go. No need to guess who or what caused the problem, just look for the manufacturer's mark," Tony said.
"Yes, but each user has his or her own brand of magic that is recognizable to other Asgardians. With your technology, it is easy to fake identifying marks and create false information that deliberately misleads the people of this realm," Thor said as he slowly approached Tony.
"Says the guy who is a god and can meddle in people's lives. I am so scared."
"Oi! I've still got another question, so knock it off," Clint snapped, and Jane gently pulled Thor back. "Is there anyone who is immortalized like that and didn't have an ego the size of Texas?"
"Well, there's Eva Peron of Argentina, she was the wife of President Juan Peron," Darcy said, speaking up for the first time.
"Are there any named after gods?" Thor asked curiously despite himself.
Jane checked her watch. "Well, since we have five minutes before people start showing up, so I guess I can try and access NASA's databases; we'll be able to see the asteroid name and photograph along with a few statistics," she said while she leaned down to her computer and Tony watched the projection screen as she legally entered NASA's networks. "All right, here is Maynard's department," she murmured almost to herself as she typed in her guest username and password to access the database. The new webpage came up with a description along with the search bar. Then she typed in 'Thor' and hit 'SEARCH'.
A soft ping came from the computer and a 'Term(s) Not Found: Please Try Again' message popped up. "Sorry Thor," Jane said, smiling sympathetically to him before she typed in 'Eva Peron' into the search bar. "Let's try one we know," she said before hitting 'SEARCH' again.
'Term(s) Not Found: Please Try Again'
"Huh, that's weird. Try going to the database and just searching through the list, or pick a random one," Darcy said.
There was silence as Jane accessed the main page of the database and then entered the first page of asteroid listings. The silence deepened when they stared at the long list of names that were either identical or slightly varied from another. The first page of terms carried a variety of:
'Loki'
'Asgard'
'Mischief'
'Chaos'
'Prince Loki'
'Discord'
Before Jane could react, a new message popped up reading 'Warning: Virus Detected. System will now shut down in order to prevent spread of virus.' Then with a soft pop, the computer and projector shut down completely, leaving two blank screens. Jane tried restarting the computer, but then a new message popped up saying 'Data Erased'.
"What…" Jane said faintly as she fell back into a chair.
"On the plus side, I think we know who to blame for this one," Darcy said conversationally. She glanced at Thor and said, "I guess it would explain the magic you detected earlier?"
"I do not know, I have not seen or heard from Loki since he disappeared," Thor said, frowning. "But Miss Lewis is right, I…"
"Just a quick question Thor, but what it was you were saying about technology? Something about how it's technology that is used to deliberately mislead people?" Tony casually interrupted.
Bam!
Everyone jumped and turned to see Nick Fury standing there, the NASA director to his right and Pepper Potts on his left. Clint jumped to his feet so fast his knee knocked into the underside of the table. He grimaced, but still remained saluting. Tony just spread his hands as though greeting old friends.
"What are you doing here Stark?" Fury asked coldly before Tony could speak.
"Just spending time with my pals Clint and Thor," Tony replied.
"Until the Avengers Initiative is enacted, Agent Barton is not under your jurisdiction. Ms. Potts, take Stark and remove him from the premises before security comes to do it for him," Fury snapped, and Pepper stepped forward.
"I've been searching for you everywhere, you had an appointment with Simon Williams thirty minutes ago," she hissed as she reached and pulled Tony forward.
"Hang on Fury, don't you think that the NASA director has jurisdiction here, not you?" Tony said, coming to a stop and jerking Pepper a little.
The director smiled smugly while Fury gave Tony a look of pure poison. "Stark, Director Geddes wanted to throw you out on the spot, especially when he found you hacked into his networks earlier this morning."
"Hang on Pepper," Tony said as Pepper tried to pull him out again. He made eye contact with the director and said, "If I can't name a specific asteroid, can I name the entire belt between Mars and Jupiter?"
"Now Stark," Fury growled as a confused Secretary of Defense arrived along with Professor Eric Selvig.
"Okay, okay, Geddes, just email me about the belt thing," Tony said. "Nice seeing you all today." He let out a yelp when Pepper yanked on his arm again. "Easy there Pepper, I get it, I missed a meeting," he said as Fury closed the doors after Tony's and Pepper's departure. "But I just figured, 'hey, I'm already here so I might as well ask about the asteroid belt'. How the heck did you figure out where I was?"
"Captain America. I was talking with a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent when Williams called to move his appointment to later this afternoon, and no one answered when I called the mansion and your cell phone. Then the captain appeared and said you were thinking about getting an asteroid. I figured that you would go straight to the source and come here," Pepper said as she fumbled with some papers. "But an asteroid Tony? What were you thinking?"
"I don't know, but right now I'm thinking that I'm going to go back and talk to Director Geddes about the asteroid belt thing since apparently I now have time," Tony said as he began to turn around to walk back.
"Tony, just let it go. Just let the whole thing go and bring your focus back to Earth," Pepper said crossly as she caught his arm in time to continue steering him back toward the stairs and the lobby.
"Wait, we forgot Clint!"
"You should have thought of it before we left!"
As the pair bickered, they walked past the receptionist, who was now careful to disguise her interest, and Dr. Hamilton, who was steadily watching them leaving. "You sure you couldn't have done much more than damaging something they could have easily fixed?" the receptionist asked, turning to Hamilton.
"No, it served its purpose. The deeper the division between that certain human and my brother, the harder it will be to form this… team of theirs," Hamilton said mildly as he glanced at the woman, whose fingers were twitching. "Now, now Amora, no hexing. My brother is still here in the building after all."
"This entire charade is infuriating," Amora said, picking at her uniform in disgust.
"But it will be rewarding in the end. Just wait and see," Loki said as he broke the enchantment creating his human disguise. "Just wait and see," he repeated softly before disappearing completely from sight.
A/N: Well, I don't quite remember anymore when the original discussion took place, the one that started this story. Anyway, the news story that Tony brings up in the beginning is an actual one from November 8th. I was thinking that this took place sometime before the 'Avengers' film, but no one knows yet exactly how the film is going to start. Consider it AU if you're feeling picky about the timing. Anyway, 'Thor' and 'Iron Man' and all related media belong to Marvel.