Chapter 1 - Memory Lane

I sipped my latte from a cosy booth in the Mystic Grill diner. The place a buzz of activity: friends catching up with stories to tell, couples on dates and then there was me. How'd I fit into all this? Was there even a category that defined my predicament? No, I didn't think so.

Today I was going to set eyes on him for the first time in a long and difficult month. In less than twenty minutes, I would be knocking on the door of our once marital home. The house I loved, filled with memories of new and old. Going back was a risk, seeing him was a risk, but it had to be done.

Swallowing the remainder of my coffee, I exited the diner towards my waiting BMW. Shoving the key into the ignition I made the familiar drive up the curved and rounded streets. I stopped outside the main gates, the sprawling estate flooding my head with thoughts on the last time I was here.

Damon? Do you know how unbelievable this is? It's a miracle. Why aren't you happy?

I'm just in shock. I never thought it would be possible. I don't know what to say.

You have your life back. The one you thought you lost.

What about us Elena? We made a life too. My biggest regret was letting you get away the first time. I love you. It's always been you.

Don't say those things. Not anymore. I've made up my mind. I'm not going to stand in the way. I love you too much and anything else would make me selfish.

What are you saying? You and I are done? How can I just forget the way I feel about you? I'm a fucking man Elena, not a robot.

Damon. You need to try. This is the way it would of been if that accident never happened. You'd be married to her by now.

Elena, you and I were meant to be, from the very first time we met during that crazy summer in college. I've always loved you.

But you were engaged to her Damon. You were planning a life together.

You are talking nonsense. You are my future and my god damn wife.

Give her a chance. I know this is a shock for you, and I'm speechless. Imagine what she's been going through? This is probably the biggest obstacle she's faced in her life.

You want me to go back to her, to Katherine? And forget this love we shared ever happened? Are you out of your mind?

Yes because you owe it to both of them to be the family you missed out on.

I wiped the tears from my eyes with a dirty tissue from the glovebox. I didn't want to think about that anymore. Letting him go was the hardest thing in my life. Our breakup during college was nothing compared to this. After all this time I thought that we'd finally made it, happy and in love as ever. What had I done in life to deserve this karma? I'd always been the good girl who got the grades, and learnt to toe the line. Yet I couldn't find myself being angry with her for coming back and shattering my life. Katherine had given him something that I never could.

Dabbing my eyes with some concealer I removed the black mascara smudged along the edges. Taking a deep breath, I walked to the front door, hitting the intercom. What felt like an eternity was only seconds, when the wooden panelled door swung open. Giuseppe Salvatore stood before me, his face a mixture of sadness and hope. Today must be one of the rare days he had free, they owned a family business, a whiskey distillery over in Kentucky where he spent all of his time. When he heard the news of our separation, devastated was an understatement. He'd never particularly liked Katherine, but he'd held his tongue for the sake of the family. "Hello Giuseppe."

He pulled me into his embrace. "Elena. I'm glad to see you my dear girl."

Standing in the grand foyer, I looked around nervously. "Is she-?"

"No. Katherine ah... She went out. Damon is waiting for you in the study." He looked around, shrugging helplessly. "Such a mess this whole thing. My son, he's not himself. I don't know what to do."

I felt horrible. For him, for me, and what should of been. "I'm sorry it's a hard situation for all of us."

He nodded and headed in the direction of the bedrooms. I turned on my heels and briskly walked down the corridors, his office was at the end with views of the town. I tapped once, all my nerves shot to hell. I wanted to run, from him, this house and the life we were supposed to have.

"Come in," he commanded.

Pushing my shoulders back and taking a deep breath I entered his labyrinth. He was standing beside the window. I couldn't help but notice his appearance had changed, his jet black hair hung below his ears in an uneven manner: a full beard covered his chin that hadn't seen a razor blade in over a month, and those blue eyes I used to lose myself in looked nothing more than a dull shade of sky.

Damon stared at me where I stood, uncertain on what to say or do. "Elena, don't be shy. Sit down."

I could smell the booze on his breath, he was wasted. "You're drunk."

He lifted his brow. "Perhaps. So what is this visit about my lovely wife?"

The insolence of the man. Did he think this was some type of joke? My tank was running on empty, I felt like I was fighting a lost cause. Shaking the envelope in my hands, I pleaded, "Do you really want to keep doing this over and over?"

His hand clenched around the near empty glass. I'd bet any second he'd be on his feet pouring himself another until he fell into a drunken stupor and passed out in some inconspicuous place. Excessive drinking had been his forte of late.

"You madam are out of your mind," he said, banging his drink on the table. He grabbed the offending package from my grip tossing it into the trash bin. "The past is the past Elena. Do you really think I could do what you're asking?"

"Why? You need to be free of me." Yes, I'd been saying the same words for a month now and my wish had never been granted. Damon was going to hold me to this forever, well he thought he could.

"You know neither of us will ever be free," he said. His face had lost its hardness and his blue eyes stared at me without a word until I looked away.

In some way he spoke the truth: we would always be connected, even if we were thousands of miles apart or the years had passed us by. Damon was the love of my life, the man who gave me the world. We needed to let go. "You know it's time to say goodbye. The times we had together, I'll cherish, forever." I pointed at the yellow envelope he'd thrown away. "Ignoring that will be the biggest mistake of your life. I'm not going to let you do it." My voice said the words but inside my heart was tearing to pieces.

Ignoring me, he said, "Do you remember the first time we met? It was the summer of our lives." He had already entered memory lane reliving the moments when we were young, carefree and hopelessly in love.

[~]

June 2009

I was sitting in the dorm I shared with Bonnie and Caroline, fanning my face with a wad of papers. Beads of sweat were dripping down my back, the mercury had hit its peak in one of the hottest summer days on record. The local beach, Mystic Bay was our destination, piling ourselves into my mini-cooper. The beautiful clear waters were calm and inviting without the roughness of the open seas.

The beach was full of the local college crowd stripping off into their barely modest swim suits. Many of the guys were ogling who had the biggest breasts or lack of, or maybe it was the ones with the tightest looking ass. There were those who actually swam, the group of posers with their lathered bodies reeking of coconut oil, and then there was the crowd who enjoyed a little flirtation hidden away in the dunes.

I had no desire to showcase my slim figure to the local jock crowd, nor a poser who wanted to sizzle beneath the rays of the sun. Pulling the cotton tunic over my head, I dived beneath the water without so much as a splash.

The water was cooler than I'd been expecting, shivering I began my swim strokes between the flags. I saw Matt and his sister Vicki frolicking in the shallow sea, along with her shrieks of protest when he dunked her underneath.

Continuing my strokes I reached the small island a mile from shore, Mystic Bay Point. I lounged back on the soft sand watching the people flittering around on the mainland. Caroline had stripped off into her tiny black bikini: the bottoms riding the crack in her ass displaying her toned cheeks to perfection. One of the guys with light brown hair, casually whispered something in her ear and put his arm around her waist. I shook my head, watching them disappear into the sand dunes for a private moment between themselves.

I closed my eyes, enjoying the heat radiating against my skin. This was total bliss.

"I hope you have 30 plus sun cream on. You don't want to fry that young looking skin and end up looking like a leather hand bag in ten years time now do you?"

I kept my eyes closed wishing he'd piss off and leave me alone. What the hell did he care what I did or not? The silence stretched between us, but I was fully aware he had plonked himself beside me on the sand. I wasn't interested in making small talk, I'd rather relax and enjoy the sunshine.

"Fine, keep ignoring me then. I enjoy listening to the sound of my own voice."

I popped my eyes open about to tell him to shut up already. I was greeted by a man with short raven hair falling across his face. He had the bluest eyes that sparkled like stars in the midday sun. His muscular frame beading with droplets of water, and clinging low on his hips were a pair of dark speedos revealing far more than they should. He was the most gorgeous man I'd ever laid eyes on. My words got stuck in my throat: I couldn't even remember what I was going to say. In the end, it was he who spoke first.

"Oh so you are alive. I was starting to worry."

Flustered because here I was lying half naked in front of Mr Sexy, he'd probably being busy eying up my size: the cup of my breasts, the inch of my waist and maybe the lack of a tan on my olive skin. I retorted, "If I wanted to be chatted up, I would be over there."

"Who said I was chatting you up?" He asked, amusement dancing in his eyes. "You were the one who interrupted my private serenity."

"I didn't know you were here," I muttered, well aware he was right. He was here before me. Still, it was a public space and he didn't have dibs.

He smirked. "But you know if you'd like me to try, I might be happy to oblige."

The guy had a look on his face like he'd just found a diamond in the rough. So he had been checking me out, the jackass. I tossed my wet hair. "I should really go and find my friends. They'll be looking for me."

"If you're talking about the blonde you were with, she's going to be too busy smooching and whatever else to wonder where you are."

"How do you know? We came here for a swim because it's like, really hot."

"Such an innocent. Have you ever French kissed a guy before or gone to second or third base?"

I bolted upright, pissed that he'd think I was some virginal flower waiting to be plucked by the likes of him. "You should never ask a woman those sorts of questions and a total stranger. I can tell you right now, you are wrong." Jumping to my feet and without a backward glance I slipped into the water swimming back to the main shore.

What I hadn't counted on was him following after me. He didn't know my name and all I could hear was him yelling, "Hey wait a minute."

I continued my strokes until I reached the shore once more: quickly gathering my towel and belongings. On a mission to find my more amorous friend, I scurried up the sandy dunes. Where was I going to find Caroline? I quickened my steps, cursing Caroline to hell for being such a flirt. Just ahead I noted with dismay, a couple of guys tending to their impromptu open fire roasting marshmellows or something.

They leered at me as I approached. The dark haired one said, "What have we here?"

My eyes darted around, shrugging. "My friend is in there. Excuse me, carry on," I said, with an air of confidence.

"You know what this area is for don't you? Now I'd wager your friend is the blonde in the black bikini?"

I nodded, trying to push past them. "I just need to find her and we'll be on our way."

"Go back to where you came from. My friend doesn't want to be disturbed."

I ignored them, calling out, "Caroline? Where are you? I want to ditch this place." Silence, where the hell was she?

A minute later some rustles through the shrubs were heard. Caroline appeared with bloodshot eyes giggling like an idiot. The brown haired guy she was with had his shirt undone, his green eyes dazed and confused.

Then I saw him again.

The blue eyed perve grinned at me like he was waiting for congratulations on his find. "Would you like to know what these two were doing?"

If I thought he was gorgeous before he was even more so. My gaze lingering on his imposing chest and those well defined abs. Who the hell was he? I averted my eyes back to his face. "What? Why did you even bother?"

"This douchebag right here, is my brother Stefan. He's just been getting hot and heavy with your friend. A good thing I found them, we don't want them getting done for lewd conduct do we? Oh and notice that smell? They were smoking a joint."

I didn't see the family resemblance between them: one was too good looking for words and the other was well, forgettable in my eyes. "Thanks I guess for finding my friend. We are going home." I marched over to the blonde and pulled her arm. "Aren't we Caroline? Let's go right now."

She giggled something in reply and kept repeating that she was hungry with a craving for some KFC fries. I hissed at her, "Stop that." Quickly taking the path I came with Caroline tagging along behind me: we left without another word.

He bolted after us, forgetting for a minute he had to deal with his wayward brother. "Hey. You can't just run off. I think the very least you could do is go out with me sometime?"

I looked over my shoulder, calling back, "I don't think so." I knew exactly what sort of date he was expecting: involving me and him being naked together. No chance.

His brows rose, a playful look on his face. "We'll see."

[~]

I snapped my eyes open and we were back in his study. Damon was standing beside the desk with a wistful expression on his face. That day at the beach had been the beginning of our relationship, and what a rollercoaster ride it'd been over the years. "Why do you keep doing this every time?"

He leant back against the wooden edge, his eyes holding mine. "I married you for better or worse till death do us part." The hardness in his face evaporated, and in its place a small smile formed on his lips. His gaze dropped to my mouth, his intentions clear. "I've missed you, Mrs Salvatore."

He was so close I could smell sandalwood mingled with the spice of his aftershave, and hints of bourbon on his breath. I took a step back, the familiarity of his smell and his touch would be my undoing. "Stop. Please just stop. We can't do this and you know it."

Damon grabbed my arm. "We took vows together Elena and I refuse to take them lightly."

Wrenching free of his grip, I shrieked, "That was before–how can you even–"

"I'm not going to let you go. I love you. I always have." Closing the short distance between us, Damon grabbed my face between his hands, demanding, "Does this feel wrong?" He moved his head closer, his lips hovering inches above my own. I stood transfixed unable to do or say a thing. I should of told him it was in so many ways. He was no longer just mine, it wasn't the two of us anymore. Our world was a different place. "Tell me Elena. I want to hear you say it."

"Damon. Don't do this."

"Say it. Tell me you don't want me to kiss you? That your body is not begging for my touch? Tell me, if I tossed you down onto that desk right now you wouldn't be ripping the shirt off my back and parting your legs wide?"

Whimpering, I shut my eyes. I didn't want to see that fire, desire in his eyes, but most of all I didn't want him to know that every word he said was true. "No. You're wrong. This is so wrong."

In an instant, Damon dropped his hands. Glaring at me, he snapped, "You are lying to yourself. I know you, I know your body in intimate detail. You crave passion Elena and I'm the only one who can give it."

"Don't go there." This conversation was not what I wanted to hear. Why was he saying these things to me? That right disappeared over a month ago.

He threw his hands up in the air. "I'm fucking miserable. I can't live like this. I need you."

"You are going to give this a go. You owe it to her Damon, to both of them."

"Yes, I cared about her once but I know who I can't live without. This is all your fault. If you'd only said yes when I asked you, I would never of dated Katherine." His fists pounded together in frustration. "She doesn't remember me Elena, we are strangers."

It was my fault. The reason why we broke up the first time. I did it for him then, and I'm doing it right now. Because he has something he's always wanted and who was I to hold him back? "You've been given another chance. This is the way things are. You need to be there for them, especially your son. He needs his father. Goodbye Damon."

I hurried from the room slamming the door behind me. How on earth was I supposed to do this? Free from Damon, who was I kidding? I loved him, so how'd life get so complicated? I had values, I had morals and being the other woman in his life was not who I am.